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Off to see the groundhog?
Yes folks, here we go again, it's Expensesgate Day Six and Paper Monitor is in danger of becoming Punxsutawney Monitor if this goes on much longer.
The overarching line today in today's coverage is that it's "Payback time"... but enough about the war of words between Jordan and Peter Andre. (Hey, why should Paper Monitor be disqualified from recycling old ideas?)
The constituent parts of the Daily Telegraph's coverage are becoming remarkably familiar. The super-sized headline, the portcullis logo, the sultry-looking young woman - scratch that last element. That's just the Telegraph on autopilot.
Burrowing inside, they've ditched yesterday's playful moat/helipad etc motifs but there's that picture again of Hazel Blears in her biker leathers and since today the focus on the Lib Dems you don't have to delve too far before you hit the bare flesh that tends to accompany pictures of Lembit Opik.
The rumour mill is in overdrive with speculation about how much the Telegraph coughed up for the juicy expenses information that has dominated coverage in its pages since last Sunday. One guesstimate in the Press Gazette is a not-to-be-sniffed-at £150,000. The Guardian says unofficial figures reveal it shifted an extra 93,000 copies on Friday alone.
Now, back to Redtopland for the latest in the fall out between Jordan and Peter. The Sun dedicates a two-page spread (online rendition here) to the spat and emboldens just two words in its coverage - "dressage" and "gay". Make of that what you will.
The Mirror features a picture of Andre yesterday in a T-shirt that one of Paper Monitor's colleagues waggishly commented should be grounds alone for a decree nisi.
And the Star - it's just a blizzard of tattoos, bosom and luxuriant hair.
FATUOUS OBSERVATION UPDATE: From the masthead of today's Guardian...
"The River Cafe's dinner for under a fiver.
G2 Page 14