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People have begun to send in lightbulb jokes..

Eddie Mair | 17:07 UK time, Friday, 3 November 2006

Here's one for the weekend - Q ' HOW MANY BIRMINGHAM COUNCIL WORKERS DOES IT TAKE TO CHANGE A LIGHTBULB? A ' INTO WHAT?'
Have a great freezing cold weekend!! Best regards - Baschea Walsh - Surrey

Comments

  1. At 05:19 PM on 03 Nov 2006, marymary wrote:

    None, they don't change them any more it's too dangerous! And too dark!

    Mary

  2. At 05:23 PM on 03 Nov 2006, Batts wrote:

    Q. HOW MANY BIRMINGHAM COUNCIL WORKERS DOES IT TAKE TO CHANGE A LIGHTBULB?
    A. FEWER THAN IT TAKES TO CHANGE A HEAVY ONE.

  3. At 05:57 PM on 03 Nov 2006, The Stainless Steel Cat wrote:

    Q: How many surrealists does it take to change a light bulb?

    A; Fish!

  4. At 06:07 PM on 03 Nov 2006, Dick Hobbs wrote:

    How many sopranos does it take to change a light bulb? Four: one to stand on a chair and three to say "See - I told you it was too high for her"

  5. At 06:14 PM on 03 Nov 2006, Ed Iglehart wrote:

    Not many bright ideas on this topic yet.
    (slinks off)

  6. At 06:14 PM on 03 Nov 2006, Fearless Fred wrote:

    How many idiots* does it take to change a light bulb?

    100: 1 to hold the bulb, and 99 to turn the room around.

    *I've heard this about lots of different groups, so I thought I'd simplify it (also I won't get into trouble by making it generic!)

  7. At 06:42 PM on 03 Nov 2006, RobbieDo wrote:

    One.

    How many psychics does it take to change a light bulb?

  8. At 07:04 PM on 03 Nov 2006, Tyler-Batt wrote:

    How many millionaires does it take to change a lightbulb?
    None, they pay a Birmingham Council Worker to do it.

  9. At 07:12 PM on 03 Nov 2006, Ian Bell wrote:

    How many US Presidents does it take to change a light bulb?

    None. The current lightbulb is doing a fabulous job. All the indications are that it is getting brighter and
    those suggesting otherwise are helping the enemy. Changing the lightbulb now would send the wrong signal and serve to encourage the darkness,

  10. At 07:21 PM on 03 Nov 2006, Ed Iglehart wrote:

    Hi there, ibell!

    Tell us the one about shrub's not needing to wipe.
    Salaam
    ed

  11. At 07:26 PM on 03 Nov 2006, Aunt Dahlia wrote:

    Ian (9)
    Love it.

  12. At 08:12 PM on 03 Nov 2006, Phil wrote:

    Birmingham looks better at night, without light bulbs.

  13. At 08:48 PM on 03 Nov 2006, steve wrote:

    it's all a bit too shocking for this frog.

    ps does a light bulb grow in the dark?

  14. At 08:49 PM on 03 Nov 2006, Ian Bell wrote:

    "Tell us the one about shrub's not needing to wipe."

    Not sure I know that one. Unless you mean on account of Blair's constant lip service.


  15. At 10:42 PM on 03 Nov 2006, gossipmistress wrote:

    How many fishermen does it take to change a lightbulb ?

    - Five. And You should have seen the bulb, it must have been THIS big.


    How many Christians does it take to change a lightbulb ?

    - Three, but they're really one.


    What's all that about shrubs (or shrub's) Ed I?

  16. At 10:42 PM on 03 Nov 2006, Deepthought wrote:

    Phil (12)

    As an ex-resident of Brum, I certainly agree; the more light that need replacing, the better the place looks.

  17. At 10:43 PM on 03 Nov 2006, Roberto Carlos Alvarez-Galloso,CPUR wrote:

    If you need a blogger for this weekends elections. This is my blog:
    alvarezgalloso.blogster.com

  18. At 12:36 AM on 04 Nov 2006, jonnie wrote:

    Hello Froggers,

    This is a bit naughty, so apologies and no offence to anyone who is vertically challenged:-

    Q: How many dwarves does it take to change a lightbulb?
    A: None. No ladder.

    Incidentally, Eddie actually broadcasts from TV Centre and not Broadcasting Houise, as a fellow frogger mentioned on a previous thread.

