« Previous | Main | Next »

The Beach.

Post categories:

Eddie Mair | 05:21 UK time, Friday, 16 January 2009

Welcome to the Beach. The off topic place for froggers and peeps to be frivolous, have fun or just to chill out.

The weather is always perfect, the sea is never cold and the breeze always warm and gentle, ideal for blowing away the woes of RL and flying kites.

The company is always engaging and there is usually a something going on at 'The Nick Clarke' bar where tipples and nibbles can also be had. There are hammocks to laze in, a dog walking area and even a naughty step for those that want to self administer mild punishment!

Whether it is a herd of camels wandering by, parties or semi organised beach games and activities there is always something to watch or join in with, so why not come and join us?

All we ask is that you be nice to everyone.


  • 1. At 05:58am on 16 Jan 2009, Little Red wrote:

    Morning all. Good to feel the clean sand between my toes. It's been a busy week in RL so I'm looking forward to a weekend of sun sea and sand!

    Coffee and croissant, tea and toast ready and waiting on the NC bar. I'll be back for something stronger later!

    Complain about this comment

  • 2. At 06:18am on 16 Jan 2009, eddiemair wrote:

    ideal. perfect.

    Complain about this comment

  • 3. At 07:54am on 16 Jan 2009, Trevor Mansell wrote:

    Hi Eddie, you been up all night? Loveley day, perfect sunrise. I'll just have a few more minutes in the hammock with a cup of coffee.

    Complain about this comment

  • 4. At 08:16am on 16 Jan 2009, gossipmistress wrote:

    Phew it's friday! Yum coffee and croissants!

    Complain about this comment

  • 5. At 08:44am on 16 Jan 2009, Sid wrote:

    Thanks, Little Red. Mmm, these croissants are deliciously buttery ...

    Complain about this comment

  • 6. At 08:47am on 16 Jan 2009, Anne P. wrote:

    Croissants - wonderful, thanks!

    Complain about this comment

  • 7. At 08:59am on 16 Jan 2009, The Stainless Steel Cat wrote:

    I am pleased to announce that plans for a "third bunway" were yesterday approved. This is a clear nutritional necessity due to the projected increase in croissants, rolls, cakes and buns, especially in the run-up to Easter.

    I am also pleased to announce the construction of a new high-speed coffee machine which will also be finished by 2020, or half past eight at the latest.

    This move will of course require the demolition of thirty sandcastles and the relocation of a sleeping camel, but I'm sure we will all agree that this is vital in our drive to feed our faces.

    Complain about this comment

  • 8. At 09:03am on 16 Jan 2009, DI_Wyman wrote:

    Morning Peeps. Thanks, Little Red, I'll have the tea and toast option!

    Sorry I haven't been 'Frogging' much lately, RL worries and problems have been dominating all my waking hours lately!

    Anyway, bags I the Purple Hammock of Peace.....one, two , three jump.....!

    Complain about this comment

  • 9. At 09:06am on 16 Jan 2009, Fearless Fred wrote:

    Gosh, DI_Y, I didn't realise it was possible to bounce so high in a hammock!

    Complain about this comment

  • 10. At 09:29am on 16 Jan 2009, U12196018 wrote:

    Nice to see you back DIY - there were a few of us talking about you yesterday!

    Is there any particular reason why there is a massive bowl of licquorice allsorts on the NCM Bar?

    Complain about this comment

  • 11. At 09:37am on 16 Jan 2009, Gillianian wrote:

    DIWyman ((((frugs))))

    My worries have been keeping me awake at night ;o(

    Can I share your hammock, so we can have a good grumble together?

    Little Red, you're a treasure ;o)

    Complain about this comment

  • 12. At 09:38am on 16 Jan 2009, DI_Wyman wrote:

    F Fred neither did I! And I didn't spill me mug of tea! But why does toats always land butter side down?

    QL, so that why me ears were burning! And there was me thinking it was because global warming!

    Re licquorice allsorts, no idea. Perhaps someone needs something shifting?

    Anyhoo, off to the butchers, Pigs Liver in onion gravy and mash for tea. Can I get anything for anyone whilst I'm out and about?

    Complain about this comment

  • 13. At 09:41am on 16 Jan 2009, DI_Wyman wrote:

    ..of course I meant to say TOAST........!!!

    Complain about this comment

  • 14. At 10:34am on 16 Jan 2009, mittfh wrote:

    Mornin' all! My line manager's birthday today, and he's brought in a pack of 24 jaffa cakes. Grab 'em while they last!

    Meanwhile I'm stumbling through the day an a semi-stupor - I really shouldn't have stayed up frogging / facebooking / youtube-ing until 2am the other night and the tiredness has caught up with me...

    Oh well, at least I've got the weekend ahead so can have a few extra hours duvet time tonight...

    Complain about this comment

  • 15. At 10:45am on 16 Jan 2009, Big Sister wrote:

    Mm, those croissants were good - thank you, Little Red! I know I'm a bit late, but I've put a huge (i.e. bottomless) jug of freshly squeezed OJ on the bar, but hurry before it gets too warm!

    Complain about this comment

  • 16. At 10:46am on 16 Jan 2009, pmmolly wrote:

    mittfh (14)
    2am?!!! Good grief! You'd better squash in beside DIy for a couple of hours. Shall I give him a prod?


    Complain about this comment

  • 17. At 10:58am on 16 Jan 2009, Gladys_Friday wrote:

    Mornin' all. I hereby give and convey to you all and singular, my estate and interests, rights, claim, title, claim and advantages of and in, this ere' orange, together with all its rind, juice, pulp, and seeds, and all rights and advantages with full power to bite, cut, freeze and otherwise eat, the same, or give the same away with and without the pulp, juice, rind and seeds, anything herein before or hereinafter or in any deed, or deeds, instruments of whatever nature or kind whatsoever to the contrary. Enjoy.

