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Why don't men report domestic violence?

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One in six men will be abused by their female partner.

For The One Show, Dominic Littlewood has been investigating the growing numbers of men who are coming forward as victims of domestic violence at the hands of women.

If you've been affected by the issues raised in tonight's film, you can find sources of information and support at our 'action line'. Telephone: 08000 560 190.

Other sources of support and information include:, and

In the film, aggression expert Dr Malcolm George told Dom that traditional stereotypes about masculinity and femininity have held men back from reporting when they've been the victims of domestic violence.

Is it time that these stereotypes were challenged? Why don't men report domestic violence? Share your views and experiences.


  • 1. At 7:07pm on 05 Mar 2009, stevec2307 wrote:

    I was beaten by my ex-wife. I had my fingers jammed in a door and I still suffer today, she tried to push me downstairs, thumped me many times in the face or stomach and even in the back of my neck.
    Yet, I stayed - she will change - but they dont!! Ironically, she is a lovely person and I still see her every now and then, socially.

    The worst thing was - who could I tell?

    Steve, Essex
    Address (respectfully) withheld

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  • 2. At 7:19pm on 05 Mar 2009, juanitamia wrote:

    Male to female domestic violence is one of the most common causes of murder amongst women and it is insulting to suggest that women are somehow as equally violent. It is also insulting to discuss this in the context of levelling blame at the feminist movement. It really just confirms the worst kind of backlash politics. Men are by nature and design physically stronger than women and have the advantage of living in a society that functions on patriachal principles - no matter how covert. It is sad that this programme gave such a one sided and lightweight view of this.

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  • 3. At 7:20pm on 05 Mar 2009, simon wrote:

    I was beaten up infront of my children by my now former girlfriend.
    She was lovie duvie before but if I said no or more in the case she would go off and start to hit, kick, bike and claw me.

    the only thing I do not know if it happens to male domestic violence victims but i did find love with a person who i never thought I was gay untill he shown me much more love then she did.

    I just want to say is THANK YOU ONE SHOW for putting it in the public.


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  • 4. At 7:21pm on 05 Mar 2009, superlambeth1 wrote:

    As a member of a police consutative group in Lambeth it is clear is that this is not a priority issue. Firstly there is the embarassemnt factor so few people come forward for what is a serious criminal offence in some cases. It is also clear that perhaps the biggest area of concern is same sex violence ( this is particularily high in lambeth due to the make up of the area) It is a subject which many police officers are aware of but in short ther are simply a diss belief especially within the social workers that this actually even happens.

    This of course then has the knock on effect to funding as The Council which has the funds simply fail to recognise the problem.

    I have personally seen the victims which include knife attacks and the difficult one of psycholgical torture.

    This has not only been hijacked by the post feminist movment but has been ignored by the Politicians in Lambeth council.
    The idea of helping to fund a refuge for male victims would not be politically aceptable

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  • 5. At 7:22pm on 05 Mar 2009, lyngate wrote:

    From my experience the police when called did deal with the situation professionally, but things became muddy when my ex-partner began to play the victim, forcing me to think twice about calling them.

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  • 6. At 7:26pm on 05 Mar 2009, researcherwilliamson wrote:

    I am a researcher who has worked in the area of domestic violence for 15 years. I very much welcome the one show highlighting the experiences of male victims of domestic abuse. Such abuse is unacceptable and male victims need to be provided with the most appropriate support. However, having recently worked on a systematic evaluation of ALL research evidence pertaining to domestic violence statistics (on behalf of the Government) I feel it is necessary to point out that the vast majority of evidence your 'expert' referred to is seriously flawed. Once impact is considered women are still, by far, the victims of intimate partner violence. This has serious implications for the distribution of appropriate services for ALL victims of abuse. I feel that your programme should have included a caveat outlining that the so-called experts perspective is not unproblematic.

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  • 7. At 7:31pm on 05 Mar 2009, researcherwilliamson wrote:

    The issue of funding a refuge for men (I believe there are now six in England and Wales) is not about it being politically sensitive -- it is about providing the most appropriate services to victims of abuse. As with female victims, many men might prefer to access outreach services which are increasingly available to ALL victims of abuse whether male, female, in heterosexual or same sex relationships.
    This issue should not be about blaming feminists (I'm not entirely sure what they have done wrong) but blaming those who committ acts of violence and abuse and bringing them to account. This is what the Domestic Violence Crime and Victims Act, 2004 was intended to do, supported by the introduction of Independent Domestic Violence Advocates across the country.

