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Paper Monitor

13:51 UK time, Thursday, 7 June 2012

A service highlighting the riches of the daily press.

You don't have to be a star to get in the papers these days (although just the sight of Lady Gaga in *non-outrageous-dress-shocker* stirs the Daily Star on p13) - being a planet performing a once-in-a-lifetime trick will do.

"Stargazers' Venus sky track" quips the Daily Mirror of Venus's trip across the sun (next transit: 2117); "Sun spot", intones the, er, Sun, going on to applaud this "amazing solar spectacle" - but only after it has poked fun at oddballs looking for love two pages before, in a piece sensitively titled "Young Freak and Single".

Priorities, people!

If women are from Venus, then these unfortunate men are from, if not Mars, then at least another planet - this particular piece, featuring profile snaps from US dating site OK Cupid, shows one man donning Buzz Lightyear garb, another gentleman posing in a bin liner ("I like to drink pickle juice!!!"), and a man peeping out from a stripey towel ("I spend a lot of time thinking about will I be single all my life", his caption laments).

What's a man to do? Interesting style choices are nothing new - the Daily Telegraph features a painted portrait from 1792 of a male transvestite ("Britain's first celebrated cross-dresser" the Chevalier d'Eon) in women's clothing, the first such work acquired by the National Portrait Gallery.

But perhaps "the losers in love" might benefit from some more tailored (and conventional) sartorial advice - like that dispensed today in a timely Daily Mirror double-page spread billed as "The what not to wear guide for badly-dressed boys!".

Style offences listed include: Coloured or white jeans ("it's all very well men trying to express personality through the medium of colour, but this should never apply to their trousers"), short jorts (short jean cut-offs) and mandels (aka socks with sandals - the British male's predilection for which underlines our disparity from our Continental cousins, apparently, and is, according to Siobhan McNally, "perhaps the best argument yet for us not joining the European currency").

A picture gallery of celebs donning these offensive trends is supplied, thoughtfully - we do like a bit of stargazing, after all.

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