    Complain about this comment

  • 18. At 11:09am on 16 Jan 2009, Mrs Effingham wrote:

    I'll fetch the lorry.

    Complain about this comment

  • 19. At 11:12am on 16 Jan 2009, U12196018 wrote:

    A lorry carrying copies of Roget's Thesaurus crashed on the M1 yesterday, shedding it's load across the carriageway.

    Onlookers are said to be stunned, bewildered, dumbfounded, astonished, shocked, flabbergasted, startled, speechless and amazed.

    Complain about this comment

  • 20. At 11:13am on 16 Jan 2009, U12196018 wrote:

    Breaking News.
    A lorry has just overturned on the M6 loaded with Vicks vapour rub. Police have said there will be no congestion for eight hours.

    Complain about this comment

  • 21. At 11:16am on 16 Jan 2009, Big Sister wrote:

    Shouldn't that be 'Braking News', Loon?

    Complain about this comment

  • 22. At 11:24am on 16 Jan 2009, mittfh wrote:

    A lorry driver breaks down on the M6 with a cargo of live monkeys on board, bound for Chester Zoo. They need to be delivered by 9:00 am and the driver fears he will get the sack if they don't get there on time. He decides to try and thumb a lift for his monkeys and eventually an Irish lorry driver pulls over.

    "Where they going ?" asks the Irish chap.
    "Do us a favour mate and take these to Chester Zoo for me" says the driver, "and here's a hundred quid for your troubles."
    "Happy days," says the Irish fella, loads the monkeys onto his truck and gets on his way.

    The lorry driver goes about trying to fix his truck and is there for a good few hours when he notices the Irish fella coming back down the motorway, still with all the chimps on board. Panicking, he flags him down again.

    "What are you playing at," he fumes, "I told you to take them to Chester Zoo !"
    "I did," says the Irish fella, "but there is still fifty quid left so now we're going to Alton Towers."

    Complain about this comment

  • 23. At 11:31am on 16 Jan 2009, ingeniousCliff wrote:

    Can anyone help me understand why News Agencies and Journalists are not causing a big fuss about being excluded from Gaza? Even if you do not consider the killing 'war crimes' don't you think an independent press is essential in such a case. Genuine Question and feeling rather sad about it.

    Complain about this comment

  • 24. At 11:32am on 16 Jan 2009, mittfh wrote:

    Another lorry driver was eating his egg and chips in a transport cafe, when ten Hells Angels walked in. They walked up to the driver and started eating his dinner and drinking his tea. The lorry driver just stood up and walked out.

    The leaders of the Hells Angels walked up to the cafe manager, stuck his chest out, and said "He wasn't much of a man, was he?"

    The cafe manager replied "He wasn't much of a lorry driver, either. He's just reversed over ten motorbikes!"

    Complain about this comment

  • 25. At 11:33am on 16 Jan 2009, ingeniousCliff wrote:

    Sorry, I have just realised that the 'Beach' is 'non topic'. If you have an answer please post it somewhere else. I don't want to spoil your breakfast.

    Complain about this comment

  • 26. At 11:37am on 16 Jan 2009, DI_Wyman wrote:

    Gladys_Friday (17)....I am need of legal advice and it seems you know the jargon!

    Can you do me a letter to my ISP complaint 'bout me........ b r o a d b a n d s pe ed........? There could be a pint of Scrumpy (or two) in it!

    Complain about this comment

  • 27. At 11:45am on 16 Jan 2009, Gladys_Friday wrote:

    DI_Wyman (26) ...Leave it with me - I'll see what I can do.

    Complain about this comment

  • 28. At 11:46am on 16 Jan 2009, DI_Wyman wrote:

    'Tis a gloomy day and Murphy is in pain from his swollen elbow. So our man goes to the the specialist in Sligo. He examined our Murphy and said 'I'm recommending that you be given a cortisone injection.'

    Very pleased with the outcome Murphy rang his wife on te phone and said 'Guess what? I've impressed them that much they're giving me a car!'

    Complain about this comment

  • 29. At 12:01pm on 16 Jan 2009, Big Sister wrote:

    Just heard of the death of Rumpole's creator, John Mortimer.

    His works have given me so much pleasure over the years that I'd like to raise a glass to his memory, and hope other froggers will want to join me.

    To the memory of a great writer.

    Complain about this comment

  • 30. At 12:06pm on 16 Jan 2009, U12196018 wrote:

    He had an admirable attitude to life.
    "There is no pleasure worth forgoing just for an extra three years in the geriatric ward." - John Mortimer

    Complain about this comment

  • 31. At 12:15pm on 16 Jan 2009, Big Sister wrote:

    He had a good point there, Loon.

    I am a great fan of the Titmuss novels, as well as Rumpole and the plays. I'd like to think of him now opening a bottle of Chateau Thames Embankment with Leo McKern as they catch up on old times ...

    Complain about this comment

  • 32. At 12:16pm on 16 Jan 2009, Sid wrote:

    Hear, hear, Big Sis - cheers.

    Complain about this comment

  • 33. At 12:16pm on 16 Jan 2009, DI_Wyman wrote:

    Big Sis, he will be sadly missed.

    One of my favourite memories is of him usually having a glass of Champagne for breakfast.

    No that is true class!

    Complain about this comment

  • 34. At 12:23pm on 16 Jan 2009, Big Sister wrote:

    Guys, Eddie has set up a special thread for him. I've moved three posts there, perhaps you want to post your own comments there, too?

    Complain about this comment

  • 35. At 12:34pm on 16 Jan 2009, steelpulse wrote:

    Nice? Nice? What is this concept, Eddie?

    Your first interviewee from yesterday is still whimpering from your questioning I suspect. Oh and well done.