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  • 8. At 7:34pm on 05 Mar 2009, happytobefree wrote:

    Why did the programme talk as though EVERY relationship is heterosexual?
    Surely you are not that ignorant to blatantly disregard the abuse which occurs between EVERY type of relationship, not just heterosexual.
    But then I have come to expect this from BBC.

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  • 9. At 7:40pm on 05 Mar 2009, michaelfaraday wrote:

    It is not only physical violence. As in any form of bullying, there is the mental torture of incessant nagging in that everything you do is wrong. I have a responsible job where I give advice on certain issues and run courses. I have never had a bad comment made about my work but at home all is wrong. I might have to retire ina couple of years and thought fills me with dread

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  • 10. At 7:41pm on 05 Mar 2009, cavendish26 wrote:

    I have had a black eye, broken nose, perforated eardrum, bites that have drawn blood and suffered the most foul and abusive language towards myself and all members of my family by my wife, and upon raising my voice she accuses me of shouting at her. I push her away to get away and protect myself but she follows me around the house until she finds that all destructive explosive thing to say or she hits me. It appears then i started it and she is unconsoleable, crying and wants to die because of how I have made HER feel. I now keep a diary to try and find a pattern to this. Causes so far are lack of: money,job,love,sex,help around the house,ATTENTION!

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  • 11. At 7:42pm on 05 Mar 2009, angelDiva30 wrote:

    I would like to respond to the comment made by juanitamia who talked about the show giving a one sided view - lets just look at how one sided the story of domestic violence has been portrayed in the past. The feminist movements may not be to blame but it certainly contributes to a group of human beings being treated in an appalling way by others. Men may be physically stronger but should that mean that they are exempt from being victims? - your comments seem to highlight this.

    A close friend of mine hanged himself seven years ago after suffering 12 years of violences from his wife. He felt that he had made his wedding vows and could not escape the situation... he loved her, thought she would change and when caught being violent she would play the victim. Years of emotional and physical violence - often done in public shattered him. Does being a strong man really give him less right to be treated in a respectable way? What use are muscles to protect a person from frequent slashes from knives and other weapons, particularly from a good person who didn't ever lift a finger to defend himself?

    This is not a debate about whether women have more of a right to be victims than men, the show highlighted a big issue that has been brushed under the carpet for too many years. Domestic violence is WRONG no matter what sex a person is. If domestic violence was highlighted as a big problem for BOTH sexes, my friend might have found the strength to take less drastic measures to escape the situation.

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  • 12. At 7:47pm on 05 Mar 2009, happytobefree wrote:

    There is no one to 'blame' but the person in question.
    Why is the idea of blaming feminism even conceived of?
    Of course it isn't the feminist movement's fault, because the feminists never ever set out to make women bullies; just equals.
    The only party to blame is the abuser themselves! Sure, they may be influenced by wider issues, but in the end it's still their rational decision whether they're going to abuse their partner or not.

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  • 13. At 7:48pm on 05 Mar 2009, lyngate wrote:

    I disagree with juanitamia’s comments expectably with regard to defending the feminist movement, because if a primary aims of an ideology or group is to promote the rights of one part of humanity above another, then it is no different to other ideologies regarded as oppressive and tyrannical. If the movement aims are about promoting equality and diversity in the true sense then that would be different.

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  • 14. At 7:50pm on 05 Mar 2009, iandmcewen wrote:

    I was beaten by my ex-wife, both physically and emotionally.

    After it started I stuck with her for four years thinking that I could make things OK again. I spent over £2,000 on marriage guidance counselling where the emphasis was on me changing my behaviour and my personality so that I could be "acceptable" to her. It was a given that as a man, I lacked emotional intelligence and she, as a woman, was emotionally superior. My self-esteem and my confidence suffered horrendously, which re-inforced their view that I was emotionally immature. The media, the marriage "guidance" business and society in general subscribes to the view that men are emotionally inferior and so, everywhere I looked for answers, her views were re-inforced. The case against me became so overwhelming that I began to believe it myself and I fell for the anti-male conspiracy (and that, I believe, is what it is). I questioned my very existence. At the lowest point I believed her when she said that I was clinically depressed, resulting in me being prescribed anti-depressants.

    Ironically, what saved me was when, in a fit of rage, she attacked me so violently that she was arrested. I suddenly realised that it wasn't me, but her! I was not clinically depressed but depressed by years of emotional bullying, sustained by a "system" that colluded with her.

    We have now been separated for nearly two years. I have a wonderful girlfriend who treats me as an emotional equal. My self esteem has recovered and I feel normal again.

