Caption Competition

13:36 UK time, Friday, 13 March 2009

Winning entries in the caption competition.

The competition is now closed. Full rules can be seen here [PDF].

This week, a schoolgirl mucks out the giraffe house as London Zoo offers local pupils a chance to be a keeper for a day. But what's being said?

Thanks to all who entered. The prize of a small amount of kudos to the following:

6. Woundedpride
"Could you keep the noise down, young lady? The string quartet can't hear themselves practice in here."

5. haveronjones
Girl: "Is this the way to the Scottish Ladies Curling trials?"

4. SeanieSmith
"Errr... I don't like to complain, but about this tiger flap in the door..."

3. Bazzoh
Gertrude's attempt to scare the new young zoo keeper by reenacting the famous scene from The Shining didn't work so well.

2. Stellsie
Although a little early, the giant advent calendar trial run was going well.

1. SimonRooke
"I used to be at Longleat, but you eat just one windscreen wiper blade and it's six months solitary."

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Comments

1. At 12:18pm on 12 Mar 2009, JudgePix wrote:
You shall go to the ball, Cinderella, and you're not exactly what I expected either!

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2. At 12:20pm on 12 Mar 2009, Pendragon wrote:
I'm sorry, but I think you're about to wish you'd been put in charge of the hamsters

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3. At 12:20pm on 12 Mar 2009, Candace9839 wrote:
Giraffe (thinking): People do seem to shrink as you get older

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4. At 12:20pm on 12 Mar 2009, wackybutton wrote:
I don't mean to stick my neck out, but you missed a bit.

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5. At 12:21pm on 12 Mar 2009, Pendragon wrote:
So you thought I had a hearing problem and they'd said I had a dire ear?

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6. At 12:22pm on 12 Mar 2009, Pendragon wrote:
And make certain you use a different brush when you clean my teeth

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7. At 12:22pm on 12 Mar 2009, Mersonwastheperson wrote:
You're going to need more than a broom for this one love.

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8. At 12:23pm on 12 Mar 2009, Pendragon wrote:
Look, you don't want to open the lower doors ...

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9. At 12:24pm on 12 Mar 2009, Dodie_James wrote:
Psst.. Wanna buy some grass?

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10. At 12:24pm on 12 Mar 2009, Candace9839 wrote:
So you'll take what's behind Door Number 1 then?

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11. At 12:25pm on 12 Mar 2009, muddybunny wrote:
You missed a bit.

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12. At 12:25pm on 12 Mar 2009, Pendragon wrote:
You thought this was the pound for continental mammals? Actually, it reads incontinental ...

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13. At 12:26pm on 12 Mar 2009, Dodie_James wrote:
Can I have my football back please?

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14. At 12:26pm on 12 Mar 2009, FM wrote:
"Excuse me, I've got an itch on my neck that I just can't quite reach. Do you mind?"

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15. At 12:27pm on 12 Mar 2009, Candace9839 wrote:
What, no treats?!

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16. At 12:27pm on 12 Mar 2009, Candace9839 wrote:
When surrealists dream

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17. At 12:27pm on 12 Mar 2009, sternpaddler wrote:
How the heck do they cram seven bones into those little necks?

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18. At 12:30pm on 12 Mar 2009, Valerie Ganne wrote:
Well, yes, I am vegetarian, but, there again, you do look a bit like a jelly baby

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19. At 12:30pm on 12 Mar 2009, Candace9839 wrote:
Just be glad you didn't draw the short straw on the monkey house, my dear

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20. At 12:31pm on 12 Mar 2009, Valerie Ganne wrote:
Well, next time you order a carafe of wine, speak more clearly ...

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21. At 12:33pm on 12 Mar 2009, Valerie Ganne wrote:
Well, yes, I can run quite fast, but an elephant can do a ton ... but you wouldn't want to know about that, would you?

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22. At 12:34pm on 12 Mar 2009, Valerie Ganne wrote:
At least you'll be able to tell your mother to shut up when she says your room's in a mess

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23. At 12:34pm on 12 Mar 2009, Candace9839 wrote:
You'll need a shovel for the next phase I'm afraid

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24. At 12:35pm on 12 Mar 2009, sewerpigeon wrote:
Excuse me? Could I borrow a cup of sugar?

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25. At 12:35pm on 12 Mar 2009, Valerie Ganne wrote:
Well, I can't see any dogs, but I do agree that this is a shih tzu

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26. At 12:36pm on 12 Mar 2009, Valerie Ganne wrote:
Julie had never found a giraffe in an advent calendar before

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27. At 12:38pm on 12 Mar 2009, tonysibley wrote:
You're a lot shorter than the last keeper..

Well you're a lot taller than my last pet!!

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28. At 12:39pm on 12 Mar 2009, Fauconnier wrote:
I don't want to worry you, but we all had an Indian takeaway last night

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29. At 12:39pm on 12 Mar 2009, G0ng00zle wrote:
Oh! I thought they said Ed Ball's education ideas were 'gaffe' prone!

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30. At 12:40pm on 12 Mar 2009, vicklestickle wrote:
Hey! How you doing?!

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31. At 12:41pm on 12 Mar 2009, sternpaddler wrote:
Q. What do drinks that consist of liquor and water or soda and that are quickly poured in a tall glass have in common with giraffes?
(answer in the next post)

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32. At 12:41pm on 12 Mar 2009, sternpaddler wrote:
Answer to the previous post.
They're called High Balls.

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33. At 12:41pm on 12 Mar 2009, honesthulley wrote:
"Where`s that David Copperfield bloke gone,he`s left my legs in the bottom door behind you."

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34. At 12:41pm on 12 Mar 2009, Fauconnier wrote:
Unlike the apes, at least I can't throw it at you, my dear

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35. At 12:42pm on 12 Mar 2009, CairngormMcWomble wrote:
yeah sorry about the mess, had the lads over for a curry and poker night!
Speaking of which you may want to leave off mucking out for a bit ...

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36. At 12:44pm on 12 Mar 2009, Candace9839 wrote:
Giraffe: Oh yeah? Well let me show you what sticking your tongue out really means.

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37. At 12:44pm on 12 Mar 2009, penny-farthing wrote:
You missed a bit........

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38. At 12:44pm on 12 Mar 2009, Fauconnier wrote:
And I bet that, when you first heard about this job, you said "Oh, is it only for one day?"

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39. At 12:45pm on 12 Mar 2009, symingth wrote:
Snow's gone, luv. You'll need to practice curling elsewhere now...

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40. At 12:45pm on 12 Mar 2009, CairngormMcWomble wrote:
where's Johnny Morris when you need a witty comment?

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41. At 12:48pm on 12 Mar 2009, stilllitterarty wrote:
Photographic Proof that Quantitative easing creates employment opportunities for the fans of "things can only get better"on a gap year in the brooming economy.

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42. At 12:48pm on 12 Mar 2009, Candace9839 wrote:
Who knew giraffes could get legless?

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43. At 12:49pm on 12 Mar 2009, Shedsey wrote:
"And a brush to the right"
Gerald the Giraffe was keen to show the young lady his moves for the Rocky Horror Show once the stage had been cleared after an obvious case of stage fright earlier.

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44. At 12:50pm on 12 Mar 2009, nick_fowler wrote:
Why does my having a long neck make more work for you? Well, having a long neck means I can reach the cherries ...

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45. At 12:50pm on 12 Mar 2009, Anti_Labour wrote:
The horse had bolted, but the giraffe was contained...

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46. At 12:50pm on 12 Mar 2009, vincebrown wrote:
"Pssst, human. I have an interesting proposition for you..."

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47. At 12:51pm on 12 Mar 2009, Tom-K-Hawkey wrote:
Until a drastic change was made to the law, they had to rely on stolen glances to show their love to one another

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48. At 12:51pm on 12 Mar 2009, Candace9839 wrote:
Bollywood remakes the film Groundhog Day. Stand by for the big dance sequence...

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49. At 12:52pm on 12 Mar 2009, nick_fowler wrote:
Oh, it's you. I was hoping for David Attenborough.

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50. At 12:53pm on 12 Mar 2009, Candace9839 wrote:
"I've had it up to here with you guys!" cried the giraffe.

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51. At 12:53pm on 12 Mar 2009, CairngormMcWomble wrote:
Ah so you're the new girl.

Fresh towels in the en-suite please and could we move my shiatsu neck and back rub to 1030 please.

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52. At 12:55pm on 12 Mar 2009, Candace9839 wrote:
Tall for your age are you?

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53. At 12:55pm on 12 Mar 2009, nick_fowler wrote:
You're not as bright as the last girl - she slipped me some Imodium, and she had nothing to do all day

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54. At 12:55pm on 12 Mar 2009, Anti_Labour wrote:
With tree disease spreading like wildfire, hungry giraffes start looking longingly at the Irish curling team practicing in the yard...

