A service highlighting the riches of the daily press.
It's with a heavy heart that Paper Monitor writes today. The reason for such sadness? A double-page spread in the Times. The subject? Oxbridge entrance exams.
No, this is not due to a flashback to some awful humiliation in front of such an interview panel. Paper Monitor will leave it up to you dear readers to decide if it got within sniffing distance of such hallowed halls of learning. What is causing this woe is the story that Oxford and Cambridge universities are being urged to scrap their traditional admissions interviews to make the process fairer.
Now this is all well and good, but these interviews are the stuff of legend. The paper prints some of the classic questions that have been asked in them, like: "How do I know you are the same person as the one who walked through the door?" Or: "Is a monkey a human?" The world would be a far less colourful place if such brain bogglers disappeared. Don't do it. Pretty please.
Favourite animal story of the day is in the Daily Telegraph. It's about Ci, who has been branded Britain's worst sheep dog because he is scared of sheep. A video of him being chased by them has become an internet hit. But quite frankly, Ci seems like the sensible one when you read the character analysis of sheep by his owner Jane Lippington. She says:
Sheep can be quite aggressive if they think they have the upper hand - they stamp their feet and gang up in numbers and act like an army.
Eek! They actually sound really rather scary. Like Doctor Who baddies. Script writer take note. Paper Monitor is with you Ci and running for the hills.
Finally, John Galliano's trial started in Paris yesterday. The fashion designer is accused of making "public insults" based on origin, religion, race or ethnicity. He denies purposefully offending anyone.
Known for his flamboyant style, most of the newspaper were keen to see what he wore to court. The answer? A black, three-piece suit and black brogues. You can sense the disappointment among the media. After all, this is a man who has left the house dressed as a matador, an astronaut and Napoleon - and he wasn't going to a fancy dress party on any of these occasions, he was going to work.
But there was a flash of that individual style. The suit was worn without a shirt and just a loosely tied cravat. This is as low key as Galliano gets. "Raffish" is how the Times describes it. More like a 50-year-old Artful Dodger with a David Niven-style moustache is how Paper Monitor would put it.