    Ian, Middlesex

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  • 15. At 7:51pm on 05 Mar 2009, imfromessex wrote:

    I am a victim of domestic violence, she always had mood swings, but started acting weird with violent mood swings up and down when my daughter was about 6 mths old. She was also halusingating, & paranoid. I reported her to health visitor (i suspected post natal), in which they said i was big enough to take it her mood swings and violence . They finanlly decided to act 9 months later, by this time she has lost her job and her condition was alot worse. The following day, when she was told the health visitor were to visit she disapeared into a womans refuge with my daughter, where she is to this day. The courts are corrupt, social services are useless and have put my daughter in danger. She has told them what she did to me but twisted it that i did it to her.

    The refuge recently told me that if i had reported her for domestic violence first the shoe would have been on the other foot. When i said i did, she replied most men report things first to cover up something they have done.

    I have seen my now 2 year old daughter 4 times in nearly a year. It has come out she has history of this. No one in authorities would listen to me, until another baby P situation happens.

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  • 16. At 7:54pm on 05 Mar 2009, doctorAlbion wrote:

    During July 2008 a report by the Ministry of Justice confirmed that the number of violent offences committed by women has doubled in five years. For the first time, violent offences overtook theft as the most common crime for which women are arrested in the UK, accounting for 35 per cent of all arrests. During 2007 87,200 women were arrested for violent offences ranging from affray to possessing a weapon and murder, compared with 42,200 in 2003. This is equivalent to an average of 240 violent attacks by women everyday.
    Although when it comes to domestic violence the Metropolitan Police Service always prefers to demonised and portray men as the aggressors and women as the victims.

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  • 17. At 7:56pm on 05 Mar 2009, happytobefree wrote:

    Perhaps instead of striving to be equal to men, DoctorAlbion, women should have sought to make men less domineering and violent.

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  • 18. At 7:58pm on 05 Mar 2009, happytobefree wrote:

    As in: maybe women should have tried to make men equal to themselves, rather than trying to be equal to men with patriarchal ideologies.

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  • 19. At 8:00pm on 05 Mar 2009, imfromessex wrote:

    I agree with doctoralbion - i witnessed a woman, who was drunk, punched her husband in front of the kids. Police were called and the man shut himself in the bedroom to escape the violence. Police arrested the man, even though the kids were saying it wasnt their dad my mum punched him - he walked away and she kept coming for more

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  • 20. At 8:01pm on 05 Mar 2009, Kingfrugal wrote:

    Any feature on “domestic” “violence” should not just concentrate on “physical” violence but should include the ongoing effects of “psychological” violence and “emotional blackmail” which women can be particularly good at.

    On the day we remember the 1984 Miner’s Strike, it is particularly fitting to say that the ‘domestic’ violence Maggie practised on the men of South Yorkshire etc is worth remembering. One miner at the end of the strike was reported to have said that “he wanted his old wife back” – that is the original wife he had before she learnt how to be “empowered” with the physical and psychological strength only men had previously.

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  • 21. At 8:03pm on 05 Mar 2009, snapdom wrote:

    I am part of a domestic violence helpline and take many calls from men who are subjected to violence in the home. this can take many forms, physical, emotional, financial, etc. The worrying thing is there are many men who are the subject of false allegations by their wives/partners in order to prevent them seeing their children or to get them removed from the family home. Thankfully there are now more places of safety for these men and their children as the hidden problem is recognised. So many of these men do not want to turn to friends and family for support as they feel ashamed of what is happening to them.

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  • 22. At 8:03pm on 05 Mar 2009, happytobefree wrote:

    What exactly is fair about that Kingfrugal?
    That men should deal with the fact that women are empowered.
    If men can do it, then they have absolutely no cause to say women can't either.

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  • 23. At 8:12pm on 05 Mar 2009, rdunny1234 wrote:

    Over the passed 13 years my girlfriend has broke my nose twice,stabbed me with a knife,scratched me all over my body,and every time the police get called out i end up getting arrested.Although things have got a lot better over the years,an incident happened about 3 weeks ago,she cut me with scissors and a knife i pretended 2 phone the police 2 calm her down and went to bed and told her 2 stop down stairs she phoned the police because she thought i did so i ended up getting arrested,i really think north wales- wrexham police need more training on this matter.i am currently putting a complaint against the police as i have have enough of the system.