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55. At 12:56pm on 12 Mar 2009, Theodore-H-Biscuit wrote:
"Not quite 64 Zoo Lane is it love? Now get over here and clear this lot up."

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56. At 12:57pm on 12 Mar 2009, NormanAS wrote:

FourKneeSmith reaches new heights

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57. At 12:57pm on 12 Mar 2009, halcyonday wrote:
The Giraffe, Pelican and Me Cleaning Co. sadly had to downsize to deal with the credit crunch.

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58. At 12:57pm on 12 Mar 2009, Anti_Labour wrote:
And this is what you could have won had you chosen door number 3...

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59. At 12:57pm on 12 Mar 2009, Candace9839 wrote:
What did you do to deserve mucking out duty, my dear?

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60. At 12:58pm on 12 Mar 2009, nick_fowler wrote:
Oh, and do you think you could make the catflap a little bigger?

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61. At 1:00pm on 12 Mar 2009, johnandkellyevans wrote:
Do I look like your mother? Clean your own mess up!

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62. At 1:00pm on 12 Mar 2009, Anti_Labour wrote:
The mischievous giraffe with newsreader ambitions chuckled to himself, as little did she know he was not wearing any trousers...

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63. At 1:00pm on 12 Mar 2009, nick_fowler wrote:
Life here is just like the Britsh economy - broom and brushed

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64. At 1:01pm on 12 Mar 2009, nick_fowler wrote:
Life here is just like the British economy - broom and brushed

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65. At 1:01pm on 12 Mar 2009, heleliz wrote:
Balls reveals the practical module of the new GCSE in Animal Husbandry.

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66. At 1:01pm on 12 Mar 2009, Candace9839 wrote:
...So I was minding my own business on the African veld...

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67. At 1:03pm on 12 Mar 2009, Kitwemiller wrote:
The final of the staring competion was taking its toll on the competitors necks - who'd have thought the little girl with OCD and the giffrafe would make it 6 hours.....

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68. At 1:04pm on 12 Mar 2009, NormanAS wrote:

Who says giraffes can't ? - koff

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69. At 1:12pm on 12 Mar 2009, Helenepitpony wrote:
London Zoo: "Full-time job? You're having a giraffe..."

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70. At 1:12pm on 12 Mar 2009, Ruaraidh Gillies wrote:
And today we're going to take a look through the arched window...

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71. At 1:14pm on 12 Mar 2009, NormanAS wrote:

African A-part-hide swept well away

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72. At 1:14pm on 12 Mar 2009, Marquee wrote:
And if you say "Why the long face?", I'll consider giving up vegetarianism

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73. At 1:15pm on 12 Mar 2009, nick_fowler wrote:
I don't know whether you've noticed, but there's a group of teachers over there laughing their heads off

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74. At 1:15pm on 12 Mar 2009, Northern_Simon wrote:
Oh well. Could be worse. A hundred years ago I'd have been up a chimney

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75. At 1:16pm on 12 Mar 2009, Marquee wrote:
Excitement mounts as the world animal Curling championships get under way

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76. At 1:16pm on 12 Mar 2009, LaurenceLane wrote:
Well look on the bright side, it's a lot better than working for a merchant banker.

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77. At 1:16pm on 12 Mar 2009, nick_fowler wrote:
Forgot to do your homework again, eh?

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78. At 1:17pm on 12 Mar 2009, nick_fowler wrote:
And the head's fallen off your hobby horse too

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79. At 1:18pm on 12 Mar 2009, mainbass wrote:
I`m impressed you`ve cleaned it all up without leaving a trace - have you considered a career in banking?

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80. At 1:19pm on 12 Mar 2009, youngWillz wrote:
Girl: "I am NOT a schoolgirl! I am a gender-specific educational training receptor on outward life experience detail (non-community payback)!"

Giraffe: "And I thought I used to be wild..."

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81. At 1:20pm on 12 Mar 2009, teazeldad wrote:
"Look, I *may* be a giraffe, but I do watch the telly and I'm telling you categorically that Hurling can ONLY be played on ice. Philistine!"

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82. At 1:20pm on 12 Mar 2009, LaurenceLane wrote:
Well, consider it as a more worthwhile career than being an accountant.

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83. At 1:21pm on 12 Mar 2009, Candace9839 wrote:
The road to a pith helmet and swanky uniform was an arduous one...

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84. At 1:21pm on 12 Mar 2009, teazeldad wrote:
*hides head in hands and realises that i meant to say curling in previous post* :(

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85. At 1:22pm on 12 Mar 2009, Rach wrote:
You missed a spot

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86. At 1:23pm on 12 Mar 2009, ols105 wrote:
Rolf Harris' new show 'Animal Hospitality' looked certain to be a flop

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87. At 1:24pm on 12 Mar 2009, RoddyJenkins wrote:
Pssst....want a sure bet for the Gold Cup?

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88. At 1:25pm on 12 Mar 2009, SURESHSUDRA wrote:
This is the last time I am cleaning your mess.
It is about time you got "yard trained" mate

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89. At 1:29pm on 12 Mar 2009, Phats58 wrote:
Gerald enjoyed the power of his new teaching post. Just sixth months earlier he'd been just like any other professional mammal. Now he was head and shoulders above the rest.

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90. At 1:29pm on 12 Mar 2009, SimonRooke wrote:
Tonight on the BBC, 'Rowan and Martin meet Animal Park'.

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91. At 1:30pm on 12 Mar 2009, kipperonthefloor-The Dog and Trout Inn at A44322987, A great place to have a Christmas Knees-up! wrote:
HEY! I wanted a room with a Bath!

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92. At 1:30pm on 12 Mar 2009, JulesGWillis wrote:
Biology Practical? You're having a Giraffe!

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93. At 1:30pm on 12 Mar 2009, Candace9839 wrote:
I wonder if Dora the Explorer got her start like this?

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94. At 1:31pm on 12 Mar 2009, youngWillz wrote:
Girl brushes up on Animal Science.

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95. At 1:32pm on 12 Mar 2009, TooSensible wrote:
Could you sweep a little more quietly? I'm trying to get my head down.

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96. At 1:34pm on 12 Mar 2009, Magnum Carter wrote:
"I wouldn't come in here for at least 45 minutes..."

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97. At 1:36pm on 12 Mar 2009, Tremorman wrote:
The last girl got sacked, she was a bit too keen with the brush and left me spotless.

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98. At 1:36pm on 12 Mar 2009, SimonRooke wrote:
Er, the lads say that when you've finished out there you can do in here. Oh, and they say you'd better bring a big shovel!

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99. At 1:37pm on 12 Mar 2009, Magnum Carter wrote:
The real Jurassic Park wasn't quite as convincing.

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100. At 1:40pm on 12 Mar 2009, Tremorman wrote:
Ex football manager Jack Charlton shows off his new retirement home.

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101. At 1:40pm on 12 Mar 2009, Steele Hawker wrote:
I think you'll need more than a pair of Marigold gloves when you come in here

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102. At 1:41pm on 12 Mar 2009, Maggiemaynotbe wrote:
Hey - would you give my back a scratch with that?

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103. At 1:41pm on 12 Mar 2009, eatinglunchbreak wrote:
Little Miss Doolittle was practising her Giraffe language but the giraffe found her a pain in the neck.

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104. At 1:42pm on 12 Mar 2009, SimonRooke wrote:
You know, I used to be a racehorse, before the Jockey Club cottoned on, won all my races by a neck.

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105. At 1:43pm on 12 Mar 2009, John_Sevenoaks wrote:
"Actually, it's pronounced 'boo-kay'."

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106. At 1:45pm on 12 Mar 2009, Jordan D wrote:
Despite the height difference, it was love a first sight.

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107. At 1:45pm on 12 Mar 2009, John_Sevenoaks wrote:
"Hurry up, I'm running in the 3:45 at Cheltenham."

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108. At 1:46pm on 12 Mar 2009, Jordan D wrote:
Extreme Stare Out

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109. At 1:46pm on 12 Mar 2009, rogueslr wrote:
Sorry, I didn't see you, must be all that camouflage.

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110. At 1:46pm on 12 Mar 2009, Spockter Doc wrote:
Giraffe: "Does my bum look big in this?"

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111. At 1:47pm on 12 Mar 2009, Spockter Doc wrote:
Quick open the other doors, there's a train coming

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112. At 1:48pm on 12 Mar 2009, John_Sevenoaks wrote:
"No, it wasn't me. Have you tried downstairs?"

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113. At 1:48pm on 12 Mar 2009, rogueslr wrote:
Well, if you don't grow roses, there's not much point in doing in here then!

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114. At 1:48pm on 12 Mar 2009, any1forcocktails wrote:
Do you want to come and see my puppies?

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115. At 1:49pm on 12 Mar 2009, Rockahula wrote:
'...and when you've finished that, can you come and look at the tumble dryer? It's started making a really strange noise...'

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116. At 1:51pm on 12 Mar 2009, rogueslr wrote:
Work experience? For what? Oh, you want to be a red top journalist!

