Caption Competition

13:17 UK time, Friday, 12 December 2008

Winning entries in the caption competition.

The competition is now closed. Full rules can be seen here [PDF].

Here a broker seals a deal during ICAP's annual charity day. This, one can hazard a guess, is not normal office wear at the City firm.

Thanks to all who entered. The prize of a small amount of kudos to the following:

6. RussTarbox
"It's Jeff on the floor... put it all on black."

5. HughMcKinney
Woolies finds a buyer.

4. katiemwhite
The Knave of Hearts desperately tries to explain to the headhunter that he only "borrowed" the tarts to undertake a complex short-selling transaction, and the Queen would have them back before the markets close.

3. Rob Falconer
"Hello, Buckingham Palace Call Centre, how can I help you?"

2. Candace9839
The punishment for selling short was severe.

1. SgtColon
"What am I wearing? Funny you should ask..."

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Comments

1. At 12:15pm on 11 Dec 2008, Rob Falconer wrote:
Yes, we're the knight staff

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2. At 12:15pm on 11 Dec 2008, Rob Falconer wrote:
Yes, every Friday we have our dressing-up day

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3. At 12:16pm on 11 Dec 2008, stigmondo wrote:
Alice, it's your mother on the phone..

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4. At 12:17pm on 11 Dec 2008, Rob Falconer wrote:
Hello, Buckingham Palace Call Centre, how can I help you?

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5. At 12:17pm on 11 Dec 2008, Candace9839 wrote:
Play your cards right and you'll be king they said. Yeah, right.

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6. At 12:18pm on 11 Dec 2008, Rob Falconer wrote:
No, the Queen can't come to the phone - she's making some tarts

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7. At 12:18pm on 11 Dec 2008, stigmondo wrote:
Clowns to left of me, Jokers to the right.. yes, I work in Investment Banking.

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8. At 12:18pm on 11 Dec 2008, rogueslr wrote:
Of course your money's safe, trust me, I'm a professional.

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9. At 12:18pm on 11 Dec 2008, Candace9839 wrote:
Call centres in India would soon be displaced by those in Wonderland

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10. At 12:19pm on 11 Dec 2008, OGNash wrote:
Yes, and I'm the Jack of all trades.

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11. At 12:20pm on 11 Dec 2008, Rob Falconer wrote:
Well, Madam, the fancy-dress shop had run out of vampire costumes

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12. At 12:20pm on 11 Dec 2008, Candace9839 wrote:
Yes, Mum, apparently every apprentice had the same idea for a costume.

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13. At 12:21pm on 11 Dec 2008, Candace9839 wrote:
I'm tall, dark and handsome and wearing something fun...

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14. At 12:22pm on 11 Dec 2008, Rob Falconer wrote:
Yeah, you would not believe how little Woolworth's are asking for fancy-dress costumes

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15. At 12:23pm on 11 Dec 2008, Candace9839 wrote:
The punishment for selling short was severe

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16. At 12:24pm on 11 Dec 2008, stigmondo wrote:
Government deny 'dumbing down' at Department of Education..

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17. At 12:25pm on 11 Dec 2008, Mersonwastheperson wrote:
Yes sir, I am some kind of joker.

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18. At 12:25pm on 11 Dec 2008, Candace9839 wrote:
Lunch? We're all going to Burger King.

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19. At 12:25pm on 11 Dec 2008, football is a dream, arsenal is reality wrote:
Are you having a laugh ?

Is he having a laugh?

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20. At 12:26pm on 11 Dec 2008, SteeleHawker wrote:
Where Are They Now # 42 : Jimmy Carr, once one of Britain's most popular comedians, now works in an Indian call centre

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21. At 12:26pm on 11 Dec 2008, HobbesBobbes wrote:
No seriously, stocks and shares are still a good investment.

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22. At 12:26pm on 11 Dec 2008, Mersonwastheperson wrote:
The Tudor says 'no'.

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23. At 12:27pm on 11 Dec 2008, Rich_Griff_2009 wrote:
David Walliams in his latest comedy Little Britain role - the investment banker.

Is your money safe? Computer says no....

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24. At 12:27pm on 11 Dec 2008, SteeleHawker wrote:
Some of these insurance claimants must think we're a pack of jokers

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25. At 12:28pm on 11 Dec 2008, OGNash wrote:
They told me it was a man's life in the knavey.

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26. At 12:28pm on 11 Dec 2008, Mersonwastheperson wrote:
"Ooh, you're so much better than the last caller..."

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27. At 12:28pm on 11 Dec 2008, Candace9839 wrote:
PT Barnum was right

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28. At 12:29pm on 11 Dec 2008, rogueslr wrote:
Nowadays, it was better to be thought of as a prat than an investment broker.

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29. At 12:30pm on 11 Dec 2008, Mersonwastheperson wrote:
"Cabinet office, how may I help?"

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30. At 12:30pm on 11 Dec 2008, SteeleHawker wrote:
Derek dreaded to think what it would have cost if he'd gone to a private dentist to have the crown fitted

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31. At 12:31pm on 11 Dec 2008, stigmondo wrote:
Tsk, look at Smithers. Brown suede shoes, and in the City..

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32. At 12:31pm on 11 Dec 2008, SteeleHawker wrote:
Gamblers Anonymous - how can I help you?

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33. At 12:31pm on 11 Dec 2008, Candace9839 wrote:
Can you play White Rabbit by Jefferson Airplane for the brokerage boys?

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34. At 12:32pm on 11 Dec 2008, TheRealCatherineO wrote:
"I'm just looking at my colleague and it's... no jam today, thank you."

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35. At 12:32pm on 11 Dec 2008, Kudosless wrote:

Carol had saved her favourite outfit for her final appearance on Countdown

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36. At 12:34pm on 11 Dec 2008, SteeleHawker wrote:
I thought they said my job was going to be "just a broker"

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37. At 12:35pm on 11 Dec 2008, TheSBC wrote:
The new call centre for 118 118's "free joke" campaign

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38. At 12:36pm on 11 Dec 2008, rogueslr wrote:
We're through the looking glass, here, people...

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39. At 12:36pm on 11 Dec 2008, SundayParkGeorge wrote:
City refute allegations that they're all knaves and charlatans.

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40. At 12:36pm on 11 Dec 2008, Candace9839 wrote:
In other news, the Silly Party's clothing budget has come under fire

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41. At 12:36pm on 11 Dec 2008, G0ng00zle wrote:
Busy no - but I am checking my Spam A Lot!

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42. At 12:36pm on 11 Dec 2008, stigmondo wrote:
England cricket selectors meet to discuss the team's performance..

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43. At 12:37pm on 11 Dec 2008, Kudosless wrote:

Brokers misunderstand employer's instruction to pack

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44. At 12:37pm on 11 Dec 2008, rogueslr wrote:
You say I've won a free cruise from Miami? What sort of fool do you think I am!

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45. At 12:37pm on 11 Dec 2008, SundayParkGeorge wrote:
You think I look stupid? You wait until you see what the Queen of Hearts is wearing...

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46. At 12:38pm on 11 Dec 2008, SteeleHawker wrote:
I'd like to report bullying in the workplace. Just because I have an intestinal problem, they insist on calling me "King o' fHearts."

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47. At 12:39pm on 11 Dec 2008, Candace9839 wrote:
The Gaming Commission meetings were never boring

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48. At 12:39pm on 11 Dec 2008, SundayParkGeorge wrote:
"Oh you are a card..."

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49. At 12:40pm on 11 Dec 2008, Candace9839 wrote:
And after we finish up here, we're off to open up a new casino

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50. At 12:40pm on 11 Dec 2008, SteeleHawker wrote:
Hello, BBC Caption Competition Moderator? I'd like to complain about captions 1 through 100 inclusive, as I find them all rather personal.

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51. At 12:41pm on 11 Dec 2008, Candace9839 wrote:
What was that about a fool and his money?

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52. At 12:42pm on 11 Dec 2008, SteeleHawker wrote:
A member of the Cabinet hears a rumour that there's going to be a reshuffle

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53. At 12:42pm on 11 Dec 2008, Mersonwastheperson wrote:
"Yes, I can see Alistair Darling in his counting house, counting all our money."

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54. At 12:42pm on 11 Dec 2008, SimonRooke wrote:
Dave wasn't looking forward to the early evening, semi nude, tournament. It was known as Joust-a-Thong at Twilight.

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55. At 12:44pm on 11 Dec 2008, Pat_Patterson wrote:
"Coo-ee, yes hello you are through to the not so Dark Knight how can i help you?"

