http://www.bbc.co.uk/blogs/magazinemonitor/ The Magazine's recommended daily allowance of news, culture and your letters. en Copyright 2009 Thu, 16 Jul 2009 17:40:02 +0000 http://www.sixapart.com/movabletype/?v=4.1 http://blogs.law.harvard.edu/tech/rss For the American who found his card was charged $23 quadrillion, and thought someone might have bought Europe with it - does anyone know if that would indeed be enough to buy Europe? Philip Hore, Kingston upon Thames It's ironic of the BBC to publish The unsung hero of the Apollo mission (as if there was only one). There were thousands of engineers involved with the design and the operation of the dozen or so Apollo missions, not to mention the astronauts that flew Apollo 8, 9 and 10, and James Webb, the Nasa boss who held it all together. They are all largely unsung. Rob, Derby, UK Did John Airey (Wednesday letters) try the Latin quiz and, if so, how did he do? "Stat" may or may not be an Americanism, but it is certainly a Latin one. Stat. (statim), as any prescriber or pharmacist knows, means "immediately" and a "stat" dose of a drug (or even a cup of tea) is a one-off dose given immediately, usually prior to a procedure. Aqua Suliser, Aqua Sulis Well, the Met Office were right for once (Is there any truth in St Swithin's lore?). They forecast a "barbeque summer" and that's exactly what we've got. It's poured and poured - just like every time I have a barbeque. Peter, Cropthorne, Worcs This headline would have been so much better had it included the word "Funky". Nicolas, London Monitor note: One concurs. Glad to see another all-noun headline today - Penguin murders prompt sniper aid - and even more cheered to see it doubles as a headline that virtually forces you to read on. Good stuff. James Ball, London, UK I think Paper Monitor has dated itself. Can't be that many people under the age of 40 who remember obscure Icehouse lyrics from the early 1980s. GW, also 40-plus, London, UK I'm now going to have to spend the rest of the afternoon looking for pop lyrics in previous blogs. Incidentally, I saw Icehouse support David Bowie on his Serious Moonlight tour. *Sigh* just realised that was 26 years ago. Andrea, Cheltenham, UK Ahhh thanks, Paper Monitor - I've now got a medley of Icehouse songs going round my head. Sarah, London, UK Monitor note: All together now... "Great Southern Land, in the sleeping sun/you walk alone with the ghost of time..." I recently received one of those "hilarious" forwarded joke e-mails from a colleague. It was the one imagining if a car was like a computer in 10 different ways. I'm sure I remember first receiving this years ago. What is the oldest recorded receipt of this e-mail that anyone knows about? Maybe Web Monitor could find a website that monitors the history of forwarded e-mails. JoeA, London http://www.bbc.co.uk/blogs/magazinemonitor/2009/07/your_letters_706.shtml http://www.bbc.co.uk/blogs/magazinemonitor/2009/07/your_letters_706.shtml Your Letters Thu, 16 Jul 2009 17:40:02 +0000 I had been trying BBC's quizzes without success ad nauseam until today, when prima facie I saw that at last there was a quiz that would, inter alia, prove my high school Latin classes worthwhile. Nadja, north of Boston, US Just wanted to point out that a much more accurate translation of the cogito (cogito ergo sum) is "I am thinking", not "I think" - it refers to the on-going act, not the capacity in general. Ergo pedanto. Martha Hampson, London I have to share this with the world - 7/7 in the Latin quiz, thanks to some guesswork, general knowledge and a film company's motto. I was not allowed to sit my Latin O-level because I only got 1% in the mock - who's laughing now? Nicole, Londinium I think, if I were lost in the wilderness and hungry enough to begin eating plants, I would not be wandering about thinking, "Hmmm. This one smells a bit like marzipan. Next!" Helen, London, Ontario, Canada Sorry Ann (Tuesday letters), but I think Sarah Brown was quite right to refuse the veal. It goes against her ethics. You wouldn't criticize someone for refusing the same if they were vegetarian, would you? Robyn, Cheshire Ann, it is basic manners for the host to first determine their guests' dietary requirements, be they medical, religious or moral. Eddyozman, currently NY, NY Re Kathryn's letter (Tuesday). Yes! Er, No... Maybe. David Richerby, Leeds, UK Is there a way of typing the action of clapping without it looking ironic? Well done Paper Monitor clap, clap, clap! Edd, Cardiff Isn't "stat!" an American expression (re Paper Monitor's tea demands)? The