The alternative Six Nations awards
It started seven weeks ago with snow in February, on a day cold enough for five layers, and ended it with the daffodils in full bloom and Cardiff in T-shirts.
The big winners? Ireland. The big losers? Italy. But what of the other categories in between?
Until the final match of the entire championship, it looked like being a simple choice between Ireland v France in round one and France v Wales in round three. Then along came that extraordinary finale in Cardiff. How can you top drama and a denouement like that?
Unfortunately, there were a few to choose from. Seldom has a five-try romp been as depressing as England's win over Italy, while Scotland's squeeze past the same opponents was one to scare the grandchildren with. Ireland v England at least had some drama going for it.
Quickest Transformation In Supporters' Expectations
England walk out to play France with the boos already perched on the lips of the Twickenham unfaithful. They walk off 80 minutes later to a standing ovation of the sort not seen since those heady quarter/semi-finals in the World Cup.
Most Unfortunate Debut
Poor old Geoff Cross. The toast of his enormous family when he got the nod to replace the injured Euan Murray for Scotland's opener against Wales, he lasted just 25 minutes before taking Lee Byrne out mid-air and suffering the ignominy of being stretchered off concussed and yellow-carded at exactly the same time.
Would you want to have been sitting next to Martin Johnson after Danny Care got sin-binned at Croke Park?
Most Frightened Man
Danny Care after being sin-binned at Croke Park.
Most Frequently Used Seat
The one in England's sin-bin.
Most Ridiculously Optimistic Decision
Some would say cycling from Cardiff to Paris in just two days and expecting to get there in time. At least that one came off. But will Mauro Bergamasco ever forgive Nick Mallett for persuading him to play scrum-half for Italy against England? Will Mallett ever forgive himself?
Most Spectacular Try
Take your pick from a handful of aesthetic beauties - Riki Flutey's second against France, Francois Trinh-Duc's in Rome, Tommy Bowe's in the same city and Imanol Harinordoquy's in Dublin. Then there was Lee Byrne against France, Max Evans against Wales and Maxime Medard on at least two occasions. Hats off all round, and then thrown in the air.
Least Spectacular But Most Important Try
An easier choice, this one - either Brian O'Driscoll's burrow over against England, or his five-inch drive versus Wales. A combined distance of less than two yards, but enough to secure a place in the history books for the captain and his team.
We weren't short of smash, let's be honest. But for the fact that you could hear the hit in Honfleur, Mathieu Bastareaud gets the nod for his annihilation of Jamie Roberts in the first half of France v Wales. Wrecking-ball meets wrecking-ball at full pace. Ouch. Shudder. Ooof.
Who said rugby hasn't moved with the times? For his overgrown hedges of sideburns, Italy scrum-half Paul Griffen deserves enormous respect and a stout pair of clippers. When he's done, perhaps he can lend them to Maxime Medard to sort out his own lamb-chops. (NB memo to Andy Goode: you can't fight a receding hairline forever. Stop running your hand through those lank curtains and embrace the number one.)
Player of the Tournament
For always going forwards in a team going backwards, Sergio Parisse deserves all the plaudits Rome can find. Paul O'Connell was similarly immense. But in a year when he led from the front as his country ended that awful 61-year wait, how could we ever vote for anyone but Brian O'Driscoll?
Not-Player of the Tournament
It's a harsh category, this one. No-one sets out to play badly, and every one of us endures off-days and stinky patches. Will Scotland skipper Mike Blair look back at the 2009 championship with great pleasure? Probably not.
Quote of the Tournament
That man O'Driscoll seemed to have it in the bag when he threw a Cantona pre-England: "Knowledge is knowing that a tomato is a fruit; wisdom is knowing not to put it in a fruit salad."
His coach Declan Kidney almost matched him at the death, however. At his victory press conference, with the Six Nations trophy sparkling away within touching distance, he just couldn't get the fog of disbelief out of his balding head.
"Declan," said one wag, teasing his reticence in recent weeks, "will you talk about the Grand Slam now?" He tried, he really did but could produce only a comedic succession of headshakes and phews before looking helplessly across at his captain.
"Ah, you take over," he said, shaking his head at the wonder of it all.
The Any Other Business Awards
Don't tell me that you can't come up with a few categories of your own. I won't believe it. Get stuck in.