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Paper Monitor

15:13 UK time, Thursday, 22 April 2010

A service highlighting the riches of the daily press.

Remember the ash cloud?

Paper Monitor is not being delusional - this time last week a cloud of volcanic ash from Iceland drifted over British shores posing an apparent threat to aircraft.

Consequently, all flights into and out of Britain were banned for several days causing all manner of civic mayhem.

No seriously, it happened. If you don't believe it - and most of today's papers have tucked the story well inside - check out the front of the Daily Star, which has sailed home with stranded Brits aboard HMS Albion, and has exclusive pictures to prove it.

Unfortunately, the paper neglects to mention that its stock in aviation circles is somewhat lower than in equivalent maritime company. The paper was removed from the shelves of newsagents in several airports on Wednesday after it published a front page picture of a plane "flying into an ash cloud" with all engines on fire. In fact, the image was taken from a TV documentary reconstruction.

The Star's unbowed though, claiming to have rescued dozens of Brits stranded on the continent. And the British public are truly thankful, if the photos are anything to go by - though it has to be said, there is something slightly unedifying about a picture of three men grinning while each holds aloft up a copy of the paper... brandishing the front page headline "Jordan Baby's bruised face and body".

Not to be outdone, the Sun claims to have rescued 300 holidaymakers from Spain by chartering six buses in its Operation Sunkirk.

But its the exploits of Sun mum Abi Blake that really grabbed Paper Monitor's attention today. The mum of 30 appears in a Nigella-style pose, standing in her kitchen licking a drop of milk from her fingertip.

Why should Ms Blake's cooking habits be of interest to your average Sun reader?

"I used my breast milk for cooking"

That's why.

She tells the paper she has a range of recipes - from butterfly cup cakes to chocolate tart - that, er, depend on her own, unique input.

She has even foisted them on friends.

"The stay-at-home mum has held several dinner parties, often serving lasagne or pasta made using breast milk for the cream sauce. Her speciality is vanilla breast milk cheesecake."

Paper Monitor trusts its late publication today at least ensures you didn't end up reading this while tucking into your lunch of heated up macaroni cheese leftovers. You see, thoughtful to the last.

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