last time I used it in the workplace I had to explain what I meant, which rather defeated the object of using it in the first place. John Airey, Peterborough, UK http://www.bbc.co.uk/blogs/magazinemonitor/2009/07/your_letters_705.shtml http://www.bbc.co.uk/blogs/magazinemonitor/2009/07/your_letters_705.shtml Your Letters Wed, 15 Jul 2009 17:25:16 +0000 Has Sarah Brown never learnt basic manners - that you do not refuse food served to you as a guest? (Sarah Brown says no to veal meal at G8 - Daily Telegraph) And why is the tax-payer footing the bill for wives to go on these trips anyway? Ann Pangbourne, West Hill, Devon, UK Crunch Creep has opened yet another can of worms with the assertion that the traditional fish in fish and chips is cod. Not in Yorkshire it isn't, we'll stick with haddock thanks very much. Skin off, fried in dripping if it's all the same to you. Timothy, Leeds Re speech-writing: "Three is the first and earliest point at which a possible list of similar words can become unequivocal." Shouldn't that be initial, first, and earliest? Kathryn, London What will be my pension in 2040? Richard Kolk, Belfast, Northern Ireland Re Web Monitor and Quote of the Day, the idea that swearing shows a limited vocabulary is clearly nonsense. Someone who uses, for example, the f-word has a vocabulary one bigger than they would if they didn't use it. Phil, Guisborough Philip from Rio de Janeiro (Monday's letters): I don't know how much money it costs to get a mullet haircut. But far more importantly, it will cost you your street cred for many years to come. Adam, London, UK Judging by the number of people sporting a mullet on my neighbourhood, I'd say they're free. Flavia, Dublin I accidentally got a mullet the other day, after going to the hairdresser's a little drunk. It cost me £27, but that was half price in a very posh one (but they did give me more wine, I think this was a diversion technique while they cut said mullet). Megan Mayhew, London Dear Philip from Rio, my boyfriend recently paid £7.50 for a mullet, which included a free beer and several "are you sures?" from the hairdresser. However he recouped the cost as work colleagues bet him £50 that he wouldn't do it. I hope this helps. Emily, Bristol http://www.bbc.co.uk/blogs/magazinemonitor/2009/07/your_letters_704.shtml http://www.bbc.co.uk/blogs/magazinemonitor/2009/07/your_letters_704.shtml Your Letters Tue, 14 Jul 2009 16:46:52 +0000 How many other people saw Village People: The secret gift shop at Number 10 and had visions of Gordon Brown selling copies of YMCA ?Paul Greggor, London It's Monday morning and I'm confused already. A fairground punchbag hit a man in the face after he punched it, so he punched it again and has been fined for breaking it. Can somebody explain why the fairground operator wasn't fined for having dangerous equipment and why he isn't trying to get his money back from whoever sold him a 1,950 euro punch bag that breaks when people punch it? I thought the deal with punchbags was that you punched them and they didn't (a) fight back or (b) get injured.David Richerby, Leeds At the time of writing the two most shared stories on the BBC news site are Pain in childbirth 'a good thing', says senior male midwife, and Swearing 'helps to reduce pain'. Anyone care to take a wild guess at the target of some of those in pain who are doing the swearing?Gatz, Chelmsford Once more, headline promises but story disappoints somewhat: Colombia kills drug baron hippo.Joe, Salford, UK I hope these new canine hacks (Paper Monitor) don't start indulging in any "bone tapping"... I'll get my (glossy) coat.Jim, Crowborough I note the Magazine is available on both Twitter and Facebook. Does the Monitor have any comment regarding the news that these two are combining with YouTube to create a new networking site called YouTwitFace.com?Leif, Aylesbury, Bucks How much does a mullet haircut cost?Philip, Rio de Janeiro, Brazil http://www.bbc.co.uk/blogs/magazinemonitor/2009/07/your_letters_703.shtml http://www.bbc.co.uk/blogs/magazinemonitor/2009/07/your_letters_703.shtml Your Letters Mon, 13 Jul 2009 14:46:06 +0000 Re Tabloid tactics: Isn't "an early, lower-technology version of hacking into ... phones" a bit of a cumbersome way of describing reading someone's phone bill? Rory, Grimsby Thanks for the tip-off, Paper Monitor. The Sarah Brown question did indeed come up in 7 days 7 questions, although my ineptitude meant I still only got 4. Still, there's always next week. Timothy, Leeds A few anagrams (Thursday's Paper Monitor): Simon Heffer - Home