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56. At 12:44pm on 11 Dec 2008, SteeleHawker wrote:
Especially developed for call centre operatives, K-Tel announce their all-new ear-wax suction-cleaner

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57. At 12:46pm on 11 Dec 2008, Jon_M_P wrote:
At the interview I thought they said broker..

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58. At 12:46pm on 11 Dec 2008, Nzie12 wrote:
Due to the recent economic downturn, Burger King is taking donations.

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59. At 12:48pm on 11 Dec 2008, Pat_Patterson wrote:
"Higher than a Jack you say.....Oooh you get nothing for a pair...."

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60. At 12:50pm on 11 Dec 2008, SundayParkGeorge wrote:
I feel so stupid. They've given me this old-fashioned phone rather than a headset.

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61. At 12:50pm on 11 Dec 2008, SimonRooke wrote:
Somewhere a mother sobbed, as the BBC reveal to the world her first born works as a broker!

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62. At 12:51pm on 11 Dec 2008, Kudosless wrote:

Who said the days of City Punches were over?

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63. At 12:52pm on 11 Dec 2008, SteeleHawker wrote:
Well, I'd look pretty silly offering you a deal like that, wouldn't I?

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64. At 12:52pm on 11 Dec 2008, SundayParkGeorge wrote:
Joker broker's phone moan

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65. At 12:54pm on 11 Dec 2008, SteeleHawker wrote:
When my girlfriend found out what I do for a living - broker heart

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66. At 12:54pm on 11 Dec 2008, The_Bob_Glasgow wrote:
No, I can assure you madam that we are taking the financial crisis very seriously

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67. At 12:55pm on 11 Dec 2008, Sourdust wrote:
"It's Her Majesty. She says, 'Off With Our Heads!'..."

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68. At 12:55pm on 11 Dec 2008, gordon_mullan wrote:
What am I doing with my other hand? Well, I am a merchant banker...

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69. At 12:55pm on 11 Dec 2008, SimonRooke wrote:
This is the Morris Dancers Chat Line, how can I help you?

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70. At 12:55pm on 11 Dec 2008, nick_fowler wrote:
Hello, this is the Wonderland Telephone Museum ...

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71. At 12:56pm on 11 Dec 2008, shear_uk wrote:
"What am I wearing?? Erm...I'm naked as well darling"

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72. At 12:58pm on 11 Dec 2008, jpmurf wrote:
I'm glad you like the webcam but no I will not pass you to Matt Lucas

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73. At 12:58pm on 11 Dec 2008, spud_the_spider wrote:
Jester minute, I'll put you through.

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74. At 12:59pm on 11 Dec 2008, nick_fowler wrote:
Hello, Industrial Injuries Helpline? - the Queen chopped off my head and then glued it back on the wrong way

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75. At 1:00pm on 11 Dec 2008, jpmurf wrote:
Hello, is that "Assassins R Us"? Yes, I like to put a contract out on my boss.....

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76. At 1:01pm on 11 Dec 2008, PhilWal0 wrote:
"I'll jest be a moment..."

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77. At 1:02pm on 11 Dec 2008, nick_fowler wrote:
Derek works for Kodak Prince

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78. At 1:03pm on 11 Dec 2008, nick_fowler wrote:
Gordon works for the "Some Day my Prince will Come" sex chat-line

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79. At 1:05pm on 11 Dec 2008, nick_fowler wrote:
Derek and his colleagues were all a little hard-of-hearing and had misunderstood when told to report to the office "dressed like bankers"

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80. At 1:06pm on 11 Dec 2008, redbyname wrote:
Rupert wished he hadn't complained about the 'hideously striped blazers' that they used to wear.

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81. At 1:07pm on 11 Dec 2008, DougieLawson wrote:
Is that the police? I'd like to report a theft of some jam tarts.

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82. At 1:08pm on 11 Dec 2008, DougieLawson wrote:
I'll have a million in January jam futures.

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83. At 1:10pm on 11 Dec 2008, nick_fowler wrote:
Hello, this is Prince Waterhouse ...

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84. At 1:11pm on 11 Dec 2008, nick_fowler wrote:
Hey, guys, we have a complaint - who wants to be King this time?

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85. At 1:13pm on 11 Dec 2008, OurSwipe wrote:
" Hello Mrs Smith, I'm Delighted To Tell You, You've Won The Lottery "

" You're Joking, Right ? "

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86. At 1:13pm on 11 Dec 2008, MuteJoe wrote:
"Hello, you're through to the Max Planck Translation Desk, how may I help you?...

...Welsh road signs?... no problem, sir."

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87. At 1:13pm on 11 Dec 2008, nick_fowler wrote:
And, when we came back to the changing-rooms after beating Wonderland RFC, all our clothes had been taken ...

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88. At 1:14pm on 11 Dec 2008, jimmyog wrote:
..........yes, I'm the King of Little Britain. Unfortunately, there's no longer any Great in Britain.

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89. At 1:14pm on 11 Dec 2008, OurSwipe wrote:
After 25 Years Service, I Came To Work This Morning And They Handed Me My Cards !

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90. At 1:14pm on 11 Dec 2008, shear_uk wrote:
"I TOLD you I should have gone with the Superman costume...there's at least 4 other jesters here!"

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91. At 1:14pm on 11 Dec 2008, spud_the_spider wrote:
"Samaritans ... how can I help?"

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92. At 1:14pm on 11 Dec 2008, nick_fowler wrote:
Marks and Spencer's Chief Menswear Buyer learns he has been sacked

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93. At 1:14pm on 11 Dec 2008, SundayParkGeorge wrote:
The realism of the avatars in Playstation Home was incredible, but Sony were criticised for the limited choice of costumes

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94. At 1:15pm on 11 Dec 2008, mad_caesar wrote:
Sir Alan Sugar felt that David Walliams wasn't taking this task in the Celebrity Apprentice all too seriously.

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95. At 1:15pm on 11 Dec 2008, SimonRooke wrote:
This Robert Peston, reporting for The World at One, from the London Stock Exchange.

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96. At 1:15pm on 11 Dec 2008, EngineeredSunshine wrote:
I assure you sir, I am nobodies fool.

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97. At 1:18pm on 11 Dec 2008, shear_uk wrote:
Great news!!! Just found out everyone's allowed to wear a jacket and tie on the last day before the Christmas holiday!!

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98. At 1:18pm on 11 Dec 2008, OurSwipe wrote:
I Was Going To Wear My Arsenal Shirt. But I Was Too Embarassed !

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99. At 1:18pm on 11 Dec 2008, penny-farthing wrote:
Jack of all Trades................

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100. At 1:20pm on 11 Dec 2008, fbxiii wrote:
Gordon Brown dons his new Superheros outfit whilst saving the world.

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101. At 1:20pm on 11 Dec 2008, OurSwipe wrote:
Yes, I Went To Woolworths This Morning. Why Do You Ask ?

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102. At 1:21pm on 11 Dec 2008, Jordy1967 wrote:
"How do I make Little Britain? Well I'd start with Great Britain, then elect Labour, and wait."

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103. At 1:21pm on 11 Dec 2008, OurSwipe wrote:
Well, You Should See What We Wear On 'Dress Down Friday' !

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104. At 1:22pm on 11 Dec 2008, Eviscera wrote:
Yes, I am wearing knickers.

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105. At 1:23pm on 11 Dec 2008, ianslat wrote:
You'd like to report some stolen tarts? Sorry, there's no-one to take your call at the moment.

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106. At 1:23pm on 11 Dec 2008, fbxiii wrote:
New fetish line opens for poker addicts.

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107. At 1:24pm on 11 Dec 2008, John_Sevenoaks wrote:
"And I'm the only knave in Llandewi Breffi."

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108. At 1:25pm on 11 Dec 2008, ianslat wrote:
We're the only people who want to buy Woolworth shares? Am I living in some kind of dreamland? I don't know what you mean.

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109. At 1:28pm on 11 Dec 2008, SundayParkGeorge wrote:
This is the Gordon Brown speech writing department, how may I help?

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110. At 1:30pm on 11 Dec 2008, DannyDannyC wrote:
So you think the credit crunch is some kind of joke?

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111. At 1:30pm on 11 Dec 2008, Jordy1967 wrote:
"some joker on the blower called Brown, says he's saved the world, and now wants to save the cheerleader"

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112. At 1:30pm on 11 Dec 2008, youngWillz wrote:
SeanieSmith can't come to the phone I'm afraid..it's Thursday and we are all busy writing his captions!

