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Paper Monitor

11:44 UK time, Monday, 8 October 2007

A service highlighting the riches of the daily press.

Monday’s newspapers make very unhappy reading for Gordon Brown, who is described on the front pages as “BATTERED” (Daily Telegraph), “IN THE BROWN STUFF” (Sun), “IN CRISIS” (Independent), “FACING THE MUSIC” (Daily Mail) and “SEVERELY DAMAGED” (Guardian).

Only the Mirror and Express fail to put Brown on their front pages, the former for political reasons and the latter because there are too many “new” angles on the Madeleine and Diana stories to follow (and for the rest of the media to ignore).

While all the papers agree it’s been a painful week for Brown, they can’t agree on what sparked his change of heart.

Indeed, there is a rare difference of opinion between allies and Wapping stablemates The Sun and the News of the World. The Sun says the Tory pledge on inheritance tax was the key, a day after the News of the World claimed its own opinion poll had sown the seeds of doubt in Number 10.

What Gordon would do for some of Kylie’s publicity. One interview to Glamour magazine and there’s a feeding frenzy among her favourite tabloids, which can’t agree on the best top line.

She fears she may never get married (Mail), she dreams she is preparing for her wedding when she dresses for big events (Express), she had to grow back her eyelashes (Mirror) and she fears her body may never be what it was (Sun).

At least there’s some substance to the Kylie stories, which is more than can be said of the Times page five lead, which claims that bands are running out of names. “After 50 years of rock, most of the obvious targets, puns and word combinations have been taken,” it says.

That would seem unlikely, and the paper produces little evidence to back this up, only that NME’s track of the week went to a band called Joe Lean & The Jing Jang Jong - frighteningly similar, the paper says, to two bands, the Ting Tings and the Jing Jings.

Surely this throws up a question far more worrying. Is this the start of the media running out of stories?

PS. Nice to get a pat on the back for rugby heroics without setting foot on the pitch. England’s Steve Borthwick was given top marks by the Times for his performance against Australia, but he wasn’t even on the substitutes’ bench. Let’s hope Simon Shaw, the player they mistakenly omitted, is too focused on the semi-final to notice.

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