Caption Competition

13:09 UK time, Friday, 1 May 2009

Winning entries in the caption competition.

The competition is now closed. Full rules can be seen here [PDF].

horse.595.jpg

This week, Lance Corporal Stephen Heeley runs through a special move with his horse, Yeoman, while rehearsing for the Windsor Castle Royal Tattoo. But what's being said?

Thanks to all who entered. The prize of a small amount of kudos to the following:

6. jtotheglo
The Animal Rights recreation of The Godfather just didn't have the same dramatic effect.

5. SimonRooke
Lesson one, when sedating your horse, stand well clear...

4. alexwilson82
"Well doctor, it just started out as a genital wart..."

3. NorfolkOnce
Heeley suspected that there might have been more than hay in the nosebag.

2. JudgePix
It had been a great night out, but Stephen was glad he, at least, had given the ketamine a miss.

1. nick_fowler
With the Queen in attendance, Lance Corporal Heeley had to do something when his zip broke.

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Comments

1. At 12:44pm on 30 Apr 2009, PendragonF wrote:
It looks like the sort of 'special move' that Princess Anne used to do at all the equestrian events

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2. At 12:44pm on 30 Apr 2009, PendragonF wrote:
And Minehead Council's Award for Best Sand Sculpture goes to Lance Corporal Heeley

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3. At 12:45pm on 30 Apr 2009, PendragonF wrote:
Due to his precise physique, Lance Corporal Heeley was in charge of removing the horses' ear-wax

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4. At 12:46pm on 30 Apr 2009, PendragonF wrote:
Unfortunately, Yeoman suddenly woke up and thought he saw a carrot ...

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5. At 12:46pm on 30 Apr 2009, PendragonF wrote:
Shergar and Lord Lucan are finally discovered

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6. At 12:47pm on 30 Apr 2009, PendragonF wrote:
Yeoman always needed to be comforted after watching "The Godfather"

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7. At 12:47pm on 30 Apr 2009, PendragonF wrote:
Lance Corporal Heeley wondered whether Soho was ready for a lap-dancing horse

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8. At 12:48pm on 30 Apr 2009, ValerieGanne wrote:
Yeoman was enjoying Ascot, but this was the last lap

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9. At 12:49pm on 30 Apr 2009, ValerieGanne wrote:
Special move? We used to call it falling over.

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10. At 12:49pm on 30 Apr 2009, ValerieGanne wrote:
Lance Corporal Heeley was letting his work get on top of him

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11. At 12:50pm on 30 Apr 2009, Kudosless wrote:

R-equining position

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12. At 12:50pm on 30 Apr 2009, SimonRooke wrote:
When I asked for a horse blanket I wasn't expecting this!

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13. At 12:50pm on 30 Apr 2009, SimonRooke wrote:
At least you're treated better than a Gurkha.

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14. At 12:51pm on 30 Apr 2009, ValerieGanne wrote:
As with the other sort of tattoo, Lance Corporal Heeley was worried that the effects of this might be indelible too

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15. At 12:51pm on 30 Apr 2009, Kudosless wrote:

They even ignored the "Please Keep Off The Sand" signs

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16. At 12:53pm on 30 Apr 2009, ValerieGanne wrote:
As Yeoman had now passed away, Lance Corporal Heeley wondered whether he ought to apply to be on "Flog It"

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17. At 12:54pm on 30 Apr 2009, ValerieGanne wrote:
Lance Corporal Heeley was hopging to be put out to stud too

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18. At 12:55pm on 30 Apr 2009, ValerieGanne wrote:
Sorry.

Lance Corporal Heeley was hoping to be put out to stud too

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19. At 12:55pm on 30 Apr 2009, NorfolkOnce wrote:
It had been an exhausting swim to get to the beach. But things were not looking good – this was France..

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20. At 12:56pm on 30 Apr 2009, NorfolkOnce wrote:
Heeley suspected that there might have been more than hay in the nosebag..

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21. At 12:58pm on 30 Apr 2009, Rob Falconer wrote:
It was a shock for Lance Corporal Heeley at the Badminton Horse Trials after Yeoman was found guilty

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22. At 12:58pm on 30 Apr 2009, PhilWal0 wrote:
"There, there. I'm pretty sure horses can't catch swine flu."

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23. At 1:01pm on 30 Apr 2009, j-o-n-a-t-h-a-n wrote:
HEELEY. WE'LL HAVE NONE OF THAT HORSEPLAY ON PARADE.

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24. At 1:01pm on 30 Apr 2009, Rob Falconer wrote:
After Lance Corporal Heeley's lapdog passed away, a horse just wasn't the same

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25. At 1:01pm on 30 Apr 2009, Kudosless wrote:

Determined not to have wheels fitted inside his hooves, Yeoman prevents being given Heeley.

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26. At 1:02pm on 30 Apr 2009, Rob Falconer wrote:
Lance Corporal Heeley found the ear-wax stains were often difficult to get out

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27. At 1:02pm on 30 Apr 2009, Candace9839 wrote:
Yes, the rolling over part does need a bit of work.

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28. At 1:03pm on 30 Apr 2009, Nzie12 wrote:
The Royal British Legion was sure their remake of Black Beauty would be a great success if only they could get better costumes.

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29. At 1:04pm on 30 Apr 2009, Candace9839 wrote:
He likes playing dead actually

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30. At 1:05pm on 30 Apr 2009, SimonRooke wrote:
I'd love to join you in the Charge of the Light Brigade, it's just that Dobbin didn't get a good night's sleep and is a bit lethargic this morning.

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31. At 1:05pm on 30 Apr 2009, Rob Falconer wrote:
Lance Corporal Heeley had been hoping for a Lipizzaner Horse, not a Lapunzipper horse

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32. At 1:06pm on 30 Apr 2009, throbgusset wrote:
Maybe it's a big horse - I'm a Londoner

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33. At 1:06pm on 30 Apr 2009, Northern_Simon wrote:
Suffered an injury at work through no fault of your own? Equine-Comp can help you win compensation!!!

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34. At 1:06pm on 30 Apr 2009, throbgusset wrote:
Just nipping down the Nag'sHead for a quick one

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35. At 1:06pm on 30 Apr 2009, MrSnoozy wrote:
The Equine Mafia's trade mark "Bell Boy in the bed" was enough to scare Irish Invader out of the places at Aintree...

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36. At 1:07pm on 30 Apr 2009, NorfolkOnce wrote:
If Carlsberg did sandpits..

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37. At 1:07pm on 30 Apr 2009, Candace9839 wrote:
Yes, well I got my foot out of the stirrup before we went down, but I quite failed on pushing away as we went down.

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38. At 1:08pm on 30 Apr 2009, Candace9839 wrote:
He's been a bit down lately

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39. At 1:08pm on 30 Apr 2009, throbgusset wrote:
Lance Corporal Heeley couldn't go on parade as he was feeling a little horse

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40. At 1:09pm on 30 Apr 2009, Du-can wrote:
"If our love is wrong, then I don't want to be right."

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41. At 1:09pm on 30 Apr 2009, redbyname wrote:
The bellboy was expecting a decent tip for carrying THIS piece of luggage.

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42. At 1:11pm on 30 Apr 2009, Candace9839 wrote:
The choreography for the regimental production of 'They Shoot Horses Don't They?' was shaping up nicely

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43. At 1:11pm on 30 Apr 2009, SimonRooke wrote:
On BBC1 tonight, 'Horse Doctor', a drama set in a Crimean MASH unit, where Dobbin treats the sick and wounded.

