Caption Competition

13:37 UK time, Friday, 3 July 2009

Winning entries in the Caption Competition.

This week, two women in Alistair Darling masks take part in a protest against bingo taxation in Parliament Square. But what's being said?

The competition is now closed. Full rules can be seen here [PDF].
Thanks to all who entered. The prize of a small amount of kudos to the following:

6. mcseaniew wrote:
'Hurry up, Edna, he says he wants this budget in by five.'

5. Rob Falconer wrote:
Hey! What if we can show that Gurkhas enjoy bingo too?

4. TheRealCatherineO wrote:
"..and your boy Zaphod has grown into a fine young man."

3. 21gardener wrote:
Look, here we are in episode 1 of Torchwood - I know they've cut the budget, but will anyone believe that we're alien invaders?

2. Kudosless wrote:
"According to the map, this should be a good place to sit under pigeons"

1. omnipotent wrote:
You forgot to carry the one, the GDP balances now!

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Comments

1. At 12:26pm on 02 Jul 2009, ValerieGanne wrote:
Well yes, unfortunately the masks do make us more of a target for the pigeons

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2. At 12:27pm on 02 Jul 2009, ValerieGanne wrote:
88!

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3. At 12:29pm on 02 Jul 2009, ValerieGanne wrote:
Perhaps the head-butting had been a little severe, as imprints were left on the two ladies' foreheads

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4. At 12:31pm on 02 Jul 2009, ValerieGanne wrote:
I've got Ruth Kelly's Eye and Gordon's Den

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5. At 12:35pm on 02 Jul 2009, ValerieGanne wrote:
For the BBC Caption Competition, it says the Chancellor intends taking 10% of the kudos

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6. At 12:36pm on 02 Jul 2009, Friendlycard wrote:
"If his boss can save the world, saving bingo is not much to ask"

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7. At 12:36pm on 02 Jul 2009, LaurenceLane wrote:
So, what this says is that anyone can 'flip' their second to avoid capital gains, not just MPs. Well, we can get rid of these stupid masks then.

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8. At 12:37pm on 02 Jul 2009, Candace9839 wrote:
Disgusting - no bingo related expenses whatsoever.

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9. At 12:37pm on 02 Jul 2009, sternpaddler wrote:
Foreheads

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10. At 12:37pm on 02 Jul 2009, LaurenceLane wrote:
Half of his expenses have been blacked out, does that mean he's been redactively moderated?

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11. At 12:38pm on 02 Jul 2009, sternpaddler wrote:
Well....there's always Old Maid I suppose.

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12. At 12:38pm on 02 Jul 2009, ValerieGanne wrote:
At least if they debate this in the House of Commons, there should be a full house

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13. At 12:38pm on 02 Jul 2009, Candace9839 wrote:
If I hear 'What is it, Darling?' one more time...

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14. At 12:40pm on 02 Jul 2009, kipperonthefloor-Whovian, Fool, God, Pub LandLord, Terranic Transport Minister, Thief, Dragon, Eccentric Scientist, Temporal Investigator. wrote:
Darling,Your number's up!

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15. At 12:41pm on 02 Jul 2009, Candace9839 wrote:
Are you pinking what we're pinking?

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16. At 12:41pm on 02 Jul 2009, aaronboardley wrote:
" ...22, Two Little Duck Islands..."

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17. At 12:42pm on 02 Jul 2009, PendragonF wrote:
Next time, I'm voting Conservative - none of them have ever heard of bingo

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18. At 12:43pm on 02 Jul 2009, PendragonF wrote:
Hang on, I've found a loophole - we just play Lotto or Housey-housey

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19. At 12:44pm on 02 Jul 2009, PendragonF wrote:
I don't understand this pamphlet at all - I don't do letters

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20. At 12:45pm on 02 Jul 2009, Candace9839 wrote:
A split infinitive, sentence ending in a preposition and what is the subject of this verb???

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21. At 12:46pm on 02 Jul 2009, PendragonF wrote:
That security guard at the Houses of Parliament was going to let me in until he realised there couldn't be two Alistair Darlings

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22. At 12:46pm on 02 Jul 2009, PendragonF wrote:
You don't need the cross, Martha - I don't think Michael Howard is there any more

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23. At 12:47pm on 02 Jul 2009, PendragonF wrote:
Heck, we're too late for the nude bicycle rally

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24. At 12:49pm on 02 Jul 2009, Candace9839 wrote:
Two birds on hand giving Darling the push

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25. At 12:50pm on 02 Jul 2009, sternpaddler wrote:
It's a bold move by Darling, but Lord Mandelson got Balls as well.

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26. At 12:50pm on 02 Jul 2009, rogueslr wrote:
As chair of the Alistair Darling fan club I call this meeting to order, item 1, any new members? No? Looks like it's still just you and me Winnie.

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27. At 12:52pm on 02 Jul 2009, Kudosless wrote:

Move Under Darling

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28. At 12:52pm on 02 Jul 2009, Candace9839 wrote:
Where's the brief?

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29. At 12:53pm on 02 Jul 2009, Rob Falconer wrote:
Somehow I don't think we've got the same charisma as Joanna Lumley

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30. At 12:54pm on 02 Jul 2009, Candace9839 wrote:
And I'm bringing haggis to the potluck supper tonight.