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117. At 1:51pm on 12 Mar 2009, EmmaHortensia wrote:
This comment was removed because the moderators found it broke the House Rules.
118. At 1:51pm on 12 Mar 2009, youngWillz wrote:
She went on a train to London Zoo,
And asked the Keeper "What can I do?",
He said "I know there's some giraffe poo,
That's needs some sweeping."

So off she went with brush in hand,
And met the beast from far off land,
She saw it was only partially tanned,
And awake, not sleeping.

Polite, she aked "How do you do?,
I'm here to clear your giraffe poo.",
The animal just stared and began to chew,
A leaf he'd been keeping.

She cried "You're an enigmatic one,
Locked in a barn with little sun,
I'm amazed those small leaves do become,
This poo you've been heaping".

She wasn't afraid of this hard work,
A clever lass, she would not shirk,
But even she thought she saw a smirk,
On the giraffe come creeping.

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119. At 1:51pm on 12 Mar 2009, Tremorman wrote:
I swallowed a Viagra tablet but it got stuck in my throat.

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120. At 1:51pm on 12 Mar 2009, Spockter Doc wrote:
The new cleaning girl became rightly converned when the giraffe said... "Well, Clarice - have the lambs stopped screaming?"

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121. At 1:54pm on 12 Mar 2009, phillymaus wrote:
do you happen to know why they leave the lights on in here?

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122. At 1:54pm on 12 Mar 2009, rogueslr wrote:
While you're doing that, can you keep an eye out for my contact lens, I seem to have lost one.

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123. At 1:55pm on 12 Mar 2009, Helenepitpony wrote:
Not long until the set was ready, and then the Kilimanjaro Giraffe would clamber all over Cheryl Cole for Comic Relief.

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124. At 1:57pm on 12 Mar 2009, Ruaraidh Gillies wrote:
You might think I've got a yucky job, but your regular keeper's got double maths today!

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125. At 1:58pm on 12 Mar 2009, rogueslr wrote:
As you're the new apprentice, I just can't stop myself from telling you 'you're fired!'.

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126. At 1:58pm on 12 Mar 2009, Rockahula wrote:
'Pssst - wanna see some baby giraffes?'

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127. At 2:01pm on 12 Mar 2009, rogueslr wrote:
Psst, pass this on to the elephants, the tunnel's ready and we're all going out tonight.

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128. At 2:01pm on 12 Mar 2009, Dodie_James wrote:
So what if Ben Fogle is visiting. Honestly, that's all I hear, Ben Fogle this and Ben Fogle that..

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129. At 2:05pm on 12 Mar 2009, Steele Hawker wrote:
At least the training will come in handy if you ever get a job checking for drugs in Customs

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130. At 2:06pm on 12 Mar 2009, Rockahula wrote:
'Excuse me dear, you haven't seen a pullover lying around have you? It's cream cashmere... small green pattern on the front... sort of medium sized... ribbed cuffs... quite new... What's that dear? Well yes, it /has/ got a very long neck, now you mention it...'

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131. At 2:06pm on 12 Mar 2009, Candace9839 wrote:
And when you've finished with that, fetch me a cup of tea

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132. At 2:08pm on 12 Mar 2009, Steele Hawker wrote:
It's feeding time soon, so wash your hands

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133. At 2:09pm on 12 Mar 2009, Rockahula wrote:
'Henry? They're back! Get the traps, and this time, bait them with iPods...'

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134. At 2:09pm on 12 Mar 2009, Manisha wrote:
No.. I do not believe in "I scratch your back and you scratch mine"

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135. At 2:09pm on 12 Mar 2009, Steele Hawker wrote:
The boy we had last year was called Basil, so we named him Basil Brush. Who says giraffes don't have a sense of humour?

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136. At 2:10pm on 12 Mar 2009, Candace9839 wrote:
Are you my other keeper?

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137. At 2:11pm on 12 Mar 2009, LaurenceLane wrote:
We used to roam free in suburbia, but that was ages ago, and now look at the height of the damned Leylandii.

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138. At 2:11pm on 12 Mar 2009, Candace9839 wrote:
Scratch and sniff suddenly took on a whole new meaning

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139. At 2:12pm on 12 Mar 2009, Steele Hawker wrote:
Let's see, Dear. That's one unaccompanied child ... that'll be £10.90, please.

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140. At 2:14pm on 12 Mar 2009, Steele Hawker wrote:
Teachers usually find this a more effective punishment than detention

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141. At 2:18pm on 12 Mar 2009, akajeffers wrote:
This comment was removed because the moderators found it broke the House Rules.
142. At 2:23pm on 12 Mar 2009, breddarz wrote:
Giraffe - "Well you're not very interesting, but you're more entertaing than reading lame comments on a caption competition"

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143. At 2:24pm on 12 Mar 2009, Dodie_James wrote:
Er.. I think you better come in and have a look at this. Cousin Mary has just given birth, and its striped..

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144. At 2:24pm on 12 Mar 2009, Candace9839 wrote:
And stop calling me Pet!

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145. At 2:26pm on 12 Mar 2009, Candace9839 wrote:
Excuse me, but it's time to feed the tiger

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146. At 2:27pm on 12 Mar 2009, LaurenceLane wrote:
You won't be laughing when the Thames barrier breaks, it'll just be us giraffes ruling London then.

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147. At 2:32pm on 12 Mar 2009, Steele Hawker wrote:
And to think you laughed when you saw that baby elephant on Blue Peter ...

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148. At 2:35pm on 12 Mar 2009, hang_about wrote:
This isn't quite what I had in mind when I signed up for the new diploma in hospitality

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149. At 2:35pm on 12 Mar 2009, fionapar wrote:
Schoolgirl "That was a bit cheeky - I happen to have lost weight . Anyway, I thought giraffes were mute!"

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150. At 2:36pm on 12 Mar 2009, UKTroll wrote:
"Do you have to keep looking over my shoulder while I'm working?"

"I look over everybody's shoulder, my dear"

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151. At 2:37pm on 12 Mar 2009, Woundedpride wrote:
Your wastin' yer time love. I'll be dropping all over that in a minute...

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152. At 2:39pm on 12 Mar 2009, Sagey wrote:
Look, I know you're new, but trust me, I normally get a doner for lunch, honest.....

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153. At 2:39pm on 12 Mar 2009, fionapar wrote:
"Look dear, they're just exploiting you in these hard times. At least go and get the larger broom for clean sweep efficiency......"

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154. At 2:39pm on 12 Mar 2009, Woundedpride wrote:
Excuse me, but can you help me with this bubble gum....?

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155. At 2:41pm on 12 Mar 2009, Woundedpride wrote:
When Obama visited the zoo, even the animals got armour-plated protection.

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156. At 2:42pm on 12 Mar 2009, SimonRooke wrote:
Oh, kudos! I was going to say that the kudus are over with the antelopes!

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157. At 2:44pm on 12 Mar 2009, Candace9839 wrote:
The penalty for smuggling in plastic straws and lids was severe

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158. At 2:44pm on 12 Mar 2009, Magnum Carter wrote:
"I'm really sorry, they said neck a pint. I guess I misundertood"

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159. At 2:47pm on 12 Mar 2009, Woundedpride wrote:
Could you keep the noise down, young lady? The string quartet can't hear themselves practice in here.

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160. At 2:47pm on 12 Mar 2009, fourthRoSi wrote:
Would you like me to do your back?

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161. At 2:48pm on 12 Mar 2009, UKTroll wrote:
Rosie realised it was going to take more than a quick tidy up and a cute smile before George was going to trust her.

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162. At 2:53pm on 12 Mar 2009, Woundedpride wrote:
Where DID you get your mane styled, young lady?

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163. At 2:53pm on 12 Mar 2009, luckydyke22 wrote:
And so it was indeed: she was now only ten inches high, and her face brightened up at the thought that she was now the right size for going through the little door into that ..... er .... lovely garden

Lewis Carroll ;)

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164. At 2:54pm on 12 Mar 2009, Candace9839 wrote:
Take me to your breeder

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165. At 2:57pm on 12 Mar 2009, diminished wrote:
Giraffe: "Excuse me dear, but do you know where the toilets are?"

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166. At 3:02pm on 12 Mar 2009, Colin Bartlett wrote:
So how do I audition for this edition of Stomp Show gos to the Zoo.

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167. At 3:05pm on 12 Mar 2009, Candace9839 wrote:
Five minutes at the Acacia tree, that's all I'm asking for

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168. At 3:05pm on 12 Mar 2009, kezzburton wrote:
Did no-one tell you about the stain on the back of your trousers? Oh dear!

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169. At 3:06pm on 12 Mar 2009, Pot_Kettle wrote:
No, Honestly I am David Schwimmer the zipper got stuck after Madagasscar II and they locked me up in here

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170. At 3:08pm on 12 Mar 2009, spudrozzer wrote:
Yes, yes its me . But im not doing Madagascar 3, creative diffrences you know.