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44. At 1:11pm on 30 Apr 2009, redbyname wrote:
The love that dare not speak its mane.

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45. At 1:12pm on 30 Apr 2009, MrSnoozy wrote:
I love you too, but I still don't think my parents will approve..

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46. At 1:12pm on 30 Apr 2009, Du-can wrote:
"Yeah, well, you don't get to be a 12 year old Lance Corporal without the love of a good horse."

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47. At 1:12pm on 30 Apr 2009, penny-farthing wrote:
Charge of The Light Sleepers Brigade.

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48. At 1:12pm on 30 Apr 2009, redbyname wrote:
We call it "Yeoman on the Guard".

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49. At 1:12pm on 30 Apr 2009, throbgusset wrote:
Yeoman? a gift from George Bush ...used to be called Yo! Blair.

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50. At 1:13pm on 30 Apr 2009, redbyname wrote:
"Heeley! For God's sake soldier, that looks terrible! Your hat's crooked!"

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51. At 1:13pm on 30 Apr 2009, justfor wrote:
"Yes, I know I promised you the Seychelles."

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52. At 1:14pm on 30 Apr 2009, MrSnoozy wrote:
"Yeoman, get up, the kids that built the sandcastle you're lying are forming an angry mob!"

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53. At 1:14pm on 30 Apr 2009, heleliz wrote:
The Chronicles of Narnia: The Horse and His Boy

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54. At 1:14pm on 30 Apr 2009, Shedsey wrote:
Everytime I put those damn Heely's on this happens!!

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55. At 1:15pm on 30 Apr 2009, Candace9839 wrote:
Very impressive, but you were supposed to put the boots backwards in the stirrups.

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56. At 1:16pm on 30 Apr 2009, Rob Falconer wrote:
If he lies like this any longer, I'll be called 'Florence of Arabia'

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57. At 1:16pm on 30 Apr 2009, Skiron wrote:
With no other horses near, Yeoman shows off his Cristiano Ronaldo impersonation.

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58. At 1:16pm on 30 Apr 2009, tonysibley wrote:
You think the Horse is a problem?! This sand gets everywhere!

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59. At 1:17pm on 30 Apr 2009, Candace9839 wrote:
Bag piper protests were reaching fever pitch

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60. At 1:17pm on 30 Apr 2009, nick_fowler wrote:
With the Queen in attendance, Lance Corporal Heeley had to do something when his zip broke

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61. At 1:18pm on 30 Apr 2009, tonysibley wrote:
Lance Corporal Stephen Heeley and Yeoman enjoy a stable relationship

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62. At 1:18pm on 30 Apr 2009, potkettle wrote:
Climb up here Joe, soon we'll be flying, I can go just as fast with two

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63. At 1:18pm on 30 Apr 2009, nick_fowler wrote:
'Brokeback Mountain 2' looked like being even more sensational

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64. At 1:18pm on 30 Apr 2009, j-o-n-a-t-h-a-n wrote:
Despite feeling a little hoarse, Lance Corporal Stephen Healey bravely soldiered on.

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65. At 1:19pm on 30 Apr 2009, Kitwemiller wrote:
The irony of Yeoman glue sniffing had not gone unoticed by Lance Corporal Heeley, he just wished it wasn't superglue.......

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66. At 1:20pm on 30 Apr 2009, nick_fowler wrote:
At Glasgow Barracks, Yeoman is trained in head-butting

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67. At 1:21pm on 30 Apr 2009, Magnum Carter wrote:
Yeoman would punish those who refused to mount properly.

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68. At 1:21pm on 30 Apr 2009, nick_fowler wrote:
Instead of rosettes, future winners would have a little man pinned to their foreheads

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69. At 1:21pm on 30 Apr 2009, j-o-n-a-t-h-a-n wrote:
Yeoman was inconsolable about his impending transfer to the Gurkha regiment and that he would be exported at the end of his service.

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70. At 1:25pm on 30 Apr 2009, Magnum Carter wrote:
Government advice at this time is to sit down if feeling a little hoarse.

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71. At 1:25pm on 30 Apr 2009, JudgePix wrote:
Buttons still wasn't sure about the pantomime's new ending

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72. At 1:27pm on 30 Apr 2009, Wunnunda wrote:
After the defence cuts it was either 'Be a donkey at Blackpool' or 'Be a meat pie in France'

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73. At 1:27pm on 30 Apr 2009, Magnum Carter wrote:
There was no denying Heeley was good, but his Sigfrid & Roy routine was never going to be fully realised at Butlins.

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74. At 1:28pm on 30 Apr 2009, Helenepitpony wrote:
For health and safety reasons, lookalikes stand in for Charles and Camilla on the planned royal tour of Mexico.

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75. At 1:29pm on 30 Apr 2009, rogueslr wrote:
OK, he's ready. Now, he'd like a heart pierced by an arrow and 'Mother'. What do you mean it's not that sort of tattoo!

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76. At 1:31pm on 30 Apr 2009, youngWillz wrote:
Two of the Borrowers discovered in bowl of rum n raisin ice cream

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77. At 1:32pm on 30 Apr 2009, youngWillz wrote:
Trying to be the centaur of attention

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78. At 1:32pm on 30 Apr 2009, JudgePix wrote:
It had been a great night out, but Stephen was glad he, at least, had given the ketamine a miss.

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79. At 1:33pm on 30 Apr 2009, TallTone wrote:
"I'm feeling a little hoarse"
"Don't worry Yeoman, you'll be fine on the day"

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80. At 1:36pm on 30 Apr 2009, nick_fowler wrote:
Lance Corporal Heeley wished they hadn't given him John Wayne's stunt horse to ride into battle

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81. At 1:38pm on 30 Apr 2009, youngWillz wrote:
"Yeah, I know Patrick Swayze didn't drop her in the original 'Dirty Dancing', but this horse is REALLY heavy"

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82. At 1:38pm on 30 Apr 2009, nick_fowler wrote:
Lance Corporal Heeley called his sick horse Citizen Kane ... because he was a horse unwell

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83. At 1:40pm on 30 Apr 2009, Fauconnier wrote:
Lance Corporal Heeley wondered how much he'd get if he tried flogging a dead horse

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84. At 1:41pm on 30 Apr 2009, rogueslr wrote:
All I did was tell him the Lunchtime Bonus Question was coming back on Fridays and he fainted!

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85. At 1:42pm on 30 Apr 2009, fandango2 wrote:
"I'm just not sure about this new Spanish horse - every afternoon it's the same..."

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86. At 1:43pm on 30 Apr 2009, youngWillz wrote:
"Sir, that's the ten million piece 3D jigsaw of the horse done, now can I PLEASE go to bed?"

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87. At 1:44pm on 30 Apr 2009, NorfolkOnce wrote:
A contestant relaxes before his turn in 'Extreme Surfing'..

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88. At 1:46pm on 30 Apr 2009, discom8 wrote:
Why the long face ?

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89. At 1:47pm on 30 Apr 2009, billcam wrote:
(With homage to Tennyson)

Into the valley of death?
Not bleedin likely Heeley. They’ll have to make do with 599!

