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Paper Monitor

11:40 UK time, Tuesday, 3 May 2011

A service highlighting the riches of the daily press.

Princess Beatrice in her wedding hat

That was some hat.

Fashion types may gush about Kate's dress (the House of McQueen *scream*), but the Daily Mail reports that the biggest hit is another outfit entirely.

Star Trek weapon, cat flap and, least kindly of all, toilet bowl - Princess Beatrice's fascinator has certainly been fascinating the internet pranksters since Friday's ceremony.

All very amusing, especially the mock-ups of said headwear in the guise of sci-fi stun gun/spaghetti in Lady and the Tramp/Gates of Hell, but one important question is left unanswered. Large fascinator, or small hat?

Meanwhile, there is no Page Three Girl in the Sun. But - quick! - someone contain Harriet Harman's excitement, for this is no time to rejoice at the passing of an enemy. The topless lassie of the day has simply been bounced from her usual perch by the news of Osama Bin Laden's death, and is now a Page 19 Girl.

And busty Rosie, 20, from Surrey, has harsh words for the "Cambridge University toffs urinating in public" in News in Briefs.

She said: "If they spent more time reading the classics instead, they might remember the words of Roman philosopher Seneca, who said, 'Drunkenness is nothing more than wilful insanity'."

Back to the one story dominating the papers, the Independent answers a question that's been on the tip of Paper Monitor's brain ever since the news broke - with Bin Laden dead, who tops the FBI's most wanted list now?

The paper highlights two fugitives, although the FBI doesn't actually rank its top 10 most wanted.

  • James J Bulger: Wanted for 19 murders as leader of a feared Boston crime family, he went on the run in 1995. The FBI says he "loves animals".
  • Eduardo Ravelo: The Barrio Azteca drug cartel figure is responsible for murders in Juarez, Mexico. A $100,000 reward is on offer.

All this actual news over a mainly sunny long weekend has rather scuppered your humble columnist's long-running strand, Brighton Beach Mammaries (Paper Monitors passim). Traditionally, a weekend of blistering weather prompts an army of photographers to make the traditional journey to the East Sussex resort town, all the better to get the traditional flesh shots with which to illustrate the traditional day-after-the-bank-holiday weather stories.

Today, nada. Not even in the Daily Express Weather .

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