A service highlighting the riches of the daily press.
If Jeremy Paxman thinks interest in his complaints against M&S knick-knocks will have died five days after the event, he is so very wrong.
Not only does he feature in our 7 days 7 questions quiz, the Daily Telegraph plasters his rather sheepish smirk just below its masthead with the headline: "What lies behind Jeremy Paxman's pants rant?"
Ding and dong. Paper Monitor skips past the Sun's "Ashley cheats on Cheryl", the Guardian's "What black America thinks of Barack Obama" and the Daily Mirror's frankly bewildering "Shock claim by dumped wife of balcony mum's new lover" (that takes some untangling), straight to page 16 of the Telegraph.
What one hopes for, of course, is an interview in which the paper's fiercesome fashion editor gives the Newsnight Rottweiler a taste of his own medicine. That Paper Monitor would pay good money to a cage fight entrepreneur to organise. What one gets is a "profile" - newspeak for a cuttings job combined with topical chin-stroking.
Being the Telegraph, it is elegant and pointed chin-stroking. But on reaching the inevitable Victor Meldrew comparison, Paper Monitor's disappointment is palpable.
Seeking some light relief, where to turn but to the Sun? Sadly, it's all infidelity, Peter Hain and stripping students.
Better is the Independent, emblazoned with a picture of Tom Cruise stamped with "Le rogue trader". Funny, it's unlike the Indie to have a celebrity on its front page. Perhaps it has decided to switch its news focus, like a laser beam in your face. After our own musings on what the Indie is for, maybe this is their new direction. Celebrity.
Oh, wait, Paper Monitor sees what they've done. It's not Mr Cruise at all, but that rogue trader who has cost the big French bank a few billion fistfuls of euros. Perhaps Tom will play him in the Rogue Trader-style film about the incident.