A service highlighting the riches of the daily press.
It's been a long time. The Independent has a poster front page. No sad-eyed dolphin, though, and no "CRUELTY" headline.
Instead page one is entirely given over to a satellite photo of the UK from above - no green and pleasant land, this, but an entirely white land mass that earns the headline: "Ice land".
The same photo appears in just about all the papers, as it is a striking illustration of the cold snap that has glazed the nation's roads and pavements with ice, closed countless schools - not that many seem prepared to actually do a spot of shovelling or gritting to minimise the risk that has shut the gates - and sent sales of sledges and soup soaring.
The Daily Telegraph headlines it "DEEP FREEZE BRITAIN - Isle of White". Nice work from the subs' desk. Even the Financial Times adorns its page one with this big picture, but with a headline where word play gets nary a look in: "Gas supplies for businesses turned off in struggle to meet record demand." What, you were expecting a pun?
Speaking of headlines, however will the headline writers tackle the task of Jonathan Ross and the BBC parting ways?
"Back to making the tea, Wossy" - Daily Express
"WOSSY WAS WODGERED" - Daily Mirror
"FWOZEN OUT" - Sun
"Humiliated Ross quits BBC" - Daily Mail, which wastes little sympathy on either the man or the corporation. Well, it wouldn't, would it.
In addition to its main news story and comment boards, the Mail has several of its columnists pile in. Scalpel!
Perhaps Paper Monitor didn't know, or has not previously devoted brain space to this factlet, but one points out that his three children are called Betty Kitten, Honey Kinney and Harvey Kirby.
And not a lot of people know that.
Or maybe they do...