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171. At 3:09pm on 12 Mar 2009, SteffiSoehnchen wrote:
Giraffe: Hey, can you get me out of here?
Girl: Sure, let me get the car...

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172. At 3:12pm on 12 Mar 2009, Steele Hawker wrote:
So you just work for me? You're not my brother's keeper?

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173. At 3:14pm on 12 Mar 2009, punkblitzen wrote:
Jerome was startled to see that The Friendly Giant had been downsized due to the recession.

(Only Canadians will get that, unfortunately!)

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174. At 3:16pm on 12 Mar 2009, SimonRooke wrote:
I used to be at Longleat, but you eat just one windscreen wiper blade and it's 6 months solitary.

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175. At 3:16pm on 12 Mar 2009, Frenchcecile wrote:
Laura was beginning to rethink her choice of GCSE.

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176. At 3:16pm on 12 Mar 2009, fionapar wrote:
"Right Geoffrey, any more wisecracks about my bum looking big in this -and I'll tie a knot in your neck"

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177. At 3:17pm on 12 Mar 2009, Pot_Kettle wrote:
I was the paeleantologist in Friends you know

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178. At 3:19pm on 12 Mar 2009, Pot_Kettle wrote:
Oh yeah you were the boring one that was Monica's Brother, I think I remember you

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179. At 3:19pm on 12 Mar 2009, Annibals wrote:
..."Oh I know! and that hippo, what a mare"

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180. At 3:21pm on 12 Mar 2009, dandies03 wrote:
All right? Yeah not bad. You?

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181. At 3:21pm on 12 Mar 2009, fionapar wrote:
Geoffrey "So this job today is as a result of your recent brush with the law?"

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182. At 3:21pm on 12 Mar 2009, Yaambo wrote:
How many times must I tell you? Turn your wrists in a bit!

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183. At 3:24pm on 12 Mar 2009, richard1402 wrote:
The Giraffe expressed it's concern about the new use for it's toothbrush!

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184. At 3:25pm on 12 Mar 2009, fionapar wrote:
Geoffrey "Did you know there are people campaigning against incarceration and slopping out.... Court of Human Rights next?"

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185. At 3:25pm on 12 Mar 2009, LHobbesTer wrote:
Girl asks 'Can you tell what it is yet?' (An homage to Rolf Harris)

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186. At 3:27pm on 12 Mar 2009, Touring Mars wrote:
This comment was removed because the moderators found it broke the House Rules.
187. At 3:27pm on 12 Mar 2009, Touring Mars wrote:
There's plenty more where that came from, love...

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188. At 3:29pm on 12 Mar 2009, Magnum Carter wrote:
"Rehabilitated? It's just a bull word. So you go on and stamp your form, sonny, and stop wasting my time. Because to tell you the truth, I don't give a sh...

...oh..."

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189. At 3:34pm on 12 Mar 2009, Steele Hawker wrote:
I'm trying to shut the door, and I was wondering whether you possess opposable thumbs?

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190. At 3:37pm on 12 Mar 2009, GirlWeekday wrote:
As she brushed down the same patch for the third time that day, little Sally decided she had had enough of the tall orders

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191. At 3:37pm on 12 Mar 2009, ttwain wrote:
A large pizza with extra cheese, if you don't mind!

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192. At 3:39pm on 12 Mar 2009, Steele Hawker wrote:
Jackie was getting a bit fed up with her father's trompe l'oeil paintings

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193. At 3:39pm on 12 Mar 2009, blogblurp wrote:
"Pardon me, miss. You seem to have overlooked a corner over there."

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194. At 3:42pm on 12 Mar 2009, Steele Hawker wrote:
Sorry, love, but they checked, and they don't do Huggies in my size

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195. At 3:46pm on 12 Mar 2009, duke_of_ted wrote:
Distracted by the sweeper at the front door, the giraffe was painfully unaware of the tree breaking in at the back...

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196. At 3:56pm on 12 Mar 2009, Steele Hawker wrote:
And I'm not coming out until you've cleared up that mess you've made

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197. At 3:56pm on 12 Mar 2009, Kudosless wrote:

But it's not a problem for the Sarkozys ...

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198. At 3:57pm on 12 Mar 2009, Kudosless wrote:

Excuse me. Which floor is this ?

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199. At 3:57pm on 12 Mar 2009, SimonRooke wrote:
I should warn you, ever since I had my bike nicked, this is a Neighbourhood Watch area.

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200. At 3:58pm on 12 Mar 2009, Nzie wrote:
Who YOU lookin' at?

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201. At 4:01pm on 12 Mar 2009, j-o-n-a-t-h-a-n wrote:
Work experience - you're 'aving a giraffe!

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202. At 4:04pm on 12 Mar 2009, JillyBam wrote:
Victor Victoria

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203. At 4:04pm on 12 Mar 2009, Kudosless wrote:

No return to broom and bush

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204. At 4:07pm on 12 Mar 2009, Steele Hawker wrote:
The pupils of Westminster Junior School were performing a satire on today's Britain : the leader was kept from the people in secluded safety with his head in the clouds, whilst the common man was left to clean up the mess he'd made

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205. At 4:08pm on 12 Mar 2009, patio-phalangist wrote:
Could I borrow your broom? There's cobweb up in a corner that's drivng me nuts.....

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206. At 4:08pm on 12 Mar 2009, jtotheglo wrote:
Dick Van Dyke made this look much more fun!!

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207. At 4:09pm on 12 Mar 2009, Steele Hawker wrote:
I should warn you - you'll need waders if you come in here

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208. At 4:10pm on 12 Mar 2009, sternpaddler wrote:
This comment was removed because the moderators found it broke the House Rules.
209. At 4:14pm on 12 Mar 2009, Harb83 wrote:
Giraffe: "You ain't seen me. Roight!"

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210. At 4:14pm on 12 Mar 2009, moho1978 wrote:
girl "why the long face?"
giraffe "SHUT IT STUMPy, I WANT TO SEE MY FACE IN THAT CONCRETE AND WHEN YOU'RE FINISHED I'VE GOT WINDOWS THAT NEED CLEANING!"

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211. At 4:14pm on 12 Mar 2009, Medieval-Evil wrote:
Hey you! Get off my lawn!

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212. At 4:15pm on 12 Mar 2009, i-am-ronnie wrote:
"you look like my old cleaner, but a little smaller"
"all you giraffes look the same to me..."

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213. At 4:18pm on 12 Mar 2009, Steele Hawker wrote:
Can you help? My floor's collapsed.

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214. At 4:18pm on 12 Mar 2009, emh1000 wrote:
It may look like a "life experience" from down there my dear but from up here it looks like cheap labour.

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215. At 4:22pm on 12 Mar 2009, Steele Hawker wrote:
If you worked for Lloyds TSB, you'd get a bonus for that

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216. At 4:23pm on 12 Mar 2009, Candace9839 wrote:
Telling tall tales again, are we?

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217. At 4:26pm on 12 Mar 2009, Candace9839 wrote:
I'm not a witch, but even if I were there's not enough room on the broom for both of us

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218. At 4:27pm on 12 Mar 2009, supermatt6000 wrote:
Even the Leopard was surprised at the effectiveness of his new glove puppet.

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219. At 4:30pm on 12 Mar 2009, Nzie wrote:
Siobhàn hadn't anticipated this sort of audience for her secret curling practice sessions.

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220. At 4:30pm on 12 Mar 2009, Steele Hawker wrote:
Well yes, it looks lovely and clean now, but I can't help wondering why you didn't just press that button marked 'flush'

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221. At 4:30pm on 12 Mar 2009, Nzie wrote:
Redone:

Siobhan hadn't anticipated this sort of audience for her secret curling practice sessions.

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222. At 4:31pm on 12 Mar 2009, Candace9839 wrote:
Giraffe: Actually, my neck is a classic example of evolutionary biology based on foraging competition as put forward by Charles Darwin in 1871.

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223. At 4:32pm on 12 Mar 2009, henrytheturkey wrote:
Ride me in the Gold Cup this afternoon, and I'll guarantee we will win by a neck.

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224. At 4:32pm on 12 Mar 2009, $$$--pacman--$$$ wrote:
I'm going to stick my neck out and say you've not done this before......if you had, you'd be wearing waders, not wellies.

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225. At 4:38pm on 12 Mar 2009, supermatt6000 wrote:
The first sketches for the child catcher's mobile cage were swiftly abandoned.

"There are children here somewhere. I can smell them... oh, wait..."

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226. At 4:39pm on 12 Mar 2009, PoacheLeRen wrote:
"Clean in there? You're having a giraffe mate!"

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227. At 4:40pm on 12 Mar 2009, supermatt6000 wrote:
TOP STORY: George Bush reluctantly agrees that the weapons of mass destruction were indeed "just giraffe pens".

