A service highlighting the riches of the daily press.
They split seven months ago, with a very public break-up. No, not Katie and Peter, but the Sun and Labour after more than a decade together. Paper Monitor at the time described it as ...
"... a dumping of significant magnitude. The Sun has raided Labour's wardrobe with a pair of scissors and cut its tailored Italian lounge suits and silk ties to shreds..."
Today the Sun's weapon of choice comes in the form of 16 partially clothed young women. "SAVE THESE GIRLS FROM THE DOLE TOMORROW" bellows its headline above the massed scantily-clad lovelies on a souvenir Page 3 ("cut out and keep if Tories don't win").
Why? A News in Briefs election special explains, with a little help from the 17th Century philosopher John Locke, why a Labour or Lib Dem victory may mean P45s for Page 3 Girls:
"Lib Dem frontbencher [Lynne] Featherstone was cheered by women's rights activists when she declared she would 'love to take on Page 3'.
But our Poppy said: 'The basis of Lockean thought is his theory of the Contract of Government, under which all political power is a trust for the benefit of the people. His thinking underpins our ideas of national identity and society. Please don't let those who seek to ban our beauty win. Vote to save Page 3!'"
In other assault-on-liberties news, the Times, Guardian and Daily Mail carry the tale of the lad who faced an Asbo for wearing his trousers too low. Only a judge reckons this would breach his human rights, effectively giving visible knick-knocks the judicial seal of approval.
Teenager Ellis Drummond was backed by civil liberties group Big Brother Watch, whose director Alex Deane said: "The proper punishment for the comically low-riding trousers favoured by some people is that we all think they look ridiculous."
(All together now: "I disapprove of what you wear, but will defend to the death your right to right to wear it.")
And finally, the Mail runs the first column of its newest recruit, Sandra Parsons, who replaces Allison Pearson (see Thursday's Paper Monitor).
One imagines that a first column must be as nerve-wracking as a first date.
What to wear? The usual... a little black dress.
What to talk about? The usual... GPs' hours, Gillian Duffy, the new Doctor Who, Ronnie Corbett (bless his cotton socks), Stella McCartney's "mum chic" denim skirt, sexist jokes at work, that cradle-to-grave John Lewis ad.
And did they like her? Time will tell. Most of those posting comments are GPs annoyed by her criticism of after-hours service, or the lack thereof. Apart from the reader aerated by her assessment of the new Doctor (Time Lord, not GP).