    Nice. Ok! Can I apologise to Lord Jones. I was just suggesting as I said on another site "We also serve who only stand and wait" - I swear I just saw a periscope wink at me out there at sea.

    Yes "wait". "Will you have French fries with that?"

    Ask former members of "Hearsay" who's surnames are not Klass! lol

    I stole that joke from someone - forget whom.

    Sand beneath my feet, Eddie has learnt Speedos do not suit him and all is well with the world until Nils hoves into view.

    Talking of Upshares - Downshares

    Thank goodness no Mrs Bridges too Far on that particular Hudson.

    The Hudson river incident in the USA.

    I am relieved and amazed.

    Well done to the pilots and air crew all. Wow plus wow.

    That WAS a periscope. I am going in! lol

    Complain about this comment

  • 36. At 3:51pm on 16 Jan 2009, Fifi wrote:

    This is a bit worrying for those of us either living in or with friends in Stockport...


    Crime dramas can just be too real sometimes.

    Complain about this comment

  • 37. At 4:40pm on 16 Jan 2009, David_McNickle wrote:

    Tomorrow we are wassailing apple trees in St Albans with the Wicket Brood Morris dancers performing. Lots of apple products and I will pour a bottle of homemade apple wine at the base of an apple tree. A group in your area might be doing likewise.

    Complain about this comment

  • 38. At 4:50pm on 16 Jan 2009, mittfh wrote:

    It's scary what's happening in areas which you'd normally think of as safe...

    Burned man's body found near M45 (the motorway skirting around the bottom end of Rugby)

    Armed robbery in a suburb of Bromsgrove

    But on the lighter side of the news...

    What shall we do with the drunken sailors?

    Cash machine pays double...

    ...and a spokesman states the obvious: "It is disappointing some people were deliberately using the machine to take extra money"

    Complain about this comment

  • 39. At 6:35pm on 16 Jan 2009, DI_Wyman wrote:

    Please....please..and thrice please..... can we keep RL away from this Beach?

    Life can be a dark and nasty as it is!

    I have come back here to get away from it!

    Anyhoo......mugs of chilled Scrumpy and plates of Pigs Liver in onion gravy with mash spuds and leeks for those in need.

    (Other tasty meals are available)

    Complain about this comment

  • 40. At 6:56pm on 16 Jan 2009, Perky wrote:

    Aha! I come to the beach fresh from the ice-rink, so need some warming up - any volunteers??

    I have, by way of temptation, brought along some coconut and lime chicken, which I reccomend you try with at least one of the bottles of white on the bar.

    Now - where best to angle the hammock to catch the best of the sun?

    Complain about this comment

  • 41. At 10:37pm on 16 Jan 2009, Stewart_M wrote:

    Are you warmed up yet Perky. I'll rub you down briskly if still necessary.

    Complain about this comment

  • 42. At 10:46pm on 16 Jan 2009, needsanewnickname wrote:

    Hello, everyfroggy! Gosh, it's good to be here after a stressful day.

    And good to see DI back, too.

    Complain about this comment

  • 43. At 11:00pm on 16 Jan 2009, U12196018 wrote:

    Anybody got anything for my cough?

    Complain about this comment

  • 44. At 11:11pm on 16 Jan 2009, Stewart_M wrote:

    QL, Pat on the back?

    Complain about this comment

  • 45. At 07:42am on 17 Jan 2009, DI_Wyman wrote:

    Morning Froggers, Peeps and Frogging Peeps!

    Tea is brewing, coffee is ready and the bacon sarnies will be at NC's shortly along with a variety of ketchups (katsup?) and other sauces. But bring your own Mustard.

    Good luck today to the David of McNickle who is going to be assaulting apple trees whilst being danced at by a Wicked Brood!!

    Give 'em a right old whacking from me as well will you. And when you have done that give the apple trees a slap!


    Complain about this comment

  • 46. At 08:01am on 17 Jan 2009, Little Red wrote:

    Morning all.

    Cheers for the coffee DIY I need it today - somehow I ended up at a kareoke evening last night and things do not feel right this morning. I fear there may have been singing...

    Usual boulangerie snacks on the bar, and I was seduced by the patisserie side of the shop so there are tarte au chocolat and tarte aux pommes in the fridge for later...

    Complain about this comment

  • 47. At 09:54am on 17 Jan 2009, needsanewnickname wrote:

    What about the Peeping Frogs, DI?

    Stewart, put that Irish man down. You are not to put him on QL's back! No good for coughs at all.

    Hot honey, lemon and ginger on the bar for cold-smitten froggers.

    Complain about this comment

  • 48. At 09:56am on 17 Jan 2009, needsanewnickname wrote:

    And us!

    Signed, The Leaping Frogs

    Complain about this comment

  • 49. At 11:16am on 17 Jan 2009, David_McNickle wrote:

    SM 44, Don't lay down in a field of cows.

    Complain about this comment

  • 50. At 11:17am on 17 Jan 2009, David_McNickle wrote:

    DI_W 45, Sorry, it's tomorrow.

    Complain about this comment

  • 51. At 11:58am on 17 Jan 2009, needsanewnickname wrote:

    DMcN (49), why? Are they allergic to down?

    Complain about this comment

  • 52. At 11:59am on 17 Jan 2009, Humph wrote:

    50 You said that you were doing it tomorrow yesterday (37)! Or is this one of those "it is never tomorrow, it is only today" jokes?


    Complain about this comment

  • 53. At 4:13pm on 17 Jan 2009, David_McNickle wrote:

    H 52, Free beer tomorrow.

    FO 51, Pedant.

    Complain about this comment

  • 54. At 4:27pm on 17 Jan 2009, David_McNickle wrote:

    FO 51, Get out of the wheat field Frances, you're going against the grain.