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90. At 1:47pm on 30 Apr 2009, youngWillz wrote:
The tap dancing horse fainted after being told he was going to have to be on after Susan Boyle in the semis of 'Britain's Got Talent'

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91. At 1:47pm on 30 Apr 2009, LaurenceLane wrote:
With a diet consisting mainly of sprouts and cabbage, Heeley plotted his revenge.

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92. At 1:47pm on 30 Apr 2009, Kudosless wrote:

Based upon a novel by Michael Morpurgo ...

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93. At 1:48pm on 30 Apr 2009, Northern_Simon wrote:
Some of the King's Horses and Men needed counselling after the Humpty-Dumpty event.

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94. At 1:48pm on 30 Apr 2009, lpoc2205 wrote:
"Sit. Lie down. Play dead."

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95. At 1:49pm on 30 Apr 2009, Kudosless wrote:

"It followed me home, Ma'am. Can I keep it?"

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96. At 1:49pm on 30 Apr 2009, Kudosless wrote:

Royal Tattoo re-enacts Buckaroo

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97. At 1:50pm on 30 Apr 2009, youngWillz wrote:
"Look son, your audition was fabulous, but a truly great Bond villain always has a CAT...."

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98. At 1:50pm on 30 Apr 2009, Northern_Simon wrote:
Malingering Mount.

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99. At 1:52pm on 30 Apr 2009, Fi-Glos wrote:
To commemorate the withdrawal of UK troops from Iraq:
"Hors de combat"

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100. At 1:53pm on 30 Apr 2009, billcam wrote:
Apparently, if you trade this one in you get £2000 of a new one - as long as it has lower emissions!

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101. At 1:56pm on 30 Apr 2009, Fauconnier wrote:
Mount up, Lance Corporal - they need a round 600 for the poem to scan

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102. At 1:56pm on 30 Apr 2009, Kudosless wrote:

Seeing the goat mascot, Yeoman knew that if it were swallowed by The Queen, it would be a cow next, then him ....

... he wasn't standing for THAT

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103. At 1:57pm on 30 Apr 2009, Chopper32 wrote:
Things are not so bad... Why the long face?

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104. At 1:58pm on 30 Apr 2009, -Fitzy- wrote:
In the current economic crisis; the Army has resorted to flogging dead horses.

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105. At 1:59pm on 30 Apr 2009, LaurenceLane wrote:
I'm from the Thigh in Ear Corps.

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106. At 2:00pm on 30 Apr 2009, Behnji wrote:
...and once you have your horse in the recovery position you should continue to check it's airway and breathing until help arrives.

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107. At 2:02pm on 30 Apr 2009, Fi-Glos wrote:
Disappointment abounds as Heeley and Horse are informed that they are not starring along Gene Hunt in the latest series of Ashes to Ashes...

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108. At 2:02pm on 30 Apr 2009, UKJDouglas wrote:
Even without a couch, the Horse Therapist still did a much better job than the Horse Whisperer.

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109. At 2:05pm on 30 Apr 2009, chappers009 wrote:
The young mafioso on work experience really did have a long way to go!

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110. At 2:05pm on 30 Apr 2009, joseph_ball wrote:
Saucy - and I hear Prince Charles and Camilla are on July.

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111. At 2:05pm on 30 Apr 2009, Candid96 wrote:
On the set of a Quadrophenia re-make, the new Ace struggles with one of the latest films more unusual props

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112. At 2:07pm on 30 Apr 2009, chappers009 wrote:
"I've woken up with the odd pig or dog in my time but this is just ridiculous"

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113. At 2:08pm on 30 Apr 2009, snoozoff wrote:
how is it for you when i am on the top?

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114. At 2:10pm on 30 Apr 2009, snoozoff wrote:
please cough

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115. At 2:13pm on 30 Apr 2009, snoozoff wrote:
he's okay for a pillow however something is sticking in my hear

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116. At 2:23pm on 30 Apr 2009, Rory_Dee wrote:
Billy thought he was coming down with swine flu, turns out he was just feeling a little horse

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117. At 2:28pm on 30 Apr 2009, QuizzerCol wrote:
Genetic engineering has improved the horse's agility by introducing cat genes, but there have been some unexpected side-effects.

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118. At 2:32pm on 30 Apr 2009, Ed Loach wrote:
Are you talking to me?

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119. At 2:33pm on 30 Apr 2009, cormelian wrote:
"I wish I could get a girlfriend"

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120. At 2:35pm on 30 Apr 2009, Spockter wrote:
"There, there," said the soldier, "Rest your head upon my knee & tell me all about it"

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121. At 2:36pm on 30 Apr 2009, presto_west_end wrote:
Stephen had thought he was joining the carvery, and he wouldn't let the small matter of a spelling mistake get in his way.

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122. At 2:37pm on 30 Apr 2009, presto_west_end wrote:
The Lance Corporal was having a mare...

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123. At 2:37pm on 30 Apr 2009, Spockter wrote:
There was almost carnage when Lance Corporal Heeley's horse suffered a blow out on one of his horseshoes

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124. At 2:41pm on 30 Apr 2009, Spockter wrote:
The new ventriloquist act would have been much more convincing if he could get Dobbin to sit on his knee

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125. At 2:43pm on 30 Apr 2009, Fauconnier wrote:
Suddenly, Lance Corporal Heeley heard a crunching noise and thought "I hope that's a sugar cube he's found"

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126. At 2:43pm on 30 Apr 2009, tim__g wrote:
Those pills I got off the internet said I'd have one as big as a horse ...

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127. At 2:45pm on 30 Apr 2009, supermatt6000 wrote:
YOU SHOT MY SPECKLED JIM!

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128. At 2:46pm on 30 Apr 2009, tim__g wrote:
Or ..
Horse : I'm going to complain to my surgeon. I said "Ear" transplant, not "Heeley" transplant

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129. At 2:50pm on 30 Apr 2009, supermatt6000 wrote:
And for comic relief, pin the human on the donkey...
Wait, that's a Horse and a Teddy Bear!

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130. At 2:51pm on 30 Apr 2009, SussexGeezer wrote:
Yeoman always enjoyed the 'five-finger Q-tip' inner ear massage.

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131. At 2:52pm on 30 Apr 2009, Magnum Carter wrote:
"I'm sorry but what is it I'm supposed to be hearing?"

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132. At 2:53pm on 30 Apr 2009, supermatt6000 wrote:
Pinocchio knew he shouldn't have lied while the Blue Fairy was on her period.

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133. At 2:53pm on 30 Apr 2009, grazvalentine wrote:
See, you can lead a horse to water and you can make it drunk!

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134. At 2:54pm on 30 Apr 2009, Magnum Carter wrote:
"Well you know what they say - ask a silly equestrian..."

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135. At 2:55pm on 30 Apr 2009, Magnum Carter wrote:
"And that's a very late challenge on Van Nistelrooy..."

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136. At 2:56pm on 30 Apr 2009, ManxDave57 wrote:
Extreme dressage !

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137. At 2:56pm on 30 Apr 2009, GirlWeekday wrote:
The bruising was such, Heeley suspected he might recover black booty.

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138. At 2:56pm on 30 Apr 2009, Fauconnier wrote:
Through the medium of dance, Lance Corporal Heeley asserts that his bank is crushing the life out of him

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139. At 2:57pm on 30 Apr 2009, GreyingAngela wrote:
I feel a little horse.

It's probably that equine flu.

