The fence-through-the-goalpost story was wonderful, but both fence and goalpost should be left as they are and submitted as an entry to the next Turner Prize competition. It ought to win. I can hear the judges' verdict now: "A bold conception, playfully juxtaposing the constraints of goal-oriented modern existence with the angular certainty of restraint and limitation which mocks creativity". Or any alternative combination of those words, of course.
Mark, Reading, UK
Regarding the flushing away of all that reservoir water, perhaps they'd better add underwater cameras to their CCTV to catch sneaky ducks.
How do you stop mobiles in concerts? Get the team that built the Peter Harrison Planetarium at the Royal Observatory Greenwich to help you out. You simply won't get a signal in the planetarium and I have heard "Please leave your mobiles on with ring tones on loudest - you won't get a signal through the dome's copper shell".
Adrian, London, UK
Susan (Wednesday's letters), were you still a Crook when you went to Australia?
Ruaraidh, Wirral, UK
I rather like the new portrait of the Queen and Prince Philip. At least it means that - at 6'4" - my trousers actually look a decent length.
Basil Long, Nottingham
In case you use the Emperor penguin from Antarctic visits New Zealand beach story for your caption competition, can I get in first with "I'm sure I left my car around here somewhere."
Rob Falconer, Llandough, Wales