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113. At 1:30pm on 11 Dec 2008, fbxiii wrote:
Gordon Gecko ditches his braces for something a bit less 'flashy'

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114. At 1:31pm on 11 Dec 2008, OurSwipe wrote:
Hello Is That The M.O.D ?
I'd Like To Enquire About Careers In The Knavey !

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115. At 1:31pm on 11 Dec 2008, youngWillz wrote:
Proof that stockbrokers hunt in packs...

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116. At 1:31pm on 11 Dec 2008, katiemwhite wrote:
The Knave of Hearts desperately tries to explain to the headhunter that he only 'borrowed' the tarts to undertake a complex short-selling transaction, and the Queen would have them back before the markets close.

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117. At 1:32pm on 11 Dec 2008, SundayParkGeorge wrote:
Scientist are surprised at the first microscopic images of neurons at work in an MPs brain.

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118. At 1:32pm on 11 Dec 2008, OurSwipe wrote:
Another Fair Deal Completed !

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119. At 1:33pm on 11 Dec 2008, sternpaddler wrote:
"....but at least I have both my eyes..."

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120. At 1:33pm on 11 Dec 2008, Jordy1967 wrote:
"Vie Gehts, zis eez Deutcshland, ve vud like to play our joker on ze next round bitte."

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121. At 1:34pm on 11 Dec 2008, teazeldad wrote:
Yeah, sorry, i've gotta keep my voice down, but you won't BELIEVE the hat that Clive's wearing. YELLOW dangly bits! I know!!!

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122. At 1:34pm on 11 Dec 2008, DerekT1966 wrote:
Despite making good progress at comedians anonymous, David Walliams suffered a set back today. “I’m sorry Matt, I just can’t help being funny”, he was overheard saying on the telephone.

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123. At 1:34pm on 11 Dec 2008, SundayParkGeorge wrote:
OK, who's the joker who put super glue on the earpiece?

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124. At 1:34pm on 11 Dec 2008, youngWillz wrote:
"Jack of Diamonds behind me...yeah, he's got a headset and they're making me use a handset...I know...bakelite and lycra, it's an accident waiting to happen....yeah...bye..."

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125. At 1:34pm on 11 Dec 2008, OurSwipe wrote:
My Favourite Colour ?
I'm Quite Partial To Dark Blue, Why Do You Ask ?

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126. At 1:35pm on 11 Dec 2008, shear_uk wrote:
Yeah mum the new bank job's going really well...yes dad would have been proud.

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127. At 1:36pm on 11 Dec 2008, archstinker wrote:

Alice ? who the **** is Alice ?

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128. At 1:37pm on 11 Dec 2008, OurSwipe wrote:
My Plans For Friday ?
I Think I'll Go To A Club And Break A Few Hearts !

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129. At 1:38pm on 11 Dec 2008, Jordy1967 wrote:
"Hello, Joker's R Us…you like a bulk delivery to what number Downing St. ?"

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130. At 1:38pm on 11 Dec 2008, shear_uk wrote:
The campaign to get Rentaghost back on prime tv was picking up momentum.

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131. At 1:39pm on 11 Dec 2008, billcam wrote:
No silly, Standsted was last week. We're in Greece this week.

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132. At 1:39pm on 11 Dec 2008, nick_fowler wrote:
So, we thought it was about time we updated Tenniel's old drawings

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133. At 1:40pm on 11 Dec 2008, nick_fowler wrote:
What really worries me is taking the Tube home tonight

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134. At 1:40pm on 11 Dec 2008, shear_uk wrote:
During the first Formula 1 press conference of the year, even Bernie Ecclestone had to admit he'd made some unnecessary changes.

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135. At 1:46pm on 11 Dec 2008, nick_fowler wrote:
Mr. December poses for next year's Waddington's calendar

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136. At 1:46pm on 11 Dec 2008, Johnny Pixels wrote:
"Poker helpline, Jack speaking"

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137. At 1:46pm on 11 Dec 2008, 1zwicky18 wrote:
Alistair Darling reveals the smallprint on that government bailout

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138. At 1:47pm on 11 Dec 2008, youngWillz wrote:
Samaritans...

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139. At 1:49pm on 11 Dec 2008, fbxiii wrote:
No sir. 'Walls' street sausages do not contain Irish pork.

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140. At 1:50pm on 11 Dec 2008, jammyrhona wrote:
I tell you, forget frozen pork belly, buy all the jam tarts you can lay your hands on!

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141. At 1:50pm on 11 Dec 2008, nick_fowler wrote:
No, there's no Miss Wonderland here. What's her Christian name? Alison ...

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142. At 1:50pm on 11 Dec 2008, youngWillz wrote:
"We're all hung over from the Christmas party last night, but I don't think anyone's noticed.."

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143. At 1:52pm on 11 Dec 2008, nick_fowler wrote:
In case you're wondering, the only reason I'm using this antiquated old phone is that all the modern ones are video-phones

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144. At 1:52pm on 11 Dec 2008, youngWillz wrote:
"...and a freshly buttered flamingo wrap, no pickle..."

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145. At 1:53pm on 11 Dec 2008, elyobelyob wrote:
No, I'm not Newcastle United's manager.

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146. At 1:53pm on 11 Dec 2008, youngWillz wrote:
"Get down here quick! Tarquin and Farquhar have turned up in the same outfit as me!"

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147. At 1:54pm on 11 Dec 2008, OurSwipe wrote:
Hello RAC Helpline,
Flat Tyre ?
I've got just the thing !

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148. At 1:55pm on 11 Dec 2008, Candace9839 wrote:
PT phone home

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149. At 1:57pm on 11 Dec 2008, OurSwipe wrote:
It all happened so fast, I was just sat there waiting for take off, Dave got on and said hello, next thing the plane was Surrounded by armed Police - Can't think why !!!

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150. At 1:58pm on 11 Dec 2008, youngWillz wrote:
"Magic Circle, how can I help you?"

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151. At 1:58pm on 11 Dec 2008, honesthulley wrote:
"Mum,get me outa here,i`v joined the wrong Knavey."

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152. At 1:58pm on 11 Dec 2008, nick_fowler wrote:
Yeah, I got the job at Santa's Grotto, Mum, but Santa had run out of elves' costumes - oh, and the address is Lapland Lapland

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153. At 2:00pm on 11 Dec 2008, youngWillz wrote:
"A star in the East, you say? Hold on, I'll put you through to Mr Wiseman..."

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154. At 2:02pm on 11 Dec 2008, youngWillz wrote:
What you get when you cross a bull with a bear...

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155. At 2:02pm on 11 Dec 2008, blogbuster wrote:
The harsh reality of Wonderland:

Please buy the extended cover policy, if I don't meet my targets this month the Queen with have my head!

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156. At 2:03pm on 11 Dec 2008, youngWillz wrote:
"What IS she wearing?"

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157. At 2:05pm on 11 Dec 2008, youngWillz wrote:
The worst day to give up smoking and drinking...

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158. At 2:05pm on 11 Dec 2008, John_Sevenoaks wrote:
"You want to save the world, Mr Brown? Hold on - I'll put you through."

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159. At 2:08pm on 11 Dec 2008, youngWillz wrote:
"Yes the sponsored head shave and chest wax was a bit of a waste of time..."

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160. At 2:08pm on 11 Dec 2008, kempsy wrote:
"What makes you think we are not taking our job seriously ma'am?"

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161. At 2:09pm on 11 Dec 2008, DiceManCometh wrote:
Yes, we managed to get rid of woolies, we hope to hit smiths soon...

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162. At 2:09pm on 11 Dec 2008, blogbuster wrote:
Investment bank exposed as 'house of cards'.

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163. At 2:10pm on 11 Dec 2008, evilsprite wrote:
First they make us dress like this, then they let a BBC photographer in. I think they might be trying to make us quit

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164. At 2:10pm on 11 Dec 2008, Burwoot wrote:
Jest a minute.

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165. At 2:13pm on 11 Dec 2008, arnie49 wrote:
David Walliams saying.... let me put you on hold. Then singing the telephone queuing music.....

"Must be the reason I'm the Queen Of my Castle......
Must be the reason why I'm trapped in ICAP!"........

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166. At 2:15pm on 11 Dec 2008, OurSwipe wrote:
Yes I like a nice pair too,
Sorry, what were you referring to ?

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167. At 2:15pm on 11 Dec 2008, arnie49 wrote:
I'm the only QUEEN in this office not YOU Mr. Lucas!

