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Paper Monitor

09:58 UK time, Friday, 2 March 2012

A service highlighting the riches of the daily press.

Paper Monitor has to share an absolute treasure of a letter which tickled us this morning.

The letter, by Harry Simpson, in Northwich, Cheshire - published in Thursday's Daily Mail - is doing the rounds on Twitter, and as one tweeter mused, is essential reading for anyone curious about the world that the paper's readers inhabit.

"I'm sick of it all!," it starts, and on this occasion we think you'll forgive us for sharing it in its entirety.

I'm sick of Melvyn Bragg, Hugh Grant, Joan Bakewell and Anne Robinson. I'm sick of Vince Cable, the entire Labour Shadow Cabinet and all the politicians.

I'm sick of squatters and travellers, pop music, British food, the BBC, surveillance cameras, my rotten pension, terrorists, Anglican bishops and having no money, and I just want to die.

My country, which I loved, is ruined. It will never be happy again. It is all self, self, self, moan, moan, moan. I cannot wait to get out and rest in peace.

On the subject of stories that won't go away, barely a year passes without Britain's Eurovision hopeful making the headlines, so it is hardly surprising that the news that Engelbert Humperdinck is flying the flag provides plenty of fodder.

"A 75-year-old crooner with the world's biggest fan club and 'more paternity suits than mattresses' is UK's Eurovision entry," says the Daily Mail, above a photo of him and his wife.

"We have tried every trick in the book - a once popular boy band, a couple of former reality show contestants, and even a song written by Andrew Lloyd Webber... so this time we are putting our faith in age and experience," it muses.

But this is the "man that beat the Beatles", so who knows, maybe this time, this year, we'll win. Maybe. Just maybe.

We've got until 26 May to think about it anyway.

Paper Monitor wonders if Harry Simpson is wishing he'd added the Eurovision to his list.

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