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Paper Monitor

10:54 UK time, Wednesday, 12 December 2007

A service highlighting the riches of the daily press.

Paper Monitor has deemed that this be the day to celebrate the art of the sub-editor, namely the punning headline.

And not just the good puns but the bad puns, the really rubbish pieces of punnery that you’d be ashamed to admit you had anything to do with. For this is what the world of newspapers is all about – the brave men and women who bash out a headline even when they can’t really think of a good one.

In the Sun today, the nexus of quippery, there are some stinkers.

Michael Schumacher drove his own taxi so “Schu the heck is driving that cab”. That is because “Schu” sounds a little bit like “who”.

Kylie is joining the cast of Doctor Who so “EXTERMINOGUE”. Because Daleks are well known for saying “exterminate”, which has an “m” in it, and Minogue also has an “m” in it. Ah, what erudition, what elan, what brio, what panache.

But there is some redemption when it comes to the extraordinary wacky-animal-photo-of-the-day, a number of trout jumping 3ft into an 8in water pipe. “LET’S GET TROUT OF HERE”.

There is also goodness in the Daily Mirror. Piece on playgrounds to improve life for children? “THE SWINGS CAN ONLY GET BETTER”.

But there is also badness. For legal reasons we cannot offer the context of “DAY OF THE KAYAKAL”. But really. Paper Monitor wants to ask the sub responsible: “How can you sleep at night?”

Away from the world of puns, hats off to some smooth writing in the Times in its account of frizzy-haired “TV funnyman” Alan Davies having an altercation with a tramp and biting his ear.

“Mr Davies, a vegetarian, was accused of sinking his teeth into Paul McElfatrick outside the Groucho Club in Soho, Central London, last week.”

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