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168. At 2:17pm on 11 Dec 2008, OurSwipe wrote:
Fond as he was of his insurance advisor Job, Dave was getting tired listening to yet another Fairy Story !

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169. At 2:17pm on 11 Dec 2008, Jordan D wrote:
The Joker is disappointed to find out that he's not Gordon Brown's superhero of the week

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170. At 2:18pm on 11 Dec 2008, Jordan D wrote:
"Yes, When they said a day out at Queen's Club, this isn't what I thought they meant ..."

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171. At 2:19pm on 11 Dec 2008, Jordan D wrote:
"Hello ... yes, I'm a Celebrity, Get me Out of here"

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172. At 2:20pm on 11 Dec 2008, wotnocaptioncomp wrote:
"Hold on for jester minute please..."

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173. At 2:21pm on 11 Dec 2008, Jordy1967 wrote:
"Jack Nicholson's advice to David Walliams for playing The Joker was to think Dishonest, Unscrupulous, Mean, Nasty, but above all Inept"

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174. At 2:22pm on 11 Dec 2008, nick_fowler wrote:
Look, I just feel stupid saying "Have YOU had an accident that wasn't YOUR fault ..."

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175. At 2:22pm on 11 Dec 2008, Candace9839 wrote:
The fantasy poker club membership drive was determined to have a banner year

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176. At 2:23pm on 11 Dec 2008, Ravonski wrote:
Following the Brand and Ross debacle, BBC radio ramps up it's joke evaluation squad.

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177. At 2:23pm on 11 Dec 2008, OurSwipe wrote:
Sorry, when did you say Batman 3 Auditions were being held ?

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178. At 2:23pm on 11 Dec 2008, Sagey wrote:
No Mr Brown, I'm very serious. So, can I put you down for £4b billion then ?

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179. At 2:23pm on 11 Dec 2008, Jordan D wrote:
Gecko was wrong: Lunch is for Jokers.

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180. At 2:25pm on 11 Dec 2008, Candace9839 wrote:
Facing a dismal economy, Macy's decides to put the elves from Santaland to work drumming up business

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181. At 2:25pm on 11 Dec 2008, OurSwipe wrote:
Hello... Serious Crime Squad !

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182. At 2:25pm on 11 Dec 2008, NorthernPunk wrote:
"Hello, Hastings Direct. "

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183. At 2:26pm on 11 Dec 2008, OurSwipe wrote:
Hello... CIS Disney !

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184. At 2:26pm on 11 Dec 2008, NorthernPunk wrote:
"Your right Sandra, that woman to my left looks like really daft"

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185. At 2:28pm on 11 Dec 2008, Ravonski wrote:
"Hi, yeah, the new job's fine... I seem to fit in really well. The boss is a bit of a clown though."

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186. At 2:31pm on 11 Dec 2008, OurSwipe wrote:
Right must go, I've been rabitting on for ages !

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187. At 2:32pm on 11 Dec 2008, Stellsie wrote:
Ted wished people had the imagination to set their own trends.

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188. At 2:37pm on 11 Dec 2008, OurSwipe wrote:
When they told me i'd be knighted for my services to Banking, this isn't what i'd imagined !

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189. At 2:38pm on 11 Dec 2008, OurSwipe wrote:
Crackle & Pop Work On The Next Desk !

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190. At 2:39pm on 11 Dec 2008, paulo1990 wrote:
"I'm afraid you've got the wrong number Madam, this isn't the dentist. However we can get you a crown fitted."

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191. At 2:39pm on 11 Dec 2008, OurSwipe wrote:
We've dressed up for the Christmas Carroll service !

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192. At 2:41pm on 11 Dec 2008, SundayParkGeorge wrote:
Caption Competition judge wonders if someone will say "Does my bum look big in this?" this week.

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193. At 2:42pm on 11 Dec 2008, blogbuster wrote:
Hello, a very happy non-birthday to you!

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194. At 2:42pm on 11 Dec 2008, Blythy_vxR wrote:
David Walliam's latest sketch as the joker in banking falls flat.

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195. At 2:50pm on 11 Dec 2008, Dostoyevsky wrote:
All I said was 'I think I'm coming out in a flush...'

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196. At 2:50pm on 11 Dec 2008, laughingTruffle wrote:
David Walliams dons a costume funnier than the entire series of Little Britain USA

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197. At 2:54pm on 11 Dec 2008, jpmurf wrote:
Jester normal day at the office

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198. At 2:55pm on 11 Dec 2008, jpmurf wrote:
"Oh hello dear..... no, nothing out of the ordinary, jester normal day at the office"

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199. At 2:56pm on 11 Dec 2008, Eregol wrote:
You are such a card!

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200. At 2:56pm on 11 Dec 2008, ECLondon wrote:
I don't care if there is a credit crunch ... and I know we're on a budget....however this is NOT a santa outfit!

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201. At 2:57pm on 11 Dec 2008, Eregol wrote:
Yes, and we expect everyone else to follow suit.

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202. At 2:57pm on 11 Dec 2008, jpmurf wrote:
Sod this, if they want me to help out Red Nose Day next year I'll just swim the channel or something.....

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203. At 3:00pm on 11 Dec 2008, GreenWyvern wrote:
Of course derivatives traders live in the real world!

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204. At 3:04pm on 11 Dec 2008, Candace9839 wrote:
Yeah, they said they needed better visibility into the Monte Carlo methods behind our derivatives pricing.

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205. At 3:06pm on 11 Dec 2008, grazvalentine wrote:
I keep thinking the phone's ringing but it's just my hat and my shoes.

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206. At 3:07pm on 11 Dec 2008, ejtasker wrote:
"Butter. Yes, we need butter. The King does like a little bit of butter on his bread."

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207. At 3:15pm on 11 Dec 2008, fbxiii wrote:
I think we should take stock of what they are making us wear.

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208. At 3:15pm on 11 Dec 2008, LaurenceLane wrote:
This comment was removed because the moderators found it broke the House Rules.
209. At 3:17pm on 11 Dec 2008, Rodexpat wrote:
You should see Ted. He looks absolutely daft with that yellow pointy thing on his head!

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210. At 3:20pm on 11 Dec 2008, docdon44 wrote:
Hi Donald,

Yes, I'm trumping as we speak.

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211. At 3:20pm on 11 Dec 2008, Magnum Carter wrote:
"I do apologise, I've just been informed the King has left the building"

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212. At 3:21pm on 11 Dec 2008, BertieBogroll wrote:
"You've heard of the Witches of Eastwick? Well we are the Knaves of Nantucket, every one of us larger than life!"

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213. At 3:22pm on 11 Dec 2008, Magnum Carter wrote:
"Er boss, when you said the reason was our investors were losing interest..."

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214. At 3:27pm on 11 Dec 2008, Magnum Carter wrote:
"Hello you're through to Tower Hamlets Council Tax Recovery office; taking you to court jester annoy you"

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215. At 3:29pm on 11 Dec 2008, Woundedpride wrote:
"So you want to speak to an Alice, somewhere here in Wonderland, is that it? Any other name to go with Alice?"

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216. At 3:31pm on 11 Dec 2008, Woundedpride wrote:
"...and the boss! Well, what can I tell you? He's a card, he is!"

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217. At 3:35pm on 11 Dec 2008, Magnum Carter wrote:
Indications were cocaine may not be the drug-of-choice in the City any longer

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218. At 3:37pm on 11 Dec 2008, penny-farthing wrote:
Actually, I'd like to hold...............

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219. At 3:40pm on 11 Dec 2008, trigg_27 wrote:
Reveled: Paper Monitor on a rare dare off

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220. At 3:42pm on 11 Dec 2008, SundayParkGeorge wrote:
Joe Kerr insisted he didn't believe in nominative determinism

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221. At 3:42pm on 11 Dec 2008, penny-farthing wrote:
Hi, could I have the buxomy serving wench please?

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222. At 3:44pm on 11 Dec 2008, Magnum Carter wrote:
"Don't worry darling I'll be there with bells on...
...oh, you'd rather I didn't"

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223. At 3:44pm on 11 Dec 2008, Waggler wrote:
I'm wearing a little blue, red and white number with a jaunty yellow hat. Do you want me to take something off you naughty boy!?

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224. At 3:46pm on 11 Dec 2008, Candace9839 wrote:
Send in the clowns

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225. At 3:46pm on 11 Dec 2008, Magnum Carter wrote:
"You've gotta be kidding me...sorry, stock answer"

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226. At 3:46pm on 11 Dec 2008, Woundedpride wrote:
The Nursery Rhyme crime squad knew they'd get the Knave of Hearts sooner or later.

