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Paper Monitor

14:14 UK time, Tuesday, 13 November 2012

A service highlighting the riches of the daily press.

"Soap star and MP in bugging nightmare" - no, not a headline telling of further Leveson fallout but the Daily Express on the reality TV show I'm a Celebrity... Get Me Out of Here.

One doesn't need to have watched the show to know the bugging in question alludes to actual bugs. As in insects. Not a small electronic device used to eavesdrop on the unsuspecting. Or phone hacking. But creepy crawlies. And maggots. Not spiders though. (Can maggots be classed as creepy-crawlies?)

Meanwhile, the Daily Mail is most aerated.

"Pregnant again, but is Peaches wise to let the dog get so close?"

Peaches (as in Geldof, rather than the fruit, or indeed the 1996 song by Presidents of the United States, or the very different song by The Stranglers) has a six-month-old baby. Called Astala (as in... er... Astala). And a dog called Parper. Which, indeed, dogs do.

And Peaches (Geldof, that is) has posted a photo on t'internet of Astala getting a nuzzle from Parper. And Peaches (Geldof, that is) has also announced she's pregnant again. And plans to name her unborn son Phaedra. As in granddaughter of Zeus. And as in she who gave life to Lee Hazelwood in Some Velvet Morning.

Paper Monitor is unclear about which particular element of this story most aerates the Mail, but the Dogs Trust is quoted as saying: "Never leave your dog alone with your child."

To be fair to Peaches (as in Geldof), the dog and baby are not alone - she's in the room Instagramming the moment.

And finally, few things warm the cockles of the Daily Telegraph's heart as much as a glossy brunette.

Needless to say, it is all over the David Petraeus resignation story. Still chestnut-haired at 60, and frequently photographed looking spick and span in his general's uniform, he's a well-turned-out fella.

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