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16:13 UK time, Friday, 11 July 2008

Is Ping pong sparks prison ding dong the headline of the year so far?
Graeme, Dundee

Thinking about what character in fiction best represents Gordon Brown, I happened to read this description of Sweeney Todd in the Sondheim musical. Never mind images of Johnny Depp, at his first appearance it's noted "Todd is a heavy-set, saturnine man in his forties who might, say, be a blacksmith or dockhand. There is about him an air of brooding, slightly nerve-chilling self-absorption."
Michael Hall, Croydon, UK

Re Anglican pronunciation guide: it's ROH - won, not ROH-uhn. I should know, I've been correcting people's mispronunciation for the best part of 30 years, and no-one ever gets my gender right (female, for those wondering).
Rowan Morgan-Odell, Hastings, UK

Seeing your pronunciation guide for Episcopal reminded me of choir practice at primary school. Our teacher once told us to put more "piss" in "pistol" - you can imagine what the reaction of a group of 10-year-olds was to that.
Paul, Isle of Man

Paul, Rochdale (Wednesday letters), I've never understood this misconception that sexual relationship figures should add up. Lets say we have 100 men, and 100 women (and for the easily grossed out among us, lets assume were talking about old people holding hands for a second here), and 1 of those men held hands with 50 of those women. Then 1% of men have held hands with another whilst 50% of women have. What is funny is stereotypically you would expect to see a lower number for men than women. What this proves is 16% of women over 70 hold hands far to readily and that there should be a drive to wear gloves whilst holding hands.
Matt Copp, London, UK

Paul, there's no need to assume lying or infidelity. It may simply be that a significant proportion of those married men over 70 who are still having sex happen to be married to women under 70. Give them the benefit of the doubt.
Hogan, Isle of Mull

Erm, look. I didn't really want to do this, Paul of Rochdale, but "begging the question" really doesn't mean what you think it does. It's a logical term for when someone assumes his intended conclusion as one of his premises - fire engines are red, therefore fire engines are red. What YOU meant was "asks the question". Let that be a lesson to all of you.
Samuel, Leeds

In an attempt to put the sex in public place debate to bed once and for all, I gallantly offer myself - purely in the name of science, mind - as a guinea pig. Should any Monitorites find themselves in the vicinity of the Sainsbury's car park this evening, I shall be the man standing in the far corner wearing the pink carnation and the "I love Interrobanging in public" T-shirt.
Dylan, Reading, UK

So, there's a film being released across the UK titled on all the posters as "Journey to the Center of the Earth". Is it me..?
Ian, Redditch

The BBC's gone bra mad! First yesterday's story about the bat, now M&S defends 'tax on bigger bras'. It's getting as bad as all the sex stories a few months back.
Basil Long, Leicester

Only a man (Mike Thomas, Wednesday letters) could ask why a big bra would need padding - it's for support. A single layer of cloth has it's limits, y'know.
Caroline Brown, Rochester, UK

What a bizarre name for Carla Bruni's new album. My limited French translates the title as "Like if nothing wasn't". Huh!? Could a clever Magazine reader help me out with this one? I have to know...
Vicky, Brisbane, Australia

Is this where the term "Honey Trap" comes from? Or is it just a case of semi-nominative determinism?
Jim, Crowborough

ghostslug.gifFriday's Quote of the Day further confirms my suspicions that Welsh is not a language, but rather a noise.
Ben, Bristol

Friday's Quote of the Day says: "It is apparently a rarity for Welsh words to be included in the scientific names of animals." You seem to have forgotten the penguin - Welsh for "black head" I believe - although I do concede that it is the common name, rather than the scientific name.
David, Bentley, UK

Is it bad that I presumed Weak US dollar hits papal profits had a typo in it referring to the online payment company? The image of the pope helps clear it up though - he loves eBay.
Jinja, Edinburgh

In Jolie hospital 'beats paparazzi', it says "windows had been coated with a material which prevented lenses seeing through them" They've closed the curtains then?
Thomas, Maidstone, UK

Re Sir Bobby given road name honour. That's nothing, when David Cross played for West Ham there were junctions named after him all over Newham.
MJ, Ingatestone

I wonder if any other early letter submitters are feeling suspicious about your Heathcliff the Cat gag in Thursday 's Paper Monitor? Not that I am accusing the Magazine of lacking in original thought... oh wait, yes I am.
Sarah, Uxbridge
The Monitor: No letters were read in preparation for either article. It's just great minds, Sarah...

How can I enter the caption competition? All I can see is the winners' list.
GG, Fullerton, US
The Monitor: Too late, sir. Each week's entry opens on Thursday. Just don't send a caption in via the "Send us a letter" form. Or we'll ignore it.

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