Sniffer, Sheriff Omen. Benedict Brogan - Cribbage tendon, Decanter gibbon, Cabinet bog nerd, Bad bingo center... No special anagram skills here you understand - just running the names through one of the many online services and trawling through the results. Chris in Paris, Paris, France Re Shop's joke billboards cause stir, as a resident of Horsham and regular customer of The Candy Box, what has not been made clear in this article is the sheer joy of having John as one of our most colourful and entertaining - not to mention savvy - business owners. He is a credit to the town, and being served by him has more than once brightened my day. Joanne Macauley, Horsham, West Sussex Web Monitor hoped for a Charles Dickens reference in this week's copy of The Grocer. Afraid we'll have to disappoint on that score, but as a consolation, we do quote Hamlet in the first paragraph of this week's leader. Grocery's a profound industry, sometimes. James Ball, Senior Reporter, The Grocer Aaargh! In the time it took for me to type my all-time best caption in, you closed the competition. It was a guaranteed winner too, and now you'll never know. Kaylie, Runcorn, UK Monitor Towers: You snooze, you lose. Abby (Thursday's letters): I believe I can help you. As any Geordie knows, there is a distinct difference between poor and pour - poor is pronounced correctly with two syllables, thus: poo-ah. Kahla, Leeds, formerly Newcastle Abbey, it's a northern thing. Poor is pronounced like poo with an r on the end, pour like door. My wife and children, who are Cornish, pick me up on it every time I say it. Every single time. Poor also rhymes with moor but obviously not with door or floor. Paul I, Cornwall (formerly Middlesbrough) Why is there an option to complain about every comment made on this blog? It is a sad state of affairs when you are so scared of causing offense that you make it easier to complain. People cannot expect to go through life without coming across something they might not agree with and they should learn to live with it. Nick, Salisbury, UK DMQ SPOILER ALERT 'Rude' French are worst tourists: one for 10 things we knew last week? Basil Long, Nottingham http://www.bbc.co.uk/blogs/magazinemonitor/2009/07/your_letters_702.shtml http://www.bbc.co.uk/blogs/magazinemonitor/2009/07/your_letters_702.shtml Your Letters Fri, 10 Jul 2009 15:50:58 +0000 Re ice falling from planes, Richard Taylor assures us that "toilet waste is rarely to blame". But it is sometimes? Even with such an outside chance, I wouldn't be posing, ice-block in hand, for a picture. Kat Gregg (nee Murphy), Coventry Help! Re -oor as in poor not pour (How to Say). Could someone explain how to pronounce the two words differently. I have been sitting at my desk repeating them over and over again, and even though I speak a "tonal" language I am struggling to hear the difference. Abby, London I always find the pronunciation guides interesting but I was a bit surprised by the latest instalment which tells us that for Urumqi we should be saying oor-uum-TCHEE (-oor as in poor not pour). To think, all these years I've been saying it as "paw". How embarrassing. Matt Hardcastle, Newcastle-upon-Tyne L'Aquila doesn't sound like it's in China. Lee, Birmingham I have just achieved 2 out of 7 on your GCSE history test. Under current standards that equates to at least a B. I look forward to receiving my certificate. Rockingham, London When are you going to get back to GCSE subjects I actually know something about, like science or - um - break time? My colleague is beating me 4-3 on the first seven quizzes and it's making me doubt myself. Stuart Taylor, Bromley, Kent "Michael Jackson patented one item - the special shoes he used in the stage version of Smooth Criminal" (10 things). I don't suppose they are a particular kind of leather with a high shiny gloss - you know? Maggie, south London http://www.bbc.co.uk/blogs/magazinemonitor/2009/07/your_letters_701.shtml http://www.bbc.co.uk/blogs/magazinemonitor/2009/07/your_letters_701.shtml Your Letters Thu, 09 Jul 2009 17:51:46 +0000 The story about Wookey Hole's search for a witch made me look at their website. It seems to suggest they are deliberately seeking to bias the outcome against male applicants. After a lot of stuff about how they are "forced" to make the job open to men and women, they say they have "had to accept" the job may go to a man. Is this stated reluctance the right side of legal? Surely not. If not, I am sure someone can place a hex on them, or alternatively remind them of the requirements of employment legislation... Mark, Reading