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  • 24. At 8:15pm on 05 Mar 2009, imfromessex wrote:

    Hi snapdom, i had all domestic violence on me - more so financial abuse, whereas comments like if you dont buy this or that i will take your daughter away from you, which covers blackmail etc. Her moodswings became so violent that she would switch personallities at the drop of a hat. She attacked my mum and shook my daughter in temper, but the authoritoies have been absolute usless, she is hiding behind the refuge and authourities incompetence. our local authority has mucked up on a similar case whereas a woman has similar syptoms to my now ex, shook her 2 year old - now being done for murder. to little to late comes to mind

    every alligation she has made has been proven to be lies, and when i taped her lying, her solicitors were trying to do me for breaching her human rights, what about mine or my daughters. any advise

    One thing to remember is that the meaning of domestic violence is that is is a person you live with or ONCE lived with.

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  • 25. At 8:19pm on 05 Mar 2009, marynosy wrote:

    at last a discussion on male domestic violence my son was a tall well built man who was abused by his wife coould not talk about it always thought he could change things ok for a while then off she would go again he was stabbed and kicked she even admitted it upshot most loved son co mmited suicide no one saw it comming now she sits set for life with a widows pension thank you the one show for speaking out at last by the way i live in scotland so supposed to be big hard men here

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  • 26. At 8:24pm on 05 Mar 2009, imfromessex wrote:

    Hi rdunny1234

    read m y post re arresting men over woman - it happens all the time

    also for anyone thinks that men are violent - i am a big teddy bear or gentle giant who would'nt hurt a fly

    for anyone that their partners are using kids as weapons (which is child abuse) i joined families need fathers and have been a great help to me.

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  • 27. At 8:28pm on 05 Mar 2009, superjanty wrote:

    As a family law solicitor it never ceases to amaze me why agencies intending to help victims seem so rarely to refer them to solicitors. The vast majority of victims of domestic abuse - male or female- simply want protection for themselves while they end the relationship, not punishment of the perpetrator, who may be the mother/father of their children. County court non-molestation injunctions aim to provide such protection and the court can also make occupation orders to allow the victim and children to stay in the family home for up to 12 months while financial and children matters are sorted out. Powers of arrest may be attached, which act as a strong deterrent against breach. The penalty for breach of a county court order is simply imprisonment. A county court injunction may be obtained within 24 hours of the victim seeing a solicitor. Evidence is by means of a detailed sworn statement. Legal aid is usually available.
    The criminal courts have a duty to consider rehabilitation of the perpetrator , hence the sentence for a conviction in the magistrates court (which usually takes months to obtain) may be a caution or a place on the waiting list for an anger management course. The victim may wonder what the point of it all was.

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  • 28. At 8:30pm on 05 Mar 2009, johnanthony513 wrote:

    I was also a victim of domestic violence by my ex-wife who was an alcoholic. The violence was physical, mental and emotional. I ended up on anti-drepressants and was unable tell my GP about the reasons as my ex was a doctor in his practice!
    We had 2 children and I eventually left for my own well-being.
    My family were very supportive but lived too far away, I had no-one to confide in who would believe me.

    I've remarried & my children survived the ordeal of their upbringing and are both in loving steady relationships.


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  • 29. At 8:34pm on 05 Mar 2009, doctorAlbion wrote:

    Since childhood we're all conditioned to think its acceptable for women to physically assault men. Its either deemed to be both funny for a woman to do it and masculine for a man to stand there and take it.

    Men being slapped on the face
    Men being chased and beaten by women with rolling pins and frying pans. etc etc

    In Last of the Summer Wine oh how we all laughed when the men are chased out of a home by a woman wielding a broom!

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  • 30. At 8:39pm on 05 Mar 2009, greyJumbug wrote:

    I want to thank the show for highlighting domestic abuse in men and showing them thhere is somewhere for them to go if they need help.

    There is also a charity called Survivors Uk which is for males who have been sexually abused and raped. You can raise money to support them by using the search engine they help thousands of men each year who have been sexually abused.

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  • 31. At 8:42pm on 05 Mar 2009, greyJumbug wrote:

    Forgot to mention I have read and been really moved by all the comments made and my heart goes out to these men who have been abused

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  • 32. At 8:44pm on 05 Mar 2009, doctorAlbion wrote:

    What self respecting man would walk into a police station and make a complaint.

    Up until December 2008 the Metropolitan Police Service domestic violence webpage only targetted male perpetrators of
    domestic violence in all its narrative and photographs, because it fitted a comfortable steretype.

    After I made numerous complaints to the Metroplitan Police Service, Metropolitan Police Authority and Independent Police Complaints Commission and Commission for Equality the site was taken down.

