A service highlighting the riches of the daily press.
So you've shed the requisite blood/sweat/tears to become not just an Olympian, but a gold medal-wielding Olympian. You want recognition, glory, a bit of a hero worship - copious pictures of you in the national newspapers, perhaps biting your glorious new disc-shaped pendant, maybe weeping beatifically.
At the very least, you want a picture of you to be, er, a picture of you.
No medals will be handed out to the Daily Mirror on this score today, though.
In their Olympic supplement's feature about Team GB's Carl Hester, Charlotte Dujardin and Laura Bechtolsheimer, who took team gold for dressage in Greenwich yesterday - hurrah! - it seems that more time was put into dreaming up pleasing Only Fools and Horses-related puns (in fairness, there can never be too many - the banner reads Only Golden Horses, we get "lovely jubbly" and a line about "Trotters") - than photo sourcing or querying dubious captions supplied by agencies.
Because instead of a picture of the glorious British trio, as the caption also promises, we get a snap of three Dutch dressage competitors - touting their distinctively Dutch orange lapels (and bronze medals). The same error is made on page seven of the paper proper.
And the Daily Express isn't blooper-free, featuring as it does a picture of the Dutch trio grinning away under the headline "Happy and Glorious". On its front page.
Poor show (that's "slechte show!" in Dutch)
And spare a thought for Irish boxer Katie Taylor - that's IRISH Katie Taylor - who has been given a whole new identity and declared British by the Daily Telegraph on page 35 of their sports supplement today.
Paper Monitor accepts that Olympics-related excitement can muddle even the most competent journalists.
Your humble columnist is muddled most days, as regular readers will no doubt be aware, Olympics or no Olympics.