Caption Competition

13:36 UK time, Friday, 15 May 2009

Winning entries in the Caption Competition.

The competition is now closed. Full rules can be seen here [PDF].

This week, it's the cow that ended up in a swimming pool (more details here). But what's being said?

Thanks to all who entered. The prize of a small amount of kudos to the following:

6. eattherich
Daisy to PT Barnum: "Yes the entry was a bit rough but I think we would get away with raising the board another two metres."

5. redalfa147
Ian Thorpe hit by bovine flu.

4. RoyalBeega
"Shall I do the moat whilst I'm at it, Mr Hogg?"

3. youngWillz
Cow: "I'm all right, but James Herriott's still down there!"

2. alegrias3
"Flamin' rock stars... I knew it would be trouble letting The Wurzels stay at the hotel."

1. PendragonF
John regretted buying his beefburgers from Ikea.

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Comments

1. At 12:23pm on 14 May 2009, Rob Falconer wrote:
Rather bovine Government inspector sent to check up on expenses claims for swimming-pool maintenance

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2. At 12:24pm on 14 May 2009, Rob Falconer wrote:
I said I wanted a swimming-pool, not swimming poo

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3. At 12:25pm on 14 May 2009, Rob Falconer wrote:
If this is Oxford, it's a bit of a misnomer

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4. At 12:25pm on 14 May 2009, Rob Falconer wrote:
BSE develops an aquatic strain

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5. At 12:27pm on 14 May 2009, SteeleHawker wrote:
Ah well, there goes my Cowherd of the Year trophy

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6. At 12:28pm on 14 May 2009, SteeleHawker wrote:
Dog breeder develops a new breed of dog that expands exponentially on contact with water

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7. At 12:29pm on 14 May 2009, Skiron wrote:
[The cow] I am not worried about mad cow disease as I am a duck...

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8. At 12:30pm on 14 May 2009, SteeleHawker wrote:
Gosh, this must be the first manatee sighted in Buckinghamshire

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9. At 12:31pm on 14 May 2009, Candace9839 wrote:
I told you I could teach her to swim

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10. At 12:32pm on 14 May 2009, SteeleHawker wrote:
You can lead a cow to water, and you can make it sink

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11. At 12:33pm on 14 May 2009, Candace9839 wrote:
MPs accused of milking it for all its worth

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12. At 12:33pm on 14 May 2009, SteeleHawker wrote:
I don't care if you are a French cow, you're not piscine in there

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13. At 12:33pm on 14 May 2009, Woundedpride wrote:
...and the claim for swimming pool cleaning and cattle husbandry? Well, as an MP devoted to achieving value for money, I think I should be congratulated on my innovative solution at a mere £23,000....

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14. At 12:34pm on 14 May 2009, SteeleHawker wrote:
The local MP was worried how this would look on his expenses claim

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15. At 12:34pm on 14 May 2009, Spockter wrote:
Duncan Good-moo?

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16. At 12:34pm on 14 May 2009, SteeleHawker wrote:
Barbara Woodhouse's eyesight was not as good as it used to be

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17. At 12:34pm on 14 May 2009, Candace9839 wrote:
Interesting flotation device you have there, Perkins

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18. At 12:35pm on 14 May 2009, Woundedpride wrote:
Olympics budget cuts planned

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19. At 12:35pm on 14 May 2009, Spockter wrote:
BSE - British Swimming Establishment?

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20. At 12:35pm on 14 May 2009, SteeleHawker wrote:
Can't you just have a calf the usual way?

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21. At 12:36pm on 14 May 2009, Spockter wrote:
You can lead a horse to water but usually the cows have got there first

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22. At 12:36pm on 14 May 2009, MrSnoozy wrote:
I still say you need a surf board for real Surf and Turf

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23. At 12:36pm on 14 May 2009, Candace9839 wrote:
Chick-fil-A launches new summer ad campaign

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24. At 12:36pm on 14 May 2009, Woundedpride wrote:
Get out? I can't with this photographer here. I'm 'au naturelle', dear boy!

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25. At 12:37pm on 14 May 2009, Spockter wrote:
Dolly was disqualified in the Fresian-style race

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26. At 12:37pm on 14 May 2009, SteeleHawker wrote:
I blame all these medical programmes on television these days - the herd just isn't happy with the natural way of giving birth any more

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27. At 12:37pm on 14 May 2009, Woundedpride wrote:
George thought bigger than most fishermen when it came to bait...

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28. At 12:37pm on 14 May 2009, Candace9839 wrote:
A new low for you, isn't it, Henry?

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29. At 12:37pm on 14 May 2009, snoozoff wrote:
come on man, bring me a decent towel, that blue thing is not good!

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30. At 12:38pm on 14 May 2009, Woundedpride wrote:
Udderwater swimming

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31. At 12:39pm on 14 May 2009, SteeleHawker wrote:
The training regime was tough in Pamplona

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32. At 12:39pm on 14 May 2009, Maggiemaynotbe wrote:
Out here? are you sure? I swear I got in on the udder side.

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33. At 12:39pm on 14 May 2009, Candace9839 wrote:
I wasn't being mean, Diedre, there really is a shallow cow in the pool

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34. At 12:40pm on 14 May 2009, Candace9839 wrote:
Udderly ridiculous?

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35. At 12:40pm on 14 May 2009, nick_fowler wrote:
Silly cow!

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36. At 12:41pm on 14 May 2009, Woundedpride wrote:
What do you mean, 'The doggy paddle isn't my best stroke'?

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37. At 12:41pm on 14 May 2009, aaronboardley wrote:
"You think I'm trouble, wait until you see where the dish and spoon ran away to!"

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38. At 12:42pm on 14 May 2009, nick_fowler wrote:
Tom regretted buying a cheap scare-cow

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39. At 12:43pm on 14 May 2009, Candace9839 wrote:
What was that about bovine perspiration again, dear?

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40. At 12:44pm on 14 May 2009, Didge009 wrote:
"I thought you said this was going to be a walk in the park!"

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41. At 12:44pm on 14 May 2009, Candace9839 wrote:
I told you the cow would work as well as that silly cleaning robot

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42. At 12:44pm on 14 May 2009, nick_fowler wrote:
Terry was doing his utmost not to frighten the cow

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43. At 12:46pm on 14 May 2009, Candace9839 wrote:
Oh, Daddy, can we keep her, PLEEEASE?

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44. At 12:46pm on 14 May 2009, nick_fowler wrote:
Councillor Jefferson had to admit that the "no petting, no bombing" sign did not specifically ban cows

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45. At 12:46pm on 14 May 2009, Candace9839 wrote:
Herd the one about the cow in a swimming pool?

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46. At 12:47pm on 14 May 2009, Nick_Church wrote:
"Diversifying farmers are seen capitalising with solutions to the latest hose-pipe ban"

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47. At 12:47pm on 14 May 2009, Rockahula wrote:
If cows did jobs, no. 346: 'It's just as a I thought - dead leaves in your overflow grating. Pass me my tool bag and I'll go back down and clear 'em out...'

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48. At 12:47pm on 14 May 2009, nick_fowler wrote:
Terrorists left an explosive cow in the Prime Minister's swimming-pool? That's a-bomb-in-a-bull.

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49. At 12:48pm on 14 May 2009, yapparister wrote:
Pool expenses claim investigations reveal Minister's cash cow

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50. At 12:48pm on 14 May 2009, nick_fowler wrote:
Heavy rain threatens to cancel this year's events in Pamplona

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51. At 12:49pm on 14 May 2009, DisgustedOfMitcham2 wrote:
If only I'd been allowed to claim for pool cleaning on expenses, I could have afforded a human to do the job.

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52. At 12:49pm on 14 May 2009, MrSnoozy wrote:
"And that's how you clean a swimming pool" Ermintrude told the lib-dem MP.

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53. At 12:50pm on 14 May 2009, Fauconnier wrote:
I did warn you not to trust your sat nav

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54. At 12:51pm on 14 May 2009, rogueslr wrote:
The evening dress had been a success but Daisy was finding the swim suit section more difficult.

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55. At 12:52pm on 14 May 2009, Fauconnier wrote:
Soon every cow will want its own bidet

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56. At 12:52pm on 14 May 2009, yapparister wrote:
Big dip in UK beef sales confirmed

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57. At 12:53pm on 14 May 2009, MrSnoozy wrote:
George had a secret weapon in this year's Crabbing World Championship.

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58. At 12:53pm on 14 May 2009, Fauconnier wrote:
According to my sat nav, Guv, this should be the cattle market

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59. At 12:53pm on 14 May 2009, NorfolkOnce wrote:
There was a suspicion that this tri-athlete had been on hormone supplements..

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60. At 12:54pm on 14 May 2009, Kudosless wrote:

Another pat on the back for Rebecca Adlington

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61. At 12:55pm on 14 May 2009, Fauconnier wrote:
I'll hold on to him, Ethel - you go and buy more Huggies

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62. At 12:55pm on 14 May 2009, MrSnoozy wrote:
I always knew the "Milka" cow was only painted purple!

