A service highlighting the riches of the daily press.
Friday's papers are dominated by the continuing fall-out over an A-list star's contretemps with a photographer in a London street.
Paper Monitor is aware that said star has been arrested and therefore proceedings are active and prejudicing the case must be avoided.
Identity of said star shall not be revealed by Paper Monitor. Suffice it say he might be described as slightly foppish.
In this incident, the Slightly Foppish One (SFO) allegedly lashed out at a member of the esteemed paparazzi allegedly working for the Daily Star who allegedly had the temerity to ask him to smile as he returned to his alleged home.
The SFO allegedly aimed a kick at said member of paparazzi, who tells the paper: "He gave me a couple of kicks in the legs and I think he also kneed me in the groin."
Paper Monitor does not want to jump to conclusions, but there isn't usually any "think" about knee-groin contact. It usually sticks firmly in the mind.
Perhaps the most severe of the allegations is that the SFO threw a plastic tub of baked beans at the photographer. The story even makes the Telegraph, which notes in deadpan fashion: "It is not known where the baked beans came from."
And hey, forget Anya Hindmarch's much-sought-after eco bag, the Daily Mail has created a rival bearing the legend "I'M AN ECO BAG AND PROUD OF IT". You have to collect tokens. Thirty of them to be precise (over the coming weeks). That's an awful lot of trees that will die for the sake of your eco bag.
But the reader's eye is easily drawn to the range of other special offer tokens listed underneath, which appear to be a list of the Mail's favourite editorial topics in free gift form. There's "GIANT REMOTE CONTROL", "DIANA FIGURINE", "£250 OF FAMILY OFFERS" and best of all, "YUMMY MUMMY SILVER BANGLE".