A service highlighting the riches of the daily press.
Paper Monitor has always had a soft spot for Roo-ney puns, and the Wayne-Coleen nuptials throw up a fresh crop, a la... "The Roo-yal wedding" - the Mirror; "Bride and Roon" - the Sun... and the wet weather lends a helping hand to those who like their word play... "I thee wet" (the Sun), "Coleen's wetting day" (Daily Mail).
In fact, since this has widely been labelled the wedding of the year, there's a sad paucity of coverage beyond the Mirror, Sun and Mail. Not surprising you may think, given the lockdown on access thanks to OK! buying up the entire rights to pictures... a ban that even seems to extend to OK!'s sister publication, the Daily Express. Not even for the sake of a little cross promotion. There's nothing, nada, niente to employ the vernacular or the Rooney's current host country.
Instead, readers are presented with what's known in the journalism trade as a "management must" - a picture of the paper's proprietor Richard Desmond posing alongside drummer Jason Bonham. The fiercely impartial headline reads "Roll up for the best gig in town" which leads us to the point of this exercise: Mr Desmond is himself a drummer, we're told, and the two are teaming up for a charity (not the "C" word) gig with Desmond's group, the RD Crusaders, at the weekend. Two drummers in one group. A bit Adam and the Ants retro, no?
Altogether now: "Marco, Merrick and Jason B, Gary Tibbs and yours truly".