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63. At 12:55pm on 14 May 2009, SpringChicky wrote:
Ernie only realise his new patented Cow-Dip was too strong when his fresian came out minus her spots......

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64. At 12:55pm on 14 May 2009, Kudosless wrote:

Bovine costumes must be worn

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65. At 12:56pm on 14 May 2009, NorfolkOnce wrote:
Woops, nearly lost me trunks there..

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66. At 12:57pm on 14 May 2009, Fauconnier wrote:
After yet another failed attempt, Daisy was put on suicide watch

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67. At 12:58pm on 14 May 2009, NorfolkOnce wrote:
That was fun. Can I go off the high board now?

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68. At 12:58pm on 14 May 2009, Kudosless wrote:

Well, I'm not sleeping in the wet patch ...

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69. At 12:58pm on 14 May 2009, SpringChicky wrote:
Lewis couldn't understand it....Delia said to marinate the beef before frying, but it didn't look very appetising.....

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70. At 12:58pm on 14 May 2009, Fauconnier wrote:
Now go and hide, Daisy, whilst I try and sell my pool-cleaning services uo the owner

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71. At 12:59pm on 14 May 2009, Fauconnier wrote:
Cow in pool? That's what most of the MP's are calling theirs after the expense claims fiasco

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72. At 12:59pm on 14 May 2009, sbrobinson wrote:
Due to a shortage of asses, Cleopatra had to make cutbacks.

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73. At 12:59pm on 14 May 2009, rogueslr wrote:
Bob's attempts at an organic solution to algae in his pool failed when Daisy couldn't master grazing and a snorkel.

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74. At 1:01pm on 14 May 2009, Kudosless wrote:

Funny the things one finds when one clears out one's moat

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75. At 1:01pm on 14 May 2009, jearle wrote:
This comment was removed because the moderators found it broke the House Rules.
76. At 1:01pm on 14 May 2009, omnipotent wrote:
Now I can justify that expense claim for cleaning the swimming pool!

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77. At 1:04pm on 14 May 2009, ValerieGanne wrote:
At least when it was only raining cats and dogs, Derek's patio didn't get so badly flooded

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78. At 1:05pm on 14 May 2009, NorfolkOnce wrote:
I dunno Mildred, I think the water is going to have to be a lot hotter if this is going to be ready for dunner..

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79. At 1:05pm on 14 May 2009, NorfolkOnce wrote:
correction:
I dunno Mildred, I think the water is going to have to be a lot hotter if this is going to be ready for dinner..

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80. At 1:06pm on 14 May 2009, Kudosless wrote:

Producer of Genesis video misunderstands lyrics to "Ermintrudeep"

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81. At 1:06pm on 14 May 2009, mikecresswell wrote:
My goodness, its Friesian in there. Ive gone all white.

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82. At 1:07pm on 14 May 2009, ValerieGanne wrote:
Firstly came the plumbers, and now Polish cowherds climb onto dry land after crossing the English Channel

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83. At 1:07pm on 14 May 2009, Kudosless wrote:

How Now Drowned Cow

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84. At 1:08pm on 14 May 2009, ValerieGanne wrote:
Every celebrity has his own pool these days, even Jon Jon Bovine ...

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85. At 1:11pm on 14 May 2009, ValerieGanne wrote:
Luckily Farmer Ted found an old rusting locomotive in his yard, so he borrowed its cow-catcher

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86. At 1:13pm on 14 May 2009, Jordan D wrote:
Turns out the pool cleaner was a proper cow...

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87. At 1:13pm on 14 May 2009, ValerieGanne wrote:
It was Gordon Ramsay's pool, and he would not stop calling the poor creature a heifer

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88. At 1:13pm on 14 May 2009, Jordan D wrote:
The bigger the pet, the bigger the bath.

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89. At 1:13pm on 14 May 2009, paulbarratt1 wrote:
Entry requirements for the new Bovine Crufts seemed a little extreme

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90. At 1:15pm on 14 May 2009, ValerieGanne wrote:
You're not getting out of the barbecue this easily, mate

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91. At 1:15pm on 14 May 2009, yapparister wrote:
Biblical Twitter: Bullrushes pool, Moses leads to freedom.

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92. At 1:15pm on 14 May 2009, Tableturn wrote:
Extensive testing led the cleaner to believe that Barrymore's pool was now safe for human use once again.

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93. At 1:15pm on 14 May 2009, ValerieGanne wrote:
Derek could not believe his luck. "Get the barbecue ready, Ethel," he yelled.

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94. At 1:17pm on 14 May 2009, ValerieGanne wrote:
Derek realised that somebody must have left the back door to McDonald's open again

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95. At 1:18pm on 14 May 2009, ValerieGanne wrote:
Poor Derek had a cow when he saw the mess

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96. At 1:19pm on 14 May 2009, toppotodhunter wrote:
Hey diddle diddle,
While the MPs fiddle,
The Cow didn't quite clear the moon........

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97. At 1:19pm on 14 May 2009, ValerieGanne wrote:
George and Enid could argue until the cows came home, but it was now clearly time to stop

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98. At 1:23pm on 14 May 2009, mad_caesar wrote:
No daisy, get back in, you've only done 10 lengths, how do you expect to win gold with that attitude?

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99. At 1:24pm on 14 May 2009, ValerieGanne wrote:
And get a more expensive lilo next time, will you, Giles? That thing's a death trap.

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100. At 1:26pm on 14 May 2009, ValerieGanne wrote:
Farmer Derek decided to go one better than last year's infamous 'Mars Bar incident' at the local swimming-pool

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101. At 1:26pm on 14 May 2009, ValerieGanne wrote:
Whoops-a-Daisy!

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102. At 1:27pm on 14 May 2009, youngWillz wrote:
Adam Hart-Davies: "And 1980s man saw, just as we have now, that this method was useless for making Gucci shoes and jackets"

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103. At 1:28pm on 14 May 2009, PendragonF wrote:
This comment was removed because the moderators found it broke the House Rules.
104. At 1:29pm on 14 May 2009, PendragonF wrote:
What do you mean, you don't need to come out to go to the toilet now?

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105. At 1:29pm on 14 May 2009, nadine7346 wrote:
I was only practising my udderstroke...

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106. At 1:31pm on 14 May 2009, archyogi wrote:
The director of "Babe 3: Pig in the Pool" was disappointed with the casting director's choice for lead role.

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107. At 1:31pm on 14 May 2009, MJF_dodo wrote:
The second cow bath allowance was 'within the rules' says a government spokesperson.

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108. At 1:33pm on 14 May 2009, archyogi wrote:
"Haha", laughed the other cow from the bushes, "Not laughing now, are you, Dairylea?"

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109. At 1:33pm on 14 May 2009, PendragonF wrote:
Readers discover that the Daily Mail's 4D Sudoku is really a cattle grid

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110. At 1:35pm on 14 May 2009, MJF_dodo wrote:
'Get me out quick, this water is Friesian'

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111. At 1:35pm on 14 May 2009, j-o-n-a-t-h-a-n wrote:
Milk Marketing Board deny diluting milk to increase profits.

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112. At 1:36pm on 14 May 2009, archyogi wrote:
"I'm sorry", thought the onlooker, "but he's going to have to pull a little harder if he going to shift that cow!"

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113. At 1:36pm on 14 May 2009, redbyname wrote:
"I'll catch your shark."

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114. At 1:36pm on 14 May 2009, MJF_dodo wrote:
"Yeah Daisy, all the black patches have come out in the wash."

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115. At 1:36pm on 14 May 2009, PendragonF wrote:
John regretted buying his beefburgers from IKEA

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116. At 1:37pm on 14 May 2009, PendragonF wrote:
In future, I think I'd prefer mine well done, Ethel

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117. At 1:38pm on 14 May 2009, Rhod15 wrote:
"I told you tug of war was a bad idea"

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118. At 1:38pm on 14 May 2009, PendragonF wrote:
John's wife had got the recipe from Gordon Ramsay's "The Heifer Word"

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119. At 1:38pm on 14 May 2009, archyogi wrote:
The credit crunch had really taken its toll on the budget for Jaws 5.

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120. At 1:39pm on 14 May 2009, PendragonF wrote:
It's praying! Holy cow!

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121. At 1:40pm on 14 May 2009, youngWillz wrote:
The most inefficient way to boil beef

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122. At 1:42pm on 14 May 2009, alphaturkey wrote:
Don't just throw me a line... throw me a towel, I'm soaking!

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123. At 1:43pm on 14 May 2009, youngWillz wrote:
Cow: "Forget the string and throw me the lifebuoy!"

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124. At 1:44pm on 14 May 2009, youngWillz wrote:
Cow: "The dip was fine but if you think I'm going on that tiny rotary drier, you've another think coming!!"

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125. At 1:45pm on 14 May 2009, RobsAbdn wrote:
.....of course I'm Friesian!