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140. At 2:57pm on 30 Apr 2009, manisha98116 wrote:
Hmmm.. not exactly what I had in mind for a laptop...

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141. At 2:58pm on 30 Apr 2009, grazvalentine wrote:
It's not what I meant when I wished I was hung like a horse...

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142. At 2:59pm on 30 Apr 2009, manisha98116 wrote:
No horsing around

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143. At 3:00pm on 30 Apr 2009, ManxDave57 wrote:
There there....I wanted to see my photo on a stick at last weeks BAFTAs as well!

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144. At 3:01pm on 30 Apr 2009, supermatt6000 wrote:
When night fell, a flap in the horse's belly opened and seven men crept out, ready to pillage and burn...

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145. At 3:02pm on 30 Apr 2009, Fauconnier wrote:
I think I'm suffering from Piggott flu

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146. At 3:02pm on 30 Apr 2009, supermatt6000 wrote:
I'm telling you! There's no such place as Candy Mountain!

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147. At 3:04pm on 30 Apr 2009, jettro_heller wrote:
Lance Corporal Heely discovers that last night's beer goggles were thicker than he thought!

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148. At 3:08pm on 30 Apr 2009, NorthernPunk wrote:
"You keep Camilla company...i'll go ring Charles and let him know shes had a fall.."

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149. At 3:09pm on 30 Apr 2009, NorthernPunk wrote:
"Where the hell are the RAC.... i knew i should have gone with Greenflag"..

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150. At 3:14pm on 30 Apr 2009, NorthernPunk wrote:
"The Horse Whisperer 2: Can You Hear Whats Wrong With My Stomach?"

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151. At 3:16pm on 30 Apr 2009, Fauconnier wrote:
Ride a cock horse to Banbury Cross

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152. At 3:19pm on 30 Apr 2009, NorthernPunk wrote:
"Whats with the long face............................Corporal Healey?"

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153. At 3:19pm on 30 Apr 2009, PollySaxon wrote:
Meanwhile in Sicily, Don Yeoman awakened horrified to find a soldier in his bed.

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154. At 3:20pm on 30 Apr 2009, ManxDave57 wrote:
Lance Corporal Stephen Heeley was contemplating attending the Windsor Castle Royal Tattoo, then he received an offer he couldn't refuse.

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155. At 3:22pm on 30 Apr 2009, SteeleHawker wrote:
Luckily, Lance Corporal Heeley was wearing his jockeys ...

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156. At 3:25pm on 30 Apr 2009, SteeleHawker wrote:
Lance Corporal Heeley hoped to feature in the lads' mag, Horseguards' Parade

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157. At 3:25pm on 30 Apr 2009, ManxDave57 wrote:
Lance Corporal Stephen Heeley tries to "flog at dead horse".

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158. At 3:26pm on 30 Apr 2009, ManxDave57 wrote:
Lance Corporal Stephen Heeley tries to "flog a dead horse".

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159. At 3:28pm on 30 Apr 2009, presto_west_end wrote:
X-Men Origins: Derek Trotter

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160. At 3:35pm on 30 Apr 2009, supermatt6000 wrote:
Don't be ridiculous! How could you possibly look anything like Camilla?!

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161. At 3:37pm on 30 Apr 2009, supermatt6000 wrote:
It was in that instant the Milky Bar Kid decided to hang up his (unnecessarily large) boots.

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162. At 3:38pm on 30 Apr 2009, Helenepitpony wrote:
Swine flu chooses the most inconvenient moment to jump the species barrier.

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163. At 3:41pm on 30 Apr 2009, supermatt6000 wrote:
This comment was removed because the moderators found it broke the House Rules.
164. At 3:42pm on 30 Apr 2009, supermatt6000 wrote:
Congrats on no. 74 by the way. That made me laugh before everyone copied it!

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165. At 3:46pm on 30 Apr 2009, supermatt6000 wrote:
Your new car, 007. We developed the 'invisible car' scenario a little farther, but don't worry; it's still remote-controlled and contains all the standard armaments.

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166. At 3:46pm on 30 Apr 2009, iandoha wrote:
The advertised "frisky filly lapdance" wasn't quite what Stephen had expected

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167. At 3:47pm on 30 Apr 2009, supermatt6000 wrote:
"Big Issue?"

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168. At 3:51pm on 30 Apr 2009, supermatt6000 wrote:
Alright then, if it's resting I'll wake it up. HELLOO POLLY. I'VE GOT A NICE CUTTLEFISH FOR YOUUUU!

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169. At 3:51pm on 30 Apr 2009, SteeleHawker wrote:
This comment was removed because the moderators found it broke the House Rules.
170. At 3:54pm on 30 Apr 2009, supermatt6000 wrote:
Look, I took the liberty of examining it, and I discovered the only reason it had been there in the first place was that it had been nailed there.

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171. At 3:56pm on 30 Apr 2009, KP_lcfcFan wrote:
Don't worry Yeoman, Luca won't get you while I'm here

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172. At 3:56pm on 30 Apr 2009, KieranOx wrote:
Troops in Iraq have "latest equipment" insists MoD.

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173. At 3:57pm on 30 Apr 2009, robmoo wrote:
There, there, Yeoman. The pig was nowhere near you when he sneezed.

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174. At 3:57pm on 30 Apr 2009, SteeleHawker wrote:
Yeoman was more of a groin pit-pony

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175. At 4:06pm on 30 Apr 2009, NorfolkOnce wrote:
No Grand National this year lads, someone's nicked the fences..

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176. At 4:12pm on 30 Apr 2009, SteeleHawker wrote:
It was nice on the beach - Lance Corporal Heeley's horse White Beauty had got a lovely tan

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177. At 4:13pm on 30 Apr 2009, justfor wrote:
Heeley: "My mates warned me not to horse around with you."

Yeoman: "Yeah, and my mates told me not to soldier on."

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178. At 4:15pm on 30 Apr 2009, Sourdust wrote:
"Business As Usual" Despite Chainsaw Shortage, Insists Mafia Boss.

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179. At 4:16pm on 30 Apr 2009, Candace9839 wrote:
British Army decides to admit surrealists

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180. At 4:17pm on 30 Apr 2009, pjtaylor9 wrote:
Kiss me, Heeley.

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181. At 4:18pm on 30 Apr 2009, jonathanrbell wrote:
"I'm sorry, we just couldn't put Humpty together again."

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182. At 4:28pm on 30 Apr 2009, LaurenceLane wrote:
Well Sarge, it was like it when I got here?

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183. At 4:31pm on 30 Apr 2009, rickycastle wrote:
Lance Corporal Heeley didn't realise the newly pebble dashed wall was still wet as he rode past.

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184. At 4:37pm on 30 Apr 2009, virtualfang wrote:
'Hoof do you think you are?'

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185. At 4:37pm on 30 Apr 2009, Kitkat_Katy wrote:
When my wife and I found out we couldn't have children, we adopted.

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186. At 4:40pm on 30 Apr 2009, virtualfang wrote:
So I went through a desert, on a horse with no name it was good to get out of the rain'

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187. At 4:42pm on 30 Apr 2009, virtualfang wrote:
If you think I'm riding another half a league onward, with those bloody cannons in front of me, you got another think coming

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188. At 4:42pm on 30 Apr 2009, LaurenceLane wrote:
When I said 'At Ease' Heeley, I didn't mean let your horse go bye byes!