So scientists now claim sperm "first". Shall we vote on it? I say egg first. Graham, Purmerend, NI I've heard of icebergs doing it, but an insect? Imagine my disappointment after this headline promised so much: Cruise halted after bug hits ship. Lee Pike, Auckland, New Zealand Mr Gammon said: "We heard... a whistling sound and all of a sudden a piece of ice the size of a grapefruit fell on my thigh." Oh, *why* couldn't he have said pineapple? Why?? Sue, London History GCSE quiz is just like when I sat the O-level. I did rubbish on the first attempt but a whole lot better at the resit. PS: Election 97 is quite old. Ed, Clacton, UK So we're back to cabbaging? Fleur, London I can't believe Peter Jackson failed to ask the OED whether they've found a synonym for "thesaurus" yet. Dan, Cambridge On a tangent to Matthew D's contribution in Friday's letters, I once turned down a date with a guy on the simple basis that he had the surname Gulliver and a photo album on his social networking site called "Me on Holiday". His inability to capitalise on the opportunity for a perfectly good pun made it obvious that he was not the guy for me. Alice, London DMQ SPOILER ALERT Today's mini-question misleads. The pilot cannot fairly be described as naked for he sports, in clear view - and in line with his profession - a hat (or an oddly shaped painted skull). James, London http://www.bbc.co.uk/blogs/magazinemonitor/2009/07/your_letters_700.shtml http://www.bbc.co.uk/blogs/magazinemonitor/2009/07/your_letters_700.shtml Your Letters Wed, 08 Jul 2009 16:19:09 +0000 Re James Ward (Monday's Letters): I found a country profile on Algeria from 21 October 1997 followed by one from the next day about a colour upgrade for someone who can only see in black and white. Beat that. Nik Edwards, Aylesbury Re Status: Red-faced: At my work, we have started an inappropriate-use-of-LOL watch. I think Ashley-Paul Robinson makes the cut. Have other Monitor readers spotted any more?Mary, Derby Daniel (Monday letters) - you obviously are a Kath and Kim fan as you know how they would have said it; yet you are presumably male? Therefore the question is still not conclusively answered.Kay, London Given the Radio 4 penchant for accordion programme names (File on Four, Loose Bends), might I suggest a dog-sized sheep is actually a shep?Fred, Rotherham Adam (Monday's letters), just one problem. Uighur isn't a Chinese word. Mandarin speakers know them as the Weiwu. Nice and easy to pronounce but can make you sound like you're doing owl impersonations if you're not careful. Miss Lin, Notts http://www.bbc.co.uk/blogs/magazinemonitor/2009/07/your_letters_699.shtml http://www.bbc.co.uk/blogs/magazinemonitor/2009/07/your_letters_699.shtml Your Letters Tue, 07 Jul 2009 18:12:10 +0000 In the story about hybrid cars having noisemakers fitted, it only mentions the visually impaired... well I'm almost deaf and I find them a nightmare too! If it's dark, or a blind corner etc I'm forced to use what little hearing I have to help make that 'do I cross?' decision, and on three occasions in the last few months alone, I've almost ended up being hit by a hybrid because I just don't know it's there. It's not just the blind that suffer with these cars! They're lethal.Kimberley, Nottingham Given that English representations of Chinese words are simply transliterations and could therefore be legitimately spelled in whatever manner best aids pronunciation, how the heck did anyone come up with "Uighur"?Adam, London, UK If the new head of MI6 wears a Speedo swimsuit, it will be obvious who he is, as everyone else will have a shirt and tie.Rob Foreman, London, UK I was surprised to read this story. A vertical line is, by definition, the steepest you can get, so a rollercoaster track which goes back on itself like this one is in fact less steep than one which drops straight down.David, London, UK "Climate change is causing a breed of wild sheep in Scotland to shrink," you say. No, a warmer climate has allowed smaller sheep to survive and breed. The sheep are taking advantage of changed circumstances - evolution in action.Faustino, Brisbane, Australia Following Jenny T's observation (Friday's letters) I spent five minutes searching for the oldest BBC news article online. Any advance ('retreat'?) on New Year's Eve 1997?James Ward, Newcastle upon Tyne, UK Re: the shop puns conversation now being O.V.E.R. (Friday's letters). It is now apparent that Paper Monitor is not, in fact, a Kath & Kim fan. If so, the conversation would of course be O.V.A.H. This clears up instantly