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126. At 1:46pm on 14 May 2009, Fauconnier wrote:
Captain Ahab, there's a mermaid in our pool

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127. At 1:47pm on 14 May 2009, youngWillz wrote:
Dairy Farmer: "Did you find the butter down there?"

Cow: "No, just the Anchor"

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128. At 1:49pm on 14 May 2009, youngWillz wrote:
Moo-ch Ado About Nothing

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129. At 1:50pm on 14 May 2009, CJSAIDIT wrote:
Maybe these hair extensions are slowing you down in the turn.

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130. At 1:50pm on 14 May 2009, jtotheglo wrote:
Will you just put down that rope and give me a hand!!

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131. At 1:52pm on 14 May 2009, archstinker wrote:

Matt Hayes' new Pike Bait slammed by animal rights groups

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132. At 1:52pm on 14 May 2009, rogueslr wrote:
For the perfect burger, first marinade your beef.

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133. At 1:53pm on 14 May 2009, youngWillz wrote:
David Hasselhoff has gotten awfully old looking don't ya think?

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134. At 1:54pm on 14 May 2009, CJSAIDIT wrote:
Hold on a minute I've got my speedos snagged on the inlet pipe

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135. At 1:54pm on 14 May 2009, peter68 wrote:
It was a case of Bovine Retribution

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136. At 1:56pm on 14 May 2009, ADasein wrote:
It was good?

Vachement bon!

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137. At 1:56pm on 14 May 2009, j-o-n-a-t-h-a-n wrote:
Now that's Extreme Fishing. Eat your heart out Robson Green.

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138. At 1:56pm on 14 May 2009, youngWillz wrote:
Holstein - reaches the parts other dairy cattle cannot reach

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139. At 1:57pm on 14 May 2009, mattcooke91 wrote:
I warned you daisy, if the water turns brown, you're getting out.

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140. At 1:58pm on 14 May 2009, ADasein wrote:
Well, I thought that since the pigs have flown...

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141. At 1:58pm on 14 May 2009, Liverpool's year wrote:
the farmer never realised that cows can produce that much milk...

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142. At 1:59pm on 14 May 2009, TheRealCatherineO wrote:
It's a bit like "cow in a lift" but for lazier students.

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143. At 1:59pm on 14 May 2009, peter68 wrote:
BBC reinvents old series 'In at the deep end'

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144. At 1:59pm on 14 May 2009, youngWillz wrote:
Cow: "I'm all right, but James Herriott's still down there!"

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145. At 2:01pm on 14 May 2009, Candace9839 wrote:
How now drowned cow?

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146. At 2:02pm on 14 May 2009, peter68 wrote:
Daisy's costume had fallen off and she was udderly embarrassed

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147. At 2:03pm on 14 May 2009, youngWillz wrote:
The beast hesitated. Over the man's shoulder she could see SOMETHING. What IT was she didn't know. She had never seen a barbecue before. Silly cow.

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148. At 2:03pm on 14 May 2009, DisgustedOfMitcham2 wrote:
Henrietta the frog was extremely proud of her new disguise, but her preference for watery habitats was in danger of giving the game away.

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149. At 2:03pm on 14 May 2009, Rhod15 wrote:
Daisys ready for the notoriously tricky bike stage at the annual farmyard triathlon

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150. At 2:03pm on 14 May 2009, CJSAIDIT wrote:
Did they just call time for all swimmers with yellow ear tags?

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151. At 2:04pm on 14 May 2009, j-o-n-a-t-h-a-n wrote:
Sorry it took so long to rescue you Daisy - I was given the message "the old cow's fallen in the pool". I thought she'd been at the Gin again.

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152. At 2:04pm on 14 May 2009, peter68 wrote:
Bob's wife was furious.. little Kevin was still unwell, as Bob thought he was asked to fetch the cow pool..

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153. At 2:05pm on 14 May 2009, Rockahula wrote:
'So *that's* what's been blocking the inlet pipe... '

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154. At 2:06pm on 14 May 2009, Candace9839 wrote:
Another fraternity prank, Mildred.

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155. At 2:08pm on 14 May 2009, MJF_dodo wrote:
Daisy's calls for a water-slide fell on DEFRA ears.

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156. At 2:09pm on 14 May 2009, j-o-n-a-t-h-a-n wrote:
Could you pass me a towel please.

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157. At 2:09pm on 14 May 2009, friendlyOssiecat wrote:
If you insist on having your milk chilled then don't you think its about time you bought a fridge?

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158. At 2:09pm on 14 May 2009, omegabtbbba wrote:
You can't keep your milk in the 'fridge like other people?

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159. At 2:10pm on 14 May 2009, Donleavey wrote:
Man crosses cow with chicken, but it still cannot swim.

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160. At 2:10pm on 14 May 2009, mesdale wrote:
The Who tribute band, with Keith Moo

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161. At 2:11pm on 14 May 2009, will_ldn wrote:
Fisherman's tale dismissed as "A load of bull".

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162. At 2:12pm on 14 May 2009, peter68 wrote:
A Moomentary Lapse of Reason

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163. At 2:13pm on 14 May 2009, j-o-n-a-t-h-a-n wrote:
Now this time try a triple reverse somersault and pike, and don't forget to keep your legs straight as you enter the water.

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164. At 2:14pm on 14 May 2009, peter68 wrote:
Reality show # 378 'Cow Olympics'

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165. At 2:14pm on 14 May 2009, chrismsudge6 wrote:
Attention seeking cattle are taking extreme measures to regain the spotlight from their sneezing cousins

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166. At 2:16pm on 14 May 2009, GreenWyvern wrote:
An MP prepares to claim £1000 expenses for cleaning his moat, and £1000 for refurbishing his second cow.

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167. At 2:16pm on 14 May 2009, Fauconnier wrote:
Daisy had been a bit overenthusiastic about kicking the Germans' towels into the pool

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168. At 2:17pm on 14 May 2009, Fauconnier wrote:
Dear Harry Hill, Video enclosed. Please send 250 pounds. Yours faithfully, Farmer Bill

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169. At 2:18pm on 14 May 2009, peter68 wrote:
Although all black markings had turned white, it was clearly Friesian out there

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170. At 2:19pm on 14 May 2009, j-o-n-a-t-h-a-n wrote:

Didn't this used to be a field?
Yes, but since he became an MP......

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171. At 2:21pm on 14 May 2009, jammyrhona wrote:
New British Olympic Swimming coach denies steroid abuse.

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172. At 2:22pm on 14 May 2009, MrSnoozy wrote:
Ermintrude wasn't that fond of George's novel way of checking the chlorine content of the pool and secretly 'topped up' the water level everytime....

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173. At 2:24pm on 14 May 2009, fbxiii wrote:
Daisy started out with Black spots until she was put through the purification process.

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174. At 2:25pm on 14 May 2009, fbxiii wrote:
Following the purification process, Farmer Giles was ordered to paint the black spots back onto Daisy in case it caused offence.

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175. At 2:27pm on 14 May 2009, fbxiii wrote:
The Eunuch had got his wires crossed when Cleopatra asked him to fill her bath with Milk.

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176. At 2:27pm on 14 May 2009, Fauconnier wrote:
The only people who would listen when Gerald phoned up about the cow in his swimming-pool were the AA - and that was Alcoholics Anonymous

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177. At 2:28pm on 14 May 2009, fbxiii wrote:
"And for my next trick, I will perform a triple backwards somersault"

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178. At 2:31pm on 14 May 2009, jonlmbarnes wrote:
Washing her was the easy part. But how to hang her on that tiny washing line?

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179. At 2:32pm on 14 May 2009, jonlmbarnes wrote:
"Noah's Ark reproduction launch disaster"

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180. At 2:32pm on 14 May 2009, billcam wrote:
Channel Five's remake of Bonanza is slammed for its production values

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181. At 2:33pm on 14 May 2009, alykat730 wrote:
"A cow in your swimming pool you say? Pull the udder one."

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182. At 2:33pm on 14 May 2009, fbxiii wrote:
Ron Pickering just couldnt resist shouting "Away you go!". Unfortunately, Daisy the trained cow, just couldnt resist playing with the inflatables either.

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183. At 2:33pm on 14 May 2009, jonlmbarnes wrote:
Getting the cow out of the pool was the easy part. Getting the goats out of those huge trees was a whole other matter...

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184. At 2:35pm on 14 May 2009, fbxiii wrote:
"Yesterday, I threw my dog in the sea. I just cant seem to scruff this cow though"

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185. At 2:36pm on 14 May 2009, senojnerrad wrote:
Oxo and The Fountain Of Youth are not a good mix.

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186. At 2:37pm on 14 May 2009, fbxiii wrote:
Geoff MOOn was not content with just having his snout in the trough, so he put his cow in aswell.

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187. At 2:38pm on 14 May 2009, Helenepitpony wrote:
Olympics shocked as one member of the Bulgarian synchronised swimming team tests positive for recombinant bovine somatotropin.