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189. At 4:43pm on 30 Apr 2009, tom_w_webb wrote:
All the King's horses and all the King's men take a short break.

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190. At 4:46pm on 30 Apr 2009, Izanagi wrote:
Extra auditions for part as Seahorse.

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191. At 4:47pm on 30 Apr 2009, MJF_dodo wrote:
"Who is manning the lift while you're here with me?"

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192. At 4:47pm on 30 Apr 2009, LaurenceLane wrote:
But Sarge, Yeoman likes a bedtime story before he turns in for the night.

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193. At 4:48pm on 30 Apr 2009, BertieBogroll wrote:
"There, there, Yeoman - the new Monitor colour is intense, yes, but you will grow accustomed to it."

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194. At 4:48pm on 30 Apr 2009, virtualfang wrote:
he found that doing a line of horse had taken on a whole new meaning

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195. At 4:49pm on 30 Apr 2009, MJF_dodo wrote:
Shy actor to star in Equus.

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196. At 4:49pm on 30 Apr 2009, Kudosless wrote:

"Next year, we run the Marathon in a different costume" swear the two men in the horse outfit

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197. At 4:50pm on 30 Apr 2009, virtualfang wrote:
Only cost me a monkey to get this pony

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198. At 4:51pm on 30 Apr 2009, Izanagi wrote:
Man buried in sand is not amused at scenery placed around him

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199. At 4:53pm on 30 Apr 2009, MJF_dodo wrote:
From Here To Equinity

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200. At 4:53pm on 30 Apr 2009, virtualfang wrote:
Heely misheard the MO telling him to go on a 'stable' diet and so bedded down for the night

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201. At 4:54pm on 30 Apr 2009, Kudosless wrote:

We have to lose that sax solo

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202. At 5:06pm on 30 Apr 2009, Candace9839 wrote:
The Major is asking if you two have been drinking again.

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203. At 5:07pm on 30 Apr 2009, CairngormMcWomble wrote:
They knew their love was forbidden, but no matter how far they ran the paperazzi lens was always there ...

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204. At 5:11pm on 30 Apr 2009, ThunderCat8 wrote:
The winner of the 2009 Sand National.

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205. At 5:14pm on 30 Apr 2009, Vicky S wrote:
"But remember Stephen, you've only got one left foot to think about."

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206. At 5:15pm on 30 Apr 2009, Vicky S wrote:
Actually, I think I need to change that.

"But remember Stephen, you've only got two left feet to think about."

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207. At 5:23pm on 30 Apr 2009, alisonkbirch wrote:
"Bring your pet to work day" got off to a shaky start as Stephen realised there was something wrong with his rabbit

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208. At 5:30pm on 30 Apr 2009, CairngormMcWomble wrote:
What J K Rowling didn't tell us :-

Percy Weasley and the Passion of the Centaurs.

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209. At 5:31pm on 30 Apr 2009, news4phil wrote:
After a few too many at the Nag's Head...

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210. At 5:31pm on 30 Apr 2009, 10thwonder wrote:
After a medical examination, the cause of death for this Venezuelan polo horse was a severe ear infection. And on a side note, we found that jockey that went missing last week...

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211. At 5:37pm on 30 Apr 2009, supermatt6000 wrote:
And our top story today; BBC Caption Competition Photographer fired for posting photograph which guarantees at least 80% of the jokes are cringinly based on swine flu, illicit love or Camilla Parker Bowles.

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212. At 5:41pm on 30 Apr 2009, j-o-n-a-t-h-a-n wrote:
There's a good boy, lie still now, we're just going to cover you in white paint and ship you to a hillside in Wiltshire.

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213. At 6:12pm on 30 Apr 2009, 21gardener wrote:
One little chap then had a mishap!

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214. At 6:12pm on 30 Apr 2009, honestAFCCanadian wrote:
It was both the largest, and oddest, tip the bellhop had ever received.

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215. At 6:12pm on 30 Apr 2009, SteeleHawker wrote:
Get up, Yeoman, that Lloyds TSB signwriter needs you to pose for another few minutes

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216. At 6:14pm on 30 Apr 2009, honestAFCCanadian wrote:
"It's okay Yeoman, you'll soon get used to the new orange colour scheme."

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217. At 6:19pm on 30 Apr 2009, ElGordino wrote:
The Angel of the South finally defeated the rogue giant.

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218. At 6:22pm on 30 Apr 2009, honestAFCCanadian wrote:
In an effort to overtake "Sudan man forced to 'marry' goat" as the Most Shared story...

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219. At 6:26pm on 30 Apr 2009, MJF_dodo wrote:
"Do you think this pitch will be ready for the FA Cup Final?"

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220. At 6:31pm on 30 Apr 2009, SteeleHawker wrote:
Brooklyn, go and get your toys out of the sandpit or you're not getting any truffles for tea

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221. At 6:34pm on 30 Apr 2009, SteeleHawker wrote:
After the riding accident, the Lance Corporal was rebuilt as a bionic man - Steve Austin-Heeley

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222. At 6:40pm on 30 Apr 2009, benellins wrote:
Royal Cavalvry start practising jiu-jitsu with horses. Fails.

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223. At 6:50pm on 30 Apr 2009, EnglishFolkfan wrote:
No wonder Yeoman was relaxed and smiling, he wasn't going to have to clean the sand off all the kit!

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224. At 6:52pm on 30 Apr 2009, TheRealCatherineO wrote:
...so I asked the genie for a leggy brunette who'd never leave me alone.

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225. At 7:08pm on 30 Apr 2009, archyogi wrote:
The sequel to Brokeback Mountain goes one step too far

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226. At 7:18pm on 30 Apr 2009, sarahtrieste wrote:
Baywatch.

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227. At 7:28pm on 30 Apr 2009, SteeleHawker wrote:
Lance Corporal Heeley had always wanted to join the Royal Military Academy at Sandhorsed

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228. At 7:43pm on 30 Apr 2009, ToeDriscoll wrote:
"Swine Flu!?! No, but I'm feeling a little horse..."

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229. At 7:52pm on 30 Apr 2009, Dodie_James wrote:
Right, after three years digging the tunnel will be ready at 03.40. Great work chaps and well done - everyone get their gear ready, disguises on. Not you, Yeoman..

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230. At 7:53pm on 30 Apr 2009, Dodie_James wrote:
Cut some slack, that race was over two miles..

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231. At 7:53pm on 30 Apr 2009, SteeleHawker wrote:
Poor Lance Corporal Heeley spent months teaching Yeoman the 'special move' of building a sandcastle before someone told him there wasn't a beach at Windsor

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232. At 7:59pm on 30 Apr 2009, alpha-kat wrote:
The horse was pleased with his special move that involved having a nap. Lance Corporal Heeley wasn't as sure...

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233. At 8:02pm on 30 Apr 2009, SteeleHawker wrote:
Lance Corporal Heeley spent months teaching Yeoman the 'special move' of using his hoof to indicate how many pints of beer he wanted before someone told him Windsor Castle wasn't a pub

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234. At 8:06pm on 30 Apr 2009, Dodie_James wrote:
You two are not really here for the racing, are you..

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235. At 8:06pm on 30 Apr 2009, ADasein wrote:

Re: captions 1-7 (All done in 3 minutes)...

Pendragon: a title given to an ancient British or Welsh prince holding or claiming supreme power.