    A Friend took mine took me for a tour around News 24 and through some of the editorial areas of Radio 4, which was fascinating.

    Although I saw Eddie at his desk he looked busy and seemed to be struggling with a scanner, so I didn't say hello. However I was armed with a camera so took a daring shot of Eddie's Control room.

    It may well be different now as this was taken a year ago. I'm also a being a tad naughty as I didn't ask permission to take the pic or for anyone's permission to publish it here but I can't imagine that anyone will get too upset. However if this post disappears or I get an e-mail I'll obviously remove the pic.

    Ed would normally sit the otherside of the glass.

    Any suggestions as to why one of the monitors has The Dick Emery show up there :-) ??

    http://tinyurl.com/yexgc5

  19. At 12:48 AM on 04 Nov 2006, jonnie wrote:

    Roberto, (15)I've just looked through your blog, some nice feedback and comments though do you have to log in and register to make a comment ??

    just out of interest, How do YOU think the elections will go, it would be interesting for me (us) to see if your presidtions are correct?

    On behalf of the other froggers and Eddie I think it's fabuloous to get direct interaction from both other countries and the states on the blog.

    Do you listen to other programmes on Radio 4 or just PM.

    Jonnie

  20. At 01:10 AM on 04 Nov 2006, jonnie wrote:

    Hello?

    No one around -- but for those of you that struugled reading through the two earlier postings from me, I can actually type on a good day!

    I just waited 2 mins to get on to the beach thread! And I'm supposedly on a fast connection!

    I hope the beach will make it to 1000

    Off to bed,

    Night night,

    And a special thanks to silver-fox who makes it all worthwhile with his extra special humour ;-)

  21. At 01:16 AM on 04 Nov 2006, valery pedant wrote:

    Just in case anyone is taking notes, and in the interests of fair play because i've been moaning about it so much today - my Newsletter finally arrived at 20.32. Better late than never though, eh froglets?

  22. At 01:33 AM on 04 Nov 2006, Mrs. Naughtie wrote:

    I'm surprised that this didn't get a mention, (unless I missed it) what with its ecological connection and Gorgeous George's stating the obvious.

    http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/england/london/6113228.stm

  23. At 01:36 AM on 04 Nov 2006, jonnie wrote:

    Hi Valerie,

    Strange that your Newsletter was so late.

    Mine popped in at 13:30

    great newsletter though missed the prog,

    as I had a nap and slept through. I WILL go to sleep now though as we have mouths to feed at 9 in the morning :-(

    and will try to have a listen again to Eddie

  24. At 07:43 AM on 04 Nov 2006, Deepthought wrote:

    Morning all,

    I see a strap line has made a rogue appearance again, but where is Mr I Kew? He's normally so quick. He's wasn't at the beach last night either, so cannot be hung over (unlike someone I could mention).

    Serious topic: Should there be a bonfire and fireworks on the Day One Beach tomorrow?

    I know this is not a light bulb joke, but it's of the same genre:

    How long does it take a computer hardware engineer to change a flat (tyre)?

    Depends on how many spare flats they've brought with them.

  25. At 08:02 AM on 04 Nov 2006, Deepthought wrote:

    Just had a quick look at Fig Lover's blog (Saturday Live). Quiet there. She's even taken to asking for Eddie Mair comments to help boost her blog. Perhaps I should have invited her to the Day One Beach to see how Frogging really should be done.

    Anyhow, I also noticed something very odd. At the top left of this page you see a colour radio 4 logo, with "92-95FM and 198LW".

    Fig has a monochrome radio 4 logo, and just "92-95FM". Why not the LW, why the monochrome logo? It's not accidentally on LW, it's even in the schedule.

    OK, I know the schedule is not that reliable, as it states Sequin and James N as presenting Today this morning (and Sequin doing PM as well), and if they are, they are doing very good imitations of John Humphrys and Ed Sturton.

    Why doesn't the Saturday PM presenter blog on Saturday?

  26. At 08:33 AM on 04 Nov 2006, brindlecat wrote:

    Just checking I'm a member

  27. At 01:38 PM on 04 Nov 2006, Aperitif wrote:

    Brindlecat (26), That sounds like something Deepthought might say, which we would all then chuckle at before reassuring him that he's a fine chap and shouldn't worry about it at all :)

  28. At 02:03 PM on 04 Nov 2006, Ed Iglehart wrote:

    Ian Bell,

    I seem to recall a TV advert featuring Shrub & al Toady with the voiceover, "George doesn't need to wipe because he's got Tony. For the rest of us, there's Andrex..." (other wipes are, of course, available)
    xx
    ed

  29. At 03:39 PM on 04 Nov 2006, Aperitif wrote:

    I've told you guys before - Blair isn't Bush's poodle; he's his carer.