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227. At 3:47pm on 11 Dec 2008, Magnum Carter wrote:
Stock King Filler

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228. At 3:49pm on 11 Dec 2008, penny-farthing wrote:
Revealed....Gordon Brown's strategy for saving the world...er,banking industry.

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229. At 3:50pm on 11 Dec 2008, herdarkerhero wrote:
"I'm scared as to what they put in these pies... they don't taste right"

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230. At 3:50pm on 11 Dec 2008, LaurenceLane wrote:
This is the Financial Services Authority, banks and building societies supervision department, how can I help you?

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231. At 3:55pm on 11 Dec 2008, Woundedpride wrote:
Online poker games would never be the same again after 'People Poker' arrived.

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232. At 4:03pm on 11 Dec 2008, SundayParkGeorge wrote:
Prank calls department here. How can we help you Mr Brand?

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233. At 4:03pm on 11 Dec 2008, fbxiii wrote:
This comment was removed because the moderators found it broke the House Rules.
234. At 4:05pm on 11 Dec 2008, SundayParkGeorge wrote:
Laughing stock

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235. At 4:11pm on 11 Dec 2008, Whitbylassie wrote:
This is how we put the 'fun' back into debt collection ...

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236. At 4:12pm on 11 Dec 2008, ParagonLeers wrote:
Knavel-gazing at work is becoming commonplace during the credit crunch

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237. At 4:16pm on 11 Dec 2008, abbotofmelrose wrote:
Er, Yah! I confirm that we Germans think your Prime Ministers policies are a joke!

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238. At 4:18pm on 11 Dec 2008, abbotofmelrose wrote:
Er, Yeh Mum. These X Factor contracts have some pretty strange terms & conditions!

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239. At 4:18pm on 11 Dec 2008, abbotofmelrose wrote:
The suits Ok, but the big plastic ear-ring just doesn't go!

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240. At 4:20pm on 11 Dec 2008, jpmurf wrote:
I should have trusted the bad feeling I had during the job interview when I say the "you don't have to be mad to work here - but it helps!!!!" sign in the office ......

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241. At 4:25pm on 11 Dec 2008, Behnji wrote:
"Sorry lads! Microsoft were actually looking for a bunch of testers"

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242. At 4:28pm on 11 Dec 2008, Anti_Labour wrote:
Higher... lower... lower... higher... higher...
SELL!

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243. At 4:31pm on 11 Dec 2008, Anti_Labour wrote:
"Er, yes sir, charity...
No sir, not every day just today...
In fact we weren't aware this meeting would be via videoconferencing..."

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244. At 4:31pm on 11 Dec 2008, Woundedpride wrote:
"Yeah, Jemima, it's just another day at Wonderland Bank, and those rabbits at the Derivatives desk are late again"

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245. At 4:32pm on 11 Dec 2008, Anti_Labour wrote:
Please be assured madam, your card details are safe with us.

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246. At 4:32pm on 11 Dec 2008, nick_fowler wrote:
That phone looks a bit long in the Bluetooth

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247. At 4:33pm on 11 Dec 2008, Helenepitpony wrote:
Yorick, earliest victim of the credit crunch.

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248. At 4:34pm on 11 Dec 2008, nick_fowler wrote:
This is a courtesy call from the Raj

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249. At 4:34pm on 11 Dec 2008, Anti_Labour wrote:
Learning to make phone calls was on the agenda at the recent annual congress of village idiots...

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250. At 4:34pm on 11 Dec 2008, Helenepitpony wrote:
The phones hadn't stopped ringing since Ann Summers had launched its Will Somers chatline for men.

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251. At 4:34pm on 11 Dec 2008, seanrichards wrote:
"No Barry, I'm not kidding! He's wearing ridiculous red tights and white slingbacks - he's SUCH a drama queen!"

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252. At 4:35pm on 11 Dec 2008, campaign1 wrote:
Not now! I'm just asking Gordon for another loan!

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253. At 4:37pm on 11 Dec 2008, campaign1 wrote:
Good morning, HM Treasury, how may we help?

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254. At 4:37pm on 11 Dec 2008, Anti_Labour wrote:
In this economic meltdown, with credit still unavailable despite government backing and record low BoE interest rates, inner city bankers show their true colours...

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255. At 4:38pm on 11 Dec 2008, campaign1 wrote:
Never Never Land? O’ yes, that’s Alistair Darling’s department.

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256. At 4:39pm on 11 Dec 2008, campaign1 wrote:
Never Never Land? Oh yes, that's Alistair Darling's department.

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257. At 4:40pm on 11 Dec 2008, alpha-kat wrote:
it seems that the joker had made a spelling mistake when applying for the broker job.

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258. At 4:41pm on 11 Dec 2008, Anti_Labour wrote:
Popularity of 'Fonejacker' spreads to real life for the inner city...

"heeheehee... I know interest rate is at 2%, but ours has gone up to 10%..."

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259. At 4:44pm on 11 Dec 2008, insomniac_josh wrote:
David Walliams' new character was lacking shows promise

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260. At 4:44pm on 11 Dec 2008, BeckySnow wrote:
Sorry, got a bit distracted there. Our gorgeous MD Timothy Claypole has just walked through the office – such a dreamy silver fox…..

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261. At 4:45pm on 11 Dec 2008, BeckySnow wrote:
Sorry, got a bit distracted there. Our gorgeous MD Timothy Claypole has just walked through the office, he's such a dreamy silver fox

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262. At 4:47pm on 11 Dec 2008, yesimbritish wrote:
"Yeah, your money's as safe as with any Joker, Broker or other...."

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263. At 4:56pm on 11 Dec 2008, yesimbritish wrote:
"Hallo, Punshline...."

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264. At 4:58pm on 11 Dec 2008, nick_fowler wrote:
I wish the Queen had never made Santa's Grotto "By Royal Appointment"

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265. At 5:00pm on 11 Dec 2008, lpoc2205 wrote:
"Good afternoon, You're through to Jack at Queen Of Hearts Life Insurance. How can I help?"

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266. At 5:04pm on 11 Dec 2008, NormanAS wrote:

It's down to the Pensions Black Rabbit Hole

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267. At 5:06pm on 11 Dec 2008, NormanAS wrote:

"Don't worry, Seanie" said the judge "The others suspect nothing"

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268. At 5:06pm on 11 Dec 2008, NormanAS wrote:

Christmas Carrolls

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269. At 5:08pm on 11 Dec 2008, SeanieSmith wrote:
"Oh, the Serious Fraud Office? I'll just transfer you..."

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270. At 5:08pm on 11 Dec 2008, NormanAS wrote:

Irish government agree to a second referendum

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271. At 5:09pm on 11 Dec 2008, SeanieSmith wrote:
"You'd like a mortgage, Sir? No problem - I'll just get my magic quill pen and take some details..."

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272. At 5:11pm on 11 Dec 2008, NormanAS wrote:

"You'd like a mortgage, Sir? No problem - I'll just get my magic quill pen and take some details..."

NormanAS discovers cunning kudos-sharing wheeze ...

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273. At 5:14pm on 11 Dec 2008, nadine7346 wrote:
You should see the fools I have to work with...

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274. At 5:14pm on 11 Dec 2008, SeanieSmith wrote:
"I'm pleased to tell you that your castle has been chosen in your area for free replacement turrets..."

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275. At 5:17pm on 11 Dec 2008, locutus155 wrote:
"Queen of Hearts Pizza? I'd like one 12" tart pizza with everything please."

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276. At 5:21pm on 11 Dec 2008, Magnum Carter wrote:
"If you pay 50p for a joke now they're free for the rest of the day"

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277. At 5:25pm on 11 Dec 2008, ShadowedFahimBhai wrote:
Hello...Government speaking...

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278. At 5:29pm on 11 Dec 2008, SeanieSmith wrote:
"Ok, so it's either the subprime derivitives or the pork belly futures? You choose..."

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279. At 5:29pm on 11 Dec 2008, SeanieSmith wrote:
"OK, so it's either the subprime derivatives or the pork belly futures? You choose..."

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280. At 5:34pm on 11 Dec 2008, NormanAS wrote:

Abu Dhabi man learns truth about his investment in Man Jester City

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281. At 5:43pm on 11 Dec 2008, SeanieSmith wrote:
"No, we haven't published the Monitor letters page yet. Don't worry, I've got an idea..."