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236. At 8:08pm on 30 Apr 2009, MediaCat wrote:
Lance Corporal Stephen Heeley proves he's still the mane man.

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237. At 8:30pm on 30 Apr 2009, Dodie_James wrote:
Well, my Mum ran off with the milkman, the hay ran out and Dad was reduced to collecting scrap. So I joined up. And you?

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238. At 8:36pm on 30 Apr 2009, miltondigger wrote:
After the success of the latest Reggie Perrin series, Martin Clunes' brother auditions for a remake of "Drop the Dead Donkey".

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239. At 8:37pm on 30 Apr 2009, Dodie_James wrote:
I know, I’ve got two stripes yet the BBC think I’m a Lance Corporal. Mind you, they think you’re a tank..

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240. At 8:48pm on 30 Apr 2009, aliotis wrote:
"It's his Birthday,so we're spending a little quality time together"

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241. At 8:57pm on 30 Apr 2009, Ruthstabb wrote:
Take a deep breathe and tell me all about it....

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242. At 9:00pm on 30 Apr 2009, Ruthstabb wrote:
Pillows for horses were slow to take effect on the open market despite this advertising board

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243. At 9:10pm on 30 Apr 2009, SteeleHawker wrote:
After coming in last at Ascot, Yeoman had incurred Her Majesty's displeasure, and was now recovering from a vicious Royal head-butting

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244. At 9:16pm on 30 Apr 2009, little_hello wrote:
Heeley's most regular patient, Yeoman decided he enjoyed the physical contact, but secretly had an antibacterial hoof gel under his saddle, these flu scares had a tendancy to intensify his OCDish properties.

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245. At 9:22pm on 30 Apr 2009, sarahtrieste wrote:
Sit ups were alot easier with a weight on your legs.

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246. At 9:24pm on 30 Apr 2009, Dodie_James wrote:
One of the more bizarre thing revealed in MP’s expense claims..

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247. At 9:25pm on 30 Apr 2009, Dodie_James wrote:
One of the more bizarre things revealed in MP’s expense claims..

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248. At 9:26pm on 30 Apr 2009, Rob Falconer wrote:
Lance Corporal Heeley's birthday cake had a little model of himself and Yeoman on top, but sadly had been left out in the sun for too long

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249. At 9:28pm on 30 Apr 2009, nerdsunited wrote:
Hey, there is no need for the long face, I fell off you.

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250. At 9:38pm on 30 Apr 2009, DoctorFonz wrote:
"Quiet Please! I'm trying to horse whisper!"

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251. At 9:41pm on 30 Apr 2009, sarahtrieste wrote:
This is NOT a western super-mare!

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252. At 9:50pm on 30 Apr 2009, fastwelshdragon wrote:
Just horsing around.

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253. At 9:56pm on 30 Apr 2009, alangiff wrote:
Steve, fetch me a Walls Funny Face, and don't get any sand in it

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254. At 9:59pm on 30 Apr 2009, Rockahula wrote:
It wasn't comfortable but it was certainly easier than trying to explain how the mane had come to get stuck in his zip in the first place.

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255. At 9:59pm on 30 Apr 2009, SimonRooke wrote:
Lesson one, when sedating your horse, stand well clear...

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256. At 10:21pm on 30 Apr 2009, Candace9839 wrote:
Yes, I've read quite a bit of CS Lewis. Why do you ask?

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257. At 10:27pm on 30 Apr 2009, IamnotSpartacus wrote:
"And then the mummy horse and the daddy horse lived happily ever after.'

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258. At 10:28pm on 30 Apr 2009, Candace9839 wrote:
The British remake of 'The Amazing Mr Ed' was exhausting for cast and crew.

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259. At 10:32pm on 30 Apr 2009, Candace9839 wrote:
LC Heeley: "And stop calling me Wilbur"

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260. At 10:32pm on 30 Apr 2009, supermatt6000 wrote:
No animals were harmed in the making of this production.

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261. At 10:34pm on 30 Apr 2009, Candace9839 wrote:
...ashes, ashes, we all fall...look out!

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262. At 10:38pm on 30 Apr 2009, Hobbitmorley wrote:
If only your tummy would stop rumbling I could get a well earned kip!

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263. At 10:38pm on 30 Apr 2009, Rockahula wrote:
Yes, the British public had bought into 'Celebrity Dancing On Ice', but the BBC's luck was about to run out with its latest primetime gamble: 'Equestrian Lying on Sand'.

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264. At 10:39pm on 30 Apr 2009, alegrias3 wrote:
Prince Charles' caddie takes a well earned rest by the 18th green.

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265. At 10:41pm on 30 Apr 2009, Rockahula wrote:
This comment was removed because the moderators found it broke the House Rules.
266. At 10:46pm on 30 Apr 2009, Benjamin_T_Cat wrote:
Lance Corporal Heeley was used to sweeping the girls off their feet, but perhaps shouldn't have used his pulling technique down at the stables.

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267. At 10:50pm on 30 Apr 2009, Candace9839 wrote:
New health and safety rules put rather a damper on the polo match.

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268. At 10:51pm on 30 Apr 2009, kihappower wrote:
Oh honey, it's such a wonderful view, isn't it?

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269. At 10:53pm on 30 Apr 2009, badsis wrote:
Aaaaaaat Eeeeeese

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270. At 10:59pm on 30 Apr 2009, Candace9839 wrote:
Hay, Jude, don't let me down
You may founder, now prone but unhurt
Remember to let ER into your heart
then you can start to fake it better

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271. At 11:01pm on 30 Apr 2009, Rockahula wrote:
'Come! Come to Moldova! For holiday! We hev horse! And beach! Come pleease, thenkyou!'

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272. At 11:01pm on 30 Apr 2009, SimonRooke wrote:
Yes, we bought him from Microsoft, it's their new drag and drop version.

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273. At 11:03pm on 30 Apr 2009, Candace9839 wrote:
LC Heeley: He's feeling poorly. Woke up a little hoarse today.

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274. At 11:04pm on 30 Apr 2009, alegrias3 wrote:
"Maybe I should just buy a shoe brush..."

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275. At 11:05pm on 30 Apr 2009, ToeDriscoll wrote:
Police were called to Blackpool Beach today when a drunk man lying on the sand reported that a Quality Street character wearing Michael Jackson's glove was pinned against a wall by a horse.

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276. At 11:06pm on 30 Apr 2009, Candace9839 wrote:
LC Heely: He's exhausted from watching Hidalgo last night.

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277. At 11:08pm on 30 Apr 2009, alegrias3 wrote:
"It's great weather and the beach is wonderful, but I just can't switch off from work."

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278. At 00:35am on 01 May 2009, peter68 wrote:
Page 3 of Horse and Hound would never be the same again

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279. At 00:39am on 01 May 2009, peter68 wrote:
After Heeley snags his trousers, Yeoman quickly dives to save his blushes

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280. At 00:42am on 01 May 2009, peter68 wrote:
Yeoman listens for the sea, but Heeley isn't nuts about the idea

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281. At 00:44am on 01 May 2009, peter68 wrote:
'Oh no look, it's John McCririck, play dead!'

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282. At 00:47am on 01 May 2009, peter68 wrote:
Playing with the animal waxworks at Madame Tussauds was not Stephen's best idea

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283. At 00:49am on 01 May 2009, peter68 wrote:
'I love you man'
'No,I love yeo man'

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284. At 01:23am on 01 May 2009, dspburnett1 wrote:
With sand in all the wrong places, Stephen was finding it difficult to hide his irritation at Yeo's embarassing Friday night horseplay.