    Complain about this comment

  • 55. At 5:07pm on 17 Jan 2009, needsanewnickname wrote:

    "FO 51, Pedant."

    Yes, DMcN, as Val and others know, I'm proud to be among that erudite yet witty and warm-hearted fellowship.

    "FO 51, Get out of the wheat field Frances, you're going against the grain."

    Oooh, DMc, I thought you'd never ask!

    But I do hope you don't think you're going to get your oats, that would be too corny. So don't put on that husky voice or you'll be soundly threshed. You're clutching at straws and deserve to be chaffed.

    But why are the cows in a field of wheat, anyway?

    'The sheep's in the meadow,
    The cow's in the corn"

    Complain about this comment

  • 56. At 5:14pm on 17 Jan 2009, David_McNickle wrote:

    FO 55, You forgot a few commas there (, yet witty,), possibly more. And, you misspelled/misspelt araldite.

    Complain about this comment

  • 57. At 5:18pm on 17 Jan 2009, David_McNickle wrote:

    FO 55, For the less wity than they think, if you lie down in a field of cows, you might get a pat on your back.

    Get out the Roget's and look up a few more words.

    Complain about this comment

  • 58. At 5:33pm on 17 Jan 2009, needsanewnickname wrote:

    DMc, about the commas; not necessarily. I didn't think an Oxford comma was necessary, and so, unlike in this sentence, I didn't use one; I would then have had to use another, as you point out, before 'yet witty'. (Double t, by the way).

    Araldite; fair comment. I must stick to getting my spelinge's [sic] right.

    But thesaurus? Nope, not needed for that post; just a brain.

    Complain about this comment

  • 59. At 5:49pm on 17 Jan 2009, needsanewnickname wrote:

    Oooh, Big Sis! You're on iPM!

    Complain about this comment

  • 60. At 5:51pm on 17 Jan 2009, David_McNickle wrote:

    FO 58, I thought if I went away, you would. But I just had to turn back on to reply to PM. Yes, you can start a sentence with but.

    You did didn't need an Oxford comma after the word witty, depending on who you talk to, but you needed one after the word .erudite. You brain failed you on that.

    Complain about this comment

  • 61. At 5:52pm on 17 Jan 2009, David_McNickle wrote:

    PS no period/full stop needed before erudite.

    Complain about this comment

  • 62. At 5:55pm on 17 Jan 2009, needsanewnickname wrote:

    Yes, I know you can. But what is all this? I'm not PML, you know.

    Anyway, there was no 'word .erudite.' in my post.

    If you really want to pick nits.

    Oh, sorry, pet, you want the last word, don't you?

    Complain about this comment

  • 63. At 5:57pm on 17 Jan 2009, needsanewnickname wrote:

    "You brain failed you on that."

    OK, yawn, I'm bored. Bye for now.

    PS: there's a whisky with no 'e' for you at Nick's when you're ready.

    Complain about this comment

  • 64. At 6:13pm on 17 Jan 2009, Sid wrote:

    "All we ask is that you be nice to everyone."

    Come on - it's not that tricky!

    Complain about this comment

  • 65. At 6:37pm on 17 Jan 2009, Selkius_Piscinus wrote:


    Fight! Fight! Fight!

    C'n I have the popcorn concession? Pleasepleaseplease pretty please with pink icing?

    Complain about this comment

  • 66. At 6:47pm on 17 Jan 2009, needsanewnickname wrote:

    Oh, soz, peeps, I don't want a fight; I don't quite know why this all started but it obviously touched a nerve and I do tend to stand up for myself, even though I'm pretty laid-back.

    We can still have the popcorn, though...

    Complain about this comment

  • 67. At 8:08pm on 17 Jan 2009, DI_Wyman wrote:

    Wotz with all this pendants an commers stuff.? If oi wanted to speak proper Queens Engrish oi would have gone to skool not gone Frogging!

    Anyhoo...yardarm, sun over, Scrumpy be chilled, enjoy..

    (Ed....is that enuff commers?)

    Complain about this comment

  • 68. At 8:08pm on 17 Jan 2009, Gillianian wrote:

    Selkius has given me a part-time job - it requires me to wear a pinny.....

    Popcorn! Popcorn! Come and get yer luverly Popcorn!
    Salty, sugared - as you wish - but please leave some of the toffee and nut variety for me ;o)

    Complain about this comment

  • 69. At 8:10pm on 17 Jan 2009, DI_Wyman wrote:

    BTW. David of McN....just when are you taunting the apple orchard?

    LOL....Try using a date as a clue to the rest of us simple volk.

    Complain about this comment

  • 70. At 8:11pm on 17 Jan 2009, DI_Wyman wrote:

    BTW..BTW..popcorn now ready. Sadly no Punk Icing.

    DiY :-)

    Complain about this comment

  • 71. At 8:33pm on 17 Jan 2009, Stewart_M wrote:

    Whats the pinny pinned to pet?

    Complain about this comment

  • 72. At 9:00pm on 17 Jan 2009, DI_Wyman wrote:


    Complain about this comment

  • 73. At 9:08pm on 17 Jan 2009, Stewart_M wrote:

    Ow! them pins hurt.

    Complain about this comment

  • 74. At 9:48pm on 17 Jan 2009, nikki noodle wrote:

    Just me?

    Rows and rows of deckchairs, leftover popcorn, and a circle in the sand.... whatever have I missed?!! Is that a pinny in the ring?!

    Am heading over to the NCMBar, and will open a flagon of cyder

    Complain about this comment

  • 75. At 10:25pm on 17 Jan 2009, annasee wrote:

    I see St Alban's is getting a new bishop. D McN is probably worried he's going to stop his little candle-stump collecting lark. Wondering how he's going to make ends meet, as it were.

    And how delicious - the new Bishop comes from Lichfield. Gillian - you could get him to pass on a message for you!