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282. At 6:04pm on 11 Dec 2008, SeanieSmith wrote:
"Don't worry, Mr Darling - you enjoy your holiday. We can manage..."

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283. At 6:13pm on 11 Dec 2008, timomouse wrote:
And if you take this loan out, we'll offer jester 4.25% interest rate.

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284. At 6:23pm on 11 Dec 2008, Helenepitpony wrote:
"ICA, ICA, ICA....."

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285. At 6:29pm on 11 Dec 2008, RussTarbox wrote:
It's Jeff on the floor ... put it all on black.

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286. At 6:34pm on 11 Dec 2008, SeanieSmith wrote:
"I'm afraid, sir, Ye must solve the riddle before we can approve thy loan."

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287. At 7:02pm on 11 Dec 2008, Dodie_James wrote:
Obama got a surprise when he first entered the White House foreign policy unit..

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288. At 7:05pm on 11 Dec 2008, Dodie_James wrote:
Hey, everybody, I've *actually* got someone who wants to consolidate all their debts into one easy monthly payment..

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289. At 7:05pm on 11 Dec 2008, ChemGrrl wrote:
Yes I am serious. Do I sound like a joker to you?

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290. At 7:06pm on 11 Dec 2008, Dodie_James wrote:
The excitement mounted as the first caller in four months enquired about some new windows..

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291. At 7:10pm on 11 Dec 2008, Digrgrl wrote:
Hello, TBS? My entire office showed up looking like jokers today, and I need to know if that's funny.

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292. At 7:17pm on 11 Dec 2008, W_K_Snowdon wrote:
What Estate Agents actually do in the afternoons..

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293. At 7:18pm on 11 Dec 2008, W_K_Snowdon wrote:
Jokes4U chatline gets a call from Alistair Darling..

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294. At 7:18pm on 11 Dec 2008, W_K_Snowdon wrote:
Down at the University, the psychology department ran the annual 'Ring Another Student's Parent Day'..

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295. At 7:19pm on 11 Dec 2008, W_K_Snowdon wrote:
Minister, remind me, are we awarding 'A' Grades to everyone this year?

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296. At 7:40pm on 11 Dec 2008, j-o-n-a-t-h-a-n wrote:
Newly elected King of Sark receives call of congratulations from the Queen.

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297. At 8:13pm on 11 Dec 2008, newda898 wrote:
"Good morning, Haringey Council childcare services. How may I help you?"

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298. At 8:14pm on 11 Dec 2008, pinkfloydareace wrote:
As I need to speak to my supervisor, please could you listen to me playing Greensleeves on my recorder

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299. At 8:16pm on 11 Dec 2008, pinkfloydareace wrote:
David Walliams makes his mark on call centre management

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300. At 8:18pm on 11 Dec 2008, pinkfloydareace wrote:
Where's me headset?

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301. At 8:19pm on 11 Dec 2008, pinkfloydareace wrote:
Please ignore the miserable people behind me

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302. At 8:21pm on 11 Dec 2008, pinkfloydareace wrote:
The fancy dress? Oh, from the Woolies' sale - 50p

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303. At 8:31pm on 11 Dec 2008, nikrite wrote:
Dead right it's a 'flush'... I feel a right royal embarrassment!!

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304. At 8:37pm on 11 Dec 2008, exkitman wrote:
do you think this phone looks out of place

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305. At 8:50pm on 11 Dec 2008, penny-farthing wrote:
No, Inspector, I don't know anything about any tarts.

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306. At 9:06pm on 11 Dec 2008, mjh-uk wrote:
"Hello, Northern Rock Investment desk... How may I help you this morning?"

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307. At 9:14pm on 11 Dec 2008, AmusedofSwindon wrote:
No, I don't know Jack ... I work in financial services.

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308. At 9:20pm on 11 Dec 2008, Hobbitmorley wrote:
"Not Flash, Just Gordon's Planet Rescue, Alistair speaking. Please may I have your planet co-ordinates, membership number, and full details of your planetary crisis?"

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309. At 9:23pm on 11 Dec 2008, AmusedofSwindon wrote:
R-O-I - Return On Investment - and it's French for King. Oh honestly, I don't know why I bother.

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310. At 9:29pm on 11 Dec 2008, Marshfoot wrote:
It's a right joke this job the employment people found for me, just right for a single Mum they said. A laugh a minute.

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311. At 9:38pm on 11 Dec 2008, nick_fowler wrote:
Ooooh yes, Mother. And we made all the pantomime costumes from stuff we bought at Hobbycraft.

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312. At 9:40pm on 11 Dec 2008, nick_fowler wrote:
Well yes, Mum, I'm still in the chorus, but I've been promoted to a court card.

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313. At 9:42pm on 11 Dec 2008, nick_fowler wrote:
What's ICAP? Well, it's a bit like an iPod, but you wear it on your head.

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314. At 9:45pm on 11 Dec 2008, nick_fowler wrote:
Gotta go, love. I'm giving my taking-over-the-country-and-becoming-Dictator speech in Parliament in half-an-hour.

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315. At 9:46pm on 11 Dec 2008, nick_fowler wrote:
Yeah, Julia and the kids are just loving our holiday in Monaco too.

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316. At 9:49pm on 11 Dec 2008, Fauconnier wrote:
And, at the third stroke, the time, sponsored by the Holloway Sanatorium Hospital for the Insane, will be ...

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317. At 9:50pm on 11 Dec 2008, Fauconnier wrote:
Well, this Humpty had a great fall, and, do you know, none of us could put him together again

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318. At 10:19pm on 11 Dec 2008, SimonRooke wrote:
MFI Helpline, you're short one air seal?

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319. At 10:49pm on 11 Dec 2008, LaurenceLane wrote:
This isn't the BBC Moderators department, how can I direct your call?

Re-written to avoid moderation!

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320. At 10:53pm on 11 Dec 2008, fastwelshdragon wrote:
A Joker amongst the pack then?

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321. At 10:55pm on 11 Dec 2008, Dodie_James wrote:
This year, IT Support decided the joke would be on them..

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322. At 10:58pm on 11 Dec 2008, discom8 wrote:
So I can put you down for 1000 shares in Woolworths. Now what about MFI ?

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323. At 10:59pm on 11 Dec 2008, Dodie_James wrote:
It was that time of year again, when Network Rail plan their Christmas to New Year maintenance programme..

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324. At 11:15pm on 11 Dec 2008, Candace9839 wrote:
The last days in the White House briefing room required a bit of levity

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325. At 11:22pm on 11 Dec 2008, Dodie_James wrote:
Once every year, Alcoholics Anonymous held their 'Shandy Day'..

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326. At 00:05am on 12 Dec 2008, claireedel wrote:
"Your pullin' my plonker!"

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327. At 00:13am on 12 Dec 2008, david16walsh wrote:
Oi, joker number 3. Don't leave water near you're keyboard, if that gets spilt in the wrong place you'll cause a reccession... Oh no, too late.

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328. At 01:17am on 12 Dec 2008, claireedel wrote:
"hello head office, we've made ourselves look like jokers! - our clients havn't notice any difference- its wasted if we dont have webcam..."

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329. At 01:21am on 12 Dec 2008, nickson1 wrote:
Alistair....if Panorama ever get an undercover scoop on how you run the Exchequer we are done for.

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330. At 01:40am on 12 Dec 2008, nickson1 wrote:
Have you ever been to one of those Government rhyming fancy dress parties? The brokers came as jokers, Gordon Brown came as a clown, and Ed Balls caused an aweful fuss!

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331. At 01:42am on 12 Dec 2008, claireedel wrote:
"no I'm wearing me jeans on the bottoms - after 50 the knave of hearts has dropped his tarts ..."

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332. At 03:26am on 12 Dec 2008, Candace9839 wrote:
Well, it worked for Heath Ledger.

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333. At 03:27am on 12 Dec 2008, littleDickie wrote:
This comment was removed because the moderators found it broke the House Rules.
334. At 03:31am on 12 Dec 2008, Candace9839 wrote:
I feel so cheap, so amused.

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335. At 03:36am on 12 Dec 2008, littleDickie wrote:
"It's a Colonial Renaissisance event..."

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336. At 03:40am on 12 Dec 2008, littleDickie wrote:
"I didn't know the BBC Moderators were on this line as well, don't they ever sleep?"

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337. At 03:43am on 12 Dec 2008, littleDickie wrote:
"You know that rabbit wot 'angs about wit Alice, well he was in here before, too.."