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31. At 12:55pm on 02 Jul 2009, Rob Falconer wrote:
I phoned Joanna Lumley to ask her to suppport us, but she was busy

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32. At 12:55pm on 02 Jul 2009, Rob Falconer wrote:
I phoned Joanna Lumley to ask her to support us, but she was busy

(spelling correction)

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33. At 12:55pm on 02 Jul 2009, Kudosless wrote:

What, no rum ?! But I thought we were here for a binge protest

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34. At 12:57pm on 02 Jul 2009, Magnum Carter wrote:
As his assistants clock up the expenses, a faint "House!" is heard from the back...

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35. At 12:57pm on 02 Jul 2009, Rob Falconer wrote:
Hey! What if we can show that Gurkhas enjoy bingo too?

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36. At 12:57pm on 02 Jul 2009, Kudosless wrote:

These long sleeves will hide the bingo owings

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37. At 12:58pm on 02 Jul 2009, Woundedpride wrote:
"Ok, so pretending to be Alistair Darling and his twin brother didn't get us in to see that nice Mr Brown. Next plan on the list?"

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38. At 12:58pm on 02 Jul 2009, Magnum Carter wrote:
"12 Down. What have you got?"

"Only a couple more to go"

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39. At 12:59pm on 02 Jul 2009, Woundedpride wrote:
"Cutting out the bad language does make the letter a lot shorter I suppose..."

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40. At 12:59pm on 02 Jul 2009, Magnum Carter wrote:
"Darling, that's dear."

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41. At 1:00pm on 02 Jul 2009, Rob Falconer wrote:
Personally, I'd prefer it if he were Ex-Chancellor of the Chequer

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42. At 1:01pm on 02 Jul 2009, Kudosless wrote:

I COULD play the lottery instead, but it's a bit of a chance, Ella

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43. At 1:02pm on 02 Jul 2009, Rob Falconer wrote:
Anyway, I never liked the way Mr. Darling treated that nice Peter Pan

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44. At 1:04pm on 02 Jul 2009, sternpaddler wrote:
Darling's Buds of September

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45. At 1:04pm on 02 Jul 2009, nick-fowler wrote:
Read this - we can get back at the Chancellor by reading these old "Blackadder Goes Forth" scripts

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46. At 1:05pm on 02 Jul 2009, Magnum Carter wrote:
"Well darling I AM claiming for two..."

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47. At 1:05pm on 02 Jul 2009, haggis1876 wrote:
Now with (bingo) wings.

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48. At 1:06pm on 02 Jul 2009, nick-fowler wrote:
So we're against bingo taxation, not bin-go tax - I thought it was a protest against recycling

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49. At 1:07pm on 02 Jul 2009, Candace9839 wrote:
Highlighting the opposition from the bench

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50. At 1:07pm on 02 Jul 2009, throbgusset wrote:
Chancellor Hat - 15% VAT

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51. At 1:08pm on 02 Jul 2009, bangledancer wrote:

Verity and Prudence run a final check on their "boardroom Bingo" books ready for the next PMQ's.......

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52. At 1:09pm on 02 Jul 2009, Magnum Carter wrote:
"I suppose this is that white paper we keep hearing about"

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53. At 1:09pm on 02 Jul 2009, throbgusset wrote:
Pass the TippEx Elsie ...I've just realised he said Foxy Bingo

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54. At 1:10pm on 02 Jul 2009, bangledancer wrote:
... But Dahling, you should see thier faces when you call "second Home"....!

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55. At 1:12pm on 02 Jul 2009, Kudosless wrote:

As neither could guess whose picture was on their own head, and they certainly didn't recognise the picture the other was wearing ... this game could take some time.

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56. At 1:14pm on 02 Jul 2009, nick-fowler wrote:
With so many famous MPs not going to stand at he next election, we've got a pretty good chance of being elected, Ethel

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57. At 1:14pm on 02 Jul 2009, throbgusset wrote:
So we run into the Bank and hand them this note demanding £20,000 ...do you want it in cash or straight into your account?

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58. At 1:15pm on 02 Jul 2009, rogueslr wrote:
I do wish people would recognise him, this is the fourth letter expressing condolences for the sad loss of Michael.

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59. At 1:15pm on 02 Jul 2009, nick-fowler wrote:
And this is my lucky pink bingo pen - guess where it's going to end up

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60. At 1:16pm on 02 Jul 2009, SundayParkGeorge wrote:
Isn't it ironic that "paper hat" is cockney rhyming slang for "prat"? And just look what's on our paper hats.

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61. At 1:16pm on 02 Jul 2009, Kudosless wrote:
This comment was removed because the moderators found it broke the House Rules.
62. At 1:16pm on 02 Jul 2009, MrSnoozy wrote:
"You do the houses on the left, I'll do the right" - Halloween night plans are in full swing...

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63. At 1:16pm on 02 Jul 2009, iansessford wrote:
Venus and Serena had a frightening vision of the future.

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64. At 1:16pm on 02 Jul 2009, nick-fowler wrote:
Even with all that make-up on, Miss Lumley still made her presence felt with a powerful protest

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65. At 1:17pm on 02 Jul 2009, KieranOx wrote:
The ladies highlight their choice for Gay Icon.

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66. At 1:19pm on 02 Jul 2009, throbgusset wrote:
Exactly how much tax is Clickety-Duck?

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67. At 1:19pm on 02 Jul 2009, Candace9839 wrote:
W-8 a bit B-4 you tax us, Darling

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68. At 1:20pm on 02 Jul 2009, Kudosless wrote:

"Protesting about bingo taxation in Parliament Square" she mused.
"Why don't we just play it somewhere else?"

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69. At 1:20pm on 02 Jul 2009, nick-fowler wrote:
That nice Mr. Martin will help us - whilst he was Speaker, he used to moonlight as a bingo caller in our club

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70. At 1:20pm on 02 Jul 2009, SundayParkGeorge wrote:
For the first time in his career Alistair had managed to put everyone in the shade.

