A service highlighting the riches of the daily press.
So. Tiger's been tracked down in rehab. And not just any old rehab. A sex addiction clinic.
Stop tittering, you at the back.
So, what does sex therapy involve?
Over to the Daily Mail (and its short story headline: "The skulking Tiger: Golf superstar Woods tracked down at sex addict clinic his wife Elin ordered him to attend"):
"On entering the 12-step treatment centre, Tiger would have had to sign an agreement to remain celibate. Over the six-week course he will undergo psychiatric consultation, behavioural therapy, trauma work and 'relapse prevention counselling'. He can also choose to take part in art classes, exercise and fitness regimes, shame reduction work, a spirituality group, a grief group and yoga."
But wait, there's more:
"His estranged wife will also be expected to take part in the therapy, joining his sessions during a 'family week'. This includes 'Disclosure Day' when he will be forced to face Elin and admit, in painful detail, to each and every one of his sexual dalliances."
While the print version of the Mail restricts itself to a snatched photo of the behoodied golfer, another of his wronged wife, and an aerial shot of the clinic, the online version chooses this point in the story to pop in a few pics of said dalliancees - pouting, and in their bras. Sensitively done.
The Daily Express throws in a few more details:
"Patients stay in small bungalows and are divided into groups according to their problems."
Small bungalows with double beds, juding by the accompanying photos.
And the Daily Star provides more info (and shows admirable restraint in publishing a grand total of ZERO photos of his alleged lovers):
"Therapy sessions start at 5.30am but, unlike other patients, Tiger doesn't share a room, doesn't clean his cottage and doesn't attend group sessions."
Somewhat less restrained is the Daily Mirror, which slaps a big EXCLUSIVE label on its over-excited coverage.
"TIGER'S ON THE PROWL - Golf ace pictured at sex clinic" growls its front page.
"And here's why he's there" it adds, on a picture gallery of the club hostess and the model and the waitress and the porn star and another porn star and another waitress and... you get the drift. It adds silhouettes of three mystery women, including one described as: "Lover was predatory older woman".
So let's get this straight. She's predatory. He's prey. But what preys on tigers? Surely not cougars.
By the by, naming a sex addiction centre must be a minefield of unintended innuendo. This one's called the Pine Grove Behavioural Health and Addiction Services clinic, and Tiger is undergoing its Gentle Path treatment program.
Paper Monitor ran both of these past the resident innuendo canary. And it made nary a twitter. Phew!