    I like to think that this:
    Anyhoo - it's good to be back in your inbox. Thanks for asking me.
    from Friday's newsletter was meant just for me.

    Ah, Eddie. I try to get over you, but you just keep me hanging on...

  30. At 03:52 PM on 04 Nov 2006, Deepthought wrote:

    Ha, Aperitif (27), right, definately going off in an overblown huff to the day one beach ;-)

    Talking of which, I notice it takes a very long time to submit a comment to that thread now (so long I was able to correct an error in a submission *as it was being submitted*), as well as a long time to load (on modem, that is). Perhaps we should explore the island a little further, we might find an even better beach - until we can get a dedicated beach resort to forever frolick and frog in.

  31. At 04:59 PM on 04 Nov 2006, Charles Hatton wrote:

    Q: How many therapists does it take to change a lightbulb?

    A: None, change comes from within.

  32. At 06:24 PM on 04 Nov 2006, Frances O wrote:

    Be careful if you leave that beach. You might come across giant polar bears and capsules and have strange flashbacks

  33. At 07:00 PM on 04 Nov 2006, Aperitif wrote:

    Deep John (30), In a huff? Surely not? You've said your self that your innuendo is unintentional. Of course, I don't really believe you... ah, you may well be justified in feeling huffed that I have doubted your honesty here. I shall put down my spade...

    Happy froglicking!

  34. At 08:10 PM on 04 Nov 2006, Deepthought wrote:

    Aper (33), surely the clue was "overblown huff", I was not serious. Anyway, drink at the beach bar?

  35. At 08:10 PM on 04 Nov 2006, Dr Hackenbush wrote:

    Love flies out the door when money comes innuendo.

  36. At 01:26 AM on 05 Nov 2006, Prof. S. R. Pedant wrote:

    Deepthought

    I notice it takes a very long time to submit a comment to that thread ... as well as a long time to load

    It must depend, to a certain extent, on the "traffic". At lunchtime on Saturday, I posted then clicked "return". When the thread refreshed the posting was already there. That was on broadband and took less than a minute.

    until we can get a dedicated beach resort to forever frolick and frog in.

    That must be an award winning split infinitive. :-)

  37. At 08:36 AM on 05 Nov 2006, gossipmistress wrote:

    Is anyone up yet?

    Mine's a cup of tea please, white no sugar so I can listen to BH in bed. Or is everyone at the beach?

  38. At 09:22 AM on 05 Nov 2006, jonnie wrote:

    Former Iraqi President Saddam Hussein has been convicted of crimes against humanity by a Baghdad court and sentenced to death by hanging.

    ................... this could be an interesting week then ?

  39. At 09:59 AM on 05 Nov 2006, Frances O wrote:

    Very, jonnie. Listened to BH today?

  40. At 01:20 PM on 05 Nov 2006, Simon Worrall wrote:

    Q. How many historians does it take to change a lightbulb?
    A. I dunno - not my period.

    Q. How many revisionist historians does it take to change a
    lightbulb?
    A. In actual fact, against popular consensus, the lightbulb was
    never actually changed.

    Q. How many cultural historians does it take to change a lightbulb?
    A. I am less interested in the lightbulb than the discourses
    surrounding the changing.

    Q. How many art historians does it take to change a lightbulb.
    A. 11. One to change the lightbulb, and 5 to show earlier versions
    that influenced it, and 5 to say that the changing was actually done by
    the changers apprentice.

    Q: How many singer-songwriters does it take to change a lightbulb?
    A: One. They hold the bulb and the world revolves around them.

    Q. How many voyeurs does it take to change a lightbulb?
    A. Only one, but they'd much rather watch someone else do it.

    Q. How many Reflexologists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
    A. One, but they have to have candles and soft music to do it.

    Q. How many Anglican ministers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
    A. Change? In an Anglican church? I think not!

    Q: How many MP's does it take to change a lightbulb ?
    A: Twenty-one. One to change it and twenty to form a fact-finding
    committee to learn more about how it's done.

