A service highlighting the riches of the daily press.
It's disgusting, that's what it is. The way grown women dress up as sexy schoolgirls.
See, look at this picture of Girls' Aloud in short skirts, blazers, loosened ties and pop socks. The Daily Mail has run it extra-large so you can see for yourself. Look how low Nadine's shirt is unbuttoned. And Cheryl's thumbs-up deliberately draws attention to her bosoms. And that red-headed one, she... well, she's quite covered up actually, so ignore her.
"OBJECT TO IMAGES LIKE THIS AND YOU'LL BE DERIDED AS A PRUDE. BUT THE TRUTH IS THEY'RE POISONING OUR CULTURE... AND MAKING EVERY CHILD A POTENTIAL SEXUAL TARGET."
Yes, Bel Mooney is on the warpath about the sexualisation of the young. It's porn culture gone mainstream, and who does she blame? Channel 4 bosses. Film censors. The parents. She does not, of course, add Ronald Searle to the list, the cartoonist who created the drinkin' smokin' gymslip-wearin' girls of St Trinian's in the 1950s. Surely that's required reading at Daily Mail Towers?
The paper is truly in its element today. "BIRD FLU: IS BERNARD MATTHEWS TO BLAME?" And immigrants, adds its strapline: "Tycoon faces probe into 'cover-up' over turkeys brought to Britain from Hungary". That's right, ABROAD.
Meanwhile, the Daily Express Weather leads with: "IT'S NOT OVER YET - MORE SNOW AND ICE BUT A RAY OF SUNSHINE FOR SOME". And, as predicted in yesterday's Paper Monitor, the Independent has a snow story today, lavishly illustrated with St Paul's snow dome, walkers in Hampstead Heath and tobogganing in London's commuter belt.