    Hopefully the MPS will be replacing their domestic viloence homepage with something that is Gender Neutral. Encouraging everyone to report domestic violence regardles of whether they are male or female and being treated equally in the process.

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  • 33. At 8:51pm on 05 Mar 2009, imfromessex wrote:

    Does anyone know who the head of social services is now (or the best person to speak to) my local ones have been useful

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  • 34. At 9:05pm on 05 Mar 2009, doctorAlbion wrote:

    A grave cause for concern is the serious problem the London Metropolitan Police Service has with its own officers comitting domestic violence.

    However, pursuant to the Police Reform Act and 'Command and Control' exemptions in the Freedom of Information Act the Met constantly attempts to hide the problem.

    Surprisingly the problem is particularly bad amongst some of its senior female police officers. Mosy notably, as partly reported in the British Press (Google);

    During 7 June 2007 Detective Kelly Johnson shot to death her partner retired Chief Superintendent David Lucio while he was driving the car they were both in.

    More recently, on the 20 Spetember 2008 Cjief Inspector Parm Sandhu, the Mets most senior Asian police woman, physically assaulted her ex husbands (Inspector Steve Read) new girlfriend Shen Mertkol at a childrens football match at Seven Oaks in front of 20 witness'e. Commander Rod Jarman and Inspector Steve Read pulled them apart. Despite the Mets positive arrest policy for domestic violence and an investigation by kent Police surprise surprise no arrests were made.

    If Chief Inspector Parm Sanhu had been male and a civilian she would have been arrested immediately.

    Currently the MPS, Metropolitan Police Authority and Home Secretary are hping the whole matter gets forgotten about and no one in the British media pursues the story.

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  • 35. At 9:27pm on 05 Mar 2009, doctorAlbion wrote:

    A domestic violence case which I was personally close to and perhaps typifies how the authorities treat men, who ask for help when confronted by domestic violence, was the murder of Tom Cressman by Jane Andrews the former assistant to the Duchess of York during September 2001.

    Jane Andrews murdered Tom Cressman while he lay asleep in his west London flat by beating him with a cricket bat and then stabbing him to death with a 19 centimetre kitchen knife. Jane Andrews had apparently become increasingly frustrated because Tom Cressman had refused to marry her. Before fleeing the scene Jane Andrews coolly rigged the crime scene to make it look as though the murder had been committed during a burglary.

    During Jane Andrew’s trial the court heard that hours before he was murdered Tom Cressman had telephoned West London police and pleaded with police officers to come to his home because of an escalating domestic argument between himself and Jane Andrews, which he feared would end up in physical violence.

    Without giving any reason the police declined to attend, 2 hours later Tom Cressman was dead. If he had been female we can only surmise that Tom would have been alive today as the police would have attended immediately.

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  • 36. At 10:25pm on 05 Mar 2009, ladymindtwister wrote:

    I am both shocked, and enlightened to read the above posts, I suppose many men are ashamed to admit they are unable to stand up to their partners, afraid their friends will see them as wimps, after all they like to be seen as the man of the house, also some men would never lay a hand on a woman, its the way they have been brought up, any woman who takes advantage of this is the lowest of the low. I am so glad this problem has been aired on T V, I my self didn't know the extent of it.

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  • 37. At 00:00am on 06 Mar 2009, starman13 wrote:

    I warmly welcome the expose of female on male domestic violence. Despite witnessing or seeing evidence of "nearby" domestic violence where on five out of six occasions the female assaulted the male, I still assumed it was mainly the other way around.

    Only when I got a battering did I realise that maybe there's more to this than meets the eye both on the physical and mental sides.

    Also, you've only to see how celebrated stories like Wayne Bobbitt whose genitalia was mutilated by his wife. Very funny? Had he cut off his wife's breasts instead it would have been reported in a totally different fashion, no doubt.

    Well done, "The One Show" for setting the record straight that domestic violence can happy to anyone and can be committed by anyone regardless of sex.

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  • 38. At 00:16am on 06 Mar 2009, spikey1976 wrote:

    Sunday dinners all the time id be made to stay up till 5 in morning untill she had one.WI am a 32 year old male and have suffered domestic mental, emotional and physical abuse from my wife. No matter what i did it was always wrong she would stay in bed until dinner time and get up and start drinking alcohol for the rest of the day id take her children to school cook there food and do house work. We got together and it was all great but then i moved in and it changed i was stopped from seeing my children not aloud any where without her not even to the toilet. Only aloud to eat certain foods.The violence didn't start until we got married one month in to our marriage id get punched in the face, bitten,clawed on my arms face and chest my mobile was smashed up and shouted at constantly.She also suffered from eating disorders id have to eat so she could. Then she would be sick,she would only eat full e had a daughter together and it all got worse. I left with our child after being told if i stayed she would be taken of us due to emotional abuse after she tried to commit suicide and got sectioned for 1 day. I'm now having to prove my self as she is making false accusations by saying that all that happened to me happened to her.I am in process of going through courts fighting for custody of my daughter i just hope that the courts see it for how it was and not as she is portraying it.