    Q: How many MP's does it take to change a light bulb?
    A: Two, one to screw it in and the other to hang himself accidentally from
    the flex performing a perverse sexual act involving womens underwear.

    Q: How many PFI contractors does it take to change a light bulb?
    A: I'm sorry I can't tell you that, the light bulb changing service has
    been privatised and the information you require is commercially sensitive.

    Q: How many Liberal Democrats does it take to change a lightbulb ?
    A: None. "Well it's not really a question of should we change it or should
    we not change the lightbulb, but more a question of...(blah blah waffle)"

    Q: How many social scientists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
    A: They do not change light bulbs; they search for the root cause
    as to why the last one went out.

    Q: How many politicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
    A: None, they only screw the poor

    Q: How many military intelligence officers does it take to change a lightbulb ?
    A: It is against policy to comment on ongoing operations. Next question, please.

    Q: How many admin assistants does it take to change a lightbulb ?
    A: None. I can't do anything unless you complete a lightbulb design
    change request form.

    Q: How many civil servants does it take to change the light bulb?
    A: 45. One to change the bulb, and 44 to do the paperwork.

    Q: How many paranoids does it take to change a lightbulb?
    A: WHO WANTS TO KNOW?
    A: JUST EXACTLY DO YOU MEAN BY THAT? HUH? HUH?

  41. At 01:23 PM on 05 Nov 2006, Rosalind wrote:

    I was down on the beach this morning. Puppy managed to find three seagull skeletons. The weather is uncannily gorgeous. Where was everybody? Everybody else was there complete with their dogs. No problem in socialising puppy today (or at any time really, he is terribly friendly).
    So who is going to win in the US? I won't be staying up all night, but I must admit to being fascinated.

  42. At 01:39 PM on 05 Nov 2006, Fifi wrote:

    Simon (40)

    I wondered where my Book of 100 Best Lightbulb Jokes had gone to.

    Glad it's in safe hands!

    We're having an oil change in our electricity substation tomorrow so I'll be without power all day.

    I'll just sit quietly on the beach (it'll have to be quiet as I won't be able to post anything..) and get steadily sozzled on Mrs Trellis's excellent rum punch.

    Feel free to join me, if you can.

  43. At 01:57 PM on 05 Nov 2006, Aperitif wrote:

    Absolutely Deep John (34) - just checking :-)

  44. At 02:12 PM on 05 Nov 2006, jonnie wrote:

    Re Frances O,

    Didn't get around to listening to BH, but News 24 was in the background. And the elections! what a fun time Ed will be having on Monday.

    Fifi -- An oil change in the substation! Blimey that's real 'in the sticks' stuff'. You can do us an essay next week about surviving without electricity. You will be missed. Perhaps you can anticipate some topics and submit them early ?

  45. At 02:20 PM on 05 Nov 2006, Fearless Fred wrote:

    Afternoon all :-) Ed, the pizzas last night were great! Good idea of yours to build that oven. Any of that rum punch going spare, Fifi?

  46. At 03:12 PM on 05 Nov 2006, Frances O wrote:

    How many Fifis does it take to change a lightbulb?

    What's the point - she'd never be able to check if the bulb were working after she'd changed it

  47. At 03:17 PM on 05 Nov 2006, jonnie wrote:

    Pic of Eddie sporting a flesh coloured wetsuit on the beach

    http://tinyurl.com/yhr8qy

  48. At 06:34 PM on 05 Nov 2006, Frances O wrote:

    Handsome! Like the hair

  49. At 07:31 PM on 05 Nov 2006, jonnie wrote:

    Well Frances,

    Idle hands and all that!

    Quiet here tonight on t'blog. Outside it's noisy though and the cats have done a runner somewhere -- just had my bath with Tom Robinson who was presenting POTW. Nice selection and may well give Humph Littleton who was Kirsty's guest on 'listen again' as it sounded good.

    Sounds as if all I've done is listen to R4 but not strictly true.

    Now off to our fave Italian for a bite and nice glass of red ;-)

  50. At 09:24 PM on 05 Nov 2006, Deepthought wrote:

    Aperitif (43),

    Your Martini's getting warm at the beach...

  51. At 09:51 PM on 05 Nov 2006, Aperitif wrote:

    Oh, right! On my way!

  52. At 10:05 PM on 05 Nov 2006, Dr Deepthought wrote:

    Prof. S. R. Pedant (36), While welcome, (and I welcomed PE at one point, so on thin ground here), I thought I would throw my real status around to point out that while my English may not meet examination by language pedants (or, more likely, my spelling), are you willing to take me on in science? BTW, what is the correct formulation of the sentence under review, which also carries the spirit of the frog?

