A service highlighting the riches of the daily press.
A man. A balcony. But soft! What light through yonder window breaks?
It is the east, and Julian - not Juliet - is the sun.
Cue the Shakespearean headline:
"The balcony scene: Julian appears above at a window. 'Ay me!'" - The Times (with the footnote "headline with apologies to Romeo and Juliet, Act II scene II", and an inside page headline about "theatre of the absurd".)
The Daily Mail prefers to draw parallels with Eva Peron, who was also fond of addressing supporters from balconies.
But the Sun and the Independent prefer to point out the resemblance between the Wikileaks founder and John Inman of Are You Being Served? fame.
Yes. You read that right. The Independent. Quite what the paper's associate editor Jemima Khan - a prominent supporter of Julian Assange - might make of this comparison is anyone's guess.
And finally, a question Paper Monitor rarely asks itself, but often finds the answer to be the same, whatever the season or news agenda.
What is the Daily Star for? Today, as every day, the answer is football and stories about Simon Cowell's love life.