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188. At 2:38pm on 14 May 2009, billcam wrote:
"Mable! Do you know there's a cow in our pool?"
...."No dear, but if you hum it, i'll join in on the chorus"

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189. At 2:41pm on 14 May 2009, ADasein wrote:
Clara thought she'd go for a moo's cruise.

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190. At 2:41pm on 14 May 2009, lpoc2205 wrote:
"Play Moo - Dorset Summer Edition"

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191. At 2:42pm on 14 May 2009, ADasein wrote:
Ole, Charolais!

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192. At 2:43pm on 14 May 2009, NorfolkOnce wrote:
If you *are* going to visit that china shop, you need to get fit..

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193. At 2:50pm on 14 May 2009, Rockahula wrote:
'Don't flush yet, I haven't finished....'

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194. At 2:54pm on 14 May 2009, Fauconnier wrote:
The ruddy pool was a cowshed on my sat nav

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195. At 2:54pm on 14 May 2009, bmerren wrote:
Tarzan Tripes

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196. At 2:55pm on 14 May 2009, mikehaz90 wrote:
Get me out! It's Fresian in here!

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197. At 2:55pm on 14 May 2009, jtotheglo wrote:
How to stop The Laughing Cow!

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198. At 2:55pm on 14 May 2009, fbxiii wrote:
Mooooooove over. Im coming in.

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199. At 2:56pm on 14 May 2009, Fauconnier wrote:
Agatha was going to have to get Ernest a hearing-aid, and then order the freesias for the garden herself

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200. At 2:56pm on 14 May 2009, fbxiii wrote:
Gertrude was in training for next years Boston Tea party.

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201. At 2:56pm on 14 May 2009, bmerren wrote:
Keith Roller drives his Moo into his pool.

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202. At 2:58pm on 14 May 2009, Fauconnier wrote:
It was bad news for Kennedy - the Bay of Pigs crisis was escalating

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203. At 2:58pm on 14 May 2009, CJSAIDIT wrote:
Try to keep your legs tucked in on the entry, the judges will mark you down if there is too much of a splash

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204. At 2:59pm on 14 May 2009, Rockahula wrote:
'Give me a hand out will you, Mike? I've gotta say, organising a pool party for my birthday was a great idea - I'm having the most fantastic time and the kids are loving every minute of it and... hang on: is - is that what I think it is on the barbecue? And actually, where *are* the kids??'

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205. At 3:00pm on 14 May 2009, Candace9839 wrote:
Tracey Emin's bold moo concept

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206. At 3:01pm on 14 May 2009, Fauconnier wrote:
Oh, Jackie, I did tell you to go easy on those steer-oids

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207. At 3:01pm on 14 May 2009, fbxiii wrote:
Mr Ryders wife: "MARK!!! There is a cow in the swimming pool. No Bull!"

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208. At 3:02pm on 14 May 2009, fbxiii wrote:
The one that got away was this big

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209. At 3:05pm on 14 May 2009, joseph_ball wrote:
Tom had a feeling there was something wrong with his new guide dog, but he just couldn't quite put his finger on it...

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210. At 3:08pm on 14 May 2009, bmerren wrote:
Cattle teach him! He nHeifer Herd any further complaints after Steer-ing him into the Freisian pool.

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211. At 3:10pm on 14 May 2009, penny-farthing wrote:
Daisy's swimming partner,Dolly the sheep,had not been shorn and unfortunately sank to her demise at the deep end.

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212. At 3:10pm on 14 May 2009, Tableturn wrote:
NHS Care Homes criticised for wasting money on "pointless and extravagant" entertainment for residents.

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213. At 3:11pm on 14 May 2009, bmerren wrote:
WARNING: Too much chlorine can turn Fresian to Charolais!

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214. At 3:14pm on 14 May 2009, Rockahula wrote:
'Well, there's good news and bad news. The good news is, I know what's blocking your inlet pipe. The bad news is that I think I know why you haven't seen your prize ferret for a few weeks...'

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215. At 3:16pm on 14 May 2009, supermatt6000 wrote:
Katie Price was taking the divorce worse than expected.

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216. At 3:17pm on 14 May 2009, supermatt6000 wrote:
Trust the BBC to come up with "Cow rescued from a swimming pool"! I wanted a REAL headline!

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217. At 3:18pm on 14 May 2009, supermatt6000 wrote:
See! No room for you on the Ark!

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218. At 3:19pm on 14 May 2009, Maggiemaynotbe wrote:
Well I think I got the freestyle off pat that time.

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219. At 3:20pm on 14 May 2009, wordgloss wrote:
We're going to need a bigger boat.......!!!

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220. At 3:20pm on 14 May 2009, supermatt6000 wrote:
Martha, you'll never guess what I caught this weekend! No, and it DIDN'T get away this time! I was telling the truth all along! Don't you dare put me back in that home!

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221. At 3:23pm on 14 May 2009, supermatt6000 wrote:
There, I've got in, now it's your turn!

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222. At 3:25pm on 14 May 2009, jataomm wrote:
But I always wanted to be a water buffalo.

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223. At 3:27pm on 14 May 2009, supermatt6000 wrote:
Q was forced to reassess the design of his crocidile sub for the 21st century, due to overfishing.

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224. At 3:29pm on 14 May 2009, supermatt6000 wrote:
Freddie Flintoff could've sworn that it was a pedalo just a few hours earlier...

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225. At 3:32pm on 14 May 2009, Mute Joe wrote:
Liam and Noel finally agreed that a Rolls-Royce might be better.

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226. At 3:34pm on 14 May 2009, fbxiii wrote:
"phew, might hit the sauna next"

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227. At 3:35pm on 14 May 2009, fbxiii wrote:
Quick Gertrude, get out before the 'elf & safety brigade arrive.

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228. At 3:37pm on 14 May 2009, fbxiii wrote:
Farmer Ted eventually found a swimming pool that allowed Heavy Petting.

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229. At 3:43pm on 14 May 2009, Candace9839 wrote:
EU calls for stricter hygiene standards regarding milk production

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230. At 3:46pm on 14 May 2009, MrSnoozy wrote:
"I'm soooo sorry, we were just playing that turn around with a broom on your nose game, and I completely lost my balance...."

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231. At 3:47pm on 14 May 2009, georgehh wrote:
Hey diddle diddle...

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232. At 3:47pm on 14 May 2009, Tableturn wrote:
NHS Care Homes accused of wasting money on "pointless and extravagant" entertainment for residents.

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233. At 3:48pm on 14 May 2009, fbxiii wrote:
Stuart Jackson: "Are you sure this is going to cost £304? Dont worry, the taxpayer will foot the bill anyway".

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234. At 3:48pm on 14 May 2009, Candace9839 wrote:
Teach a surrealist to fish and he paints for a lifetime

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235. At 3:48pm on 14 May 2009, Tableturn wrote:
This was the last time Ted would holiday at Butlins.

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236. At 3:51pm on 14 May 2009, Tableturn wrote:
Team GB's medal hopes for 2012 were dashed, when it was discovered the synchronized swimming team had let themselves go a little.

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237. At 3:54pm on 14 May 2009, honestAFCCanadian wrote:
We have all the ingredients, so why aren't we being nominated for the Turner prize?

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238. At 3:57pm on 14 May 2009, andyshtam wrote:
'Racist' Cravendale cow under police protection after attempt on life

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239. At 4:00pm on 14 May 2009, rogueslr wrote:
And if I catch you playing pool with that cow again we're heading for a divorce!

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240. At 4:07pm on 14 May 2009, acrobaticWonderPhil wrote:
Having seen the cat, the fiddle and the cow successully clearing the moon in one almighty leap, the little dog was less impressed at the aforementioned cow's subsequent landing and didn't even bother to stay around to see the dish running away with the spoon....

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241. At 4:11pm on 14 May 2009, GirlWeekday wrote:
Farmer Ryder had heard swimming was good for your calves

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242. At 4:13pm on 14 May 2009, Mute Joe wrote:
I don't care how silly I look, I'm NOT diving in!

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243. At 4:18pm on 14 May 2009, mycrazydrummer wrote:
Ok .............. who moved the grass ? !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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244. At 4:19pm on 14 May 2009, Candace9839 wrote:
Merrill Lynch unveils new logo

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245. At 4:20pm on 14 May 2009, jtotheglo wrote:
Jumping the moon is never the tricky part...

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246. At 4:22pm on 14 May 2009, MJF_dodo wrote:
"I'm sorry but Katie's keeping the swimming pool and Peter's taking you as a reminder."

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247. At 4:22pm on 14 May 2009, redder-than-thou wrote:
"Exams dumbing down, eh? Try getting your bronze medallion these days, it's murder!"

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248. At 4:26pm on 14 May 2009, Candace9839 wrote:
"We're serious about lean beef"

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249. At 4:28pm on 14 May 2009, Fauconnier wrote:
You haven't been right since that holiday to Mexico

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250. At 4:29pm on 14 May 2009, Candace9839 wrote:
Elsie was finding boot camp quite gruelling, but she was determined to look her best for her big comeback

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251. At 4:30pm on 14 May 2009, jataomm wrote:
Ermintrude regretted her premature decision to remove the arm bands.