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228. At 4:42pm on 12 Mar 2009, supermatt6000 wrote:
Little did Sarah know that the giraffe was actually facing backwards...

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229. At 4:43pm on 12 Mar 2009, supermatt6000 wrote:
'Scuse me, my giraffe flap is stuck!

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230. At 4:45pm on 12 Mar 2009, Steele Hawker wrote:
I used to have a neck eight feet long, but then that damned door slammed shut on me

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231. At 4:53pm on 12 Mar 2009, supermatt6000 wrote:
"Girafarig attack!!!"

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232. At 5:10pm on 12 Mar 2009, david regan wrote:
Girl: "Oh my God! A talking Giraffe!"

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233. At 5:11pm on 12 Mar 2009, Magnum Carter wrote:
The driver contacted TFL, perplexed at the lack of new track. TFL responded, perplexed at the driver.

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234. At 5:12pm on 12 Mar 2009, david regan wrote:
Alesha Dixon's video for The Boy Does Nothing!

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235. At 5:13pm on 12 Mar 2009, Magnum Carter wrote:
Medical advice suggested a simple splint would support the break.

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236. At 5:13pm on 12 Mar 2009, david regan wrote:
Giraffe: "Never mind brushing up, where's my tea?"

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237. At 5:14pm on 12 Mar 2009, MJF_dodo wrote:
"Sorry I'm late cleaning up. We got caught in a giraffic jam."

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238. At 5:17pm on 12 Mar 2009, Magnum Carter wrote:
Here the "giraffe", next door the "okapi", and in the bathing pool lay the "hippo". Only Julie was wise to the horse-stretching conspiracy.

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239. At 5:20pm on 12 Mar 2009, b1rd13 wrote:
Iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiin one - A giraffe

Iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiin two - A speedboat

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240. At 5:20pm on 12 Mar 2009, fionapar wrote:
"Hurry up and clean it properly - I heard the Toys R Us talent spotters are on their way...."

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241. At 5:22pm on 12 Mar 2009, Steele Hawker wrote:
You'll be pleased to know my constipation is getting better

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242. At 5:22pm on 12 Mar 2009, fionapar wrote:
"Summer's coming soon and yes, I do have a problem with the quality of the air conditioning system here"

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243. At 5:25pm on 12 Mar 2009, MJF_dodo wrote:
"I see it's not only the police who are getting younger."

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244. At 5:27pm on 12 Mar 2009, b1rd13 wrote:
Catchphrase has suffered from the recession and Mr Chips has been replaces with a Giraffe.

"Say what you see..."

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245. At 5:30pm on 12 Mar 2009, MJF_dodo wrote:
"Boo!"

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246. At 5:30pm on 12 Mar 2009, Jeorne wrote:
These, my dear, are love bites!

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247. At 5:53pm on 12 Mar 2009, eattherich wrote:
I would help Pernilla, really I would. But I can't get messed up. I have a dinner date with Nellie the Elephant.

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248. At 5:53pm on 12 Mar 2009, Jean - jhmelea wrote:
Girraffe - help us out I've got this itch just behind my left ear I just carn't seem to reach for the life of me

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249. At 5:55pm on 12 Mar 2009, Magnum Carter wrote:
"Hey you made it, what kept you?"

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250. At 5:59pm on 12 Mar 2009, Whitbylassie wrote:
'You might want to take a break after that love, me and the lads here had a bit of a session last night...'

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251. At 5:59pm on 12 Mar 2009, eattherich wrote:
Are you what's meant by the "short and curling" or did I mishear?

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252. At 6:01pm on 12 Mar 2009, eattherich wrote:
Yes I knew Guy the Gorilla. You say he is your boyfriend? Oh, you mean the boy who works in the canteen kitchen...griller, geddit? oh never mind.

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253. At 6:03pm on 12 Mar 2009, eattherich wrote:
Living Planet. The Outtake Show

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254. At 6:06pm on 12 Mar 2009, boscobilly wrote:
The annual "Stare out an animal" took a new twist as the contender threatened to "sweep the floor" with last year's champion

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255. At 6:21pm on 12 Mar 2009, sl4dude wrote:
Yeah, well if you're so smart, you try mucking out an animal 5 times as big as you!

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256. At 6:22pm on 12 Mar 2009, sl4dude wrote:
The latest Cadbury advert just wasn't up to the standard of the dumming gorrilla!

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257. At 6:25pm on 12 Mar 2009, mhansford888 wrote:
"How does it feel, you know, little children being lifted by their mums to pat that nose?"

"Pain in the neck and harder than it sounds."

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258. At 6:29pm on 12 Mar 2009, 21gardener wrote:
What? Play hockey with these legs? You must be 'aving a laugh!

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259. At 6:30pm on 12 Mar 2009, sternpaddler wrote:
Could you try kneeling down next time please, or at least try and hit the hay bale - we have to try and reduce this splattering somehow.

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260. At 6:31pm on 12 Mar 2009, sternpaddler wrote:
Bertie Bogroll - paging for Bertie Bogroll - clean up in Aisle two.

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261. At 6:32pm on 12 Mar 2009, SimonHamer wrote:
Can you let me out please, Dad has had too many greens if you know what I mean... please ?

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262. At 6:43pm on 12 Mar 2009, QuizzerCol wrote:
Yes, it IS a big flap, but just wait 'til you see the size of the cats round here!

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263. At 6:46pm on 12 Mar 2009, BertieBogroll wrote:
The girl was clearly confused as the animal was cleverly disguised as a road map.

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264. At 6:49pm on 12 Mar 2009, Steele Hawker wrote:
Extra staff are brought in to clean up for Heston's Zoological Feast

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265. At 6:50pm on 12 Mar 2009, grazvalentine wrote:
Pssst... fancy a job as the back end of a pantomime giraffe?

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266. At 6:54pm on 12 Mar 2009, iLikeNinjaMonkeys wrote:
Girl: "Did you know giraffe's don't have vocal cords?"
Giraffe: "No, no I did not."

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267. At 7:03pm on 12 Mar 2009, tinyMalcolm wrote:
Its not mine luv. I only use the en suite.

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268. At 7:04pm on 12 Mar 2009, Rustikins wrote:
If you had opposable thumbs you’d help? Yeah right…

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269. At 7:25pm on 12 Mar 2009, clareeH wrote:
Toys "R" Us starts to feel the credit crunch...

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270. At 7:28pm on 12 Mar 2009, wappet wrote:
When you have finished out there could you clean up in here? - I'm up to my neck in it.

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271. At 7:37pm on 12 Mar 2009, astoundingAndi wrote:
If you tell me I have missed a bit....

...I will call David Attenborough to come and film you 'getting a bit'.......

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272. At 7:49pm on 12 Mar 2009, stilllitterarty wrote:
I was short at the time ,so my broker reccomended a self certified Northern Rock tracker mortgage providing that i put down a big deposit,you must come up and look at my etchings sometime ?

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273. At 7:55pm on 12 Mar 2009, Igglepiggles-Aunty wrote:
Whaddya mean, "My bum looks big in this?"

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274. At 7:57pm on 12 Mar 2009, PaulRBear wrote:
Pssst. Do you think you could scratch my back with that brush?

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275. At 8:01pm on 12 Mar 2009, PaulRBear wrote:
Pssst. Do you think you could scratch my back with that broomstick?

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276. At 8:05pm on 12 Mar 2009, paulo1990 wrote:
Blimey look at the mess you've made...and it's all over your wellies too...

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277. At 8:10pm on 12 Mar 2009, stilllitterarty wrote:
Bradford and Bingly offered me a buy toilet mortgage and of course the loft conversion had to go,it was a complete highsore,i hope you have scraped together enough deposit for your place,apparently they collateralise it after spraying it with AAA PERFUME.

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278. At 8:15pm on 12 Mar 2009, Ollybacon wrote:
"I may be helping out here today but you're still doing the high bits, ok?"

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279. At 8:23pm on 12 Mar 2009, NeilBhatt wrote:
"What are you doing with my tooth brush?"

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280. At 8:24pm on 12 Mar 2009, W_K_Snowdon wrote:
Well, I used to roam the Serengeti, but like you, I invested with Madoff..

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281. At 8:32pm on 12 Mar 2009, SimonRooke wrote:
'Ere, you'll like this one, what's the difference between me and a merchant banker? At least I can still make a deposit on a place in London.

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282. At 8:35pm on 12 Mar 2009, Sharpe-Intake wrote:
Oh, luvvie, they are mean; giving you a toy brush! Listen, the high presure hose is in that wall box behind you, and when you've done the yard, the keepers' canteen is that open window over there...

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283. At 8:42pm on 12 Mar 2009, patriciadoyle123 wrote:
What is that smell?

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284. At 8:42pm on 12 Mar 2009, Hobbitmorley wrote:
Great Gummies Lass. But do they come in mottled fawn and size 32?