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71. At 1:23pm on 02 Jul 2009, nick-fowler wrote:
Oh, I understand it now - it says 'Wet Paint'

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72. At 1:26pm on 02 Jul 2009, throbgusset wrote:
Now the government aren't selling ...does that just make him a Chancer?

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73. At 1:26pm on 02 Jul 2009, midnightsquirrel wrote:
No-one was in the least bit surprised when Vera and Agnes were refused entry to Ascot Ladies' day.

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74. At 1:30pm on 02 Jul 2009, nick-fowler wrote:
Well, I reckon the Commons is a lousey-housey

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75. At 1:30pm on 02 Jul 2009, Skiron wrote:
AMAZING! Take the masks off, 2+2 does indeed equal 4, not 5.

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76. At 1:30pm on 02 Jul 2009, youngWillz wrote:
Woman on Left (reading aloud from the Chancellor's Statement): "And today, Mr Speaker, I announce a 10% levy on face masks, marker pens, floral patterned blouses and costume jewellery, with a standard charge of £5 now payable for the use of all park benches in England and Wales"

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77. At 1:32pm on 02 Jul 2009, haggis1876 wrote:
"You sunk my battleship!"

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78. At 1:33pm on 02 Jul 2009, SimonRooke wrote:
It says here 'Guaranteed to frighten anyone', now how long is it to Halloween?

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79. At 1:35pm on 02 Jul 2009, youngWillz wrote:
Play Darling Bingo - putting the chance back into chancellor!

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80. At 1:40pm on 02 Jul 2009, youngWillz wrote:
Two votes being registered for Alistair Darling in the race for Deputy Speaker of Hyde Park...

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81. At 1:41pm on 02 Jul 2009, SimonRooke wrote:
Who was that masked man? It's the Loan Arranger.

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82. At 1:42pm on 02 Jul 2009, haggis1876 wrote:
Mask 2

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83. At 1:42pm on 02 Jul 2009, SteeleHawker wrote:
88? Is that how old they think we are, or are they saying we're fat?

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84. At 1:46pm on 02 Jul 2009, MuteJoe wrote:
It may have been a protest, but George was still a teensy bit jealous.

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85. At 1:47pm on 02 Jul 2009, Mill-Ian wrote:
"Can you see a 666 on this bingo card, Gladys?"

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86. At 1:47pm on 02 Jul 2009, SteeleHawker wrote:
So, your reply from Labour is sighed "From the desk of Gordon Brown" and mine from the Conservatives is from "the Cameron Dais"

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87. At 1:48pm on 02 Jul 2009, SteeleHawker wrote:
You can tell Alistair his number's up

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88. At 1:49pm on 02 Jul 2009, Candace9839 wrote:
Actually, Gordo sent us.

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89. At 1:49pm on 02 Jul 2009, SteeleHawker wrote:
Do I like Darling? I don't know, I've never darled.

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90. At 1:50pm on 02 Jul 2009, j-o-n-a-t-h-a-n wrote:

Eyes down:
Two little Duck House's - Number 22
Clickety click, do a house flip - Number 66
Two fat expense claims - Number 88
No trains on the East Coast Line - Number 59

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91. At 1:52pm on 02 Jul 2009, j-o-n-a-t-h-a-n wrote:
I only need 45.
Don't worry with Alistair calling the numbers, we'll all be getting our P45's soon.

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92. At 1:52pm on 02 Jul 2009, youngWillz wrote:
Lady on left: "It says here we are not to think of it as a tax, more an interest free loan, repayable at the option of the borrower. There might be a peerage in it for us!"

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93. At 1:53pm on 02 Jul 2009, funkyhorn wrote:
At the Michael Jackson tribute, two fans are astonished to learn that he had a skin disorder and did not wear a mask!

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94. At 1:53pm on 02 Jul 2009, BeckySnow wrote:
Eyebrow culture

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95. At 1:54pm on 02 Jul 2009, SundayParkGeorge wrote:
Alistair Darling's PR firm took an unorthodox approach when he complained that no-one remembered what he looked like.

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96. At 1:57pm on 02 Jul 2009, sloanequeensparkranger wrote:
luvvies take up Bingo!, "was that two fat ladies 88 Darling"
"no i think it was garden gate no. 8 Darling"

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97. At 1:58pm on 02 Jul 2009, snoozoff wrote:
don't cheat, make your own mistakes!

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98. At 1:59pm on 02 Jul 2009, Moggye wrote:
Snap!

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99. At 1:59pm on 02 Jul 2009, thornton_reed wrote:
'Infiltrate their Governments (check). Soon Xyuqwwe, soon this planet will be ours mwah ha ha'.

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100. At 2:00pm on 02 Jul 2009, snoozoff wrote:
at the top of my head i have no idea if this is correct

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101. At 2:01pm on 02 Jul 2009, snoozoff wrote:
hello darling how are you?
i'm fine darling yourself?

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102. At 2:01pm on 02 Jul 2009, j-o-n-a-t-h-a-n wrote:
Eyes down:
Get your sums wrong - number 11
Hang on by the fingernails - number 10

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103. At 2:02pm on 02 Jul 2009, alangiff wrote:
It's been a long time since anyone looked at me and said, "Hello Darling", me too!

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104. At 2:02pm on 02 Jul 2009, SundayParkGeorge wrote:
That Chancellor is always on my mind.