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252. At 4:31pm on 14 May 2009, Izanagi wrote:
Sick of all the attention pigs and swine flu was getting, one cow decides to take action and attempt to catch a cold.

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253. At 4:33pm on 14 May 2009, SheffTim wrote:
All together now:

"There ain't no telling who ya might meet
A movie star or may be even an Indian Chief
Working At the cow wash
Working at the cow wash, girl
Come on and sing it with me
Cow wash
Sing it with the feeling ya'll
Cow wash,
Cow wash,
working at the cow wash girl."

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254. At 4:36pm on 14 May 2009, jtotheglo wrote:
That's not water, it's bleach!

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255. At 4:37pm on 14 May 2009, Candace9839 wrote:
When I said 'Holy Cow', I didn't mean you had to baptise her.

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256. At 4:39pm on 14 May 2009, Izanagi wrote:
Sales pitch for new pool not a great success.

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257. At 4:40pm on 14 May 2009, fbxiii wrote:
Thats the first time ive seen a meatball try and eat the spaghetti.

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258. At 4:41pm on 14 May 2009, fbxiii wrote:
Mr Ryder was having a bad purple rinse day.

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259. At 4:41pm on 14 May 2009, Izanagi wrote:
Some couples will do anything for a bit of media attention.

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260. At 4:42pm on 14 May 2009, fbxiii wrote:
Sorry, I must be in the wrong place. I was looking for a poolside baaaaa.

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261. At 4:43pm on 14 May 2009, fbxiii wrote:
Mr Ryder: "Are you OK gertrude, have you got Mad cows disease?". Gertrude: "Of course not! Im a boat".

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262. At 4:45pm on 14 May 2009, campaign1 wrote:
Suddenly the cheap jacuzzi kit didn't look such a bargain!

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263. At 4:47pm on 14 May 2009, fbxiii wrote:
Gordon Ramsay thought the oxtail soup was far too runny and a bit on the lumpy side.

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264. At 4:47pm on 14 May 2009, campaign1 wrote:
Wife (out of shot)I said I wanted to bathe in milk, not swim in it!

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265. At 4:49pm on 14 May 2009, tonysibley wrote:
"Er Joan, there's too much Chlorine in the pool... We're going to have to rename Spots.."

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266. At 4:49pm on 14 May 2009, SundayParkGeorge wrote:
Farmer shows off his technique for adding water to the milk at source

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267. At 4:53pm on 14 May 2009, Candace9839 wrote:
Oh alright, she sank. No flame broiling for you then.

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268. At 4:54pm on 14 May 2009, fbxiii wrote:
Micheal Barrymore had the shock of his life when he woke up in the morning after his party. Unfortunately, so did Gertrude. She thought the vet had been round to visit.

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269. At 4:54pm on 14 May 2009, SundayParkGeorge wrote:
If Mick Channon could train horses after giving up football, Bob Wilson thought he would go one better and train cows.

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270. At 4:57pm on 14 May 2009, Candace9839 wrote:
The new craze in cow tipping was a headache for pool owners everywhere around the county

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271. At 5:06pm on 14 May 2009, The_Bob_Glasgow wrote:
Rehearsals for Cow Lake were not going well...

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272. At 5:21pm on 14 May 2009, peter68 wrote:
Cow jacuzzis just never caught on

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273. At 5:23pm on 14 May 2009, peter68 wrote:
Following a bizarre accident, Beryl lay squashed on the pool floor, but at least his beloved Daisy was ok

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274. At 5:27pm on 14 May 2009, ThunderCat8 wrote:
Andrew Lloyd Webber was really pulling out all the stops for this year's Eurovision entry.

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275. At 5:28pm on 14 May 2009, nhinton1 wrote:
I'm sure it showed more deck chairs in the brochure?

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276. At 5:33pm on 14 May 2009, funkyhorn wrote:
Ten years on and Duncan Bannatyne is still the main steak holder in the leisure industry!

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277. At 5:34pm on 14 May 2009, ADasein wrote:
S'orroit fer sum, innit!

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278. At 5:38pm on 14 May 2009, Spockter wrote:
When asked if it was deep she said it was certainly pasteurise

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279. At 5:40pm on 14 May 2009, ADasein wrote:
Well, I thought, since my husband's swanning it at Bullring Birmingham...

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280. At 5:43pm on 14 May 2009, peter68 wrote:
Bob cursed at ever scoring over 21 with 3 darts at the fairground, as it always used to mean winning a goldfish....

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281. At 5:46pm on 14 May 2009, peter68 wrote:
So that's what the Teenage Mutant Turtles meant by 'Cowabunga!'

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282. At 5:50pm on 14 May 2009, peter68 wrote:
After looking a gift horse in the mouth and counting chickens before they hatched, Bob was not prepared to wait for Daisy to come home

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283. At 5:53pm on 14 May 2009, Candace9839 wrote:
No, I specifically said I wanted one with spots

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284. At 6:06pm on 14 May 2009, DougieLawson wrote:
The new ferry service was supposed to be Cowes to Poole. Not cow to pool.

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285. At 6:28pm on 14 May 2009, Kipson wrote:
Get you out? Deep end on it!

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286. At 6:29pm on 14 May 2009, sooners06 wrote:
Its hard to get mooing without your 'udder in the water.

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287. At 6:32pm on 14 May 2009, supermatt6000 wrote:
Gordon Brown learns to swim, for a mere £23000 within the rules and regulations of the Commons and the RSPCA.

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288. At 6:33pm on 14 May 2009, Maggiemaynotbe wrote:
Sorry George. I'm afraid that rumour about a cache of treasure at the bottom of your pool is just a load of old bull.

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289. At 6:39pm on 14 May 2009, sooners06 wrote:
Water safety tip No. 4: "Steer" clear of hazards by keeping your 'udder in the water.

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290. At 6:40pm on 14 May 2009, rogueslr wrote:
Bill hadn't really thought about the design of his drive through cow wash.

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291. At 6:40pm on 14 May 2009, Fauconnier wrote:
It's a ja-cowsy

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292. At 6:41pm on 14 May 2009, Scotch-git wrote:
...and you thought cows were black and white.....

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293. At 6:49pm on 14 May 2009, Rob Falconer wrote:
Derek found that running a dairy was just not as exciting as Miss Bridget Jones made out

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294. At 6:50pm on 14 May 2009, Vicky S wrote:
My udder pool has a wave machine.

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295. At 6:54pm on 14 May 2009, nerdsunited wrote:
Sorry I don't have a towel, I'll just hang you up on the washing line to dry.

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296. At 6:55pm on 14 May 2009, Vicky S wrote:
Secret photos show that sniffer cow training for the 2012 Swimming Events is progressing well.

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297. At 6:58pm on 14 May 2009, ladyAshblogger wrote:
Moochos gracias, thank God I'm a cow and not a pig.

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298. At 7:00pm on 14 May 2009, Vicky S wrote:
Following their success with the Portuguese Water puppy Michelle and Barack think of a way to increase their appeal with the mid-west farmers.

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299. At 7:00pm on 14 May 2009, Dragndrop wrote:
Right, that's the ice cream sorted out. Now try a belly flop to see if you can produce instant curds.

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300. At 7:05pm on 14 May 2009, Vicky S wrote:
If David Walliams could do it, thought Jim, with a totally illogical flash of inspiration..........

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301. At 7:07pm on 14 May 2009, Vicky S wrote:
Clarabelle refused to come out of the pool after the elastic in her bikini bottoms gave way.

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302. At 7:09pm on 14 May 2009, Vicky S wrote:
My Very Special Cow Calendar 2009. Miss July.

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303. At 7:34pm on 14 May 2009, rogueslr wrote:
Bill was so impressed with Daisy's Dunkirk spirit that he broke into a spontaneous rendition of 'Veal meat again'.

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304. At 7:38pm on 14 May 2009, CJSAIDIT wrote:
Pull on that rope again and you'll be using the pool scoop later!

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305. At 7:46pm on 14 May 2009, jollyjb123jb wrote:
'Cold' It's damn Friesian!

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306. At 7:52pm on 14 May 2009, jollyjb123jb wrote:
Is that a Milk Float?

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307. At 7:54pm on 14 May 2009, jollyjb123jb wrote:
It looks higher when you're up there.

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308. At 7:58pm on 14 May 2009, sl4dude wrote:
The laughing cow wasn't laughing anymore after finding a whole new meaning to the term "cheese dipper"

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309. At 8:05pm on 14 May 2009, SundayParkGeorge wrote:
He's making a pig's ear of that...

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310. At 8:11pm on 14 May 2009, ADasein wrote:
There're so many hot sparks hereabouts, what's a roguedame like me to do but...chill...

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311. At 8:17pm on 14 May 2009, Candace9839 wrote:
Blimey, how long did you say it had been since you cleaned your pool?