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285. At 01:58am on 01 May 2009, alexwilson82 wrote:
Well doctor, it just started out as a growth on my left ear...

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286. At 02:02am on 01 May 2009, alexwilson82 wrote:
OR: Well doctor, it just started out as a genital wart...

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287. At 02:11am on 01 May 2009, MJF_dodo wrote:
"I always thought I would do well at Badminton but I couldn't hold the racquet with these hooves"

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288. At 02:47am on 01 May 2009, mikehaz90 wrote:
This poor horse just heard what actually happened in that tent in Brokeback Mountain

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289. At 03:29am on 01 May 2009, Digrgrl wrote:
What do you mean there's no such thing as a lap-horse?!

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290. At 04:49am on 01 May 2009, bazalex13 wrote:
When internet dating goes wrong.

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291. At 07:35am on 01 May 2009, jtotheglo wrote:
Sleeping Beauty

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292. At 07:45am on 01 May 2009, Rob Falconer wrote:
Raining cats and dogs was bad enough

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293. At 07:46am on 01 May 2009, no_seriously wrote:
A spokesman for the army has denied suggestions that the open-door policy on sexual orientation needed reining in.

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294. At 07:50am on 01 May 2009, Rob Falconer wrote:
Mr. Milne's hearing was not what it used to be: he could have sworn Christopher Robin had said he wanted a new toy called Trigger

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295. At 07:54am on 01 May 2009, Rob Falconer wrote:
It was the first time they'd had a dead horse on Flog It!

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296. At 07:58am on 01 May 2009, The_Butcher_Boy wrote:
Even from his boyhood moments, it was obvious that Charles would end up with camilla

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297. At 08:04am on 01 May 2009, Rob Falconer wrote:
The Valley of Death? Are you sure, Sir? I hear thw Wye Valley is very pretty at this time of the year.

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298. At 08:12am on 01 May 2009, nickson1 wrote:
Sounds like indegestion to me Stephen.

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299. At 08:19am on 01 May 2009, nickson1 wrote:
For goodness sake Heeley. The Hokey Cokey says you turn around, not lay around!!

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300. At 08:21am on 01 May 2009, ihatedolphins wrote:
Why do the paparazzi keep bothering us?

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301. At 08:22am on 01 May 2009, rego77660 wrote:
Beauty and the Beach

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302. At 08:22am on 01 May 2009, MrSnoozy wrote:
Alas poor Yeoman, I knew him

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303. At 08:33am on 01 May 2009, jtotheglo wrote:
The Animal Rights recreation of The Godfather just didn't have the same dramatic effect.

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304. At 08:35am on 01 May 2009, rego77660 wrote:
After a heavy nights drinking, LC Heeley awakes, and realises that the Beauty he took down to the beach wasn't quite what he thought it was the night before

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305. At 08:38am on 01 May 2009, MrSnoozy wrote:
It must be the Lynx effect - amazing!

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306. At 08:45am on 01 May 2009, Rob Falconer wrote:
If Lance Corporal Heeley was a stable boy, why did he keep falling over?

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307. At 08:47am on 01 May 2009, Merkofk wrote:
The Antics Roadshow

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308. At 08:48am on 01 May 2009, Dundeen wrote:
After putting Humpty Dumpty back together again...we were shattered !!

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309. At 08:53am on 01 May 2009, nick_fowler wrote:
Yeoman's fighting policy was not to kill the enemy, but at least to ensure their population growth declined

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310. At 08:54am on 01 May 2009, nick_fowler wrote:
The Lance Corporal was a failed conscientious objector who used to bayonet the enemy to death

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311. At 08:57am on 01 May 2009, Dazzyv wrote:
Sing along now corporal!!.." Did you think I would would leave you dying..when there's room for my house for two????"

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312. At 09:09am on 01 May 2009, nick_fowler wrote:
It was his first day in the catering corps, and Lance Corporal Heeley wasn't sure what d'oeuvres were

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313. At 09:10am on 01 May 2009, nick_fowler wrote:
Unfortunately, Lance Corporal Heeley hadn't been given a pound for every caption that said he was feeling a little horse

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314. At 09:16am on 01 May 2009, Os Osment wrote:
Gunner Smith wasn't sure if the lovely girl he met at Weston Super Mare had Swine Flu or not, but she was certainly a little horse...

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315. At 09:31am on 01 May 2009, markypolo wrote:
Man "My wife doesn't understand me"
Horse "Well mine's a right mare"

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316. At 09:40am on 01 May 2009, redalfa147 wrote:
Buttons wasn't happy that the slipper fitted.

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317. At 09:41am on 01 May 2009, Fungus the Bogeyman wrote:
Lance Corporal Heeney discovers that there is not much call for business class donkey rides in Blackpool

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318. At 09:42am on 01 May 2009, Fungus the Bogeyman wrote:
Lance Corporal Heeley discovers that there is not much call for business class donkey rides in Blackpool

(amending the typo !)

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319. At 09:42am on 01 May 2009, ironpaulshaw wrote:
Yeoman needing comforting after seeing the Statue of Liberty buried in the sand

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320. At 09:43am on 01 May 2009, justfor wrote:
This comment was removed because the moderators found it broke the House Rules.
321. At 09:46am on 01 May 2009, dry_boak wrote:
As I approached the bunker, I thought the worst I would face was a plugged ball

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322. At 09:46am on 01 May 2009, Jordan D wrote:
"Don't move or the horse glues it."

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323. At 09:48am on 01 May 2009, Jordan D wrote:
The Amry presents its entry for the Turner Prize.

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324. At 09:48am on 01 May 2009, redalfa147 wrote:
Lance Corporal Stephen Heeley regretted giving his horse bottled water from Campbeltown

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325. At 09:51am on 01 May 2009, redalfa147 wrote:
F1 budget cap needs to be increased, says current leader, Jenson Buttons.

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326. At 09:59am on 01 May 2009, Tableturn wrote:
The horse cursed the paparazzi, having fallen over under the sheer weight of his new beach hat.

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327. At 10:01am on 01 May 2009, redalfa147 wrote:
You can lead a horse to water, but just make sure you're not in Campbeltown.

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328. At 10:04am on 01 May 2009, redalfa147 wrote:
The rail-replacement-bus-replacement horse was tired on day one.

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329. At 10:04am on 01 May 2009, LaurenceLane wrote:
Early drive in movies were proving a success, apart from the cries of 'down in front'.

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330. At 10:08am on 01 May 2009, rego77660 wrote:
After close inspection, experts conclude that the Wembley pitch is indeed a mare!

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331. At 10:18am on 01 May 2009, zenagordon wrote:
Lance Corporal Stephen Heeley was given the kiss of life. He fainted in the extream heat during a rehearsal for the Windsor Castle Royal Tattoo. Yeoman, Heeley,s trusted companion, was able to bring Heeley around but later fainted himself. Heeley refused to do the same for his loyal friend after stating that Yeoman had eaten garlic the night before.

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332. At 10:21am on 01 May 2009, rego77660 wrote:
The drought was starting to take its toll, but LC Heeley had a feeling that he was close to finding the reins

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333. At 10:21am on 01 May 2009, BernardW wrote:
This comment was removed because the moderators found it broke the House Rules.
334. At 10:22am on 01 May 2009, zenagordon wrote:
"Let it be noted that the sun lotion has been applied to the neck and head to prevent burning".