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285. At 8:55pm on 12 Mar 2009, Whistling Neil wrote:
Oi, stop using my toothbrush to sweep the floor.

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286. At 8:56pm on 12 Mar 2009, Steele Hawker wrote:
Splash it all over! London Zoo announces its latest men's eau de toilette - with the great smell of 'Brute.'

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287. At 8:57pm on 12 Mar 2009, Whistling Neil wrote:
Katy couldn't recall this being featured in the Lion King.

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288. At 9:07pm on 12 Mar 2009, Fiz-Faz-Foz wrote:
"Are you sure Michael Jackson is playing here in 2011?"

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289. At 9:07pm on 12 Mar 2009, L A Odicean wrote:
I think you need more fibre with your leaves and twigs.

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290. At 9:13pm on 12 Mar 2009, DesktopCynic wrote:
Blimey! Your stable is even older than my school!

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291. At 9:26pm on 12 Mar 2009, SeanieSmith wrote:
"Errr....I don't like to complain, but about this tiger flap in the door..."

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292. At 9:43pm on 12 Mar 2009, sarahtrieste wrote:
Er ..... do you think you could stop now? You're making a draught.

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293. At 9:54pm on 12 Mar 2009, BertieBogroll wrote:
"No I can't come out - I'll kneecap meself on this ruddy door!"

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294. At 10:03pm on 12 Mar 2009, Candace9839 wrote:
Green wellies with a black T-shirt? And it looks like you have pajamas on underneath. Honestly, if you're not going to make the effort to look like a proper zoo keeper...

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295. At 10:10pm on 12 Mar 2009, SimonRooke wrote:
You know, I haven't seen so much of this since the last Paris Hilton film.

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296. At 10:17pm on 12 Mar 2009, sarahtrieste wrote:
Ok, I've repented. Can I come out of my room now?

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297. At 10:17pm on 12 Mar 2009, SeanieSmith wrote:
"Yikes...what a weird creature! Rubber feet, bristled trunk and no neck..."

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298. At 10:31pm on 12 Mar 2009, W_K_Snowdon wrote:
Young lady, I think you'll find there's three 'f's in Madoff..

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299. At 10:36pm on 12 Mar 2009, ELIVSLIVES wrote:
MISSED A BIT !

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300. At 10:41pm on 12 Mar 2009, sarahtrieste wrote:
You've had your joke, Hermione. Now change me back.

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301. At 11:04pm on 12 Mar 2009, fastwelshdragon wrote:
What tall stories are you telling me then?

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302. At 11:12pm on 12 Mar 2009, TheRealCatherineO wrote:
You might want to get a move on, love, that's no ordinary cat flap there.

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303. At 11:30pm on 12 Mar 2009, fandango2 wrote:
"Hmmm - it was a costly mistake buying this barn conversion...and then converting it back again."

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304. At 11:43pm on 12 Mar 2009, Candace9839 wrote:
So a man walks into a bar with a giraffe...

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305. At 00:02am on 13 Mar 2009, littleDickie wrote:
"down at the old Broom and Brush,
is a man in a terrible rush,
to muck out the stalls,
needing plenty of balls,
of solids, and liquids and mush..."

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306. At 00:08am on 13 Mar 2009, gordissimo wrote:
Gerald just couldn't help ducking every time a train passed overhead.

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307. At 00:09am on 13 Mar 2009, DougieLawson wrote:
Have you heard the one about "What's the difference between a JCB and a male giraffe?"

"One has hydraulics, the other has high ..."

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308. At 00:35am on 13 Mar 2009, robmoo wrote:
Maybe it's me getting taller, but my keeper seems to be getting smaller by the day...

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309. At 00:47am on 13 Mar 2009, higgo07 wrote:
And when you've quite finished sweeping the yard you can get in here and clean my windows.
Clean them myself!!! Are you having a giraffe!!!

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310. At 00:50am on 13 Mar 2009, LaMarquise wrote:
Giraffe: "look into my eyes, into my eyes. 3, 2, 1, you are under! Open the door and get me out. Do not follow me as I make my escape. Keep scrubbing the floor and forget I was ever here. Do you understand? 1, 2, 3, you are back in the room."

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311. At 00:55am on 13 Mar 2009, littleDickie wrote:
" 'Ere then, you don't half pong. Have you been
at the Vindaloo again...?

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312. At 00:57am on 13 Mar 2009, higgo07 wrote:
He was sick of the curling team practising right outside his front door but Gerald couldn't complain as he simply didn't want to stick his neck out

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313. At 01:46am on 13 Mar 2009, Andresace wrote:
Giraffe: I'm not really surprised the Zoo forgot its scruples about child labour. With the economy as it is... Now, dear, don't complain, At least you've got a job.

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314. At 01:50am on 13 Mar 2009, diamondplatinumnut wrote:
Mu tongue bigger than your tongue!

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315. At 01:54am on 13 Mar 2009, diamondplatinumnut wrote:
My tongue's bigger than your tongue!

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316. At 03:47am on 13 Mar 2009, CyberSerb wrote:
Giraffe to self: "God, what an abominable little vermin!"

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317. At 04:16am on 13 Mar 2009, sckglasgow wrote:
No, that would be Pooh, with an 'H'.

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318. At 05:00am on 13 Mar 2009, sarahtrieste wrote:
Sorry. Just a jelly-baby experiment that went wrong.

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319. At 05:58am on 13 Mar 2009, WayOutWestlake wrote:
The new exhibit at the human zoo drew animals from far and wide

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320. At 06:11am on 13 Mar 2009, WayOutWestlake wrote:
That Paul Daniels is going to be sorry when I catch up with him!

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321. At 07:27am on 13 Mar 2009, samanthalodge wrote:
Funny looking creature, isnt it?

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322. At 07:34am on 13 Mar 2009, locutus155 wrote:
Girl: "Don't even THINK about it!"

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323. At 08:04am on 13 Mar 2009, SeanieSmith wrote:
"You think you've got it bad...thousands of years of evolution and all they let me do is window cleaning."

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324. At 08:18am on 13 Mar 2009, racheyroonumber2 wrote:
Grass? Why no dear, I'm just naturally high.

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325. At 08:23am on 13 Mar 2009, davecutler wrote:
Why do I have such a huge neck?

To enable you to reach the high branches of the Acacia as you roam around the savannahs.

Okay, then why do I have this variegated skin?

To better enable you to blend in with the Flora and Fauna of the plains.

Okay, then what am I doing in London Zoo?

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326. At 08:32am on 13 Mar 2009, Stella Worton wrote:
Although a little early, the giant advent calendar trial run was going well

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327. At 08:42am on 13 Mar 2009, Restart wrote:
Giraffe " make sure you clean it properly this time"

Girl " you're havin a giraffe mate"

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328. At 08:43am on 13 Mar 2009, leamingtonpeter wrote:
Trust me, Tall Boy, 3.45, Cheltenham

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329. At 08:45am on 13 Mar 2009, LaurenceLane wrote:
Chimps weren't the only animals to plan ahead. Gerald knew precisely what he was going to do once she'd finished sweeping.

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330. At 08:46am on 13 Mar 2009, hitbarker wrote:
Look into my eyes, look into my eyes, the eyes, the eyes, not around the eyes, don't look around the eyes, look into my eyes....You're under

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331. At 08:50am on 13 Mar 2009, alegrias3 wrote:
"Hmmm...so this is your treat for being good? I'll never understand humans..."

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332. At 09:00am on 13 Mar 2009, jollyjb123jb wrote:
Close the door. There's a giraft in here.

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333. At 09:02am on 13 Mar 2009, iansessford wrote:
Geoffrey didn`t think much of the Toys`R`Us retirement home.

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334. At 09:02am on 13 Mar 2009, Giohnny wrote:
Does my bum look big in this? Well I'd stick my neck out & say no!

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335. At 09:06am on 13 Mar 2009, LaurenceLane wrote:
Giraffe's were naturally authoritarian and fastidious, but evolution had protected them from extinction by giving them a neck long enough to swallow a whole broom.

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336. At 09:07am on 13 Mar 2009, ThunderCat8 wrote:
Excuse me young lady, do you know where I can buy some new clothes?

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337. At 09:08am on 13 Mar 2009, ThunderCat8 wrote:
Your door's down there.

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338. At 09:10am on 13 Mar 2009, ThunderCat8 wrote:
Psst, little girl. You got any Michael Jackson tickets?

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339. At 09:17am on 13 Mar 2009, david regan wrote:
Giraffe: "WILD? I'll say I am. And you would be too if you'd be stuck in here all day!"

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340. At 09:18am on 13 Mar 2009, Kudosless wrote:

Disappointed that there had been no increase in her allowance following her parents' divorce, Lourdes was determined to maintain her spending power any way she could

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341. At 09:19am on 13 Mar 2009, Kudosless wrote:

If you can't bend down any further than that, I'll never be able to put your red nose on for you

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342. At 09:22am on 13 Mar 2009, Kudosless wrote:

When Gary Barlow and the others invited me back with them, they said nothing about THIS

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343. At 09:22am on 13 Mar 2009, Kudosless wrote:

Sarah 'n Getty Images ?