the monitor's gender, or at least sexuality. Male. Straight. Go on, tell me I'm wrong...Daniel, London Monitor Note: Whatevah http://www.bbc.co.uk/blogs/magazinemonitor/2009/07/your_letters_698.shtml http://www.bbc.co.uk/blogs/magazinemonitor/2009/07/your_letters_698.shtml Your Letters Mon, 06 Jul 2009 17:23:07 +0000 I couldn't help but click on the link "this very website five years ago" (Thursday's letters). Oh how much tidier the BBC website looked in 2004! Does that answer your constant query to readers on how much we have noticed about your new(est) layout?JennyT, NY Brit (now a NJ Brit) Have the BBC made an executive decision about WHICH day the moon landing occurred? I saw that it was documented as July 20th 1969 on this morning's Breakfast programme, but because of the time-difference between here and America, it was 3am on the 21st July in the UK when Neil Armstrong actually stepped onto the moon's surface. As the moon has no time zones, shouldn't UTC/GMT be used to describe this moment? That would make the date of this momentous event July 21st 1969.Philip Meehan, Goring-by-Sea, UK Apparently the photographer Kevin Mazur had an adrenaline rush like the first time he photographed Michael Jackson moonwalking. A PHOTO of Michael Jackson moonwalking? Er, wouldn't that look exactly like Michael Jackson walking?Bob Peters, Leeds, UK Re. the latest story on the Air France crash, which cites un-inflated lifejackets as evidence that the crash was unexpected. As everyone knows from pre-flight briefings, lifejackets should only be inflated after exiting a crashed plane so as to avoid hindering escape. The story reports that the plane "broke on impact" with a "strong vertical acceleration," so presumably there were no survivors to escape. A more important point, therefore, is: were the recovered bodies wearing lifejackets?Tim Evans, Oxford, UK It may be that professional sports people have a different concept of personal comfort from mere mortals but I venture to suggest that underpants you stick to are other than lucky.Paul Clare, Marlow, UK Having lost the little sweepstake we were having as to when you'd call time on the punny business names (I'd given it another day), we're now taking bets (based on the 5 year old letters page) as to how many 'I know the topic is closed but...' letters will appear in the next week.Shiz, Cheshire, UK Monitor: Shiz, you know Monitor would never stoop that low. When a conversation thread is over, it's over. O.V.E.R. Seeing as you have now, thankfully, brought the shutters down on the punning shop name conversation, may I heartily congratulate one shop who resolutely stands firm against the overwhelming pressure to pun. It's a florist. In Epping. Called... The Epping Flower Shop. Bravo!Matthew D, Lincoln http://www.bbc.co.uk/blogs/magazinemonitor/2009/07/your_letters_697.shtml http://www.bbc.co.uk/blogs/magazinemonitor/2009/07/your_letters_697.shtml Your Letters Fri, 03 Jul 2009 16:44:26 +0000 Re Paper Monitor's thoughts on shorthand, as one of the swots who sits at the front of the class during speed tests, might I recommend using this: for "symbol"? Not having to take your pen off the paper rather helps with speed, too.Sam Bannister, Portsmouth, UK Unsung Heroes? Didn't Jackson Browne sing the praises of roadies in Stay?Kieran Boyle, Oxford, England Last night I got a rare seat on the train but was accused, and found guilty, of the crime of "getting off the train ahead of someone who had stood". What should my punishment be and what other commuter rules do readers think should be enshrined in law?MCK, Stevenage Re Schindler's Lifts - I'd always believed that there was an Otis (the lift company) office in Reading and when answering the phone they would say, "Otis, Reading". I was very disappointed recently to find its actually in Wokingham.Paul, Plymouth, UK So sorry, so very sorry, but I have to tell you that there is a mobile fish and chip van, regularly seen near here, called TA-DAH! The Frying Squad. The name has everything you could wish for - especially now I'm wearing my tank-top and platform soled boots. I just knew they would come back into fashion one day.Roy Bennett, Abergavenny The best punning shop name I've ever seen is a German florist on the corner of its street. For native German speakers its name simply means "Flower Corner", but English speakers and visitors are likely to chuckle at "Blumen Eck".Chris Philpot, West Sussex, United Kingdom Locally there's a hairdresser called Savoir Cheveux. Very few people know what it means or get the pun(s).John Martin, Erie, USA