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312. At 8:25pm on 14 May 2009, Dragndrop wrote:
Do you think you could stop singing "Rawhide" now?

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313. At 8:34pm on 14 May 2009, Jethromope wrote:
Successful splashdown after jumping over the moon attempt.

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314. At 8:44pm on 14 May 2009, littleDickie wrote:
"Thanks for the lift, man. Now can you get behind and push?"

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315. At 8:45pm on 14 May 2009, littleDickie wrote:
...and the cow says.."Is it my bum that's too big..?

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316. At 8:51pm on 14 May 2009, Rob Falconer wrote:
My balloon's burst!

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317. At 8:52pm on 14 May 2009, Rob Falconer wrote:
Sea-fishing was always fun at Sellafield

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318. At 8:54pm on 14 May 2009, Rob Falconer wrote:
Ted was so proud - after fifty years in dairy farming, he had been awarded the BSE

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319. At 8:58pm on 14 May 2009, generalhague wrote:
Conservative MP for Little Wippingthorpe: "I'll never get this on expenses"

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320. At 9:00pm on 14 May 2009, generalhague wrote:
Although Gerald's wife had BSE for many years now, she still liked her daily bath.

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321. At 9:23pm on 14 May 2009, Rob Falconer wrote:
Farmer Ted regretted planting cowslips by the pool

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322. At 9:23pm on 14 May 2009, jataomm wrote:
Bert's experiments in hydroponic cattle rearing were deemed a success.

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323. At 9:27pm on 14 May 2009, SundayParkGeorge wrote:
This role play has got to stop. No, I'm not sacred, this is not the Nile, and you're definitely NOT Cleopatra.

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324. At 9:29pm on 14 May 2009, fionapar wrote:
Bill realised that his 'cash-cow' idea was nearly dead in the water....but perhaps he could still get away with the goggles and Speedo claim

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325. At 9:38pm on 14 May 2009, fionapar wrote:
On reflection, Buttercup decided to keep the pool as her second home and stick to the constituency shed as main.

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326. At 9:38pm on 14 May 2009, Dragndrop wrote:
Are you my Italian opera singer?

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327. At 9:40pm on 14 May 2009, fionapar wrote:
'I feel a bit washed out - can cows get swine flu?'

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328. At 9:44pm on 14 May 2009, fionapar wrote:
'Breast atroke is a bit complicated with multiple udders - I'll try crawl next time'

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329. At 9:44pm on 14 May 2009, rogueslr wrote:
Auditions for Flipper's stunt double weren't going well.

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330. At 9:46pm on 14 May 2009, fionapar wrote:
'Breast stroke is a bit complicated with multiple udders - I'll try crawl next time' (spelling correction)

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331. At 9:50pm on 14 May 2009, Dragndrop wrote:
Captain Ahab found it difficult to retire completely from the sea.

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332. At 9:53pm on 14 May 2009, fionapar wrote:
Buttercup and Bill in secret rehearsals for 'Strictly Come Swimming'

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333. At 10:06pm on 14 May 2009, Blythy_vxR wrote:
The yellow light was flashing, but daisy wasn't listening. So emergency measures were called for.

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334. At 10:09pm on 14 May 2009, SundayParkGeorge wrote:
You make a mistake with those ropes and there's trouble. To err may be human, but to forgive is NOT bovine

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335. At 10:10pm on 14 May 2009, Nzie12 wrote:
Even Henry's wife was surprised at the lengths he'd go to get the freshest frozen yogurt.

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336. At 10:13pm on 14 May 2009, Rockahula wrote:
She could tread water, do ten lengths and swim in pyjamas, but in the absence of opposable thumbs, Daisy was never going to get that brick off the bottom of the pool. That elusive green badge would have to wait for another day...

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337. At 10:24pm on 14 May 2009, Hobbitmorley wrote:
I expect you're going to tan my hide for this!

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338. At 10:24pm on 14 May 2009, MightyGiddyUpGal wrote:
George's cunning plan for a cattle drive hits a snag

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339. At 10:29pm on 14 May 2009, MightyGiddyUpGal wrote:
It's my own fault, really. I took the usual precautions of a flotation device, sunscreen and rubber soled shoes, but I quite forgot my cattle prod.

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340. At 10:35pm on 14 May 2009, Dan-H-Bowen wrote:
" I told you, I'm just no good at Doggy paddle "

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341. At 10:45pm on 14 May 2009, nosniknej wrote:
"Come on, Bessie! We've got to get you trained up for 2012"

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342. At 10:48pm on 14 May 2009, MightyGiddyUpGal wrote:
I wanted a Labrador, she wanted something more practical, so we got Bessie. Fetches just fine, but we're still working out a few issues.

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343. At 11:38pm on 14 May 2009, robmoo wrote:
See, Hoff, letting yourself go so much really hasn't helped 'Baywatch returns', has it?

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344. At 11:39pm on 14 May 2009, Rockahula wrote:
Within minutes, Daisy would vanish beneath the surface, never to be seen again, the latest in a long line of victims of the Dairylea Triangle.

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345. At 11:45pm on 14 May 2009, Maggiemaynotbe wrote:
You feeling chilly, Daisy - you like me to fetch you a jersey?

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346. At 00:39am on 15 May 2009, MightyGiddyUpGal wrote:
And so was born the legend of Booa-Ushtey

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347. At 00:46am on 15 May 2009, MightyGiddyUpGal wrote:
Ben and Jerry's new video was off to a dodgy start

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348. At 00:57am on 15 May 2009, GMcGlinn wrote:
Indian Cow pulls face like an Indian Cow while jumping into pool.

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349. At 02:03am on 15 May 2009, Tableturn wrote:
Out of the Oval Office, and well into his retirement, George W Bush experiences some difficulties trying keeping himself amused.

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350. At 02:14am on 15 May 2009, MightyGiddyUpGal wrote:
My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard...

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351. At 02:23am on 15 May 2009, nightporter_ wrote:
You were right all along, I should have worn that swimming nappy.

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352. At 02:23am on 15 May 2009, ARoseByAnyOther wrote:
Just a cow?! Hath not a cow eyes? Hath not a cow ears? Hath not a cow horns? If you prick us, do we not draw blood? If you milk us, do we not moo?

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353. At 02:29am on 15 May 2009, ARoseByAnyOther wrote:
Now that I've got your attention, can we try Cinderella's slipper on my hoof again?

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354. At 02:31am on 15 May 2009, nightporter_ wrote:
What did you expect to see on a Health Farm?

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355. At 03:29am on 15 May 2009, nightporter_ wrote:
Cow: Quick, go get your camcorder, this could be worth 250 quid each on "You've been Framed"

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356. At 04:00am on 15 May 2009, frigorifico wrote:
Ya see, that branding didn't hurt so much now, did it.

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357. At 04:49am on 15 May 2009, redalfa147 wrote:
I think there's a bit too much chlorine, I was a Jersey brown before I went in there.

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358. At 04:55am on 15 May 2009, redalfa147 wrote:
The River Cottage triathlon gets under-way.

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359. At 04:56am on 15 May 2009, redalfa147 wrote:
Hugh Fearnley Whittingstall's idea of a good pool party.

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360. At 05:00am on 15 May 2009, redalfa147 wrote:
Man tries forecasting outcome of polar ice-sheet melting with Polar Bear stand-in.

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361. At 05:03am on 15 May 2009, redalfa147 wrote:
Are you SURE this is on page 34 of "Seks"?

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362. At 05:04am on 15 May 2009, redalfa147 wrote:
...and as an MP I can claim back the expenses for this.

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363. At 05:08am on 15 May 2009, redalfa147 wrote:
Defence Equipment Minister Quentin Davies reveals the Army's new amphibious all-terrain equipment.

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364. At 05:14am on 15 May 2009, redalfa147 wrote:
Ian Thorpe hit by bovine flu.

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365. At 05:15am on 15 May 2009, redalfa147 wrote:
I wonder if he'll notice if I do a little wee.

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366. At 07:50am on 15 May 2009, Whitbylassie wrote:
Ah, yes, well.. it just looked too inviting you see..

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367. At 08:07am on 15 May 2009, SeanieSmith wrote:
"These new welfare standards for free-range beef are really hitting the business. Back rub, Daisy...?"

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368. At 08:11am on 15 May 2009, nickson1 wrote:
Professional Triathelete Daisy always found the transition from swim to cycle a struggle.

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369. At 08:15am on 15 May 2009, SeanieSmith wrote:
"Lazy cow? I'll have you know I've just done 10 lengths!"

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370. At 08:15am on 15 May 2009, supasupermam wrote:
"I dived in and my bikini just came off!"

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371. At 08:18am on 15 May 2009, SeanieSmith wrote:
"Out we come now - you know how fussy those hotel inspectors can be."

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372. At 08:27am on 15 May 2009, jarlaberg wrote:
"About time, I was Friesian in there!"

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373. At 08:27am on 15 May 2009, nickson1 wrote:
After discovering that there was a bovine component in the Human Genome, the Sun Newspaper headline reads "Cow in Johns Pool."

