A service highlighting the riches of the daily press.
It's Friday, vaguely sunny, and Paper Monitor is in a frisky mood, its attention skipping lightly over the nuggets of gold dust - or should that be sprinkles - on offer.
What's Vic Reeves doing as the Tories' new spinmeister? Oh, he's not taken a sharp swerve in his career path after all - it's a look-alike again, Andy Coulson, ex-editor of News of the World, pictured in the Times.
And grown women channelling Barbie are, quite frankly, disturbing. So it is heartening to see that scary, frothy twins on Big Brother have taken the tactically disastrous move of premature bikini deployment (as documented in Metro).
Ha! Bad move, ladies. The ex-editor of gentlemen's magazine Nuts revealed in Saturday's Guardian that stripping off early knocks £10,000 off the fee for an evictee's inevitable topless photo shoot. Presumably it ruins the surprise.
Meanwhile, a journey to work is, for Paper Monitor, rather like a trip to Battersea Dogs Home - all those discarded Metros. Sniff. And rather like a dog-lover might ruffle the ears of a plaintive-eyed stray, Paper Monitor makes a point of reading the odd headline, picture caption, why, sometimes even a story.
Apt, then, that what caught the eye today was a photo of a dog with his head stuck in an ornamental wall, and yesterday it was a fox (a look-alike for a dog) with his head trapped in an old wheel.
Oh, and Team Telegraph has a men's special today (handy for those who couldn't see the problem with Stewart Copeland's cycling suit). Strangely, for an article headlined "COVER YOURSELF UP AND LOOK THE PART", it's illustrated with that picture of Daniel Craig's 007 in those trunks. Feel inadequate yet?