A service highlighting the riches of the daily press.
Vince Cable, the stand-in Lib Dem leader who suddenly wins nothing but plaudits when his younger-looking predecessor earned nothing but ageist parody, is almost the hero of Fleet Street today for saying that Gordon Brown had gone from "Stalin to Mr Bean". One paper even calls him "Killer Cable".
It was the starting gun for a round of name calling for the prime minister.
The Indy's Simon Carr says he is like "John Prescott with a degree in history".
Quentin Letts in the Daily Mail says he is "hewn from congealed porridge" (a line which obviously caught Paper Monitor's eye).
The Guardian's Simon Hoggart says it reminded him of a bullfight: "[T]he great beast, tormented by picadors, charging around the ring, lowering his head and bellowing with futile rage and pain".
Away from Westminster, Metro expands today's menagerie with an effort of which the little-lamented Punorama would be proud.
"Not tonight, deer - it seems stags can sometimes turn less horny than you might expect, when it comes to affairs of the hart. If you thought the male of any species will have sex with anything, then the male antelope at least bucks the trend."
Four puns in a 44-word stretch. Good work.
Incidentally it's more than 18 months since our "Metropoll" - an unofficial straw poll of Monitor readers about whether to include free newspaper Metro in this little daily celebration.
Happily Paper Monitor had the foresight at that stage to reserve the right to ignore the outcome of the vote, a right it invoked. Heaven knows what Blue Peter-style hoo-ha might have been unleashed without that wise disclaimer.
An executive decision was taken not to include the free paper (though it has on occasion slipped in on merit). But times change - and now there are reports that Metro might overtake the circulation of the Mirror in the next 18 months. So perhaps it's time to reconsider.
Instead of another poll, you are invited to submit comments using the form below as to whether Metro should now be promoted. The most compelling argument might or might not persuade an official change.