    Complain about this comment

  • 76. At 10:45pm on 17 Jan 2009, U12196018 wrote:

    Fances O - I wouldn't worry about DMcN. He thinks that he is the British naturalised version of Bill Cosby and is determined to prove that 'irony' means 'a bit like an iron'. And only a drunk or idiot would try to be a pedant and litter their posts with so many mistakes. I know, because I've been there.

    . . . . And then peace and good humour was restored.

    Complain about this comment

  • 77. At 10:46pm on 17 Jan 2009, U12196018 wrote:

    . . . . or should that be 'were restored'?

    Complain about this comment

  • 78. At 07:42am on 18 Jan 2009, DI_Wyman wrote:

    Morning Froggers, Peeps, Frogging Peeps, Peeping Frogs and Leaping Frogs!

    Coffee is ready, water is coming to the boil in big urn, so tea won't be too long.

    What shall we have?

    Toast, porridge, toast and porridge or just porridge and toast?

    Complain about this comment

  • 79. At 09:49am on 18 Jan 2009, David_McNickle wrote:

    FO 62, So what is that 'e' word in your post 55?

    'Yes, DMcN, as Val and others know, I'm proud to be among that erudite yet witty and warm-hearted fellowship.'

    annasee 75, I announced the new Bishop of St Albans, Alan Smith, here sometime earlier in the week on the ?Glass Box. He might be in the Diocese of Lichfield, but is the Bishop of Shrewsbury. As for the candles, the Dean of St Albans is in charge of the Cathedral, not the Bishop. Aaaand, I can get my own messages. I talk to the Dean and Bishop regularly.

    QL 76, I am a British naturalised nothing. I am still only a US citizen.

    Complain about this comment

  • 80. At 09:57am on 18 Jan 2009, Big Sister wrote:

    I've been busy busy busy for the last couple of days and - though I caught the first part of iPM yesterday while driving somewhere - I missed the second part. Just caught up, though, and was so pleased that the memories I shared with the Blog rang a chord with others. And they even mentioned David Coleman! :o)

    Complain about this comment

  • 81. At 10:04am on 18 Jan 2009, Big Sister wrote:

    Frances, just spotted your 59. Thanks ;)

    Complain about this comment

  • 82. At 10:07am on 18 Jan 2009, David_McNickle wrote:

    BS 80, I found the iPM broadcast to be quite boring yesterday. So boring that I didn't notice you were there. Sorry.

    Complain about this comment

  • 83. At 10:10am on 18 Jan 2009, David_McNickle wrote:

    QL 76, And, at least people here know my real name. I don't hide behind a fake one to make sm*rt*rse remarks about other posters.

    Complain about this comment

  • 84. At 10:27am on 18 Jan 2009, Big Sister wrote:

    Don't worry, David. I'm not remotely offended. It wasn't an item that would have interested you.

    Complain about this comment

  • 85. At 11:14am on 18 Jan 2009, Gillianian wrote:

    But it did strike a chord with many of us here, Big Sis ;o)

    Cheese and biscuits, anyone?

    Complain about this comment

  • 86. At 12:05pm on 18 Jan 2009, David_McNickle wrote:

    BS 84, I could listen again...

    annasee, You can hear our new Bishop on youtube at:


    And the candles are more than stumps, most being six inches or so. And they would just be thrown away, so I have been given permission by the Archbishop Rowan Atkinson to take them.

    Complain about this comment

  • 87. At 1:10pm on 18 Jan 2009, David_McNickle wrote:

    QL 76, And another thing.....having got my wits together..... after years in England I have discovered that irony means saying that something that you got wrong was meant to be irony.

    Complain about this comment

  • 88. At 1:45pm on 18 Jan 2009, nikki noodle wrote:

    85 thanks Gillian.

    it is getting a bit warm and crowded in here. I may take a break.

    Complain about this comment

  • 89. At 2:40pm on 18 Jan 2009, Gillianian wrote:

    It's John Mortimer night on BBC4 tonight.
    Shall we set up the big screen behind the dunes?

    Complain about this comment

  • 90. At 2:54pm on 18 Jan 2009, DI_Wyman wrote:

    Gillianianianian...89, yep. I'll stretch this big white sheet between these two palm trees.......there...perfick!

    Nick of the Noodle, ignore him, he can't help himself. You know what colonials are like!

    Anyhoo, spuds, parsnips and sprouts to peel for dinner. So onwards and upwards!!

    Complain about this comment

  • 91. At 4:48pm on 18 Jan 2009, David_McNickle wrote:

    Just back from 'blessing' the apple trees. Now to eat a bit, then off to the Cathedral to watch Mamma Mia in the refectory. Nothing like a bit of religion.

    Gill 89, Guess I'll have to tape the Mortimer night. Or maybe it will be repeated.

    Complain about this comment

  • 92. At 4:52pm on 18 Jan 2009, David_McNickle wrote:

    DI_W 90, I thought we just discussed unnecessary, nasty, name calling on the blog, Mr/Mrs Rosbif, or whatever you are.

    Complain about this comment

  • 93. At 5:17pm on 18 Jan 2009, DI_Wyman wrote:

    Ah Bless, he is awake!

    Anyhoo, my kite is stuck on that camel!

    No, not that one! The one with the antlers!

    Complain about this comment

  • 94. At 6:17pm on 18 Jan 2009, Sid wrote:

    Not the one with the unclers, then?

    Complain about this comment

  • 95. At 7:49pm on 18 Jan 2009, Big Sister wrote:

    Another good one down - Tony Hart (who many of us will, I'm sure, remember from our childhood). And, of course, Morph (Mr. Hart's sometime sidekick) was the grandfather to Wallace and Gromit. I think I may just have a cracker and cheese by way of a tribute.