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344. At 09:23am on 13 Mar 2009, SeanieSmith wrote:
"Wow, would you look at that...a child released out of captivity."

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345. At 09:24am on 13 Mar 2009, lollipop-lane wrote:
"Hey Susie, did you get my e-mail....?"

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346. At 09:25am on 13 Mar 2009, teazeldad wrote:
Could I just say that post 120 is absolutely excellent? :)

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347. At 09:26am on 13 Mar 2009, SeanieSmith wrote:
"Outside? No way...I've got the new Wii Fit."

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348. At 09:26am on 13 Mar 2009, ManxDave57 wrote:
Excuse me! - Were you born in a barn or something?

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349. At 09:26am on 13 Mar 2009, Simon_G_86 wrote:
Giraffe: "Ha! You can keep yer opposable thumbs!"

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350. At 09:27am on 13 Mar 2009, LaurenceLane wrote:
You know, I haven't seen as much poop since the first draft for 'Evan Almighty'.

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351. At 09:28am on 13 Mar 2009, astoundingAndi wrote:
{David Attenborough voice-over}

"And here...... we have a rare and interesting sight.... unusually caught on camera.

The juvenile homo sapiens is participating in domestic housekeeping.... while the giraffe looks on in obvious amazement....."

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352. At 09:30am on 13 Mar 2009, W_K_Snowdon wrote:
Although the outbreak at The Fat Duck was still a mystery, Heston Blumenthal's Giraffe Tongue Sorbet was a triumph, said the food critics..

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353. At 09:30am on 13 Mar 2009, teazeldad wrote:
I don't envy you school leavers, I mean look at me...a degree in performing Arts and could I get a proper acting job? It's all 'door 2-3-4, peer 2-3-4...I'm nothing but a hoofer

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354. At 09:31am on 13 Mar 2009, ManxDave57 wrote:
Sorry - but you are soon going to need a much bigger broom !

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355. At 09:33am on 13 Mar 2009, ManxDave57 wrote:
If Peter Crouch has left Liverpool, I might stand a chance now of first team selection...

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356. At 09:34am on 13 Mar 2009, Steele Hawker wrote:
Gerald was just no good at Hide and Seek

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357. At 09:34am on 13 Mar 2009, tway47 wrote:
Never mind about that, where's my breakfast?

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358. At 09:35am on 13 Mar 2009, ainvan wrote:
Due to a clerical error by the 'Young Offenders' department, Stacey may have found her future vocation.
She commented "I wuz supposed to be cleaning up, graffiti"

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359. At 09:36am on 13 Mar 2009, 25_and_no_hope wrote:
Jockey change for Cheltenham Gold Cup runner suggests even odds of 10,000/1 are optimistic.

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360. At 09:39am on 13 Mar 2009, Steele Hawker wrote:
What do you think of my place? Kevin McCloud built it for me.

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361. At 09:41am on 13 Mar 2009, poshboy1980 wrote:
The Queen was accused of being out of touch with racing as her first ever runner in the Cheltenham Gold Cup was prepared for the big race...

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362. At 09:43am on 13 Mar 2009, 25_and_no_hope wrote:
Sorcerer's Apprentice finds pulling a giraffe through a catflap slightly more difficult than a rabbit out of a hat.

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363. At 09:45am on 13 Mar 2009, 25_and_no_hope wrote:
You'll do your neck no good looking that way.

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364. At 09:47am on 13 Mar 2009, Marquee wrote:
Excuse me shorty. Could you go find a gorilla please and then we can re-enact the Frost Report Class Sketch

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365. At 09:47am on 13 Mar 2009, Dazzyv wrote:
"Sorry dear, heavy night with the elephants party"

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366. At 09:48am on 13 Mar 2009, Marquee wrote:
I know my place. I look up to the giraffe, because he has got innate breeding.

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367. At 09:52am on 13 Mar 2009, lollipop-lane wrote:
"Yes, it's genetic I'm afraid"

"oh dear, you poor thing!" said the giraffe

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368. At 09:54am on 13 Mar 2009, TravellingGull wrote:
Excuse me, but I've run out of paper.............

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369. At 09:56am on 13 Mar 2009, TravellingGull wrote:
When you said you had a box at Cheltenham, this isn't quite what I was expecting

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370. At 09:59am on 13 Mar 2009, HEED3625 wrote:
Im not going to tell you again! I've washed the floor so wipe your feet before you come in

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371. At 09:59am on 13 Mar 2009, crabit wrote:
How many times do I have to say it - I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry - can I not come out now?

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372. At 10:00am on 13 Mar 2009, ddstretch wrote:
I'm sorry this is your last day, but look on the bright side: tomorrow's cleaner is that chap who used to be the head of the RBS.

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373. At 10:01am on 13 Mar 2009, Mute Joe wrote:
Today Floella tells us it's the arched window

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374. At 10:03am on 13 Mar 2009, HEED3625 wrote:
Claire was starting to think this "working victorian farm" may be slightly inaccurate

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375. At 10:10am on 13 Mar 2009, lmason7926 wrote:
See if there's any bog roll in the one next door luv?

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376. At 10:12am on 13 Mar 2009, lmason7926 wrote:
Number 120 IS genius! Haha!

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377. At 10:13am on 13 Mar 2009, mudsoup wrote:
you're gonna need a bigger brush.....

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378. At 10:13am on 13 Mar 2009, Snooky77 wrote:
Jackanory for grown-ups

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379. At 10:16am on 13 Mar 2009, trigg_27 wrote:
Clean that up? You're having a giraffe mate

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380. At 10:18am on 13 Mar 2009, Woundedpride wrote:
I look up to him, but I look down on her...

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381. At 10:19am on 13 Mar 2009, Woundedpride wrote:
Psst. Wanna buy some Madoff securities?

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382. At 10:21am on 13 Mar 2009, Woundedpride wrote:
Suzanne thought the giraffe's favourite game of 'stare out the human' was a pain in the neck.

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383. At 10:22am on 13 Mar 2009, LaurenceLane wrote:
No, I'm use to this, I used to clean for the Beeb in the Moderators department.

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384. At 10:23am on 13 Mar 2009, Woundedpride wrote:
...and then my mate Horace (he's soooo funny!) put superglue just where you're standing!

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385. At 10:24am on 13 Mar 2009, Go Away Gordon Brown wrote:
'scuse me love....but the sign on the enterance said only male attendants clean these toilets

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386. At 10:25am on 13 Mar 2009, Go Away Gordon Brown wrote:
you'll never guess what colour that floor used to be....

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387. At 10:27am on 13 Mar 2009, Candace9839 wrote:
In capitivity, giraffes have developed well over fifty facial expressions. One for fear, one for curious bemusement and forty-eight for 'Is that a treat in your back pocket?'

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388. At 10:30am on 13 Mar 2009, Kíllìnghölmê_Clá¥ (aka Charlie Cheesecake) wrote:
Shut the over door someone.....

The roast giraffe will be at least another hour.

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389. At 10:33am on 13 Mar 2009, Kíllìnghölmê_Clá¥ (aka Charlie Cheesecake) wrote:
388 should have read:

"Shut the oven door someone.....

The roast giraffe will be at least another hour."

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390. At 10:36am on 13 Mar 2009, Steele Hawker wrote:
With my neck, you should be seeing what I'm just swallowing in about three days' time

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391. At 10:40am on 13 Mar 2009, iansessford wrote:
(Girl) Ugh!.This is disgusting tho, innit,yeah!
(Giraffe) Am I bovvered,face, bovvered?

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392. At 10:43am on 13 Mar 2009, Marquee wrote:
The long and the short of it

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393. At 10:43am on 13 Mar 2009, Moriarty23 wrote:
With just one glance, Henry the Giraffe knew that it was love...

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394. At 10:48am on 13 Mar 2009, Candace9839 wrote:
In my view, Francine, all one really needs is Ubuntu

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395. At 10:51am on 13 Mar 2009, Leroyrampa23 wrote:
'Giraffe' is considered perjorative - we prefer the more politically correct 'camelopard'

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396. At 11:07am on 13 Mar 2009, Dundeen wrote:
Excuse me young lady! Could you tell whoever designed this door, the windows are too high, and there is no way I am getting though the Giraffe Flap down there !!

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397. At 11:08am on 13 Mar 2009, KL wrote:
So your Daddy used to work at Lehman's, then?

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398. At 11:22am on 13 Mar 2009, workingfromhammock wrote:
Any more wisecracks, Gerald, and I'll let the lions in!

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399. At 11:24am on 13 Mar 2009, workingfromhammock wrote:
Gerald was worried that the little girl's arrival would mean that he'd have to cancel the illicit poker game with the okapi.