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105. At 2:03pm on 02 Jul 2009, SundayParkGeorge wrote:
I'm in two minds about this

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106. At 2:04pm on 02 Jul 2009, MuteJoe wrote:
The Mask of Sorrow

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107. At 2:04pm on 02 Jul 2009, BeckySnow wrote:
What are you cooking tonight?

Jerk.

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108. At 2:07pm on 02 Jul 2009, j-o-n-a-t-h-a-n wrote:
Eyes down:
Two and one - forty seven?!!
Six and eight - ninety nine?!!
Seven and three - number nine?!!

Don't worry Joyce, Alistair Darling is the Bingo Caller this afternoon.

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109. At 2:15pm on 02 Jul 2009, blogbuster wrote:
Once you finish redacting the expense sheet, you need to shout '2nd home allowance!"

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110. At 2:15pm on 02 Jul 2009, nolemonade wrote:
No that photo is CAPTAIN Darling with the twitch.
This one's not paid to make a fool of himself...
On second thoughts...

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111. At 2:15pm on 02 Jul 2009, abbotofmelrose wrote:
Venus and Serena Williams compare tactics for Wimbledon

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112. At 2:20pm on 02 Jul 2009, blogbuster wrote:
Tensions mount during MP's Expenses Bingo as Doris and Mavis realise they both only need 'SKY TV' and 'Cheese Sandwich' for a full card.

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113. At 2:21pm on 02 Jul 2009, BeckySnow wrote:
Ann Summers make rubbish pens...

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114. At 2:24pm on 02 Jul 2009, j-o-n-a-t-h-a-n wrote:
Look Mildred, playing Bingo is easy, it's just like voting, you put your X against the right number on the card.
But I don't like any of these numbers on the card.
Like I said, it's just like voting.

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115. At 2:26pm on 02 Jul 2009, honesthulley wrote:
"Proof that Darling really is Two Faced."

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116. At 2:28pm on 02 Jul 2009, honesthulley wrote:
Darlings Face Lift goes drastically wrong."

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117. At 2:29pm on 02 Jul 2009, ADasein wrote:
Neverland...Glastonbury...Westminster...good vibrations...

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118. At 2:33pm on 02 Jul 2009, BeckySnow wrote:
Phillip Schofield's prolific Twittering explained

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119. At 2:35pm on 02 Jul 2009, Tonyhannon22 wrote:
"My agent says the lead in this play could be sweet so let's practice our lines: Misstating for Gordo - Act 1, Scene 1..."

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120. At 2:37pm on 02 Jul 2009, 21gardener wrote:
Look, here we are in episode 1 of Torchwood - I know they've cut the budget, but will anyone believe that we're alien invaders?

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121. At 2:37pm on 02 Jul 2009, Spockter wrote:
It's just more stealth tax on my housey-housey

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122. At 2:38pm on 02 Jul 2009, Magnum Carter wrote:
Santa's list of bad children intercepted.

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123. At 2:39pm on 02 Jul 2009, MuteJoe wrote:
It's a long time since I've seen anybody with an MP on their hat.

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124. At 2:40pm on 02 Jul 2009, Magnum Carter wrote:
Hoards of fans eagerly await their autographs.

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125. At 2:43pm on 02 Jul 2009, Magnum Carter wrote:
...and for the more creative protesters, DIY masks were also available, eyebrows left blank.

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126. At 2:47pm on 02 Jul 2009, ADasein wrote:
Say aunts, any contact with Michael yet?

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127. At 2:49pm on 02 Jul 2009, penny-farthing wrote:
Okay,disguises...check
Sawed-off shotguns....check
Big bag for loot.....check
So where's the nearest Barclays?

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128. At 2:49pm on 02 Jul 2009, webmowgli wrote:
Darling, did you get it?

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129. At 2:50pm on 02 Jul 2009, Kudosless wrote:

With Sacha Baron Cohen now concentrating on his character Bruno, young pretenders unveil their own version of Ali D.

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130. At 2:51pm on 02 Jul 2009, jtotheglo wrote:
"7 Across: A general reduction in availability of loans (6,6)"

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131. At 2:52pm on 02 Jul 2009, Kudosless wrote:

"According to the map, this should be a good place to sit under pigeons"

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132. At 2:52pm on 02 Jul 2009, jtotheglo wrote:
Oh no! We hate the chap, but they'd run out of Murray masks!

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133. At 2:53pm on 02 Jul 2009, abbotofmelrose wrote:
Now how do you fill out these darned expenses forms?

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134. At 2:54pm on 02 Jul 2009, jtotheglo wrote:
Michael Myers invents the clone machine!

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135. At 2:55pm on 02 Jul 2009, Kudosless wrote:

"Have you ever had that feeling you're being watched by badgers?"

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136. At 2:56pm on 02 Jul 2009, jtotheglo wrote:
This'll fool the CCTV cameras!!

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137. At 2:57pm on 02 Jul 2009, MrSnoozy wrote:
the surviving members of the 3 degrees arrived early at the back-benchers fancy dress party...

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138. At 3:01pm on 02 Jul 2009, nadine7346 wrote:
"It says here that if we sit in the Commons a lot of money can be made from getting a second house."

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139. At 3:05pm on 02 Jul 2009, Kudosless wrote:

Having been assured by the Chancellor that the economy was under control, the positioning of the masks offered protection from passing pigs.

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140. At 3:10pm on 02 Jul 2009, Kudosless wrote:

"I didn't say he had seen a tax others missed - I said he should see a taxidermist"

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141. At 3:12pm on 02 Jul 2009, littleDickie wrote:
"Wot's the brief..?"

