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Paper Monitor

11:05 UK time, Tuesday, 17 October 2006

Today's papers are much concerned with the future of humanity. Not so much the peace between races and religions, but rather what people will look like.

A report from something called Darwin@LSE says humans will reach their physical peak at about 3,000 AD, then split into two sub-species, which the Daily Express labels as "intelligent, symmetrical, creative, healthy, slim, tall" and "less intelligent, asymmetrical, unhealthy, grubby, stocky, short". It's not clear which category the paper sees its readers evolving into, and since its current TV advertising campaign promotes good manners, it's probably not polite to speculate.

The Wallchart Saga continues. There are "herbs" in the Guardian (with pictures of little plants - frankly Paper Monitor was expecting pictures of little bottles). And "meat" in the Independent. Meat? Yes, today it's pork and lamb, even though the paper elsewhere reports that famous meat-man Hugh Fearnley-Whittingstall might be turning veggie. Curse that uncontrollable news beast.

Every other aspect of dinner having already been subject of a wallchart means tomorrow must be the Indie's Crockery of the World day. Cue report from Canteen@LSE predicting instant demise of chinaware.

Other facts gleaned from the papers: Today's Page 3 girl (Sun) is wearing underwear by Asda. Martha Lane-Fox now runs a karaoke bar (Telegraph). Baby hedgehogs are amazingly cute but unlikely to survive winter because global warming meant they were born too late (Express).

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