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374. At 08:30am on 15 May 2009, SeanieSmith wrote:
"Swimming on a day like this? You must be mad..."

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375. At 08:32am on 15 May 2009, Rob Falconer wrote:
You can get your own ruddy soap next time

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376. At 08:33am on 15 May 2009, Rob Falconer wrote:
Cow-on-a-rope wasn't selling as well as soap-on-a-rope

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377. At 08:38am on 15 May 2009, RMutt-Urinal wrote:
Heston had decided to take the 'pick your own lobster' idea a little further.

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378. At 08:42am on 15 May 2009, RMutt-Urinal wrote:
Finally, Tommy Steele's got what he wanted.

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379. At 08:42am on 15 May 2009, peter68 wrote:
Cindy Crawford had let herself go since modelling finished, buy you should see Claudia ScHeifer!

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380. At 08:46am on 15 May 2009, Rob Falconer wrote:
There's many a slip twixt cow and dip

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381. At 08:47am on 15 May 2009, Rob Falconer wrote:
The Boeuf a la Chlorine was coming on nicely

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382. At 08:49am on 15 May 2009, Rob Falconer wrote:
The cow still couldn't understand that Neil was its name

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383. At 08:50am on 15 May 2009, Rob Falconer wrote:
No, Darling, we're off to China, remember? I said we're going to Hangchow tomorrow.

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384. At 08:51am on 15 May 2009, Rob Falconer wrote:
Animal activists are enraged to find how Oxo cubes are made

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385. At 08:54am on 15 May 2009, SteeleHawker wrote:
With weather-girl Lloyd still in prison, the "Free sian" campaign gathered momentum

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386. At 08:59am on 15 May 2009, axelyopi wrote:
After years of accusations, old farmer giles was caught bang to rights watering down his milk.

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387. At 09:00am on 15 May 2009, Dazzyv wrote:
Kobe beef - The early years

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388. At 09:09am on 15 May 2009, jimmyog wrote:
Farmer Ted had misunderstood what evidence he needed to provide in order to qualify for his 'cowslip' subsidy.

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389. At 09:10am on 15 May 2009, MrSnoozy wrote:
"Hurry up George, put some effort in will you? That Ronald McDonald fella is getting closer, and I don't like the way he keeps saying 'do you want fries with that?'"

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390. At 09:11am on 15 May 2009, jimmyog wrote:
If you think I'm doing another 10 lengths in there, you've got another thing coming !

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391. At 09:13am on 15 May 2009, jimmyog wrote:
It wasn't going to be long before the knackers yard beckoned thought Buttercup.

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392. At 09:22am on 15 May 2009, Chopper32 wrote:
Preparations for the Cowes Regatta begin in earnest.

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393. At 09:25am on 15 May 2009, FrankGrimesJnr wrote:
"The tourists just aren't coming like they used to, are they Buttercup? I blame the credit crunch."

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394. At 09:28am on 15 May 2009, jataomm wrote:
Daisy was disappointed to hear that her freefall speed record attempt had been unsuccessful, reaching only 115 feet per second before splashing down.

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395. At 09:29am on 15 May 2009, lavaboarder wrote:
After navy budget cuts the marine animal for military use training facility has been moved to a back garden in bognor regis

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396. At 09:35am on 15 May 2009, SteeleHawker wrote:
I'm not calling you Buttercup, I'm saying "Get your buttock up"

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397. At 09:39am on 15 May 2009, xp132476 wrote:
Maisy regretted joining the Moo-lympic Syncronised Swimming Team.

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398. At 09:49am on 15 May 2009, beachcred wrote:
Yeah, I've almost got it, it's just getting in to the tuck after the three and a half somersaults that I can't quite crack.

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399. At 09:50am on 15 May 2009, FrankGrimesJnr wrote:
"That's the cow out yer pool, sir, so I'll just do the receipt as agreed... 'office stationary' was it?"

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400. At 09:54am on 15 May 2009, FrankGrimesJnr wrote:
Cowboy swimming pool builder shows off his skills with the lasso.

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401. At 09:57am on 15 May 2009, fbxiii wrote:
The cow was over the moon when she finally managed to do two lengths.

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402. At 09:58am on 15 May 2009, fbxiii wrote:
Following the purification process, the cow was actually more of a light grey...

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403. At 10:07am on 15 May 2009, Kudosless wrote:

Following cutbacks, Guinness adverts just weren't so impressive

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404. At 10:08am on 15 May 2009, Fearless_Freak wrote:
Enormous beef stew made for recession victims

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405. At 10:10am on 15 May 2009, ironpaulshaw wrote:
Daisy insisted on wearing her ipod whilst taking a dip

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406. At 10:10am on 15 May 2009, SteeleHawker wrote:
The lippizaner cows clearly needed a bit more training

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407. At 10:14am on 15 May 2009, FrankGrimesJnr wrote:
"Job done! Right, must dash - I just got a call from the china shop."

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408. At 10:15am on 15 May 2009, FrankGrimesJnr wrote:
"Conservative cows come home"

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409. At 10:24am on 15 May 2009, j-o-n-a-t-h-a-n wrote:
Wow, look at that! There's a queue of MP's over there all paying back their overclaimed expenses.

Get out of here. Next thing you'll be telling me is that there's a cow in the swimming pool!

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410. At 10:28am on 15 May 2009, SteeleHawker wrote:
Alf Garnett takes his wife for a swim

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411. At 10:28am on 15 May 2009, jellyba wrote:
MP claims for bleaching his herd

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412. At 10:28am on 15 May 2009, CairngormMcWomble wrote:
Go on just let me in gently ...
ye gods it's cold my teats are like chapel coat pegs!

Are you really sure you want a chilled latte!

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413. At 10:30am on 15 May 2009, Chopper32 wrote:
Uppsy-daisy, Daisy.

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414. At 10:31am on 15 May 2009, MUZLER wrote:
David hasselhoof staring in the new baywatch series

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415. At 10:32am on 15 May 2009, Pendle_Witch wrote:
"Are you going to get me out with that washing line?"

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416. At 10:32am on 15 May 2009, fretzman wrote:
"Hurry up and get me out of here, I'm Friesian !"

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417. At 10:34am on 15 May 2009, SundayParkGeorge wrote:
Buying the cow to keep the lawn cut and provide free milk wasn't seeming like such a good idea now.

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418. At 10:35am on 15 May 2009, jellyba wrote:
The water's freesian

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419. At 10:36am on 15 May 2009, j-o-n-a-t-h-a-n wrote:
No, no. What I said was, you can consider your expenses as a cash cow. Not you can claim expenses for a washed cow.

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420. At 10:36am on 15 May 2009, Chopper32 wrote:
You know the rules: no diving, no bombing and definitely no petting.

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421. At 10:38am on 15 May 2009, haggis1876 wrote:
The swimming teacher turned out to be a right cowboy.

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422. At 10:38am on 15 May 2009, SundayParkGeorge wrote:
The farmer had misunderstood when he'd been told that to get through the recession he'd need to pool his resources

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423. At 10:42am on 15 May 2009, SteeleHawker wrote:
The old Burt Lancaster film "The Swimmer" is remade with Russell Cowe

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424. At 10:42am on 15 May 2009, jellyba wrote:
Cow buoy

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425. At 10:44am on 15 May 2009, iansessford wrote:
This is not what he had in mind when he asked the landscape gardener for `Cowslips` around the pool!.

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426. At 10:45am on 15 May 2009, haggis1876 wrote:
Too much chlorine in the pool had bleached Millies black swimming costume!

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427. At 10:45am on 15 May 2009, alegrias3 wrote:
"OK, your reverse one-and-a-half somersaults with pike is good - it's just your entry into the water that's letting you down."

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428. At 10:45am on 15 May 2009, TheFatBlackDuke wrote:
The honourable member still maintains that he acted within the "spirit of the rules" in claiming for Damien Hirst to redesign his swimming pool.

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429. At 10:45am on 15 May 2009, eattherich wrote:
This year's Cow-es Week was a moo-ted affair.

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430. At 10:47am on 15 May 2009, j-o-n-a-t-h-a-n wrote:
Sinking cash cow rescued by MP with party whip.

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431. At 10:48am on 15 May 2009, haggis1876 wrote:
Now we'll just dry you off on the whirly-gig over here on my right.

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432. At 10:51am on 15 May 2009, SpringChicky wrote:
"Hmmmm...." thought Norman, "....I need more helium...."

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433. At 10:55am on 15 May 2009, iansessford wrote:
"There you go,it doesn`t feel so cold if you just ease yourself in slowly,thats it,good lass!

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434. At 10:55am on 15 May 2009, alegrias3 wrote:
"Flamin' rock stars...I knew it would be trouble letting The Wurzels stay at the hotel."

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435. At 11:05am on 15 May 2009, j-o-n-a-t-h-a-n wrote:
Ambridge Summer Fete's version of the "hook the duck" game deemed a success.