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142. At 3:15pm on 02 Jul 2009, littleDickie wrote:
"I was thinkin' Matilda, that's a right strange name for a politician."

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143. At 3:16pm on 02 Jul 2009, SteeleHawker wrote:
And, if we promise to keep the peace, they'll let us out of this pillory

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144. At 3:18pm on 02 Jul 2009, littleDickie wrote:
"Now if only this was the old Pongo, we could raise money for a new roof.."

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145. At 3:19pm on 02 Jul 2009, littleDickie wrote:
"Alistar whoo..?"

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146. At 3:19pm on 02 Jul 2009, MrAngrier wrote:
"...top of the shop, Darling's Expenses: one hundred and fifty-one thousand, nine hundred and four."

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147. At 3:19pm on 02 Jul 2009, SteeleHawker wrote:
Alistair's written nothing but lies on this side of the paper, and the true things he's said on the other side

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148. At 3:21pm on 02 Jul 2009, Kudosless wrote:

Satellite TV researchers discuss new Crosby documentary "When Bing Ottacks"

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149. At 3:22pm on 02 Jul 2009, jtotheglo wrote:
It's the Spanish Inquisition! (bet you weren't expecting us)

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150. At 3:24pm on 02 Jul 2009, abbotofmelrose wrote:
Alistair's support team were kept busy redacting his expense claims.

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151. At 3:26pm on 02 Jul 2009, Candace9839 wrote:
Undercover hotel inspectors can be a nefarious bunch

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152. At 3:27pm on 02 Jul 2009, PendragonF wrote:
It's from the RSPB. It says to look out for a new breed of pigeon whose poo is always exactly in the shape of Alistair Darling's face.

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153. At 3:28pm on 02 Jul 2009, PendragonF wrote:
It's so hot I could fry an egg on my hat

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154. At 3:29pm on 02 Jul 2009, eltelsopwith wrote:
Darling's Darlings are the most popular all girl Chancellor tribute act since Lawson's Lovelies.

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155. At 3:31pm on 02 Jul 2009, MuteJoe wrote:
Convinced that he could do a better job, the ladies knock up some Mr. Blobby masks instead.

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156. At 3:36pm on 02 Jul 2009, PendragonF wrote:
We're old age benchioners, you know

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157. At 3:37pm on 02 Jul 2009, Pigtiger wrote:
"Look it clearly says that I was coming as Steve Martin. You were supposed to be Sean Penn..."

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158. At 3:39pm on 02 Jul 2009, sjp1966 wrote:
perhaps if we don't say anything we can claim the winnings as expenses and deceive everyone... you know like some politicians do.

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159. At 3:42pm on 02 Jul 2009, PendragonF wrote:
The Gurkhas had Joanna Lumley, so we should have got Paul McCartney, you know, from Macca Bingo.

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160. At 3:50pm on 02 Jul 2009, Fauconnier wrote:
Actually, I hate bingo, but I do adore a good punch-up

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161. At 3:51pm on 02 Jul 2009, Fauconnier wrote:
Boris Johnson is a big fan of bingo too, but he calls it Domus

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162. At 3:54pm on 02 Jul 2009, Fauconnier wrote:
This note from Mr. Darling is ever so sweet. He ends it with "thanks," and a little kiss. Well, I suppose that's what TAX means.

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163. At 3:54pm on 02 Jul 2009, Lloyd-Barnes wrote:
Wilma its like Bingo only you shout House Of Commons as soon as you have redacted all those dodgy numbers

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164. At 3:57pm on 02 Jul 2009, Rob Falconer wrote:
So I was walking past Debenham's, and I saw this darling little hat ...

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165. At 4:05pm on 02 Jul 2009, Dhanoalot wrote:
Trust me Evelyn. You fill in how much you want in the box, put on the mask and hand it in to the expenses office. Foolproof.

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166. At 4:06pm on 02 Jul 2009, suncrash wrote:
Oh, he's written back! Oh ... I see ... when he said "would you like a facial, Darling?" he didn't mean for us to make our own ...

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167. At 4:10pm on 02 Jul 2009, DiceManCometh wrote:
A competitor looks forlornly on as Darling didn't use the phrase "in fall support of Gordon" in the political bull**** bingo.

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168. At 4:12pm on 02 Jul 2009, DiceManCometh wrote:
After a failed protest, two patrons plot their bootleg bingo parlour.

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169. At 4:16pm on 02 Jul 2009, Lloyd-Barnes wrote:
Although a little late in blooming this year, they were still The Darling Buds of May

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170. At 4:23pm on 02 Jul 2009, DiceManCometh wrote:
Brave broads brainstorm building bootleg bingo barn

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171. At 4:26pm on 02 Jul 2009, suncrash wrote:
"And we'd have gotten away with it if it hadn't been for you pesky kids!"

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172. At 4:27pm on 02 Jul 2009, Scotch-git wrote:

".....Darling, we couldn't give two little ducks....."

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173. At 4:38pm on 02 Jul 2009, bg_ltfc wrote:
Darling Bud's of Dismay

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174. At 4:43pm on 02 Jul 2009, greendogblog wrote:
Edith and Mavis help their little Darling with next year's budget

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175. At 4:54pm on 02 Jul 2009, iansessford wrote:
When they saw the advert for `BUDGET BINGO WITH DARLING`
Prudence and Gladys thought it would be a cheap night with a loved one!

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176. At 5:02pm on 02 Jul 2009, Jodidos wrote:
Edith: You know I have a cousin in the West Indies who cannot stand that Alistair Darling.

Mavis: Jamaica?

Edith: No, she is just a good judge of character.

