Napoleon brought a quarter of a million horses to Russia but you say that he failed "for want of a winter horseshoe". I'd have thought that giving the lightest cart to the horse that had three winter shoes and one summer shoe have been reasonably effective. Obviously, he wasn't such a great leader after all.
David Richerby, Liverpool, UK

"Whiteread to make gallery frieze"? Why not? Everyone else is cold.
Rob Falconer, Llandough, Wales

Dearest and most beloved PM; you and I have had an "arrangement" for many years, in that I pop in to see you around lunchtime each working day, and you lay out your very best wares for me to peruse. Imagine then how your latest behaviour of turning up several hours late has resulted in an empty space where your choicest morsels used to be, and the sense of disappointment, nay bereftness, that occasions upon my person. Have I offended you? Yours, through a veil of tears, P xxx
PollySaxon, Lichfield

Perhaps David (Wednesday's letters) should brush up on his Ovid. Medusa was a beautiful woman, and a priestess in Athena's temple - as such she had to remain chaste. When was "seduced" by Poseidon in the temple, Athena turned her into a Gorgon in a fit of rage. The whole story is shot through with sex, just not necessarily very pleasant.
RJ, Cambourne

Anthony (Wednesday's letters) - that doesn't really help. Noel as in Noel Edmonds or Noel as in the festive season?
Helen, London, UK

Alan, Amanda (Wednesday's letters), I have indeed downed pints and tools and upped games, (but never a swan). They are well known exceptions to the rule. I have never been invited to up my investments or down my financial risk and I still don't want to be. I'll get my dictionary.
Paul, Ipswich

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A service highlighting the riches of the daily press.

A jury's acquittal of Harry Redknapp on tax evasion charges was greeted with understandable relief and jubilation by the Tottenham Hotspur manager.

The conclusion of the trial was also welcomed by the media, too, with the occasion offering The Times the opportunity to re-publish a series of choice quotes from Mr Redknapp (who, lest we forget, writes a regular column in the Sun):

I write like a two-year-old and I can't spell ... I can't work a computer, I don't know what an e-mail is. I have never sent a fax and I've never even sent a text message.

After he was told another customer at his Monaco bank had a wife with the same name as his pet bulldog:

If she was as nice as Rosie they have got a good wife.

On signing striker Peter Crouch (6ft 7ins):

I said he's young, he's getting better, he's getting stronger... he's getting taller.

And so on. Little wonder, concludes veteran football writer and part-time Spurs fan Hunter Davies, that Redknapp is loved by supporters: "He represents a time when football wasn't about prawn sandwiches and everyone played on Hackney Marshes."

True. The fact that Redknapp is such reliably good copy also helps ensure he is popular with journalists and readers alike.

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It's the Caption Competition.

You can submit captions for this week's picture using the comments box below (not the "Send us a letter" form on the right of this page). You will need to be registered to take part, but don't be put off if you haven't registered yet - it's a quick and easy process.

Entries are accepted until 1230 GMT on Friday. All suitable entries will be published between now and then, and the winning six will be highlighted here at or about 1300 GMT on Friday.

There is still no prize, except the traditional small quantity of kudos. Full rules can be seen here [PDF].

Here it's tea party time in a Pacific Reef shark tank at a London aquarium.

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How is a name like 'Medusa' a "broad, unsubtle allusion to sex and glamour"? To me, it suggests quite specifically that, those entering lap-dancing clubs run the risk of being turned to stone, which seems neither sexy nor glamorous. I'll get my polished silver shield.
David Richerby, Liverpool, UK

Reading this story: apparently, "The men, from Whitehaven, had been wearing no clothes on the trip from Gran Canaria to Port St Charles in Barbados to avoid chafing from material soaked by salty sea water." This was followed by the revelation: "Gradually it got worse, the swells got bigger... " Oo-er! Ouch! Far too much information!
Fi, Gloucestershire, UK

