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Don't try this at home - honestly don't. Columnist Kevin Maher writing in today's Times confesses to being a cat kisser. Here's how the confession starts:
"There's no other way to put this, so I might as well just come out and say it. I kiss my cat. Oh yeah. Big time. And I'm not ashamed of it either."
Good, glad he's got that off his chest. Oh, and in case anyone was wondering (well you would wouldn't you) "certainly no tongues".
The reason Maher is letting us into this secret is because of the stories that abounded last week on the possible link between the cat parasite toxoplasma gondii and a potential for psychological disturbances in humans that are infected by it.
It's not a new discovery, but last week, the Food Standards Agency said current consumer advice on toxoplasmosis, which is spread by direct contact with cats or eating contaminated food, should be revised. It said more research should be carried out because of a lack of data on the condition.
So, apart from putting the scaremongering blame firmly at the door of the anti-cat lobby, Maher declares:
"It's the equivalent of reading a research paper that announces, 'Dogs! They'll fake your credit card details, steal all your money, sleep with your partner and then electrocute you in the bath! Honest! We've done a paper about it!'."
OK. We get the point.
To sum up, Maher says that it's going to take a lot more than "woolly scientific research" etc to stop him from "smooching" his kitty.
Paper Monitor suggests less of the smooching - is this normal? Perhaps simply rub noses, in the method of the traditional Inuit greeting.
Love Cats - The Cure's 1983 hit is now going round and round and round in Paper Monitor's head. It's infectious.