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335. At 10:27am on 01 May 2009, jellyba wrote:
Is it swine flu? I'm feeling a little hoarse

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336. At 10:28am on 01 May 2009, jellyba wrote:
Now I regret calling it Lapdancer

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337. At 10:29am on 01 May 2009, jellyba wrote:
the lesser known category of military casualties

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338. At 10:30am on 01 May 2009, jellyba wrote:
Did some one say Afghanistan

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339. At 10:31am on 01 May 2009, rego77660 wrote:
In a bid to cut outbreaks of skin cancer a new guide for sun seekers is issued ...........

Sunbathing for Idiots - Only Fools and Horses

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340. At 10:32am on 01 May 2009, Woundedpride wrote:
"Look, can't you just put the camera upright?"

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341. At 10:33am on 01 May 2009, Woundedpride wrote:
"Yeah, it's great for sit-ups!"

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342. At 10:34am on 01 May 2009, jellyba wrote:
How to fit your horse into "landscape"

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343. At 10:34am on 01 May 2009, Woundedpride wrote:
"Listen you 'orrible little man, the order was 'slope arms', not 'slope horse'!"

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344. At 10:47am on 01 May 2009, Matt_EN wrote:
After years in showbiz wilderness, Mr Ed seeks out his local therapist.

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345. At 10:51am on 01 May 2009, SundayParkGeorge wrote:
Vets are mystified by the large red growth found in the horse's ear

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346. At 11:00am on 01 May 2009, Johnny Pixels wrote:
It was Stephen's first day on valet parking at the hotel, and this wasn't what he was expecting when he went to collect the Mustang

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347. At 11:07am on 01 May 2009, ValerieGanne wrote:
No, it's Trooping, not Tripping the Colour

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348. At 11:07am on 01 May 2009, kateincastle wrote:
If you get your hand out of my ear, Stephen, I'll let you get up

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349. At 11:14am on 01 May 2009, youngsimplemind wrote:
Ah! This is the life, beautiful day and someplace to rest my weary head. What more could I ask for?

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350. At 11:15am on 01 May 2009, jarlaberg wrote:
Due to the recession, Buttons and the Panto horse have fallen on hard times.

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351. At 11:16am on 01 May 2009, iansessford wrote:
Lance Corporal Heeley:- "I have dressed up in my soldier suit as you asked.I have brought you to the beach as you wanted, and your still not satisfied!"
Yeoman:- "Oh but I am satisfied darling!"
Lance Corporal Heeley:- "Then why the long face?"

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352. At 11:18am on 01 May 2009, billcam wrote:
Ever wonder what happened to the kid from the cover of Marillion's Misplaced Childhood?

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353. At 11:21am on 01 May 2009, Paulsbetterhalf wrote:
We're tired of horsing around.

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354. At 11:22am on 01 May 2009, adno83 wrote:
PETA protests force new 'Godfather' film to rethink famous scene

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355. At 11:28am on 01 May 2009, UKTroll wrote:
Yeoman was inconsolable after his life-long ambition to ride in a hotel lift was thwarted by Stephen's failure to remove his stripes.

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356. At 11:30am on 01 May 2009, adno83 wrote:
Heeley's next wheel-based invention "Hoovies" blamed for horse tumble!

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357. At 11:32am on 01 May 2009, mcfste wrote:
Hey it's not only us and pigs that get Swine Flu you know, poor Pibbles has been running a fever something rotten.

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358. At 11:34am on 01 May 2009, phy3rdh wrote:
The performance of the military band's lead vocalist was below par due to him feeling a little horse.

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359. At 11:36am on 01 May 2009, CairngormMcWomble wrote:
Yeoman hadn't read the script for the re-enactment of "Two Little Boys"

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360. At 11:36am on 01 May 2009, firstjohnsark wrote:
An instant before they hit the rocks beneath the cliff, the Corporal glanced down and saw the camera.

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361. At 11:41am on 01 May 2009, forlovers1 wrote:
Even Hollywood wasn't going to create this latest idea of an Adam Sandler 'love story with a twist' film.

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362. At 11:42am on 01 May 2009, b16bri wrote:
Getting Yeoman Off the Guard was not going to be easy

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363. At 11:46am on 01 May 2009, Woolfbane wrote:
Nay, Nay and thrice Nay!

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364. At 11:49am on 01 May 2009, glynnbum wrote:
Next time I say "Give him a sugar lump", do try and make sure it's not saturated with absinthe.

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365. At 11:49am on 01 May 2009, Martin_Brannigan wrote:
Away in a Stable,
No crib for a bed
The little horse Yeoman
Laid down His sweet head

The stars in the bright sky
Looked down on Heeley
The little horse Yeoman
Asleep on the hay

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366. At 11:50am on 01 May 2009, CyrusDarius wrote:
Price Charles is shocked to see his private detective's photograph. His suspicions were right all along: Camila was having an affair with a younger, more handsome man....

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367. At 11:50am on 01 May 2009, afinucane wrote:
It's not what it looks like!

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368. At 11:50am on 01 May 2009, glynnbum wrote:
The horse wouldn't cross the mafia again, not after they left a man under his pillow.

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369. At 11:50am on 01 May 2009, Woolfbane wrote:
It's only a big horse he's a Londoner...

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370. At 11:58am on 01 May 2009, snapper01 wrote:
The bell boy woke up to find he was REALLY in trouble...the mafia had sent him a message and there was no way he could wriggle out of it now.

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371. At 12:03pm on 01 May 2009, b16bri wrote:
Don't think we'll get that position as centaur forward

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372. At 12:04pm on 01 May 2009, TheFatBlackDuke wrote:
As Lance Corporal Heeley's tour of duty in Iraq came to an end, he found it hard to leave his holiday romance behind.

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373. At 12:06pm on 01 May 2009, 49pete wrote:
Stirring from sleep, Stephen recalled that the Home Counties Mafia were renowned for their gentlemanly conduct.

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374. At 12:12pm on 01 May 2009, Chopper32 wrote:
Welcome to Centaur Parks.

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375. At 12:13pm on 01 May 2009, UKTroll wrote:
"Stop pampering that horse and get back on parade you horrible little man! And smarten up your dress, or the closest you'll come to performing for Her Majesty will be mucking out her stables!!!"

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376. At 12:13pm on 01 May 2009, Chopper32 wrote:
It was the Bellboy's first attempt at valet parking.

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377. At 12:15pm on 01 May 2009, Chopper32 wrote:
Dobbin relaxes with his new novelty pillow.

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378. At 12:24pm on 01 May 2009, 18titlesherewecome wrote:
Stephen's "my life as an animal" experience was progressing much faster than he had imagined...

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379. At 12:27pm on 01 May 2009, sternpaddler wrote:
It was with horror that full realization crashed down on the Royal Household as they watched the Police's Celebrity Look-Alike Re-enactment of the Sex on the Palace Grass escapade.

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380. At 12:27pm on 01 May 2009, juanshow wrote:
Later that day Lance Corporal Heeley was sent to the sick bay with a soar throat after mentioning that he'd been feeling a little horse.

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381. At 12:28pm on 01 May 2009, juanshow wrote:
Re 380. Apologies for the terrible typo, it should of course be sore throat!

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