    .."up with which I will not put" (Churchill).

    Come on, don't be shy...

    And those stuck on modems (as I am at the moment) have a four minute wait to reach the beach.

    Aper (43) , your Martinis are getting warm at the beach; and I mix good Martinis!

    Jonnie (49), heard the original and the repeat. What was Kirsty's comment about the innuendo (and I raise this as one accused of double entendres).

    Where is Mr I Kew?

  53. At 10:37 PM on 05 Nov 2006, Aperitif wrote:

    It was luvverly thank you Dr Deep John. I just popped back here on my way home to bed :-)

  54. At 11:22 PM on 05 Nov 2006, valery pedant wrote:

    Hi guys, what a quiet weekend on the frog. I've been busy :o) and tune in tomorrow for the follow -up to the awaited Exciting Phone Call!

  55. At 01:33 AM on 06 Nov 2006, Mr. I. Kew wrote:

    I think it's a first;
    Strapline - Saturday, Sunday
    And on Monday, too.

  56. At 02:06 AM on 06 Nov 2006, Mr. I. Kew wrote:

    Silence is golden
    Before discovering a
    Reason for comment.

  57. At 10:21 AM on 06 Nov 2006, Dr Hackenbush wrote:

    Nurse, the tonic!

    Ah, I had some of that last night.

  58. At 10:33 AM on 06 Nov 2006, Vyle Hernia wrote:

    Ed (28)

    Thank you so much. You have remoinded me of an important purchase I need to make at lunchtime.

  59. At 10:54 AM on 06 Nov 2006, Vyle Hernia wrote:

    How many PM froggers does it take to change a light bulb?

    Difficult to tell - the counter doesn't work.

  60. At 11:11 AM on 06 Nov 2006, Ed Iglehart wrote:

    Q: How much does a small village have to waste to enjoy a really good fireworks display?

    A: Sweet f.a. You just congregate on the riverside opposite the sailing resort on the other side of the river, where the owners of all the second homes and silver-tipped retirees have competed with each other to donate, and watch in comfort and safety.

    A grand show and yet another reminder that the best planning device in the world is a real-life river. It's even better than we might expect, as the well-heeled residents opposite would do almost anything to protect their unspoiled view (us).

    xx ed

  61. At 11:49 AM on 06 Nov 2006, Aperitif wrote:

    Nice one Vyle (59).

  62. At 02:21 PM on 06 Nov 2006, Fifi wrote:

    Hi Jonnie (44) I'm back.

    In the end the outage lasted only a couple of hours, which I could have managed on my laptop's battery at a pinch.

    Except I didn't have to. Because my clever Other Half had rigged up a generator!

    He is only a teeny tad miffed because, exactly four minutes after he topped up the jennie with the last of the petrol .. you guessed .. the power came back on!

    I'm off to the beach now. I've got a book to finish editing today, and I could just fancy doing that under a big brolly with my toes dabbling in the water. . .

  63. At 12:26 AM on 07 Nov 2006, jonnie wrote:

    That's all good news then ;-)

    I'm finding it a struggle to get on the beach these days, perhaps it's too late in the year.

    Tell us more about the book soon - I'm gagging to know - and read!

  64. At 03:56 PM on 07 Nov 2006, Keith wrote:

    How many Pet Shop Boys does it take to change a light bulb?

    Two. One to change it, and the other to stand there looking bored.

  65. At 04:32 PM on 07 Nov 2006, Fifi wrote:

    Jonnie (63):

    Which book, Jonnie? The one I'm editing, or Aperitif's one which I'm going to look at if I ever get this *!*!*!*! one edited and off my desk?

  66. At 05:25 PM on 07 Dec 2006, NM wrote:

    Q: How many people suffering from apathy does it take to change a light-bulb?
    A: Who cares?

    Q: How many nostalgic idiots does it take to change a light-bulb?
    A: Ah, not as many as it used to!

    Q: Haw many indecisive people does it take to change a light-bulb?
    A: 1…no…2…

  67. At 09:47 AM on 10 Apr 2007, Steve wrote:

    Here's a variation on the theme...

    How long does it take to change a tyre in the Middle East...?

    http://witsinkw.blogspot.com/2007/04/how-long.html

    .

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