    Complain about this comment

  • 96. At 8:06pm on 18 Jan 2009, Sid wrote:

    There's Wensleydale on the bar, and a selection of crackers and rough white bread ...

    Complain about this comment

  • 97. At 8:07pm on 18 Jan 2009, Sid wrote:

    ... and plenty of bottles of Rioja!

    Complain about this comment

  • 98. At 8:12pm on 18 Jan 2009, DI_Wyman wrote:

    Crackin' cheese 'n wine Sid!

    Complain about this comment

  • 99. At 8:37pm on 18 Jan 2009, UptheTrossachs wrote:

    Didn't realise until this evening whilst watching Ski Sunday that David Vine is no longer with us. Spookily, as the theme music started and I hummed tunelessly to it, I was thinking " I wonder what happened to David Vine"
    Not quite as much of a fixture as the pools, but a fondly remembered part of Sundays in my youth.

    Complain about this comment

  • 100. At 9:18pm on 18 Jan 2009, Stewart_M wrote:

    Oi! That's my pinny being used as a projector screen! I was al fresco under that.

    Complain about this comment

  • 101. At 10:42pm on 18 Jan 2009, U12196018 wrote:

    DMcN (79)+((83) and (others).
    My (76) was by way of a test.
    You failed.
    It seems that you can berate, cajole and poke fun at other posters but are unable to bear the same treatment yourself. That's bit self-centred, I feel.

    As you want to know my real name I feel obliged to share it. It is Todd Flattering. But you can call me Unctious.

    Complain about this comment

  • 102. At 11:29pm on 18 Jan 2009, needsanewnickname wrote:

    Well, the water off a duck's back is as watery as a watery waterfall off Raging Torrent Waterfall in the waterfall season after the monsoon in a watery year.

    PS: the duck is fine; just unnaturally clean.

    Complain about this comment

  • 103. At 00:05am on 19 Jan 2009, mittfh wrote:

    The Great "Erudite" Debate...
    If you don't know what a word means, find a dictionary...there are several available online, if you care to look...

    And since there's a lot of nickname slinging going on, you may find these BBC News articles interesting:

    What's in a nickname? (BBC Magazine)

    How you got your nickname

    What's in a nickname? (Brian Taylor's blog)

    And a couple of years ago, even CBBC got in on the act...

    Then of course you've got people who change their name - as evidenced by a certain insurer's advertising campaign...

    Complain about this comment

  • 104. At 00:45am on 19 Jan 2009, Selkius_Piscinus wrote:


    I come to the Beach for relaxation and recreation, not mud-slinging! And how can you sling mud when all there is here is sand?

    *fx* wanders away sadly to build a sandcastle somewhere a long way away from the sort of person who might kick sand in some other person's eyes.

    Complain about this comment

  • 105. At 09:40am on 19 Jan 2009, annasee wrote:

    DIWy - did I see you write "You know what colonials are like"? Ahem, I would remind you there are others of us here who might be called "colonial", you know! (Actually, I think it's probably a term of racist abuse these days, at least according to the NOTW). Better be careful or the thought police will be after you!

    Now here's a spooky coincidence from last night. I was playing in a lovely ancient stone church, and had just got to the part in a solo piece when the harp is supposed to sound like a church bell striking the hour. At that very moment, the church bell struck 8, and the whole audience laughed. (Of course, if I'd tried to time it so that happened, it never would have worked.) Do you think that is proof there is a God? Should I ask a bishop for an expert opinion?

    Complain about this comment

  • 106. At 09:41am on 19 Jan 2009, Fearless Fred wrote:

    Phew, I get back to the beach after a w/e spent trying (and failing) to get stuff done in RL, only to find there's been a bit of a barney. Really, folks, let's try to remember that the beach is a place for people to relax, be frivolous, and above all (as Eddie says in the introduction) be nice to everyone.

    If anyone wants me, I'll be with Selkius, building sand-castles...

    Complain about this comment

  • 107. At 09:49am on 19 Jan 2009, Sid wrote:

    Shall we build a replica of Windsor?

    Complain about this comment

  • 108. At 10:18am on 19 Jan 2009, U12196018 wrote:

    As we're on a 'colonial theme' does anybody mind if I scare the camels with a short verse?

    There was a wild colonial boy, Jack Duggan was his name
    He was born and raised in Ireland, in a place called Castlemaine
    He was his father's only son, his mother's pride and joy
    And dearly did his parents love the wild colonial boy

    That's better.

    Hello. Hello?? Where did everybody go?

    Complain about this comment

  • 109. At 10:21am on 19 Jan 2009, Gillianian wrote:

    Sid (107) Barbara? I've got two big buckets, if that would help ;o)

    Complain about this comment

  • 110. At 10:25am on 19 Jan 2009, Gillianian wrote:

    Annasee (105) What a great story ;o)
    Did you pause, and wait for the real bells to end, or did you play an accompaniment for them?

    Complain about this comment

  • 111. At 10:36am on 19 Jan 2009, UptheTrossachs wrote:

    QL (108) - me and the wee man love that song! If he says "put some music on", he douesn't mean any old music - it has to be Irish

    One morning on the prairie Wild Jack Duggan rode along
    While listening to the mocking birds singing a cheerful song
    Out jumped three troopers fierce and grim, Kelly, Davis and Fitzroy
    They all set out to capture him, the Wild Colonial Boy

    Complain about this comment

  • 112. At 10:41am on 19 Jan 2009, DI_Wyman wrote:

    Sid, 107, bags i do the chesty bits!

    anyone want doughnuts for elevenses?

    Complain about this comment

  • 113. At 10:44am on 19 Jan 2009, U12196018 wrote:

    Change key:

    Surrender now, Jack Duggan, for you see we're three to one
    Surrender in the King's high name, you are a plundering son
    Jack drew two pistols from his belt, he proudly waved them high
    I'll fight, but not surrender, said the wild colonial boy

    Complain about this comment

  • 114. At 10:48am on 19 Jan 2009, Big Sister wrote:

    Surely Gill was referring to Barbara Castle. Smaller buckets will be required.