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338. At 04:24am on 12 Dec 2008, Borg_King wrote:
"Alistair, I'm incognito right now, be a darling and call me later. I'll be your lady again tonight."

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339. At 04:46am on 12 Dec 2008, Infense wrote:
Bull? Bear? Whatever...

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340. At 05:18am on 12 Dec 2008, sarahtrieste wrote:
Mmmmmmm. NOW I'm flush, yes.

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341. At 05:19am on 12 Dec 2008, sarahtrieste wrote:
Good Afternoon. BBC Moderators Department. How may I help you?

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342. At 07:39am on 12 Dec 2008, Skiron wrote:
[Russell Brand makes a phone call] "Hello, 'jokers anonymous' are here to help you"

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343. At 07:39am on 12 Dec 2008, jtotheglo wrote:
Hello! Is that Alice? I've got a white rabbit looking for you!

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344. At 07:42am on 12 Dec 2008, jtotheglo wrote:
Hello! Are you interested in the latest range of designer fancy-dress costumes?

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345. At 08:09am on 12 Dec 2008, LaurenceLane wrote:
The government's new strategy for high visibility clothing, for those on community service, were seen by many as a step too far.

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346. At 08:24am on 12 Dec 2008, billcam wrote:
listen! If Terry aint doing it, we're not singing.

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347. At 08:30am on 12 Dec 2008, davetheboot wrote:
I always thought they employed 'cards' in the City!

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348. At 08:33am on 12 Dec 2008, paulbarratt1 wrote:
City bankers capitalise on the collapse of Woolworths by introducing a bargain of a new dress code.

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349. At 08:34am on 12 Dec 2008, SeanieSmith wrote:
"About this sick children's home...what kind of return are we looking at medium term?"

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350. At 08:38am on 12 Dec 2008, OurSwipe wrote:
Decks In The City !

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351. At 08:42am on 12 Dec 2008, Kramaring wrote:
"What's that? David Tennant has hurt his back and you need someone to play Hamlet. Sure, anything to get away from this pack of jokers."

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352. At 08:48am on 12 Dec 2008, bishopofantioch wrote:
...and that's what I said too, one-eyed jacks are wild, oooh what a knave!

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353. At 08:48am on 12 Dec 2008, SeanieSmith wrote:
"Charity? How do you spell that...?"

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354. At 08:51am on 12 Dec 2008, bishopofantioch wrote:
Phone lines were flooded as the BBC Moderaters delivered another bewildering list of caption competition winners.

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355. At 08:53am on 12 Dec 2008, bishopofantioch wrote:
Hello, BBC Moderators office....yes I see...but perhaps you can help me...we seem to have lost our sense of humor and we desperately need a list of pallid captions to infuriate the public.

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356. At 09:01am on 12 Dec 2008, CBunclark wrote:
"Do you think this suits me?"

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357. At 09:02am on 12 Dec 2008, CBunclark wrote:
"Let's have a heart 2 heart..."

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358. At 09:03am on 12 Dec 2008, j-o-n-a-t-h-a-n wrote:
This comment was removed because the moderators found it took the micky out of them just a little too much.

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359. At 09:04am on 12 Dec 2008, MJF_dodo wrote:
"Yes, this is Gordon Brown's Save The World Telethon 2008."

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360. At 09:05am on 12 Dec 2008, MJF_dodo wrote:
"Hang on, I'll be with you in jester minute."

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361. At 09:07am on 12 Dec 2008, OurSwipe wrote:
Must go, I'm due in court in half an hour !

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362. At 09:09am on 12 Dec 2008, j-o-n-a-t-h-a-n wrote:
Due to funding issues the 2012 London Olympics are being rebranded as: It's a Knockout 2012.

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363. At 09:16am on 12 Dec 2008, OurSwipe wrote:
With ever higher targets, Bob found he had to Juggle his workload !

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364. At 09:17am on 12 Dec 2008, j-o-n-a-t-h-a-n wrote:
Prince Edward prepares to host the rebranded 2012 London Olympics, "It's a Royal Knockout 2012".

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365. At 09:22am on 12 Dec 2008, OurSwipe wrote:
Take two bottles into the office...

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366. At 09:28am on 12 Dec 2008, OurSwipe wrote:
Kudos you say ? Mmm, Call me later i may have a buyer !

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367. At 09:29am on 12 Dec 2008, johnson09 wrote:
'YES, I WANTED TO BE A QUEEN, BUT MATT LUCAS SAID I WAS A JOKER'

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368. At 09:36am on 12 Dec 2008, j-o-n-a-t-h-a-n wrote:
It's a very kind offer Mr Thompson, but I couldn't possibly bring my act to the BBC because my jokes are genuinely funny, there is no inuendo and I offend nobody.

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369. At 09:39am on 12 Dec 2008, Fauconnier wrote:
No, Madam, you want the ISLES OF Scilly Information Bureau

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370. At 09:41am on 12 Dec 2008, Fauconnier wrote:
You know I'm always one to call a spade a spade ...

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371. At 09:42am on 12 Dec 2008, Fauconnier wrote:
Lloyd's are rebranding us deckhands

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372. At 09:43am on 12 Dec 2008, Fauconnier wrote:
We're carrying out research to see if Alistair's outlining the financial situation dressed like this will make it less gloomy

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373. At 09:45am on 12 Dec 2008, malcolmpersil wrote:
Yeah, they were trying to sell at twice market value, so I just said, "Pull the other one, it's got bells on."

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374. At 09:45am on 12 Dec 2008, Fauconnier wrote:
Instead of ringing the Lutine Bell every time a ship sinks, Lloyd's thought this would be more fun

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375. At 09:50am on 12 Dec 2008, BettyHur wrote:

"Hallo - Woodgate 3389!"

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376. At 09:52am on 12 Dec 2008, jellyba wrote:
It's the White Knight

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377. At 09:52am on 12 Dec 2008, jellyba wrote:
It's official. Jam tomorrow

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378. At 09:53am on 12 Dec 2008, jellyba wrote:
It's Francis Urquhart

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379. At 09:53am on 12 Dec 2008, eattherich wrote:
Yeah, baby! Tonight is the night if you play your cards right!

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380. At 09:54am on 12 Dec 2008, eattherich wrote:
Its jester a little ensemble I threw together.

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381. At 09:54am on 12 Dec 2008, jellyba wrote:
Hallo Gamblers anonymous

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382. At 09:58am on 12 Dec 2008, BettyHur wrote:
" Sorry you've got the wrong number - I haven't got any tarts at at all!!"

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383. At 10:05am on 12 Dec 2008, Candace9839 wrote:
And it may get worse. There's talk of tar and feathers.

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384. At 10:08am on 12 Dec 2008, fbxiii wrote:
ooooh yeah baby, talk dirty, talk dirty. oooh yeah, thats hitting the spot. OOOOOHHH YEEEAAAHHHHH!

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385. At 10:08am on 12 Dec 2008, eattherich wrote:
The minister's staff had misunderstood when told to prepare for a cabinet reshuffle.

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386. At 10:11am on 12 Dec 2008, SgtColon wrote:
What am I wearing? Funny you should ask...

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387. At 10:14am on 12 Dec 2008, HughMcKinney wrote:
"Sunderland FC"

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388. At 10:16am on 12 Dec 2008, HughMcKinney wrote:
Woolies finds a buyer

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389. At 10:16am on 12 Dec 2008, Fungus the Bogeyman wrote:
Andy looked around to try to identify the practical joker in the office.

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390. At 10:16am on 12 Dec 2008, blogbuster wrote:
Sir Ian Blair feared that his idea for community service uniforms had gone too far.

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391. At 10:17am on 12 Dec 2008, Fungus the Bogeyman wrote:
"Jester minute, I need to speak to my joke supervisor"

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392. At 10:20am on 12 Dec 2008, OurSwipe wrote:
In a rare telephone interview, Paul Weller discusses his inspiration for his Band names. Except maybe the Style Council !

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393. At 10:22am on 12 Dec 2008, blogbuster wrote:
Do I feel hurt??? Well, you know me, I wear my heart on my sleeve, on my hat, on my chest...

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394. At 10:26am on 12 Dec 2008, OurSwipe wrote:
No Really, My name IS Joe King !

