A celebration of the highlights of the daily press.
Paper Monitor doesn't often consider matters ecclesiastical. But the coverage of the General Synod's debate about women bishops has piqued one's interest. The Times says Canon Lucy Winkett, 42, who is precentor at St Paul's Cathedral (Paper Monitor very nearly out of own depth here) is tipped as a likely candidate.
It's the paper's next phrase which is interesting. She is "one of the most impressive clergy in the Anglican Communion", it says. Can you be "a clergy"? A clergyman, obviously. A clergywoman, presumably. But a clergy? It's all a bit Baltimore "I am a po-lice" (expl here at the Wall Street Journal) isn't it?
Meanwhile the Daily Telegraph reports that Gordon Brown is considering introducing British Summer Time all year long, which on first reading makes you think must be something happening as a result of global warming. But the paper explains that extra hour of evening light would allow outdoor visitor attractions to remain open longer and could raise as much as £3.5bn. Being a Paper Monitor of very little brain, one thinks this plan must have an equal and opposite impact at the start of the day, but is no doubt completely wrong.
The paper adds: "Experts claim that the proposal would also improve road safety, cut obesity by giving children longer to play in the evenings, and reduce crime."
Coming in a future edition of the Telegraph: how obese kids have increased crime by hanging around on street corners all year round.
Elsewhere the paper magnifies an image of Sarah Palin's palm, taken during her speech at the National Tea Party convention over the weekend. The words "energy", "tax" and "lift Americans Spirits" (no posessive apostrophe, Sarah?) were written in black ink, but the words "Budget cuts" had been partly crossed out.
The Daily Express, on the other hand, has the latest in a long line of health stories, though this one somehow seems to lack the vital element of bad news.
Visitors to the Magazine's Facebook fan page (which you can see and/or join here) are invited to join in the fun by wilfully misunderstanding this or any other headline in today's papers. I am a monitor. With headlines written on my palm.