...but you can keep them for the birds and bees, I want to manage my money.
OK, the intro kind of falls to pieces around there but it's that time of year, 31st January is advancing alarmingly quickly so even if you don't self-assess your income tax you might be thinking in terms of getting your financial house into a bit of order.
There are a number of ways in which your computer can help - but the first advice has to be: don't trust the computer alone. I once had a VAT inspection in the days when they wouldn't look at computerised records and I didn't have a colour printer. Given that my computer program at the time kept a note of my expenditure in red and income in black, the inspector understandably couldn't make head or tail of my records. So the first thing is: how would you cope if there were a power cut or the computer was in for repair when you needed to know something?
Whatever you do, you need to back up your information, whether that means putting it on a memory stick or CD as well as your computer, some sort of off-site backup (make sure you password it either way) or even a paper copy. Put yourself in a position where you can't actually lose it.
Let's assume you're happy enough with paper records - fair enough. There's still stuff your computer can do to help you.
It should be stressed that the banks' websites are secure. Don't click through to a link you get on an email and enter your details - these mails will often be fake - but do type your bank's site into the address bar on your web browser. If you're in any doubt, phone the bank and ask for the correct web address - they'll be pleased to help.
When you click through to actual accounts there will be a padlock somewhere on your browser depending on whether you use Internet Explorer, Firefox or whatever, and the web address will start https (the "S" stands for "secure").
Many of the banks offer a security program that warns you when you're entering a password and username similar to one you have elsewhere. This is a useful thing to install and the banks offer it for nothing.
Once you've registered to go online you can do a lot. If you're feeling slightly timid then you can just look - check there aren't any unexpected payments, watch for when cheques have cleared - they come up in front of you. If you're more confident you can move money, set up new payees, standing orders - it's all very easy.
Do look out for online-only deals with the banks. Some of them are pretty keen on ensnaring new customers by offering higher interest rates, lower costs and other carrots to lure you in. If the bank is reputable they'll be genuine offers.
Many computers come loaded with some sort of basic personal finance software on them, and these can be useful. It's often better to start off simple. This is where basic spreadsheet software is your personal friend. You can get it inexpensively from computer superstores and there is free software available online.
Treat spreadsheets like graph paper, put expenditure in one column and income into the other and you have a basic set of accounts. Better still, make sure you name all your expenditure sensibly and you can do searches to find out how much goes on clothing, how much is on petrol, how much on non-essential coffee when you're out shopping, and work out how to cut back.
It is of course very close to tax deadline day and if you haven't yet registered to submit your records online then it's too late. For next year, though, go to the HMRC website and register for the paperwork to put your tax records online yourself - it buys you extra time and saves hassle going through a third party. If you're uncertain about your accounts then it's almost certainly better to seek advice online or offline - it's worth it for your peace of mind.
None of this is a substitute for good management of course, and if you haven't kept your records up to date and need to self-assess online then by now you're probably looking for an escapologist rather than a computer. Assuming some basic paperwork, though, you should find the PC is a helpful tool in keeping it in order more easily than you did before.
Oh, and do keep your security software up to date - if you've put your bank details onto anything, even the bank's own site, you don't want to find someone's been able to access your personal details without your permission.
Guy Clapperton is a journalist specialising in writing about technology as well as small business for several major broadsheets. He broadcasts occasionally on BBC Radio stations and reviews the newspapers on the BBC News Channel.