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Paper Monitor

12:33 UK time, Monday, 4 December 2006

A service highlighting the riches of the daily press.

A quick and dirty round-up today - Paper Monitor is a little sleepy after a weekend of nocturnal activity and is in need of a beauty sleep (because of the c.r.i.c.k.e.t sillies. Who do you think Paper Monitor hangs out with, Britney Spears?)

The Daily Telegraph, how do we love thee? Let us count the ways...

The paper devotes page three to deconstructing how the Queen's english has gradually grown less upper class, with phonetically written transcripts of her Christmas speeches through the ages.

1952: "I em speaking to you from my own hame, where I em spending Christmas with my femly"

1962: "A merry Christmas and a happay New Yeah"

2005: "I hope you will have a very happee Christmas this year and thet you go into the New Year wih renewed hope and confidence"

Was that last one Janet Street Porter?

And the paper also comes up with an excuse to plaster a young filly in her bra across its front page, by way of promoting a think piece on "how famous faces sell lingerie". Funny. Paper Monitor hadn't noticed the face.

But what's this? The world has just shifted on its axis. It is Monday right? How come the blonde on the front page of the Daily Express is Renee Zellweger? Wait... panic over, who's that on page 14... blonde, wavy hair, downcast gaze... oh. It's a Christmas fairy atop NTL's tree.

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