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177. At 5:13pm on 02 Jul 2009, RPWithey wrote:
"Darling?"
"Yes, Darling?"
"Nothing, Darling, just Darling, Darling."

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178. At 5:15pm on 02 Jul 2009, mpburtt wrote:
If I shout "House" now can I claim his second homes allowance?

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179. At 5:25pm on 02 Jul 2009, boscobilly wrote:
"How do we mark these cards and know who's won?"
"You put an X, checker"

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180. At 5:27pm on 02 Jul 2009, boscobilly wrote:
"I cannot remember who we're protesting about"
"Just think of someone off the top of your head, dear"

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181. At 5:39pm on 02 Jul 2009, Rob Falconer wrote:
And Mr. Darling has the nerve to call us two-faced!

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182. At 5:40pm on 02 Jul 2009, powernumpty wrote:
Members of the elite "decoys against US drones" squad deployed around Westminster use bingo to keep themselves busy.

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183. At 5:45pm on 02 Jul 2009, j-o-n-a-t-h-a-n wrote:
I'm definitely going to complain to Trading Standards. The Salesman told us that wearing one of these increases your intelligence level, but I just can't seem to think at the moment.

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184. At 5:46pm on 02 Jul 2009, frankie4hands wrote:
"It says here that Alistair wasn't the speccy kid with the top hat in Peter Pan".
"Janice I feel a bit foolish".

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185. At 5:52pm on 02 Jul 2009, SimonRooke wrote:
"Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to infiltrate the highest levels of the government and balance the current budget deficit."

"Pass us a Werthers Winnie, I think we'll give this one a miss."

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186. At 6:28pm on 02 Jul 2009, Amin_bin_Adam wrote:
But Darling, I thought you said the expenses would be on the 'House'.

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187. At 6:33pm on 02 Jul 2009, gm_coates wrote:
...and then we are supposed to sing "Move over Darling" and Rock Hudson will appear, mmm Young Man !

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188. At 6:35pm on 02 Jul 2009, gm_coates wrote:
Down in the park the ladies had finally worked out how to get a place on the front bench.

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189. At 6:40pm on 02 Jul 2009, TheRealCatherineO wrote:
"..and your boy Zaphod has grown into a fine young man."

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190. At 6:43pm on 02 Jul 2009, MCW0MBLE wrote:
Well if you're sure that one's Michael, which one's LaToya ?

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191. At 6:44pm on 02 Jul 2009, MCW0MBLE wrote:
Uptown, top Rankin'

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192. At 6:56pm on 02 Jul 2009, SeanieSmith wrote:
Twins Gladys and Ella reunite after 50 years to find they have so much in common.

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193. At 7:15pm on 02 Jul 2009, nerdsunited wrote:
Sorry, the rules say "only Alistair Darling can'T attend the UKIP conference". I need new specs. We're ok.

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194. At 7:32pm on 02 Jul 2009, NorfolkOnce wrote:
Right, the masks got us through Security and into Downing Street, now what? What do your instructions say?

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195. At 7:38pm on 02 Jul 2009, NorfolkOnce wrote:
Right, Question 6: What will be the 'Cash outside banks + private-sector retail bank and building society deposits + Private-sector wholesale bank and building society deposits and Certificate of Deposit' growth in 2010-2011? Shall we put "0%" again?

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196. At 7:45pm on 02 Jul 2009, NorfolkOnce wrote:
I've put 'At this rate, no longer than three months', what did you put Winifred?

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197. At 8:08pm on 02 Jul 2009, dazzle007 wrote:
Talking about Downing Street he 'Begs Eleven'

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198. At 8:08pm on 02 Jul 2009, littleDickie wrote:
"We've done the tip about keeping bird droppings off our hats - now to find one about making shoes easier on our feet..."

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199. At 8:38pm on 02 Jul 2009, ADasein wrote:
Rookies at the Premier Women's Detective Agency imbibe the fine arts of espionage.

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200. At 8:46pm on 02 Jul 2009, NorfolkOnce wrote:
I've put "Gordon Brown's chiropodist", what did you put Winifred?

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201. At 9:07pm on 02 Jul 2009, MJF_dodo wrote:
"It says here that we must not disturb the pair of caterpillars that are sleeping on our masks."

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202. At 9:15pm on 02 Jul 2009, practicingcomedian wrote:
Hey Edith, you think Gordon Brown's watchin'?
Who cares Beryl! I got meself a full house!

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203. At 9:16pm on 02 Jul 2009, TheRealCatherineO wrote:
"I'm having second thoughts about joining the BNP, Ethel, heaven only knows how they're going to fund their agricultural policy."

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204. At 9:18pm on 02 Jul 2009, ADasein wrote:
After years of menial duties, Precious and Makutsi are eager to be promoted to detective.

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205. At 9:34pm on 02 Jul 2009, MJF_dodo wrote:
Lady 1 - "It says here that we get the numbers off Ed."
Lady 2 - "Balls."
Lady 1 - "No. That's what it says."

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206. At 9:39pm on 02 Jul 2009, Wunnunda wrote:
'Well the man handing out the masks said "Vote for Alison Darling", but all I can see is an Alistair Darling"'

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207. At 9:59pm on 02 Jul 2009, kenericm wrote:
When you said "House" was that your nominated residence or your second home?