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400. At 11:24am on 13 Mar 2009, Colin Bartlett wrote:
and the prize behind door number five is......

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401. At 11:26am on 13 Mar 2009, david regan wrote:
Giraffe: "What's tall with a long neck and is always locked up?"

Girl: "Dunno"

Giraffe: "Naomi Campbell!"

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402. At 11:27am on 13 Mar 2009, chasedd wrote:
Hey - when you've finished sweeping the floor, and chance you could give me a good scratch behind my ear?

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403. At 11:28am on 13 Mar 2009, CairngormMcWomble wrote:
The casting for "Toys R Us the Musical" were going well...

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404. At 11:28am on 13 Mar 2009, CairngormMcWomble wrote:
Excuse me miss, is this the queue for the X factor auditions?

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405. At 11:31am on 13 Mar 2009, CairngormMcWomble wrote:
"'Ello Miss! I wish to register a complaint ... "

Ellie was beginning to regret bringing in her Monty Python DVDs

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406. At 11:34am on 13 Mar 2009, Moggye wrote:
Don't suppose that crate of Strepsils has arrived yet, has it?

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407. At 11:34am on 13 Mar 2009, Vicky Snow on Snow wrote:
" I put it down to vitamins mostly.... but of course some of it's down to genetics too."

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408. At 11:35am on 13 Mar 2009, BeckySnow wrote:
Giraffe; scuse me - bit embarrassing - I'm meant to be at Whipsnade at midday. My so-called friends' idea of stag do japery....

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409. At 11:38am on 13 Mar 2009, lestmak wrote:
Have you seen my keys

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410. At 11:38am on 13 Mar 2009, itaintnopoeticcomp wrote:
The school girl is really worried, how can she get rid of the brown paint she split; suddenly she has an idea!

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411. At 11:39am on 13 Mar 2009, Vicky Snow on Snow wrote:
" We were on Grand Designs last year. Kevin just adored the door, called it a post industrial statement. "

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412. At 11:40am on 13 Mar 2009, Gareth_Lig wrote:
Giraffe: You missed a bit.

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413. At 11:40am on 13 Mar 2009, Kieran Boyle wrote:
"A million years of evolution and then they put our food on the floor. I ask you!"

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414. At 11:41am on 13 Mar 2009, Vicky Snow on Snow wrote:
"Yes, everyone thinks being tall must be an advantage, but I tell you, going to the cinema is a total nightmare."

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415. At 11:43am on 13 Mar 2009, weedygardener wrote:
You think I'm really this tall? I'm standing on a box.

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416. At 11:44am on 13 Mar 2009, Vicky Snow on Snow wrote:
"So this is a whole module for your AS is it?"

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417. At 11:44am on 13 Mar 2009, Steele Hawker wrote:
Portia had never heard a giraffe say "cuckoo" before

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418. At 11:44am on 13 Mar 2009, Lloyd-Barnes wrote:
Laura and Gerald discussed the merits of merging Defra with the schools department

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419. At 11:45am on 13 Mar 2009, LaurenceLane wrote:
According to Wikipedia the giraffe house was designed by Decimus Burton in 1837, but then you can't always believe Wiki, they also say giraffes can't talk.

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420. At 11:46am on 13 Mar 2009, Steele Hawker wrote:
So you're Susan? I'll bet they call you London Sue from now on.

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421. At 11:48am on 13 Mar 2009, Steele Hawker wrote:
Lavinia coulnd't believe it was an illusion, but she had been told it was only a menagerie giraffe

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422. At 11:48am on 13 Mar 2009, jenymar wrote:
please please please..it's just right at the end of my nose..

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423. At 11:48am on 13 Mar 2009, Vicky Snow on Snow wrote:
" Well all six of us trained at RADA, but in this business darling it doesn't pay to be proud, not these days."

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424. At 11:50am on 13 Mar 2009, Steele Hawker wrote:
Lavinia couldn't believe it was an illusion, but she had been told it was only a menagerie giraffe

(spelling correction)

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425. At 11:50am on 13 Mar 2009, ItsMarkie wrote:
Giraffe: Well it's you lot who keep feeding me mung beans!

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426. At 11:52am on 13 Mar 2009, Vicky Snow on Snow wrote:
"Well this was a lovely neighbourhood. Until the Okapi's moved in next door. Nouveau rich wannabees the lot of them."

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427. At 11:55am on 13 Mar 2009, Vicky Snow on Snow wrote:
"Well this was a lovely neighbourhood. Until the Okapis moved in next door. Nouveau rich wannabees the lot of them."

[apologies to the apostrophe police]

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428. At 11:56am on 13 Mar 2009, jammyrhona wrote:
"And when you're done with that you can do something about extending this giraffe-flap. I mean honestly how undignified to expect one to crawl through that?"

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429. At 11:57am on 13 Mar 2009, Mitcherooney wrote:
Giraffe - "You missed a bit!"

Girl - "Well, you *issed a bit!"

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430. At 11:57am on 13 Mar 2009, Colin Bunyan wrote:
the giraffe is calling under his breath "oi......missy...........d'ya wanna buy some speakers?"

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431. At 12:03pm on 13 Mar 2009, minisimon wrote:
Girl: "Are you alright up there?"
Giraffe: "Not really. Those Kilimanjaro climbers might've suffered a few days of altitude sickness but I've endured a lifetime of it"

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432. At 12:03pm on 13 Mar 2009, dry_boak wrote:
No, no, no! How many times have I told you? You need to stand much closer to the ball when you're addressing it.

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433. At 12:04pm on 13 Mar 2009, frostymarcia wrote:
You've missed a bit....

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434. At 12:04pm on 13 Mar 2009, SeanieSmith wrote:
"Ah, you must be the new human...What shall we call you - Heather, Harriet, Helen, Henrietta...?"

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435. At 12:05pm on 13 Mar 2009, david regan wrote:
Girl is shocked as Michael Jackson reveals his latest disguise.

"It's for Red Nose Day", explains Michael.

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436. At 12:06pm on 13 Mar 2009, Bazzoh wrote:
Gertrude's attempt to scare the new young zoo keeper by reenacting the famous scene from "the shining" didn't work so well.

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437. At 12:07pm on 13 Mar 2009, Candace9839 wrote:
Giraffe: Almost reminds one of a Tennessee Williams play, eh?

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438. At 12:10pm on 13 Mar 2009, Steele Hawker wrote:
Well, if you're busy at the moment, I'll just leave a copy of the Watchtower here for you to read later

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439. At 12:10pm on 13 Mar 2009, david regan wrote:
Giraffe:

"Hello luv.
'Ere, do you like films?
I like films.
My favourite is Out of Africa.
I was in it.
Once.

Africa that is, not the film!"

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440. At 12:12pm on 13 Mar 2009, EnglishFolkfan wrote:
If you're want to speed up, little Miss, you need to 'get a Tiger in your tank'. Brooom Brooom.

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441. At 12:13pm on 13 Mar 2009, Steele Hawker wrote:
Well, the BBC Magazine Monitor reckons I'm as tall as a London double-decker bus and my excreta for one year would cover an area half the size of Belgium ... or was it Wales?

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442. At 12:16pm on 13 Mar 2009, Cell_biologist wrote:
"Will you be long?".

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443. At 12:16pm on 13 Mar 2009, presto_west_end wrote:
Oh, hello, would you mind fetching me some
aqua minerale?

A Carafe?

Couse I bloomin am!

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444. At 12:16pm on 13 Mar 2009, roderick_ellis wrote:
Get the door would you - there's a terrible giraffe in here!

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445. At 12:18pm on 13 Mar 2009, Tim Haveron Jones wrote:
Giraffe: What do you mean, the Morph picture was funnier?

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446. At 12:19pm on 13 Mar 2009, Tim Haveron Jones wrote:
Girl: Is this the way to the Scottish Ladies Curling trials?

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447. At 12:23pm on 13 Mar 2009, presto_west_end wrote:
Hogwarts was being affected by the crunch like everyone else

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448. At 12:23pm on 13 Mar 2009, Tim Haveron Jones wrote:
Giraffe: Think yourself lucky - your friend won the chance to clear up Johnny Vegas's BBC dressing room

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449. At 12:24pm on 13 Mar 2009, ItsMarkie wrote:
The bristles on that broom look awfully familiar. I do hope it's not someone I know.

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450. At 12:26pm on 13 Mar 2009, beachcred wrote:
A quick look around the stables confirmed that the Cheltenham Festival was had more ideas to attract the crowds....

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451. At 12:28pm on 13 Mar 2009, SeanieSmith wrote:
Eats leaves and loves kids...Help!

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452. At 12:29pm on 13 Mar 2009, stumo99 wrote:
To match the usual high standard of humour on the BBC caption competition:

A girl sweeps the floor while a giraffe watches.

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453. At 12:30pm on 13 Mar 2009, Steele Hawker wrote:
Hurry up! The BBC close the door at 1230 GMT sharp on Fridays

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