The punning shop names is an old old meme. I remember Dave Lee Travis doing them on Radio 1 when I was a teenager (that dates me!) I got a Radio 1 pen for giving him a fine example of nominative determinism in my local town: - One J. Weller, a Jeweller. Caroline Brown, Rochester, UK Monitor: LBQ keyring, Caroline? There's a cleaning company in Surrey called Spruce Springclean which is clearly the winner of the best shop name pun contest, as documented on this very website five years ago.Abigail, Brighton Monitor: Which nicely brings the shutters down on this particular conversation thread. No more punning shop names, thanks. http://www.bbc.co.uk/blogs/magazinemonitor/2009/07/your_letters_696.shtml http://www.bbc.co.uk/blogs/magazinemonitor/2009/07/your_letters_696.shtml Your Letters Thu, 02 Jul 2009 17:44:14 +0000 Re: Why has Wimbledon dropped 'Miss'? About time too. The marital status of women is absolutely no one's business but their own. N, UK Isn't the kettle dirty? Pot, Birmingham, UK I have a degree in Mechanical Engineering, yet I only got 2/7 on the GCSE design and technology quiz. Why? Because the questions were all based on food, clothes and electronic components. In my day woodwork and metalwork were the real DT disciplines, and they are not mentioned once. *Sigh* JoeA, London Can Scott Campbell (Giving up my iPod for a Walkman) write for the Magazine more often? There can't be many 13-year-olds who use words like plethora, impromptu, and bothersome. It needs to be encouraged. Edward Green, London, UK Ooh, I love a good meme. Thanks to Andy in Woking for pointing out A Salt and Battered. Further along Abbeydale Road, we also have a British Hairways, while on Fulwood Road, there is a Chinese take-away called Wok This Way. In Hillsborough, they're a little more risque - there's a furniture shop called Sofa King Cheap. *Munches his cheese and pineapple stick, sips his shandy and snorts* B, Sheffield, England In Montreal, there is a restaurant that specialises in omelettes and other eggy things. The name is Planate Oeuf. Uncle Roy, Leuven Let's not forget Mister Bit the painter and/or hairdresser. Andy, Balham, London Not sure if the lady concerned is aware, but here in Jersey a portable toilet company has branded itself Rebecca Loos. Not a pun, but made me chuckle. Emma, Jersey Re Schindler's Lifts - to be fair, Mr Schindler set up his elevator company over half a century before his namesake compiled his list, and over a century before the film portraying the latter came out. If there's any pun it's in the name of the film. Tim Barrow, London, UK Ten ways to beat the heatwave my eye. Do you know how cold it is here in the southern hemisphere? Please repeat the item in December. Al, Wellington, NZ Monitor note: Perhaps you could bookmark it for future reference. Do let us know then if it helps. Re The unmasking of a 7/7 conspiracy theorist. "Muad Dib", the pseudonym used by the individual in the story, actually originated from the novel Dune. Saying "Muad Dib" is a fictional character from the movie is like saying Harry Potter is a fictional character from the movies starring Daniel Radcliffe. Also, for complete accuracy, it should really be presented as "Muad'Dib". James, Stirling, Scotland, United Kingdom http://www.bbc.co.uk/blogs/magazinemonitor/2009/07/your_letters_695.shtml http://www.bbc.co.uk/blogs/magazinemonitor/2009/07/your_letters_695.shtml Your Letters Wed, 01 Jul 2009 16:06:05 +0000 Re Hell in Earth: one of your contributors says (of growing veg) "It's not rocket science." No, but growing salad is. Sue, London Ladybird 'risk to 1,000 species' somehow reminds me of the song about the old lady who swallowed a fly. Anne, Chester MCK (Monday letters), tennis players wear sweatbands on their wrists to stop sweat dribbling down their arms onto their hands. Some wear headbands to stop sweat on their forehead dripping into their eyes. If they were to wipe their faces on their wristbands, these would become saturated and stop absorbing sweat, which would drip onto the handles of their racquets, and then slide out of their hands. This could be quite dangerous for the umpire/ball-childs/audience. Jim, Coventry Mike (Monday letters), Jason's Donner Van, as a name, has to be beaten by the van that spent its days parked outside the town where I grew up. 007 Snack Bar: Licensed To Grill. Erin, Hertfordshire We have Karl's Burgers: probably the best burgers in the world. Kathy, Cardiff What about For Cod and Ulster in Belfast. Gareth, Carricfergus, County Antrim The best/most disturbing example