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436. At 11:14am on 15 May 2009, j-o-n-a-t-h-a-n wrote:
Derek knew it was going to be a bad evening. Even though he'd put out all his best lines, he'd only pulled one wet cow.

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437. At 11:20am on 15 May 2009, Half-Daft wrote:
Swine flu
Cattle swam

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438. At 11:27am on 15 May 2009, Northern_Simon wrote:
I can remember when all this was fields.........

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439. At 11:30am on 15 May 2009, Burnellroad wrote:
If sheep can have a dip why can't I?

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440. At 11:31am on 15 May 2009, The_All_Seeing_Eye wrote:
Despite the warnings, Farmer Giles' plans for the first ever bovine water birth went ahead, and also went spectacularly wrong

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441. At 11:32am on 15 May 2009, Northern_Simon wrote:
Dutch scientists are conducting trials of a system for plugging holes in dams that are too large for small boys' fingers. The first test deployment of the "Cow-a-Bunga" is seen here.

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442. At 11:32am on 15 May 2009, darkmarker wrote:
Right then Dasiy who was the other MP to claim expenses for his swimming pool?

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443. At 11:34am on 15 May 2009, darkmarker wrote:
I like this new cattle birthing pool but wouldn't steps make it easier to get them out?

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444. At 11:34am on 15 May 2009, The_All_Seeing_Eye wrote:
Aldi's budget beef stew was met with some protest

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445. At 11:36am on 15 May 2009, lois2707 wrote:
just because if each person goes veggie for a day it will save the panet. It doesn't mean you can relax and go for a swim!

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446. At 11:37am on 15 May 2009, haggis1876 wrote:
Duncan Goodhew had certainly put on the beef!!

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447. At 11:43am on 15 May 2009, grebehead wrote:
FDA approval not granted to new 'Miracle Sheep Dip'.

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448. At 11:46am on 15 May 2009, ARoseByAnyOther wrote:
Henry took the concept of free range beef seriously

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449. At 11:46am on 15 May 2009, grebehead wrote:
Eyebrows are raised this year at HRH Prince Charles' Inter Faith Summit, as the heir to the throne discusses India.

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450. At 11:47am on 15 May 2009, dithenaturefan wrote:
Cow takes a plunge whilst on an udder route home

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451. At 11:48am on 15 May 2009, dithenaturefan wrote:
It must be fresian in there

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452. At 11:49am on 15 May 2009, fbxiii wrote:
You can take a cow to water, but you cant make them do the breast stroke.

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453. At 11:49am on 15 May 2009, fbxiii wrote:
You can take a cow to water, but be careful to not let it sink.

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454. At 11:50am on 15 May 2009, grebehead wrote:
"Fancy a dip?"

"No thanks, the water looks absolutely fresian..."

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455. At 11:51am on 15 May 2009, fbxiii wrote:
You can take a horse to water, but not the kitchen sink.

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456. At 11:51am on 15 May 2009, roderickmarshall wrote:
Now come on mother, I told you not to go in there....

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457. At 11:52am on 15 May 2009, rego77660 wrote:
Katie wants Peter back now she's seen the cow he went swimming with!

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458. At 11:53am on 15 May 2009, rcrobjohn wrote:
Okay Johnny the next time your friends kick the cow into the pool you can fish it out!

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459. At 11:55am on 15 May 2009, fbxiii wrote:
Toto had become strangely warped out of shape when he was sucked up into the cyclone.

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460. At 11:56am on 15 May 2009, rego77660 wrote:
Get out. Get out now! If I've told you once, I've told you a thousand times ..... no swimming in the pool without a cap!

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461. At 11:57am on 15 May 2009, quichelorriane wrote:
Come on Dorothy you've got to be done by now, you've filled half a pool already! Just how uch did you have to drink?

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462. At 11:59am on 15 May 2009, fbxiii wrote:
The isle of cowes.

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463. At 12:00pm on 15 May 2009, Lynxboy252 wrote:
This comment was removed because the moderators found it broke the House Rules.
464. At 12:04pm on 15 May 2009, Northern_Simon wrote:
Reginald was just using this as an excuse to ignore the elephant in the living room.

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465. At 12:05pm on 15 May 2009, rego77660 wrote:
I heard someone talking about butterfly in the pool last week, so thought, if it's ok for the butterflies it'll be ok for me!

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466. At 12:07pm on 15 May 2009, rego77660 wrote:
Sorry, but you're gonna have to go.
I can't claim for you anymore!!

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467. At 12:08pm on 15 May 2009, SundayParkGeorge wrote:
Posh & Becks: The Geriatric Years

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468. At 12:12pm on 15 May 2009, CHempstead wrote:
On the Isle of Wight the economic downturn was having a severe effect on the annual Cowes Regatta

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469. At 12:12pm on 15 May 2009, PoacheLeRen wrote:
Get out of the pool, you must be friesian

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470. At 12:13pm on 15 May 2009, eattherich wrote:
Gerald had thought that claiming for a cow in the pool was worth a shot, but even he was doubtful whether he'd get anything back for the elephant in his moat.

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471. At 12:14pm on 15 May 2009, ayizan wrote:
Farmer to the rescue as a confused WAG buys a very rare bullfrog for garden water feature...

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472. At 12:14pm on 15 May 2009, RoyalBeega wrote:
"Shall I do the moat whilst I'm at it, Mr Hogg?"

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473. At 12:15pm on 15 May 2009, CHempstead wrote:
Derek got his own back on his neighbours by getting his cow to urinate in their pool

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474. At 12:17pm on 15 May 2009, rego77660 wrote:
.... and he left the pool to moo-ted applause

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475. At 12:17pm on 15 May 2009, eattherich wrote:
I can't believe its not an indoor pool!

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476. At 12:18pm on 15 May 2009, CHempstead wrote:
Olympic swimmer Michael Phelps took drastic action after being tipped off that drug testers would be testing his pool

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477. At 12:18pm on 15 May 2009, aberdeen_girl wrote:
How now, drowned cow...

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478. At 12:19pm on 15 May 2009, welovesoup wrote:
Herd about the swimming pool expense claims? What a load of bull...

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479. At 12:20pm on 15 May 2009, Whitbylassie wrote:
For a cow, Daisy was looking rather sheepish ..

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480. At 12:20pm on 15 May 2009, justfor wrote:
"Thanks for helping me out, Mark. I reckon the sheep will love it."

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481. At 12:20pm on 15 May 2009, SteeleHawker wrote:
Jeb's wife had wanted a Cardigan Corgi, not a Jersey

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482. At 12:20pm on 15 May 2009, virtualfang wrote:
Albanian entry for Eurovision : Working at the CowWash Baby@

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483. At 12:22pm on 15 May 2009, virtualfang wrote:
Curds and Wave?

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484. At 12:23pm on 15 May 2009, virtualfang wrote:
Moody Cow!!

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485. At 12:24pm on 15 May 2009, CHempstead wrote:
Ursula Andress was beginning to show her age in the remake of Dr No

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486. At 12:24pm on 15 May 2009, virtualfang wrote:
'Ok Mr Hockney will you want A bigger Splash next time?'

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487. At 12:25pm on 15 May 2009, Izanagi wrote:
I hope you don't think I am getting out of here without a towel!

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488. At 12:25pm on 15 May 2009, eattherich wrote:
Daisy to PT Barnum, "Yes the entry was a bit rough but I think we would get away with raising the board another 2 metres".

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489. At 12:26pm on 15 May 2009, peterstagg wrote:
Now that the Belgian city of Ghent is going vegetarian one day a week, Clarabelle decided to come out of hiding.

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490. At 12:26pm on 15 May 2009, eattherich wrote:
Training gets underway for the 2012 Olympics synchronised swimming event - bovine class.

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491. At 12:27pm on 15 May 2009, virtualfang wrote:
At last the secret of making cheese strings is revealed

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492. At 12:27pm on 15 May 2009, Izanagi wrote:
Tell me again why i couldn't just use the steps to get out...

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493. At 12:28pm on 15 May 2009, Izanagi wrote:
I really don't think that rope is going to help the situation...do you?

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494. At 12:28pm on 15 May 2009, eattherich wrote:
Preparations begin for the world's largest bowl of beef broth record attempt.

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495. At 12:29pm on 15 May 2009, dragonpride wrote:
Farmers make preparations for this years floods and future rising sea levels.

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496. At 12:29pm on 15 May 2009, eattherich wrote:
Damian Hirst loved reliving the good old days.

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497. At 12:30pm on 15 May 2009, Kudosless wrote:

I propose a 2 week ban for the MANY people who have posted and "It's fresian" caption ...

All those

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498. At 12:30pm on 15 May 2009, CHempstead wrote:
Hurry up Daisy, you've got to fill the neighbours pool yet

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499. At 12:31pm on 15 May 2009, Candace9839 wrote:
Dick Cheney prepares how-to YouTube video on water boarding

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500. At 12:31pm on 15 May 2009, Kudosless wrote:

... in favour

(bluddy technology!!)

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