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  • 39. At 02:05am on 06 Mar 2009, sportySharky57 wrote:

    Well, this is emotional stuff isn`t it! Good on the BBC for doing a short piece on the subject.
    I was a victim 18 years ago and I still have anxiety attacks; but I`m glad to say I lead a peaceful life now.
    I never reported the violence.
    And yep...the police need to be trained on gender violence and manipulation techniques!
    Be strong and kind to all.

    Paul, London

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  • 40. At 05:35am on 06 Mar 2009, harrietharmman wrote:

    It is absolutely appropriate to blame feminists for the problems facing male vicitims. Of course there are many other factors which also make the situation worse, but there's no doubt that extremist feminists are the main problem. Here's just a few of the reasons why:

    1. Feminists produce and publish completely untruthful "research" into the issue. For example Women's Aid in Scotland were forced to withdraw an ad because it was so misleading and exaggerated the number of female vicitms so much.

    2. Feminists seek to belittle male victims and the extent of them - eg in America a high profile feminists likened the incidence of male vicitms to snow occuring in Florida. In the UK, Women's Aid chooses to quote some obscure Scottish survey with a tiny sample size to somehow prove that most male vicitms are making it up. At the same tiem there are no mention of the vast numbers of false claims made by female vcitms (they are especially common in custody battles for example).

    3. The feminists at Women's Aid claim they are "the national domestic violence charity". This is obviously a lie as they don't help half the population, but it again sends out the message that male victims really don't matter or don't exist.

    4. Feminists have taken over government positions dealing with domestic violence. Thus male vicitms get no help or recognition. No government money goes towards charities helping male victims or to male shelters - they all rely on donations. In contrast feminist charities get millions.

    5. Feminists are even trying to brainwash out children into thinking male victims do not exist. Women's Aid sends posters to schools saying that domestic violence shelters are places where women and children go when they are abused.

    On a website called "thehideout" they have videos about the subject aimed at young children in which EVERY SINGLE victim is female and every single abuser is male. No exceptions whatsoever.

    Feminits have hijacked the issue of domestic violence for political purposes. Male vicitms and female abusers simply do not fit in with their mantra of women=good, men=bad.

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  • 41. At 07:38am on 06 Mar 2009, DavidForsyth wrote:

    As a Police Officer in Scotland working in the field of Domestic Abuse can I reassure anyone here that in this day and age the Police should treat males and females alike and the issue of male victims under reporting is one we are aware of. I would ask that if anyone here is suffering from domestic abuse they contact their local Police who will likely have dedicated domestic abuse officers who are trained in this field. We work with a wide variety of organisation who may be able to assist in addressing your situation. In Scotland there is a zero tolerance approach to domestic abuse regardless of gender or sexuality.

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  • 42. At 08:38am on 06 Mar 2009, doctorAlbion wrote:

    David Forsyth Blog 41,

    The sentiments in your blog are to be applauded.

    However, throughout all the UK police forces (without exception) there is a huge difference between the theory \ training and the day to day practical implementation of a theoretical 'gender neutral' approach to investigating claims of domestic violence.

    In particular the matter of females who make false allegations against their domestic partners and then later admit they made false alleagtions but the police nevertheless take no action.

    However, pursuant to the Home Office 'Positive Arrest' policy the male will have been arrested immediately under sec110 SOCPA without any investiagtion.
    Resulting in the male having a criminal arrest record even though not charged which menas his DNA, fingerprints and photographs remaining on the national data base for the rest of his life.

    As many women no making false allegations of domestic abuse is a low risk activity with the desired affect of getting your male partner to comply.

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  • 43. At 11:04am on 06 Mar 2009, simon wrote:

    David Forsyth Blog 41,

    Hi David,

    In the cleveland police force when i got battered about when i felt stong enough to report it they laughed and said "ohh you'll get back together with your boyfriend".

    So i stopped reporting her untill she hit me i held on to her when the police came i was arrested she was examined to find nothing and i too was examined and again they said it was my boyfriend i pointed out i was not gay(then) they laughed.
    next day i moved out.

