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Paper Monitor

12:23 UK time, Friday, 24 June 2011

A service highlighting the riches of the daily press.

Paper Monitor is clean, dry and warm. Paper Monitor had a shower this morning and will sleep in a bed tonight. Paper Monitor, you may have gathered, is not at Glastonbury.

Who needs to, after all, when all of Fleet Street devotes so much coverage to the festival? Even that least counter-cultural of publications, the Daily Telegraph, carries a page lead on the event - illustrated, of course, with photographs of young ladies in wellies and short skirts dancing in the mud. Glastonbury being late June's equivalent of A-level results day.

Of course, the festival isn't just there for the benefit of Fleet Street picture editors. Paper Monitor favourite and regular Glasto-goer Caitlin Moran has written a splendid article on her favourite things about the festival, one of which is a rather unique banner:

No one knows who owns the 10ft high ten-foot-high "I HEART SAUSAGES" flag, no one knows where he got it from - presumably a flag-shop owned by someone really into sausages. But for the last four years, the gigantic "I HEART SAUSAGES" flag, waved from the centre of the audience, has been a mainstay of Glastonbury's headlining acts. Aside from being a cheerful reminder of how fantastic sausages are, it's also a great moment when a legendary act - Bruce Springsteen, say - looks out into the audience, notices it, and clearly thinks, "Sausages? I was about to sing Born in the USA, but now, all I can think about is sausages. Man, I'd like a link in a bap."

The Guardian's page-three lead on the festival is slightly more offbeat. It observes that festival organisers have vetoed "the first major attempt to test the use of legal highs and illicit drugs at a British festival by sampling sewage".

According to the newspaper, the proposed research was seen by substance abuse experts as a "golden opportunity" - terminology that not all readers will find entirely appropriate.

Perhaps inspired by Glastonbury, the Sun also has drugs on the brain, this time examining claims that William Shakespeare may have been more exotic in his tastes than previously imagined. Smoking pipes found buried in his back garden were found to contain traces of cannabis.

The paper searches the bard's work for further evidence of his ingestions, citing such lines as "O true apothecary! Thy drugs are quick" from Romeo and Juliet and Macbeth's "The patient must minister to himself".

Its headline? "To E or not to E."

Sorted.

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