A service highlighting the riches of the daily press.
Everybody gets tired, even the men and women who produce this nation's newspapers.
Some days there are juicy stories that they would normally relish but can't seem to get going with. Today's is the revelation that high heels for babies are being marketed.
What better illustration could there be of the terminal social decline of the UK, if not the Western world? Yet it all seems rather flat.
The Daily Express talks of shoes that "sexualise" but then tails off a bit. All the Sun can muster is the fashion editor writing: "Most of us would rather let our little girls be cute and innocent while they can rather than dressing them up like adults as soon as they are born."
And even the Daily Mail is only slightly better, warning: "Horrified mothers see them as a new low in the campaign to sexualise infants not old enough to know what is happening to them."
What is the world of news coming to when righteous indignation is in such short supply? Next thing they'll be blaming it on the credit crunch.
But the credit crunch obviously isn't having too much of an effect at Guardian Towers. They apparently have their own satellite in orbit. Page 13 of today's paper says they have located the hijacked Sirius Star off the coast of Somalia.
The subhead says "Guardian satellite tracks down Saudi supertanker". What does it do with its satellite the rest of the time, Paper Monitor wonders? Ah, but the second paragraph reveals the truth - "a satellite commissioned by the Guardian". So disappointing.
Over in G2, some of the country's leading thinkers tackle the burning issue of the day. Namely, why is Mamma Mia so good? Although, inexplicably, all these leading thinkers have one thing in common apart from an appreciation of the fastest selling DVD ever: they're all women. Novelists Jeanette Winterson and Naomi Alderman are fans. So is the Guardian's inhouse feminist Julie Bindel. She reveals the film made her happy for the first time in her life. According to Wikipedia, Julie Bindel was born in 1962.
Elsewhere in the papers, there's much about the sad demise of Woolworths. It leaves Paper Monitor misty-eyed over its formative singles-buying experiences, before progressing on to the infinitely cooler (although now long gone) Our Price.
Reminiscences of first Woolworths single purchases can be placed using the comments field below.