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  • 44. At 12:01pm on 06 Mar 2009, Torrambeg wrote:

    I am in the process of writing a book about my life of domestic violence with my second wife. 6 months after we were married her family admitted to me that she was a diagnosed manic depressive ( by-polar) By this time she had put me in hospital twice. Over the next few years she managed to alienate all my family and friends then forced me to move to South Wales to be nearer her family. Once there the violence escalated and on several occasions I had to barricade myself in a bedroom. Her attacks took several forms from playing heavy metal rock music at full volume in the middle of the night, that escalated to self harming, then damaging household furniture and goods then finally attacking me.
    As with many other victims once the Police were called I was the one to be removed from the house or arrested.
    Despite the fact that she had been Sectioned 15 times and put me in hospital on five occasions because I was a "big bloke" the Police automatically assumed that I was the culprit and I still have a copy of an interview tape where I was interviewed under caution by the South Wales Police. I also suffered mental abuse and when she rekindled an affair with her ex boss she tried to force me not to mention anything to her parents untill after Christmas so that her plans would not be interrupted. I finally left after the last attack which consisted of her smashing up a dining chair and attacking me with the broken chair leg. The Police arrived and she was eventually arrested but they brought her back at 5:30am the next morning. She was covered from head to foot in bruises where she had fought with two women Police Officers trying to put her in a cell. No charges were brought. I left, subsequently divorced her and am now back home in Scotland and 6 years down the line am in an extremely happy relationship.
    The purpose of the book is to reassure other male victims that they are not alone and perhaps it will be read by the "Authorities" and help change attitudes.

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  • 45. At 12:17pm on 09 Mar 2009, lfanursie wrote:

    In 1990 I was working as a Pracice Nurse in a village GP surgery. A patient came to me with very bad bruises and a head injury from a poker. He admitted it was his wife who was the cause of the injuries and asked for help. I tried and tried to get help for this man, looking for a safe house or somewhere he could go. It was impossible !!!
    I am delighted that this secret suffering is becoming more & more talked about.Everyone has the right to feel safe from birth onwards, no-one should ever suffer at the hands of another, let alone a supposed 'loved one' !!!

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  • 46. At 7:42pm on 09 Mar 2009, jackavalanche wrote:

    Men don't complain for 2 reasons: they have been brought up (largely by women) not to complain; and because it doesn't get them anywhere. Certainly many men were brought up to respect women under all circumstances.
    I was kicked, punched, and had things thrown at me. I feared for my life. My wife phoned the police and told them I was attacking her!! Nobody believed me including my mother and sister. There was noone to talk to except my two children who refused to go with her. That made her worse. She went on to accuse me of rape, sexual abuse of my daughter and attempted murder of my son. After 6 court cases I got custody but even then she was given all the assets leaving me destitute. I have survived but 12 years ago I couldn't find a single organisation that could help.
    Thank you One show for attempting to break the myth and help prevent such horrors occuring. Shame about the news today which continues to reinforce the stereotype which is not good for men nor society.

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  • 47. At 7:46pm on 09 Mar 2009, lordtup wrote:

    Having read through the comments posted here, it is very apparent that this is a totally unacceptable state of affairs in a so called developed society.The male of the species generally finds the idea of abuse against a woman indefensible whatever the reason,but that same person is finding themselves the subject of the sort of treatment that not only is against their nature but leaves them powerless to prevent it.
    It would be interesting to know what part alcohol or drugs play in this arena and also what view divorce courts take, as a lot of abused partners of both sex find themselves locked in marriages or relationships that are causing a great deal of distress because of the financial implications of leaving.

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  • 48. At 8:49pm on 09 Mar 2009, Rich7714 wrote:

    Again, I just want to thank The One Show for talking about this subject! I've had to stand by as my Dad's partner came at him with a knife and beat him up etc. Luckily he's getting out of his relationship now though. This is an issue that needs to be addressed as this is happening a lot out there!

