A service highlighting the riches of the daily press.
Ever wondered whether the perfect home existed? The Daily Mail brings us news that it does.
Apparently it's two miles away from the supermarket, 10miles from the coast, five miles from the countryside and within walking distance of a pub where the landlord knows your name.
The house should have good neighbours, off-road parking, a manicured lawn, a spare room, an en suite bathroom, an open fire, a comfy sofa, a large bed and a little privacy.
There will also be two pets - ideally dogs rather than cats. Oh and two 37in TVs.
However perhaps not a buggy positioned infront of either of the TVs. That's because the paper says the government's family "tsar" Louise Casey has warned some three-year-olds are unable to walk because they have spent too much time strapped in their buggies infront of said TVs.
"They are so used to being put in a buggy in front of the telly and one of them could not chew," it cites her as saying.
In other news related to chewing - although Paper Monitor stresses this is not appropriate for three-year-olds - the paper reports chewing gum is good for the brain.
Chewers are more alert than non-chewers, and reaction times are 10% faster, it says.
Paper Monitor just doesn't want to see it stuck to pavements outside that perfect home.