A service highlighting the riches of the daily press.
Dum der der dum dum, DER DER DER DUM der der der dum dum, dum dum.
Yes, a new Bond film arrives at the multiplexes and Paper Monitor wonders whether to spend a night at the flicks watching tuxedo-based action scenes or staying at home to put the washing machine through a service spin.
So of course this columnist turns to the newspaper film reviewers, the majority of whom appear to have arrived at the collective verdict that Skyfall - Daniel Craig's latest outing as 007 - is something of a cross between Citizen Kane and whatever your favourite previous Bond film happens to be (Thunderball, in Paper Monitor's case).
For David Edwards of the Daily Mirror, it "might just be the best James Bond film ever". Even Peter Bradshaw of the Guardian notes with approval, rather Guardianishly, that product placement is less ostentatious than in previous 007 outings.
Paper Monitor is suspicious of such unanimous praise and searches for something more skeptical.
Anthony Quinn of the Independent is somewhat more circumspect. Three stars. Yes yes it looks great and the villain is very entertaining, he says. And yet:
And yet something about it prevents me from joining the loud "wahoos" already raised in acclaim. Enjoyable as it is, there are creaks and judders in the machinery that suggest the film-makers' nervousness about Bond and about his long-term appeal.
At last, a maverick voice. A lone figure willing to take on all-comers. It reminds Paper Monitor of someone. Dum der der dum dum, DER DER DER DUM...