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  • 49. At 2:42pm on 11 Mar 2009, jan1c3 wrote:

    My brother was and still is a victim I will with-hold my name for obvious reasons, but the abuse he suffered included, being punched in the throat, having hair lacquer sprayed in his eyes, not being allowed to sleep any more than 3 hours after a 12 hour night shift having to do all domestic chores or else. Only being given the childrens scraps for meals ( if any, constantly being told how useless he was. All his mail was hidden from him. Having to attend casualty with a whiplash injury which we later found out was no accident. The final straw came when she invited him to call the police after a particularly bad incident-he did she was arrested and he was asked if he had a place he could go - he did his parents as a result of his parents giving their son a bed his wife stated that they would no longer be permitted to be within 200 yards of their house. She also accused him of having affairs- he was talking to a man in England whose cousin was going through a similar hell, and one night things got so bad he got in the car and started driving he pulled into a service station in Carlisle and contacted this cousin (female) who told him just come down he arrived there at 2 in the morning and she'd cooked him a meal. Meanwhile "back at the ranch" the (now ex-wife has joined the church and has the parishoners tutting that her husband walked out.) He didn't he was told to go by the police for his own safety! His parents are heartbroken that they can't see their grand children unless he visits, and even then she can change her mind at the last minute.
    I would love to be able to open up some sort of shelter for victims like my brother- no-one deserves this abuse. But how? I'm on benefits.

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  • 50. At 4:16pm on 11 Mar 2009, quickholidaysun wrote:

    Firstly I would like to say any victim of domestic violence male,female gay should be supported ! I am a female police officer and was in gay relationship where i had 5 years of physicial,mental and emotional abuse. I have been way fom the relationship for 18months but to this day i am still getting abuse from y ex partner. She has latched onto the internal police investigation dept and seems is there best friend. She has made allegations against me none about abuse but when i was interviewed by my colleagues people i use to work with ,said she seems very together and decent. All i can say is there detective skills are not very good if they can't see her true personality. I know from previous experience both parties should be interviewed as its not always the male that commits the abuse. Even when i reported the abuse to my domestic violence dept i was told by a male sgt the solicitors will pull you apart. I have no confidence in my internal nvestigations team as he know what has happened to me yet they chose to ignore it. If i have one piece of advice try to evidence any attacks and record it with Dr ,domestic support etc

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  • 51. At 8:36pm on 11 Mar 2009, geordieangel2 wrote:

    In the news recently, a woman bit a third of her boyfriends tongue off, it could not be stitched back on, she is charged with G.B.H.
    he has to live the rest of his life with a speech impediment. she is supposed to be a member of the fairer sex ( I don't think so )

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  • 52. At 7:12pm on 12 Mar 2009, DoktorPeter wrote:

    Back in the 1950s when I was in my early teens, my parents would argue and my mother often threw heavy pots at ny father's head. I asked him why he never retaliated and he told me that a real man never hits a woman. But some women take advantage of this and do whatever they want, knowing that everyone will assume the man to be 'Mr Nasty'. It seems that men are always to blame and we are treated as the disposable gender.
    Peter, West London

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  • 53. At 6:25pm on 13 Mar 2009, greyJumbug wrote:

    My heart goes out to the men who have been abused since I made my last comment.

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  • 54. At 6:27pm on 13 Mar 2009, greyJumbug wrote:

    and any that come on after this comment. (53)

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  • 55. At 03:52am on 20 Jun 2009, Beingconned wrote:

    I read the article about men being abused by their wives and have a useful tip on how to put a stop to it. A woman I married attacked me twice within several months then phoned up the police to say I had attacked her. They came to the home and arrested me and took me to the station. It appeared that the 1st party to make a compaint was classed as the victim and the 2nd party was arrested. I got wise to this so the 3rd time she attacked me I got straight on the phone to the police and made a complaint against her before she made one against me. It did the trick and they threatened to take her to the station. She never attacked me again.

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  • 56. At 12:43pm on 22 Jun 2009, Johnfrum wrote:

    Fantasist is Drew's middle name
    So you would disregard his claims
    Of a violent wife
    Although such strife
    Could be the outcome of his games

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  • 57. At 12:58pm on 22 Jun 2009, Johnfrum wrote:

    It is difficult for men. So many males are still stuck in the boastful macho culture that requires them to show-off where other people's distress is involved.

    I got sick of being ridiculed by those who secretly played on my sympathy. My sister verbally abused me into breakdowns and abused me when I had them. My father verbally abused me into paranoid ideas sticking up for her and sneering at me for my suffering. He then cried and played on my sympathy.

    This also enabled a friend's wife to laugh about most being able to switch off, playing the two-faced game of cryiing to me behind her husband's back. You see, we men are to blame for everything, especially if vulnerable and alone, unless, of course, there is a similar kind of woman to scapegoat.

    You need say very little to a woman and some man will come and have a go at you. She can pick on you every time you open your mouth, something guaranteed to cause nervous problems, but if you dare tell her where to get off, the roof falls in, with everyone defending her.

    I have had the police at my door and have even been arrested merely for sticking up for myself when bullied into breakdowns and no, it did not include me being violent.
    However, a common expression of disgust was taken as a death threat by the CID.

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