    Complain about this comment

  • 115. At 10:51am on 19 Jan 2009, littleFluffyFi wrote:

    Dear oh dear, what is going on?? If I wanted to listen to bickering and name calling I would have stayed in RL.....there was plenty of that going on in LittleFluffyFiworld this weekend.......between children and between us adults!! Ho hum.

    Anyway - am feeling rather chilly seeing as our heating in the office has packed up, so I am came down here for a warming mug of tea and hopefully a croissant if there are any going? If there is a space in that hammock I wouldn't mind a quick nap in the sun as well.

    Complain about this comment

  • 116. At 10:52am on 19 Jan 2009, UptheTrossachs wrote:

    With feeling now:

    He fired a shot at Kelly,
    which brought him to the ground
    And turning round to Davis,
    he received a fatal wound
    A bullet pierced his proud young heart,
    from the pistol of Fitzroy
    And that was how they captured him,
    the wild colonial boy

    Complain about this comment

  • 117. At 10:55am on 19 Jan 2009, David_McNickle wrote:

    QL 101, If Todd Flattering was my real name (I doubt it is yours), I would stick to QualifiedLoon. Ah yes, like the 'I meant it to be irony.' explanation for making a mistake, the second best British 'get out' statement is 'I was testing you and you failed.' See The British Book of Rubbish Explanations by Floyd Tattering.

    I might berate, cajole, poke fun, and any other thesaurusetical word, but I don't call posters offensive names unless thery call me one. I find Yank and Colonial to be offensive. (I see where pp got an offensive post removed on another channel. He will probably blame me for it.)

    PS Don't bother with Mamma Mia! The trip to the pub afterwards was better.

    S_P 104, If we can have fake sand here, we can have fake mud slinging.

    Shame about Tony Hart, he seemed like a nice person. Of course, Morph died earlier in that warehouse fire.

    Complain about this comment

  • 118. At 10:59am on 19 Jan 2009, David_McNickle wrote:

    FF 106, Just because my type of frivolousityness is different from others, it doesn't make it any less frivolous.

    Complain about this comment

  • 119. At 11:02am on 19 Jan 2009, U12196018 wrote:

    ooops! - missed verse 2.

    At the early age of sixteen years he left his native home
    And to Australia's sunny shore, he was inclined to roam
    He robbed the rich, he helped the poor, he shot James MacEvoy
    A terror to Australia was the wild colonial boy

    Complain about this comment

  • 120. At 11:02am on 19 Jan 2009, David_McNickle wrote:

    QL 101, It's a bit oily for calling anybody unctious.

    Complain about this comment

  • 121. At 11:03am on 19 Jan 2009, Sid wrote:

    Elevenses! I've made chocolate brownies, and there's tea and coffee ... and some shortbread left over from Christmas.

    Complain about this comment

  • 122. At 11:06am on 19 Jan 2009, Big Sister wrote:

    Sid, you're a star. Here, let me pin this merit start to your t-shirt.

    Complain about this comment

  • 123. At 11:08am on 19 Jan 2009, U12196018 wrote:

    Father Hank Tree?
    Father Hiroshima Twinkie?
    Father Stig Bubblecard?
    Father Johnny Helzapoppin?
    Father Luke Duke?
    Father Billy Furley?
    Father Chewy Louie?
    Father John Hoop?
    Father Harry Cakelinem?
    Father Rabulah Conundrum?
    Father Pee-wee Stairmaster?
    Father Tri-Peglips?
    Father Jemimah Ractoole?
    Father Jerry Twig?
    Father Spodo Komodo?
    Father Canabramalamer?
    Father Todd Unctious? YES!

    Complain about this comment

  • 124. At 11:09am on 19 Jan 2009, Big Sister wrote:

    11.05 and no sign of the Lord Mair. Mind you, I expect he's preparing for tomorrow's 90 minutes marathon. Will Eddie be allowed to be present at the Inauguration, or does he have to do it all by satellite?

    Eddie, if you have to Atlantic hope, perhaps you could bring us back a BIG bucket of jellybeans. Personally, I don't like them, but I'm sure we could invent a game or two around them.... Oh, and some Hershey bars (if they're still being made), though they may have to go into the fridge.

    Complain about this comment

  • 125. At 11:09am on 19 Jan 2009, Big Sister wrote:

    Atlantic hop
    Atlantic hop
    Atlantic hop

    Complain about this comment

  • 126. At 11:10am on 19 Jan 2009, Fearless Fred wrote:

    DMcN (118) I wouldn't call being obnoxious to people the same as being frivolous.

    Complain about this comment

  • 127. At 11:10am on 19 Jan 2009, Big Sister wrote:

    Loon, I seem to remember the original list was much much longer. Mrs Doyle took, I seem to recall, about an hour to guess the right name ......

    Complain about this comment

  • 128. At 11:12am on 19 Jan 2009, Big Sister wrote:

    I love a sandwich from time to time. It doesn't matter what flavour it is as long as it isn't egg, because you know how much I hate egg Mrs. Doyle. God even the smell of them brings me under a terrible rash. I tell you, I wouldn't even eat an egg sandwich if you paid me. The horrible stinking smelly things as I told you before. Remember me telling you earlier Mrs. Doyle any thing except egg and I wanted anything at all as long as it wasn't egg - they're egg aren't they, Mrs. Doyle?

    Complain about this comment

  • 129. At 11:13am on 19 Jan 2009, David_McNickle wrote:

    QL 123, Father John's Cough Suppressant Medicine?


