A service highlighting the riches of the daily press.
Which newspaper has the following editorial rule: there must be an attractive woman on the front page and also on page three.
You might guess the Daily Star. You'd be wrong. You might guess the Sun. You'd be wrong again.
Both of those newspapers are entirely free of front page attractive-womankind today.
It is the Daily Telegraph (sorry, no link in this case) that seems to have this rule.
Today it is old photographs of Samantha Cameron. Taken in 1997, the shot on the front page is of her in a fairly skimpy red dress. Inside we see more shots of her - reclining in a black evening gown and showing a bit of thigh in a white mini-dress. The big picture shows her on the floor, playing with kittens, while wearing a sheepskin dress that appears to have been made out of a John Motson castoff.
Paper Monitor does not want to stand accused of being unscientific in its analysis of the Daily Telegraph's attractive-woman-on-the-front policy. To prove our point we walk over to the firehazardy pile of papers that sit in the office and pick out the first two Telegraphs that come to hand.
They are dated 17 March and 15 March. The latter has a picture of the blonde woman caught up in legal shenanigans in Dubai after being accused of the "crime" of kissing someone.
The 17 March edition has a picture of Zara Phillips on the front. Somebody has helpfully ripped off the top half of page three, although there is still a picture of the Duchess of Cornwall on that page.
Anyway, back to "Sam Cam", as the Telegraph says she is "known to her friends" (surely they just know her as Sam, just as Paper Monitor is not known as "Pap Mon", but simply as "Pap").
In the Daily Mail, Amanda Platell is positively gushing/frothing over the photos, and she has some wonderful analysis.
"The resulting look is more flirtatious than outright raunchy - think Sharon Maughan in her Gold Blend coffee advert days."
But the wonderful thing about the Mail's coverage is the reader comments at the bottom.
The acid "Mike Wilson, Rotherham, United Kingdom" writes: "I will definitely be voting for the gorgeous Samantha at the next election - what? It's her husband who is the politician? Damn!"