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Paper Monitor

11:24 UK time, Wednesday, 31 October 2012

A service highlighting the riches of the daily press.

No new poppy developments to report.

Meanwhile, Pippa Middleton has her first ever book out - Celebrate: A Year of British Festivities for Families and Friends. It has received a fair bit of media attention (well it would, wouldn't it), not least because the fragrant Ms Middleton has been paid nigh on half a million squid to bash out tips that are... how to put this diplomatically... a little obvious.

Hadley Freeman of the Guardian has helpfully reproduced a few in her article about said book:

  • "For Halloween, a pointy hat, fake hair and a broom [make] a witch's outfit."
  • "When hosting a party, move any clutter from the space where you're entertaining."
  • "Nearly any breakfast becomes special when it's brought to you in bed."
  • "Tea bags should go in the teapot, rather than individually in mugs."

While Paper Monitor cannot argue with a single one of these tips - especially when it comes to breakfast-in-bed - it would have happily taken an advance half, or even a quarter, the size of Pippa's to bash out such truisms.

Over to Freeman, who worries that Pippa may need a spot of career advice:

One can question whether she is truly in the right career if, after years of hacking it out at the coalface of her parents' party-planning company, Party Pieces, the most she can offer is tea-making tips.

Ever-helpful with advice, as regular readers of her fashion Q&A column will attest, Freeman goes on to offer alternative career paths for the sister of the now-more-royal Catherine, such as:

a) Be a designer's muse
I worked on this newspaper's fashion desk for almost a decade and I still don't know what a designer's muse does. But whatever it is, I feel certain Pippa could do it with aplomb.
b) Be a consultant
Again, no idea what this is. But it sounds bland and boring and is the kind of thing posh people tend to do.

For starters, Pips could source a teapot suitable for an office environment - ours was lost in the move from Television Centre to Broadcasting House, and since then the denizens of Magazine Towers have been forced to make do with teabags in mugs.

Oh, the humanity...

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