I've just heard the name of Robert Baden-Powell in "Sport and the British" Radio Four, when will BBC presenters get the pronunciation of Powell correct. The founder of the Scout Movement said, "for Baden rhyme it with Maiden, for Powell rhyme it with Noel.
Anthony Adamson, South Shields, UK

Paul, the new verb you refer to has been in use in English since medieval times, mostly in the term "swan-upping."
Alan, Stockport, UK

Paul, have you never heard of the expressions "to up one's game" or "to up the ante", both of which include up as a verb. To down a pint would suggest that down is a verb, but I'll leave it to other monitorites to come up with examples for across and around.
Amanda, London

So if these killer whales get their day in court, how exactly will they be called to the witness stand by the defendant's counsel from cross examination?
Mark, Reading,

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A service highlighting the riches of the daily press.

On a rather downbeat day for news, picture editors gave thanks to a German-born dinosaur called Karl. Clear the front page, for Karl had savaged a British (strawberry) blonde.

It was like a modern King Kong. Well, Paper Monitor exaggerates only a little. For this was veteran fashion designer Karl Lagerfeld who had summoned up a bygone age with his comment that Adele, while having a pretty face and lovely voice, was "a little too fat".

Lagerfeld, who is a little white haired, teutonic and wrinkly - two can play at that game - gave the papers the perfect cue for full length pics of the curvy star. Some went for the nuclear option - the front page. "Lagerfeld's Adele faux pas" ran the Daily Telegraph headline, while the Daily Mail described it as a "cruel jibe" next to a full length picture of the Someone Like You singer.

The tabloid cavalry were not far behind. The Daily Mirror's Polly Hudson accused Lagerfeld of "blasphemy" and warned that "the bags of bones you send down the catwalk are hardly healthy role models."

The papers' appetite for discussing women's body shapes is apparently insatiable. "Post Bey-by curves are bootylicious" ran the Mirror's excruciating headline about Beyonce's fuller figure as she stepped out in public a month after giving birth.

The paper noted that there was no sign of a lettuce leaf diet as she scoffed chicken wings and ribs with her husband Jay-Z. Just don't tell Karl.

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I am lettering you today to ask about the new verb as used in this, and many other BBC headlines. Should we all be using this way of expressing an increase now and can we expect downs, acrosses and arounds to come into use?
Paul, Ipswich

Spending 90 hours to earn £158 every six weeks... less than £2 an hour. Better off getting a real job.
Henri, Sidcup

I keep misreading this as Gambon and thinking Michael's in a strange new role.
Sarah, Basel, Switzerland

Re this article: Presumably the ideal audio solution for people who find the "L" and "R" markings on normal earphones just that little bit too confusing?
Graeme, Wild In-The-Streets, UK

Not at all, Mike (Monday letters) - voiceover artists rarely need to show up on the set. Despite "starring" together in Chicken Run, Mel Gibson and Julia Sawahla never met.
Dr Reece Walker, London

Please tell me I'm not the only one who wanted to shout "FENTON!!!!!" when they saw the first picture?
Sharon, Nailsea, UK

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A service highlighting the riches of the daily press.

Paper Monitor is always one to advocate making sure children get the best start in life and today's papers have some snippets of advice for parents.

First up, the Daily Mail cites a study which says giving babies finger food can stop them growing up fat. According to the paper, Nottingham University researchers found that children who are fed smaller sized chunks of food during weaning gain less weight than those who are spoon-fed purees.

Certainly something to chew over. But Paper Monitor can't help but think there's something slightly unsavoury about the finger food it favours - fruit cut into chip-like shapes and bread sticks.

Meanwhile, a couple of the papers pick up on a poll of primary school staff which shows that a rising number of children are still in nappies when they start school.

"Schools go potty at idle parents 'failing to toilet-train kids'" says the Sun, which goes on to say that 62% of staff have noticed more toilet accidents in the classroom over the past five years.

The lesson? Toilet-trained children make cleaner classmates.

But more importantly, education suffers when teachers have to stop class to clear up the mess. And there is no toilet humour in that.

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