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Paper Monitor

10:35 UK time, Monday, 21 May 2007

A service highlighting the riches of the daily press.

Steeped in the spirit of the Baftas, Paper Monitor is kicking off a new week by rating the papers' coverage of last night's awards ceremony.

Most euphemistic picture caption: the Daily Mail wins twice over on this count, offering revealing pictures of Catherine Tate (lots of cleavage) and a Davina McCall (lots of leg) without actually owning up to such base tactics. Thus, Tate is "taking the plunge" while McCall is "back in shape".

Most unoriginal adjective to describe the fact that "people's favourite" Life on Mars failed to win the best drama series: "snubbed" - Daily Mirror, Express,

Most unoriginal adjective to describe the best drama series, Jimmy McGovern's the Street: "gritty" - Sun, Times, Express, Guardian.

Most opportunistic corruption of the name "Bafta": the Mirror, for its headline the Gafftas (re the snubbing of Life on Mars for the gritty northern drama the Street).

Most opportunistic corruption of Bafta iconography to something that isn't actually the Baftas: present company excepted, the Mirror for its Bafta or Dafta awards for best and worst dresses guests.

Staying with the weekend, Paper Monitor doesn't often report on the carnival that is the Sunday papers. But yesterday it was somewhat distracted by a copy of the Mail on Sunday, and in particular the free DVD it was offering.

Attentive readers will recall that a few weeks ago the Mail appeared to have worked out a new formula for give-away DVDs. Basically it involved offering a film which NO-ONE HAS EVER HEARD OF, but which has at least one household name in it. Then push the name rather than the film.

Yesterday's DVD fell completely into that mould. Roger Moore (tick!) and Susannah York (tick!) star with Sir John Gielgud (double tick!) in that classic action movie .... GOLD (err....)

So here's what we as the Monitor community need to know: has anyone ever seen aforementioned Gold? If you have, please let us know using the comments form below.

We also learned from the Mail on Sunday that Liz Jones (about whom Paper Monitor has despaired on more than one occasion) is "finally, finally, finally divorcing [her] husband". Lady, we just don't care.

And while we're at it, this headline ought to be, ahem, treasured: "I still suffer nightmares from the day I fought off pirate with a hosepipe." Someone give Have I Got News For You a call, would they?

PS. Paper Monitor also saw many adverts in the weekend supplements showing Myleene Klass in her blooming state in an M&S halterneck bikini, appearing to do an Ursula Andress (but without the knife). Whether one's interest is in the careers of former Hear'Say stars or fashion, one can only hope that one's colleague, Ad Breakdown, will do a follow up on this urgent subject.


  1. At 11:44 AM on 21 May 2007, Alex D wrote:

    PM's gender is signalled by a lack of knowledge of the film "Gold". It's classic Sunday afternoon bloke-put-your-feet-up fare. Some nonsense about Roger Moore uncovering a plot to manipulate gold prices by flooding a mine, I seem to remember. But not a patch on his later "North Sea Hijack" (co-starring Antony "Psycho" Perkins), which featured the immortal line "I like cats--and I don't like people who don't". If the Mail offered that one on DVD, even I might buy the paper.

  2. At 11:46 AM on 21 May 2007, dave godfrey wrote:

    I saw the film 'Gold' when it was first released at the cinema. Me and my friend Ian both had a bit of a crush on Sussanah York at the time. As a point of interest, I've also read 'Gold Mine', the source novel by Wilbur Smith.

  3. At 11:57 AM on 21 May 2007, Rory wrote:

    I can remember watching Gold on TV a couple of times over the past 20 years or so. It wasn't a bad film, and it struck me that it showed Roger Moore in a better light than the James Bond films which he was making around that time. Of course, to men of a certain age, any film featuring Susannah York was worth watching whatever the plot.

  4. At 12:00 PM on 21 May 2007, Michael Houghton wrote:

    I've seen Gold. It's actually not that bad. I'm sure the beeb has shown it a couple of times, once fairly recently...

  5. At 12:04 PM on 21 May 2007, Michelle b wrote:

    Not only have I heard of Gold, I've seen it - twice! It was one of those movies that used to be on Saturday afternoons when all the other channels were showing sport. It was a kind of thriller, and there was a heist involved and lots and lots of shiny gold bars (what a shock). Of it's kind (cheap seventies thriller) it's actually not too bad. I enjoyed it.

  6. At 12:31 PM on 21 May 2007, Herbert G. wrote:

    I went to see "Gold" in February 1976, on my 21st birthday. Well, it was the only thing on in Cambridge that day.

  7. At 12:47 PM on 21 May 2007, andie riley wrote:

    Caught it once at about 2am.
    Rubbish. Wouldnt allow it in the house.

  8. At 01:09 PM on 21 May 2007, Jackie wrote:

    Just how old are you PM?A film no one has heard of?? I went to see 'Gold' at the piccies when it first came out,many many many moons ago!Went with then boyfriend who was a huge Wilbur Smith fan (author of book of film ).

  9. At 01:12 PM on 21 May 2007, les wrote:

    I think I have seen Gold - it was THE big ITV movie one Xmas. After a steady succession of Bond Movies - this didnt look a winner, but hey - it had James Bond in it (or Roger Moore anyway).

    I stuck it out, but cant remember much about it. I'm not about to buy the paper to get the DVD unless I'm short on Novelty Drinks Coasters.

  10. At 02:07 PM on 21 May 2007, Chris, Witney OXON wrote:

    Fuunily enough, Gold was the very first movie my father took me to see at the cinema (he thought cartoons was purile and no way he was going to sit through two hours of talking rabbits). I remember finding some of the talky bits a little hard to follow, but my overriding memory is of the mining scenes far below the earth's surface which engendered a real sense of lethal claustrophobia that has stayed with me. I also recall Roger Moore striking me as incredibly manly and tough - not something you hear too often.

  11. At 02:12 PM on 21 May 2007, Kip wrote:

    Yes I've seen Gold and I'm not ashamed to admit it! I saw it on a flight and I could hardly get off to avoid it. It's about gold mining in RSA and Roger Moore wears a rather fetching tin hat throughout. Susannah York didn't look as sexy as she did in The Battle of Britain in her French knickers and Sir John Gieldgud just looked embarassed. I think that's all I can remember, except that it was a very long flight.

  12. At 02:43 PM on 21 May 2007, Fred wrote:

    I have seen Gold, willingly (twice).
    Once when I was so young I did not know what I was watching but recognised Roger Moore so I thought it was a Bond Film. The second time (20 years later) when it was screened on a lazy Sunday afternoon thinking "I've seen this before, when I was young, it was great!" humm...

  13. At 03:31 PM on 21 May 2007, Abby wrote:

    Is there any chance that Ad Breakdown could do one on the new ad for Skoda ie the one with the track "my favorite things" (Sound of Music) and the car being built out of cake.


  14. At 04:56 PM on 21 May 2007, Rosemary, Sussex wrote:

    Er, yes, I'm afraid I have seen 'Gold'. It was many years ago and was one of the first dates with my current husband. I seem to remember the film wasn't all bad.

  15. At 10:11 PM on 21 May 2007, Shaun Widdowson wrote:

    Gold is actaully based on a Wilbur Smith novel "Gold Mine". It's not too bad as a film and sticks quite closely to the book. It was on TV a few weeks ago.

  16. At 10:41 PM on 21 May 2007, Paper Monitor wrote:

    Why thank you, Magazine Massive. That's a gap in Paper Monitor's mind duly plugged, without even having to consult Wikipedia.

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