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Paper Monitor

10:24 UK time, Thursday, 5 October 2006

A service highlighting the riches of the daily press.

The wall-chart backlash has begun: cf the headline on pg3 of today's Daily Telegraph. "I became infatuated with her as we stood looking at a wall map of Chard. It sent a sexual thrill through me."

Paper Monitor struggles to recall exactly which title issued said map of salad leaf varieties, although given chard's popularity with the polenta-eating classes the Guardian stands as number one suspect.

Hold on, what's this about a market town in Somerset?

Exotic herbage aside, the story itself has "Daily Telegraph" written through it like a stick of rock: a tribunal hearing in which a 67-year-old pillar of the community (town mayor, to be precise) falls for a dewy-eyed young siren and makes clumsy, albeit tentative, advances. Pictures are everything at this point, and the Telegraph never misses a step. We get the tousle-haired young woman, looking introspective and traumatised, next to a picture of the (now former) mayor ambling his way to the hearing accompanied by his walking stick-dependent septuagenarian wife.

Medialand is full of rumours of unrest in the Telegraph ranks, as enforced redundancies are pushed through, but the façade of normality remains faultless… right down to a huge picture on pg11 of Telegraph poster girl Keira Knightley.

And, after two-days of media circus around Boris Johnson, following his swipe at Jamie Oliver, the paper's faithful is treated to lashings of its hero: pg4 (main course) and pg24 (pudding).

Please sir, we've had enough.

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