A bit much from Fergie
It's election time. Whoopee! My telly and radio seem to be clogged up with more people shouting and interrupting than ever before - or was that the missus trying to bag an earful of Masterchef, in which two plump middle-aged blokes sample amateur grub with all the joy and abandon of the Spanish Inquisition. Never has cooking been this serious.
Golf's on the menu for the next few days and Billy Payne, chairman of the Augusta National Club, took the opportunity to lob a slagging off at Tiger Woods on the eve of the tournament. Tiger has not been a role model for our children, he said.
A lot of people in golf have taken the opportunity to batter Woods for not being respectful to the game, never mind his missus, and I can't see that. Maybe he's aloof, maybe he's selfish, but that's probably what makes him so good.
He brings more interest to their silly stroll about with a ball and stick than any other player and still they play all high 'n mighty - they weren't tut-tutting in 2005 when that pitch shot rolled back into the cup on the 16th green.
It gets a bit much when Fergie complains about the harassment of referees
Meanwhile, it was a rough night for Man United on Wednesday and I'm sure Sir Alex's 'typical Germans' remark will come back to haunt him.
The little throng that surrounded the baby-faced ref after Rafael's ill-judged tug - as far as I can tell it was made up of a Frenchman, a Dutchman, a Croatian and only one German, Schweinsteiger - was just a reflection of footy life.
It's lovely that Fergie is so touched by the tragedy of his Brazilian player's sending-off, but it really does get a bit much when he complains about the harassment of referees. It's like a polar bear arguing for better protection of seals.
The fact is United had it in the bag last night and they blew it right royally, although I feared the worst when Peter Drury launched into his usual Theatre of Dreams fanfare just before Olic scored.
Only commentators on football matches do the chicken counting - true fans don't even trust that the eggs are anything but empty shells. Keep Drury off commentary for any England game in June.
I wasn't surprised Ferguson risked young Wayne but he did nowt and hobbled around like a keen dog with a thorn in its paw. The real surprise package was Nani on the left wing - he went from the neutral's nana to a nerveless assassin in one half of football.
He was tremendous, as opposed to Carrick, who had one of them games when you think he's made of balsa. He was feeble, edgy and too easily dispossessed. Once again a Hargreaves would've served them better.
Still, Bayern played the 10 men brilliantly for the most part, and Robben's winner was utter class. It still beggars belief that a man of the Flying Dutchman's standard is incapable of doing more than feathering the football with his other foot.
I'm bewildered as to why he buys a boot for his right peg, but the left does make up for it pretty often.
I'm not that sorry there are no English teams in the last four. They've had it good for a long time but it marks a high-tide mark in our overpaid, over-hyped league's dominance of the tournament.
I kind of want Woods to trounce the rest of them at the Masters
The good news is that some of our lads might get a little rest before the World Cup now they've got three fewer big games to play.
Some of you (with a vested interest) will say I'm being unpatriotic but I wouldn't mind Gerrard and Johnson not having to bother with any more Europa Cup either. Ha'way, man, Benfica!
As it stands my early-season predictions are still looking right solid. Chelsea to win the Premier League, Spurs to get fourth, Hull and Pompey to go down (forget that I tipped Brum to join them will ya?).
I also thought United would win nowt and that's looking spot-on. All right they've won the Carling Cup but when Boro bagged that in 2004 I was inundated with lamebrains telling me how it wasn't worth diddly so on this occasion I'll agree with you.
And as for the Masters, well, I kind of want Woods to trounce the rest of them into the fake sand now. That'd make the Augusta National choke on its Amen Corner.
You can always dream.