was a fish and chip near where I lived as student in Sheffield, on Abbeydale Road, in the late 90s. Often frequented by skinheads, with a big Union flag in the window, it was called A Salt and Battered. Sadly, I'm not making this up. Andy, Woking The finest shop puns ever are Tans In 'Ere for a tanning salon, and Veggie Perrin's for a vegetarian curry house. Timothy, Leeds Bandwagon time! Around here we've got Hair Force One and All Cisterns Go. Diane, Sutton More from Newcastle. There is a carpet store called Get Laid Professionally, with the subscript "or just get gripped and felt". Daniel, London My personal favourite is a lift company known as Schindlers Lifts. Anna, Ipswich, UK Re JC in Monday's letters. Sometimes clicking on the Letters page is like stumbling into a party where there is no music, but a lot of people standing round in tank-tops, drinking shandy, and snorting each time they utter a bon mot. I like it. Rachel, Minnetonka Monitor note: Welcome! Anyone care for a cheese and pineapple stick? Dearest Monitor, I have the good fortune to find myself in London this Friday and wondered if you fancied meeting? My train gets in at around 11, so is perhaps a little late for a spot of porridge, however I could entertain myself with touristy things for an hour or two, before maybe a panini and a pint of coffee? I do know that, it being Friday, you will be busy judging the caption competition, so if you can't make it I will understand. I will wear a large yellow sunflower so that you can identify me and would be obliged if you would do the same. I look forward to hearing from you. Yours, Basil Long, Nottingham Monitor note: Sounds delightful, but sadly Fridays are very busy in Monitor Towers. Cheese and pineapple stick? http://www.bbc.co.uk/blogs/magazinemonitor/2009/06/your_letters_694.shtml http://www.bbc.co.uk/blogs/magazinemonitor/2009/06/your_letters_694.shtml Your Letters Tue, 30 Jun 2009 17:06:30 +0000 Why do all of the male tennis players at Wimbledon wipe their faces with a towel at the end of a point, in spite of wearing sweatbands on their wrists? MCK, Stevenage The chap who swapped his iPod for an Walkman was actually very lucky to have one with a rewind button. I was the envy of my friends at school because they had to take the tape out, turn it over, fast forward it, and then turn it over again. Basil Long, Nottingham The Dean of Westminster Abbey says of the very large masonry corona planned to top the church: "If there was an adverse reaction, I expect we would drop it". Can I be reassured that he doesn't mean this literally? Mark, Reading, UK Sorry, but you're all amateurs (Friday letters and Quote of the Day). Around here we have:Jason's Donner VanOnly Food & SaucesBagel of the NorthThere's also a minicab company called PG Trips.Newcastle is Pun Capital of the World. Mike, Newcastle upon Tyne There used to be a loft conversion company in Hampshire called Lofts in Space. Anne R, Fareham PB (Friday letters), the web is not the internet. JC, Fife http://www.bbc.co.uk/blogs/magazinemonitor/2009/06/your_letters_693.shtml http://www.bbc.co.uk/blogs/magazinemonitor/2009/06/your_letters_693.shtml Your Letters Mon, 29 Jun 2009 17:31:57 +0000 Very good pun but I fear not quite up to the standard of Welsh tiling company Bonnie Tiler. Zoe, London, UK Adrian (Thursday's Letters). Any species dying out is bad for the following reasons: anything that eats the now extinct animal will starve, or eat more of its other prey, reducing their populations; anything that the now extinct animal used to eat will suffer fewer deaths and the population will grow, meaning that it requires more of its own food, reducing the population of that. So extinction of one species can lead to more extinctions.Jim, Coventry "Web slows after Jackson's death" - so if Google, Twitter, AOL, CBS, CNN, MSNBC and Yahoo all have high traffic, the ENTIRE INTERNET is "slow"? I certainly had trouble receiving emails this morn-- oh wait, no I didn't!PB, London Regarding the Abercrombie and Fitch article, the girl is claiming unfair dismissal because of a cardigan, and so you use a photo of an Abercrombie and Fitch model... in a cardigan?Basil Long, Nottingham The only two questions I got right on this week's quiz were about Michael Jackson and Nazi cows. An excellent cross section I feel.Kahla, Leeds Eye pod shuffle?Rik Alewijnse, Feering, UK http://www.bbc.co.uk/blogs/magazinemonitor/2009/06/your_letters_692.shtml http://www.bbc.co.uk/blogs/magazinemonitor/2009/06/your_letters_692.shtml Your Letters Fri, 26 Jun 2009 14:57:02 +0000