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208. At 10:40pm on 02 Jul 2009, Stellsie wrote:
I think you're right, 5 across is pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicavolcanoconiosis

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209. At 10:43pm on 02 Jul 2009, Stellsie wrote:
having been banned from the last 2 matches for hooliganism, Betsy and Hyacinth had arranged cunning disguises

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210. At 10:45pm on 02 Jul 2009, Rob Falconer wrote:
I got a full card last weekend at Glastonbury - 'course I had to yell out "Tent"

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211. At 11:00pm on 02 Jul 2009, ColonelHackett wrote:
What with de Knee Job and de Hip Job, de Boob Job and de Bum Job,once we gets de face transplant done me as the full ouse!

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212. At 11:04pm on 02 Jul 2009, Bampyjohn wrote:
Duck and Dive - Number 25

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213. At 11:18pm on 02 Jul 2009, SeanieSmith wrote:
Citizenship Test Part II: British Life and Politics

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214. At 11:31pm on 02 Jul 2009, SeanieSmith wrote:
"Kelly's eye...number one,
Unlucky for some...thirteen,
UK Budget Deficit 2009 (billions)...ninety."

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215. At 11:39pm on 02 Jul 2009, MeFromTheUniverse wrote:
"All I need is this row of back benchers and I'll have a full house"

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216. At 11:45pm on 02 Jul 2009, MeFromTheUniverse wrote:
"Do you really think his plan to lift the recession with bingo winnings is going to work?"

"I don't know, but it's one way to get money to pay back all those expences claims."

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217. At 00:40am on 03 Jul 2009, Alfabetical wrote:
Your number's up, Darling.

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218. At 00:57am on 03 Jul 2009, GMcGlinn wrote:
VAT on certain novelty masks cut to zero percent.

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219. At 02:13am on 03 Jul 2009, nightporter_ wrote:
Oh No it's the Park Bench tax.

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220. At 02:21am on 03 Jul 2009, mikehaz90 wrote:
Look! Someone's drawn two black lines on my mask!

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221. At 02:33am on 03 Jul 2009, mikehaz90 wrote:
Right, so that's Halloween sorted...

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222. At 03:09am on 03 Jul 2009, redalfa147 wrote:
Whilst extras take a well-earned break from filming, the BBC deny budget cuts will affect the scariness of the Cybermen in the next series of Doctor Who.

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223. At 03:22am on 03 Jul 2009, redalfa147 wrote:
Black hat, check. Gold chain, check. Glasses, check. Small red sticker, check. Pink pen, check. Darling mask, check. I tell you Phyllis, diss 'ex-checker' business is easier dan it looks.

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224. At 03:51am on 03 Jul 2009, redalfa147 wrote:
The first exam cheat at the Darling School of Economics is caught on camera. She passes with Honours!

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225. At 03:56am on 03 Jul 2009, MeaganC wrote:
For Ella and Helen, B12 is a saner rescue plan than Darling's.

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226. At 06:46am on 03 Jul 2009, rogueslr wrote:
The Motown tour wasn't going well, so Mary and Diana decided to inject a touch of political satire into the second half of the show.

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227. At 07:25am on 03 Jul 2009, KaptainKaption wrote:
So far I've put "Darling, I've been meaning to tell you this for some time..."

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228. At 07:34am on 03 Jul 2009, KaptainKaption wrote:
It was yo' damnfool idea to join dat stag do jus' to get us a free glass o' rum. What's maa Winston gwaana say when he see me tied to dis ol' fence?

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229. At 07:44am on 03 Jul 2009, KaptainKaption wrote:
This comment was removed because the moderators found it broke the House Rules.
230. At 07:51am on 03 Jul 2009, KaptainKaption wrote:
C'mon Derek, be honest, it looks no more like Trevor McDonald than that other one looked like Alastair Darling. Let's give your Monty Panesar a whirl. There has to be some way of getting past that bl**dy steward.

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231. At 07:54am on 03 Jul 2009, KaptainKaption wrote:
Michael's early attempts to change his looks frequently ended in distressing failure.

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232. At 07:56am on 03 Jul 2009, KaptainKaption wrote:
These torches might have seemed a bargain at the the time, but the instructions don't say which way round you're supposed to hold them.

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233. At 08:23am on 03 Jul 2009, fandango2 wrote:
HM Treasury staff enjoy the sunny weather while preparing GDP forecasts.

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234. At 08:25am on 03 Jul 2009, haggis1876 wrote:
This comment was removed because the moderators found it broke the House Rules.
235. At 08:26am on 03 Jul 2009, Whitbylassie wrote:
When Jean and Rose heard the word 'House', they quickly looked at the list of items on the John Lewis list, but Rose was more in need of a bigger handbag though...

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236. At 08:27am on 03 Jul 2009, GuitarKate wrote:
Borrowing a trick from Jeremy Clarkson, the souped-up mobility scooter gang plot a route with the most speed cameras.

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237. At 08:51am on 03 Jul 2009, peter68 wrote:
'The Darling Buds Affray'

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238. At 08:54am on 03 Jul 2009, peter68 wrote:
The 'Darling Head Mask' - never worry about bird poo again, they'll die of abject boredom before you know it!

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239. At 09:17am on 03 Jul 2009, jamesbowyer wrote:
No Doris, the masks are there in case we need an excuse for getting the numbers wrong......

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240. At 09:18am on 03 Jul 2009, justfor wrote:
They had decided to be ladies of letters, instead of figures.

Unfortunately 'M' and 'P' kept appearing. Nothing they could do?

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241. At 09:28am on 03 Jul 2009, haggis1876 wrote:
The ANC plans to overthrow Mugabi looked set to fail in dramatic style.

