In the company of my 5 live colleague the estimable Simon Mayo, and featuring a mystery guest, here is the definitive Wittertainment Code of Conduct for Moviegoers presented for your attention in the Kermode Uncut style.

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  • Comment number 103. Posted by John D

    on 19 Oct 2011 13:02

    One of the main grumbles in the code, rustling packets and chomping punters, could be tackled if the concession stalls didn't sell them in the first place, so shouldn't we be requesting them to change their policy. If enough people ask, and if we have genuine alternatives for them to stock so they don't lose their income stream, surely they'll need to react?

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  • Comment number 102. Posted by caxtonite

    on 15 Oct 2011 22:42

    Couldn't agree more. When I go to see a film, I take time off to go into another world. It seems some people can't switch off for the duration without fidgeting, playing around or making contact with the outside world. They should go to the pub, not the cinema. I'd gladly patronise any cinema which refused to sell popcorn. Why should I want to have crunch-crunch-crunch going on around me when trying to watch a film? And I get really irritated at people who just can't manage an hour or two without checking for texts. Those bright lights are really annoying. And if people want to talk during the ads, why don't they hang about in the lobby for their mindless chitchat; some of us actually like to watch the ads and regard it as part of the cinema experience. It all comes down to selfish people who have no consideration for anyone but themselves.

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  • Comment number 101. Posted by G Cox

    on 14 Oct 2011 17:05

    Brilliant
    One on crinkly packs should be addressed to the cinema owners who do it to encourage others to be hungry(they think) and could use soft packs.

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  • Comment number 100. Posted by F1ngermouse

    on 22 Aug 2011 12:04

    I love this!...but can i say, as a theatre usher, the vast majority of these rules can also apply to the theatre going public! The ammount of times i have had to tell people to shut up, switch off their phone and stop running up and down the ailse w,hen a show is on, is staggering!

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  • Comment number 99. Posted by timothee spitzer

    on 8 Jun 2011 14:18

    From a french fan based in NYC. I though you should know that its possible!Texan code of conduct:
    http://www.upcoming-movies.com/Articles/alamo-drafthouse-kicks-out-patron-for-texting/

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  • Comment number 98. Posted by marliesfromthenetherlands

    on 13 Mar 2011 16:17

    Finally saw The King's Speech (it was released in the Netherlands only a couple of weeks ago). Fantastic film. A real shame a woman in the audience thought it necessary to hum along with Beethoven's 7th just as the speech reached it's climax. To make matters worse she loudly started asking who the composer was... accompanied by a lot of shushing from the other audience members. Now I'll have to see the film again to fully appreciate the final moments of the film... I think I'll just watch it on my own on DVD, in a quiet room.

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  • Comment number 97. Posted by blogplusplus

    on 11 Mar 2011 15:03

    Public cinemas are like public bath houses. Something we used to do in public but now do not have to. 'Screen number 12's' minute projection area and it's distorted sound offer us nothing.

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  • Comment number 96. Posted by mercury17

    on 4 Mar 2011 16:15

    Love the way the Brits want to make rules for everything. Admit it you just want the cinema to yourself.

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  • Comment number 95. Posted by Ed

    on 22 Feb 2011 14:54

    Unfortunately, intolerance of code-breaking can be taken too far :
    http://www.guardian.co.uk/film/2011/feb/21/man-shot-latvian-cinema-popcorn

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  • Comment number 94. Posted by reddevil-666

    on 13 Feb 2011 22:56

    Does the no talking rule apply to the time prior to the feature actually starting?

    I could barely contain my laughter tonight when a woman turned round to the party next to us and rudely complained 'are you going to talk through the whole film' and her husband went on to say 'If you talk through the film I will get the manager'.

    The film hadn't yet begun! Talking during the adds is fair game in my opinion. At first I was annoyed for the persons next to us to have their evening interrupted so rudely but now I am just annoyed they didn't say anything to me as I'd have enjoyed putting them in their place.

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