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395. At 10:27am on 12 Dec 2008, Fauconnier wrote:
When I said your father was "something in the City," I really meant I had absolutely no idea what he did

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396. At 10:28am on 12 Dec 2008, Fauconnier wrote:
Hey, George, if the insurance company finds out you're moonlighting as a children's entertainer, you're bound to get the sack

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397. At 10:28am on 12 Dec 2008, blogbuster wrote:
Hello, is that personnel? Can you talk me through the 'dignity at work' policy one more time...

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398. At 10:28am on 12 Dec 2008, OurSwipe wrote:
McEnroe Was Right - I Can't !!!

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399. At 10:29am on 12 Dec 2008, Fauconnier wrote:
Darling, I keep getting these funny phone calls

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400. At 10:29am on 12 Dec 2008, Woundedpride wrote:
"You know strictly entre nous, Jeremy, I wouldn't mind but, well, crimpelene is just so dated".

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401. At 10:29am on 12 Dec 2008, alangiff wrote:
"No Mr Batman, I'm not the Joker you're looking for"

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402. At 10:30am on 12 Dec 2008, Woundedpride wrote:
Dress Down Friday took a strange turn at ICAP when the threat of redundancy loomed.

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403. At 10:41am on 12 Dec 2008, eattherich wrote:
Eight of Diamonds! I've got a call for you. What extension are you on?

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404. At 10:44am on 12 Dec 2008, eattherich wrote:
Ooh, I know. And when he said turn up in knave-al uniform, well it didn't occur to me that he meant....

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405. At 10:48am on 12 Dec 2008, amrollawalla wrote:
After German criticism, UK fiscal policy comes under attack from senior Wonderland government officials.

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406. At 10:50am on 12 Dec 2008, TubaMiriam wrote:
David Walliams in rehearsals for the Christmas panto "Jack and the Bean-counter"

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407. At 10:55am on 12 Dec 2008, Fauconnier wrote:
Julie, seriously, do I really look like David Walliams?

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408. At 10:56am on 12 Dec 2008, Fauconnier wrote:
Hello, ICAP Advisory Service. You can't see? Well, perhaps you'd better take off your eye-caps then.

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409. At 10:57am on 12 Dec 2008, Fauconnier wrote:
No, we've got no ICAP's left. The Long John Silvers have got all those.

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410. At 11:01am on 12 Dec 2008, Derek53 wrote:
Dennis outsmarts the Charades competitors with "phonejack"

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411. At 11:03am on 12 Dec 2008, Dave5728 wrote:
Hi Noel,

My offer is £250 - Deal or No Deal?

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412. At 11:06am on 12 Dec 2008, PoacheLeRen wrote:
"No this isn't a prank call..."

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413. At 11:06am on 12 Dec 2008, PoacheLeRen wrote:
"Can I put you on hold for jester minute?"

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414. At 11:06am on 12 Dec 2008, fbxiii wrote:
Danny Dyer goes undercover in the notorious "Jacks of Wall Street" gang.

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415. At 11:07am on 12 Dec 2008, j-o-n-a-t-h-a-n wrote:
You tell those lazy so and so's that I'm not joking. If they can't walk at 4mph, then they're on their bikes.

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416. At 11:08am on 12 Dec 2008, Dave5728 wrote:
Alistair Darling's secret source at the IMF is revealed in paparazzi exclusive !

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417. At 11:09am on 12 Dec 2008, Dave5728 wrote:
Hi Noel

My final offer is £250 - Deal or No Deal ?

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418. At 11:10am on 12 Dec 2008, j-o-n-a-t-h-a-n wrote:
Hello Santa, about those agency elves that you ordered for the Christmas rush.

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419. At 11:11am on 12 Dec 2008, fbxiii wrote:
Steve Miller prepares his comeback video.

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420. At 11:16am on 12 Dec 2008, fbxiii wrote:
To bid, or not to bid. That is the question.

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421. At 11:17am on 12 Dec 2008, stigmondo wrote:
Being a bailiff at Christmas wasn't all fun..

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422. At 11:17am on 12 Dec 2008, Kudosless wrote:

Even on dressdown Friday, they insisted on wearing suits

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423. At 11:18am on 12 Dec 2008, j-o-n-a-t-h-a-n wrote:
Well personally I think they should have spent the money on new aircraft carrier's.

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424. At 11:23am on 12 Dec 2008, stigmondo wrote:
Staff at the Financial Services Authority always had a 'Dress-for-Charity' Day, and tomorrow they were going to all come in as Clangers..

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425. At 11:28am on 12 Dec 2008, OurSwipe wrote:
Hello Maurice Speaking...
... No I don't Know What pompitus means either !

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426. At 11:39am on 12 Dec 2008, JJW-82 wrote:
Due to the Credit Crunch David Walliams takes up a job with BT

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427. At 11:44am on 12 Dec 2008, QueenOfEmsworth wrote:
Queen of Tarts, sir? Jester minute

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428. At 11:45am on 12 Dec 2008, jcoatsworth wrote:
The rumours were true; the British Gas call centre is staffed by a bunch of jokers.

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429. At 11:50am on 12 Dec 2008, Hanny-Banany wrote:
"Hello, yes this is the Tart Hotline....I beg your pardon?! Not that sort of tart!"

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430. At 11:50am on 12 Dec 2008, 55miner wrote:
You want how many shares in Wonderland Alice?

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431. At 11:50am on 12 Dec 2008, junior1138 wrote:
The Credit Crunch of 1008 hit the UK financial district hard when the Groat hit a 500 year low against the European Sovereign.

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432. At 11:54am on 12 Dec 2008, spentnews wrote:
Hello, this is Little Britain Investments, you wanted some advice on your finances?

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433. At 11:55am on 12 Dec 2008, Campbell_Stuart wrote:
In the cutthroat world of the City, it was always best to go for the juggler

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434. At 11:56am on 12 Dec 2008, fbxiii wrote:
The new line in burberry shell suits was a hit with the Chav population.

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435. At 11:56am on 12 Dec 2008, DrMjonaJones wrote:
"thankyou for calling 0800 Spank-A-Banker"....................."what can I do for you (Mr) Darling"

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436. At 11:57am on 12 Dec 2008, spentnews wrote:
Hi, I'm Gordon the Clown, here to sort out your finances, not to mixed up with the other Gordon, who does much the same thing......

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437. At 12:00pm on 12 Dec 2008, spentnews wrote:
Hi, I'm Gordon the Clown, here to sort out your finances, not to be mixed up with the other Gordon, who does much the same thing......

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438. At 12:03pm on 12 Dec 2008, golfhistory wrote:
Gordon - computer says NO!

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439. At 12:08pm on 12 Dec 2008, DrMjonaJones wrote:
Bank of Saved-By-TaxPayers

"so you would like a mortage"........

"Ok I'll just let me type in your details".............

"the computer says NO".....

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440. At 12:13pm on 12 Dec 2008, rayj122 wrote:
Hello....King Gordon here.

Can't speak now, in the middle of saving the World.

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441. At 12:15pm on 12 Dec 2008, grebehead wrote:
No sir definitely not. I never joke about my work.

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442. At 12:15pm on 12 Dec 2008, rahere wrote:
D'you mind, mate? Professional jokers only allowed in here.

(for reference, Rahere was King Henry I's fool, and takes unkindly to amateurs snatching his crown).

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443. At 12:16pm on 12 Dec 2008, chrisw72 wrote:
I am a knave… y

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444. At 12:20pm on 12 Dec 2008, steph_haynes wrote:
"You have 17. Do you want another card?"

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445. At 12:22pm on 12 Dec 2008, IainScarlett wrote:
For that price the computer says "Yeeess!!!"

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446. At 12:23pm on 12 Dec 2008, IainScarlett wrote:
Yes, Matt Lucas is here as well.
He's dressed as "Majorie Dawes"

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447. At 12:25pm on 12 Dec 2008, stuartsc wrote:
Computer says no.

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448. At 12:26pm on 12 Dec 2008, Ottobottle wrote:
As stock markets took a tumble, commentators quickly labelled it Blackjack Monday.

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449. At 12:26pm on 12 Dec 2008, NormanAS wrote:

Four call sponsorship

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450. At 12:27pm on 12 Dec 2008, Speedingmal wrote:
Tarquin plays his joker in the new online version of Jeux Sans Frontieres

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451. At 12:29pm on 12 Dec 2008, grebehead wrote:
No listen, I'm serious!

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452. At 12:29pm on 12 Dec 2008, DrMjonaJones wrote:
"hi...is this the costume hire shop"...

"there seems to have been a cock up with our order, we ordered formal wear in keeping with our professional status".......

"can I remind you sir that all calls are recorded"

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