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242. At 09:28am on 03 Jul 2009, HughMcKinney wrote:
Final preparations were made to defeat House of Commons security

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243. At 09:33am on 03 Jul 2009, HughMcKinney wrote:
Claims of Jamaica's first double face transplant were ultimately disappointing

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244. At 09:35am on 03 Jul 2009, haggis1876 wrote:
Government bench marking

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245. At 09:47am on 03 Jul 2009, SundayParkGeorge wrote:
The Darling Hoods of Grey

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246. At 09:55am on 03 Jul 2009, haggis1876 wrote:
Face Off meets Driving Miss Daisy

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247. At 09:59am on 03 Jul 2009, hainba wrote:
Eye-brows up for a full house!

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248. At 10:01am on 03 Jul 2009, Lloyd-Barnes wrote:
Facebook denies dumbing down its service for the over 70s

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249. At 10:02am on 03 Jul 2009, omnipotent wrote:
You forgot to carry the one, there GDP balances now!

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250. At 10:11am on 03 Jul 2009, alegrias3 wrote:
"These new flu masks work a treat, Martha - no one has come within 10 yards all day"

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251. At 10:16am on 03 Jul 2009, samanthalodge wrote:
Now if only they had our education , they could get the books to balence!

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252. At 10:19am on 03 Jul 2009, haggis1876 wrote:
Darling doo poo deflecters

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253. At 10:31am on 03 Jul 2009, alegrias3 wrote:
"It's forecast to be grey and miserable tomorrow, Winnie - time to Gordon Brown mask back out?"

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254. At 10:36am on 03 Jul 2009, GirlWeekday wrote:
'Say what you like, but it quite clearly says: "They'll pay attention once they're worn out" - which is why I've got Brown and Miliband in my bag for later.'

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255. At 10:44am on 03 Jul 2009, MrSnoozy wrote:
"Florence, do you have double A batteries on that shopping list? My 'pen' has stopped buzzing"...

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256. At 10:46am on 03 Jul 2009, campaign1 wrote:
A surprise return of the Black & White Minstrels is announced!

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257. At 10:46am on 03 Jul 2009, alegrias3 wrote:
"Do you have the time, Martha?"

"Time? It's high time the shadow chancellor realised that the budget deficit has actually decreased year on year under this Government and I believe our fiscal policies will bring about growth...errrr sorry Ella, I don't know what came over me..."

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258. At 10:48am on 03 Jul 2009, alegrias3 wrote:
"It's forecast to be grey and miserable tomorrow, Winnie - time to get the Gordon Brown mask back out?"

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259. At 10:53am on 03 Jul 2009, mcseaniew wrote:
Hasty provisions were made, as it emerged David Blunkett had chosen Alastair Darling doubles for a council estate trip.

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260. At 10:53am on 03 Jul 2009, mcseaniew wrote:
'Hurry up, Edna, he says he wants this budget in by five.'

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261. At 10:58am on 03 Jul 2009, mcseaniew wrote:
The slowest welders of the week had a nasty forfeit on Friday...

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262. At 11:01am on 03 Jul 2009, Rob Falconer wrote:
Call this a caption competition? Not one single caption moderated!

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263. At 11:02am on 03 Jul 2009, mcseaniew wrote:
The British government taking their lines from Saddam, again

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264. At 11:08am on 03 Jul 2009, redalfa147 wrote:
The Darling Dud Toupee

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265. At 11:09am on 03 Jul 2009, jellyba wrote:
You can have him for the foxtrot if I get Gordon for the Ladies excuse me

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266. At 11:14am on 03 Jul 2009, Rob Falconer wrote:
And Mr. Darling wrote back to say that, if he were to make the game free of all forms of taxation, that might make bingo seem too elitist

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267. At 11:15am on 03 Jul 2009, jellyba wrote:
88 What did he say?

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268. At 11:17am on 03 Jul 2009, ADasein wrote:
"The Nuns of Gaborone".

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269. At 11:27am on 03 Jul 2009, BloggerDom wrote:
Black and Proud. The eyebrows that is.

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270. At 11:48am on 03 Jul 2009, Blondecoluk wrote:
Oh damn, I've just won RBS...

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271. At 11:52am on 03 Jul 2009, Wupperoo wrote:
Unfortunately the regulations for claiming for a second identity held unusual eyebrow restrictions...

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272. At 11:54am on 03 Jul 2009, 1234Gromit wrote:
One is saying "House!"

The other is saying "That's cheating,its your second house & you already flipped it twice!"

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273. At 11:59am on 03 Jul 2009, Dyeb51 wrote:
Brown's Den
Number 10,
or is it 11 I can never remember as they keep flipping

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274. At 12:01pm on 03 Jul 2009, Dyeb51 wrote:
'Oh Julie I think I will have to employ an accountant to work out me tax'

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275. At 12:03pm on 03 Jul 2009, Suze13 wrote:
left lady: Now look you've got all this wrong, look, he said 33 not 23.

Right lady: hmmmm should have gone to specsavers

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276. At 12:04pm on 03 Jul 2009, Dyeb51 wrote:
Pass the Darling to the left hand side

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277. At 12:11pm on 03 Jul 2009, bigjimcooley wrote:
Second house!!!

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278. At 12:21pm on 03 Jul 2009, j-o-n-a-t-h-a-n wrote:
It's a letter from Royal Ascot. Apparently these hats are considered too raunchy for Ladies Day.

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279. At 12:30pm on 03 Jul 2009, eattherich wrote:
Wimbledon 2050. Venus and Serena Williams settle down to watch the Alastair Darling Tribute Match

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280. At 12:34pm on 03 Jul 2009, Dyeb51 wrote:
How you do this on line bingo thing then, I got a line!

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