A service highlighting the riches of the daily press.
As Paper Monitor noted yesterday, isn't the Daily Telegraph looking lovely these days. Is that a new haircut? Or a new suit? No, wait, I've got it, highlights! Yesterday the paper sported a most fetching leafy green; today it has gone for a rather more racy tomato red (it is dress-down Friday after all).
So has any of the Telegraph's loyal and devoted readership noticed yet, or has their beloved been around so long as to be rendered all but invisible?
Paper Monitor turns with some trepidation to the letters to the editor. Is there mention of the paper's new look?
"SIR - Have we become a nation of lukewarm tea drinkers? All I want is a tea cosy, but shopping in Aylesbury today, Bhs, Woolworths and Cargo - all selling teapots - told me that they do not stock tea cosies."
That'll be a no, then (try John Lewis, love). Either that, or the paper is being coy and keeping all the billet doux to itself. Paper Monitor has certainly sent several, each sealed with a kiss.
[Lovelorn sigh] But enough. Much hilarity and not a little squeamish laughter has erupted at Paper Monitor Towers on opening The Sun.
"FROM THE PAPER THAT BROUGHT YOU 'I FANCY PAVEMENTS'... I HAVE SEX WITH CARS. WEIRDO'S SEDUCED TWO BOATS AND JETSKI TOO."
Come again? Scratch that, not the best choice of words. This is one case in which an overly-descriptive headline actually means you have to read the accompanying story. What? Why? How? Er, actually, Paper Monitor doesn't really want to know.
On to more pleasant matters, such as root canal work without recourse to anaesthetic. The Times' pleasingly speculative People column picks up on Gordon Brown's recent visit to the dentist. "Officially, this was root canal work. Still, it is perhaps worth noting that this particular molar mechanic is famed for his 'ultrasonic tooth whitening' and 'smile lifts'."
Give us a smile, Gordo.