A bumper crop. You know why...
If only I knew how to pronounce "Fleadh" I'd have a right good stab at the Caption Competition.
Neil Franklin, Chandlers Ford, UK
I guess some idiot will have ignored your plea not to submit captions and sent something along the lines of: "The advertised Pole Dancers failed to live up to expectation".
Mike, Newcastle upon Tyne
If you HAD wanted us to send our captions for the non-competition I'd have sent: Sweepstakes were being fiddled at the MM.
Sarah, Trieste, Italy
Is that a picture of the stars of the new musical Fiddler on The Hoof, playing "If I Were a Witch, Man"?
If only the Caption Competition had returned, then I would suggest "Not blinkin' Riverdance AGAIN!"
Basil Long, Leicester
Heather Mills tries to entice another musician but this time with her Jake the Peg routine.
If there WERE a caption competition (and just let's all be pleased that the BBC won't have truck with THAT sort of nonsense) I'd have suggested something like: "New London Mayor insists on the merger of Parks and Arts funding to cut budgets."
I take it her appeal for him to turn it down was Flatley denied?
Candace, New Jersey, US
If only Not Cap Comp 8 was a Cap Comp, I'd send in "Urban Curling forfeits were getting out of hand."
Thank you for introducing me to the delight that is Brush Dancing. I have just spent a bewildering half hour on a well known video sharing website. As a consequence, the only caption I can possible think of would be: "What the..."
Stig, London, UK
Perhaps there should be a Competition Commission enquiry into why there's no competition on the Monitor.
Given that Random Stat appeared on average 0.72 times per day for the first six weeks of the year and has not been seen since a post-Valentine fling on 15 Feb, can we assume that it has been reclassified as a competition?
Alan Crombie, Dingwall, Scotland
As a Brit who has been living in the US for the past few months, I can't thank you enough for explaining what Twist, Lick, Dunk means. I never worked up the courage to ask, in case it wasn't a suitable subject for polite conversation.
Nicolas, Warrenville, US
First we lose our letters on a Thursday, and now no Paper Monitor on a Friday? I accept that Paper Monitor is probably being employed by its superiors to make cups of tea for all those other website writers furiously updating the election results, but I don't feel adequately compensated for the lack of Monitorness. Sniff. We love you, Monitor. Stay away from politics, come back to us!
Monitor note: Apologies. Paper Monitor did file in a timely manner, only for Technical Gremlins to work their evil magic. And with Paper Monitor then otherwise engaged on tea duties, the gremlins had a freer reign than usual.
YES!!! 0/7 on the weekly quiz. Finally an accomplishment on a Friday.
Re Do you need to stock up the bunker? "I am talking Swiss Family Robinson," he says, referring to the famous 1812 novel about a Swiss family that survives after being shipwrecked in the East Indies. "You should have food, water, medicine, clothes. And possibly AK47s to fire over the heads of any guys, depending on how bad things become." I don't remember them having AK47s?
In Do you need to stock up the bunker? there's the line: "Perhaps you think of a gun-toting loner in Mid-West America, who lives in a shack surrounded by tinned food and emergency water supplies".
Considering the events of this week, I think we may think of another not entirely suitable person. Risqué publication I say...
Re the Slashdot Effect (Wednesday letters), when I worked at a "popular ISP" a few years back, we would frequently, albeit accidentally, bring down smaller sites by pointing to their content from the homepage. I always wondered if we could have been a force for good by pointing at some of the nastier sites out there, using the hyperlink "Win £10,000!"
Alex Knibb (Wednesday letters), I thought I suffered alone in the spending hours compiling a "hilarious" letter only to re-read it and hit the clear button instead of send. Perhaps there could be a new word invented to describe this? Although I'm in two minds about sending this now.
Apart from the fact that it involves spiders, can someone at the BBC assure me that the video clip in Study sheds light on spider sex is actually related to the article, and not just some amateur spider porn that someone in the office shot on a potted plant on their desk, with a mobile phone? I think you can even hear badly dubbed moaning from the lady spider in the last few seconds.
Do we have a "Ten Things We Already Knew" category yet? The dirty keyboard storycannot accurately be called news because it isn't new information. Richard Hammond found his office keyboard had more bacteria on it than a toilet seat at the Glastonbury festival on his "Should I Worry About" series, which was screened on the BBC at least three years ago. I don't think anybody was all that surprised by this discovery then, either.
Liz Woods, Ipswich
The BBC is just sex mad at the minute. As well as the various stories pointed out in Wednesday's letters, today we have been presented with the Japanese worker with an immense amount of porn, and a seal trying to have sex with a penguin. Well, you know what they say about those who talk too much about it...
Basil Long, Leicester
Oh yes, and I nearly forgot Ronaldo in transvestite scandal.
Basil Long, Leicester