    Complain about this comment

  • 130. At 11:14am on 19 Jan 2009, U12196018 wrote:

    Big Sis - Don't be silly! You know perfectly well that Fr. Ted episodes only lasted 30 minutes each (including the intervals).

    Complain about this comment

  • 131. At 11:18am on 19 Jan 2009, UptheTrossachs wrote:

    QL (119) - and who was James MacEvoy? Hero or villain?


    Complain about this comment

  • 132. At 11:22am on 19 Jan 2009, Big Sister wrote:

    Of course, Loon, but in the episode in question Mrs. Doyle, or perhaps it was Fr. Crilley, SAID it had only taken her nearly an hour (or something to that effect).

    While looking for the clip in question I came across the following, one of my favourite Ted 'n Dougal moments:


    Complain about this comment

  • 133. At 11:23am on 19 Jan 2009, David_McNickle wrote:

    BS 124, Ever seen the Hershey Bears?

    Iwas born not toofar from Hershey, but don't like the chocolate.


    Complain about this comment

  • 134. At 11:25am on 19 Jan 2009, David_McNickle wrote:

    FF 126, One person's obnoxiousness is another peson's frivolousness. Judge not.... Let's go back and check all your posts.

    Complain about this comment

  • 135. At 11:26am on 19 Jan 2009, David_McNickle wrote:

    BS 128, So, I take you don't like eggs.

    Complain about this comment

  • 136. At 11:27am on 19 Jan 2009, David_McNickle wrote:

    BS I ran out of spaces in post 133. Just got a new supply delivered.

    Complain about this comment

  • 137. At 11:43am on 19 Jan 2009, U12196018 wrote:

    UTT (131) - I have no idea. He is not mentioned in the Australian version of the song.
    But the Australian version of the song has the line
    "He stuck up Beechworth's mail coach and robbed Judge Macoboy,"
    but doesn't say anything about killing him.

    Complain about this comment

  • 138. At 12:09pm on 19 Jan 2009, Fearless Fred wrote:

    DMcN (134) I am more than happy for you to go back through all my posts if you so desire. Whenever I reply to people here on the blog, I have done so in a calm, rational manner that moves the discussion forward. My view is that it never helps to pour scorn on others simply to make a point. It demeans both the person being commented on and the commenter themselves. I was simply making the point that the beach thread has the idea of "be nice to everyone" as part of its' ethos. Having a go at people, as you seemed to do earlier, isn't really in keeping with this, is it?

    Complain about this comment

  • 139. At 12:14pm on 19 Jan 2009, UptheTrossachs wrote:

    QL (137) - I've always assumed MacEvoy must have been a 'bad' landlord or something, since Duggan was supposedly helping the poor. But it's probably my imagination running away with me.
    The song always leaves me with a lump in the throat - must be with trying to hit that high note at the end in our version... ;0)

    Complain about this comment

  • 140. At 12:19pm on 19 Jan 2009, Big Sister wrote:

    I think we might need to call on Father Larry Duff to cheer us up today.


    Complain about this comment

  • 141. At 12:26pm on 19 Jan 2009, U12196018 wrote:

    FF (138) - Hear, Hear to that.
    I would never say anything nasty on the Beach ( . . . . well, unless I thought someone asked for it!)

    Complain about this comment

  • 142. At 12:28pm on 19 Jan 2009, U12196018 wrote:

    (Talking to Dougal at Funland)
    Ted: You're supposed to be taking Jack for his walk
    Dougal: Well erm, the cliffs were closed for the day
    Ted: How can the cliffs be closed Dougal?
    Dougal: OK no, it wasn't that. They were gone.
    Ted: Gone? The cliffs were gone. How could they just disappear?
    Dougal: Erosion

    Complain about this comment

  • 143. At 12:31pm on 19 Jan 2009, U12196018 wrote:

    UTT (139) - A had a quick look at Wikithingy and they have links to research done on the song. The Australians have assumed ownership of it and reckon that the Castlemaine in the song is the one in Australia and not the Irish one. The words are quite different also.

    Complain about this comment

  • 144. At 12:33pm on 19 Jan 2009, Selkius_Piscinus wrote:

    I have built a scale model of Beaumaris Castle out of sand beyond the dunes but I am not going to tell anyone where it is because in the present mood they might come and knock it down and then I would have to declare total war with extreme prejudice, which is far too much like hard work for a Monday.

    Complain about this comment

  • 145. At 12:34pm on 19 Jan 2009, U12196018 wrote:

    Dougal: Knock Knock
    Ted: Who's there?
    Dougal: Father Dougal McGuire
    Ted: Goodnight Dougal

    Complain about this comment

  • 146. At 12:40pm on 19 Jan 2009, U12196018 wrote:

    Mrs Doyle: There's always time for a nice cup of tea. Sure, didn't the Lord himself pause for a nice cup of tea before giving himself up for the world.
    Father Ted: No, he didn't, Mrs Doyle!
    Mrs Doyle: Well, whatever the equivalent they had for tea in those days, cake or something. And speaking of cake, I have cake!
    (holds up a cupcake)
    Father Ted: No, thanks, Mrs Doyle.
    Mrs Doyle: Are you sure, Father? There's cocaine in it!
    Father Ted: WHAT?
    Mrs Doyle: Oh, no, not cocaine. God, what am I on about. No, what d'you call them. Raisins.

    Complain about this comment

  • 147. At 12:53pm on 19 Jan 2009, Big Sister wrote:

    Here's one for Eddie.

    Eoin McLove: Well Father, you've got 4 out of 5 questions right on your specialist subject, William Shatner's Tek Wars. So, if you get the general knowledge question right, the £500 will be yours. Oh no! People will think this is rigged. John Paul II. What was his name before he became pope?

    Father Ted: (long pause) Jim?

    Complain about this comment

  • 148. At 12:55pm on 19 Jan 2009, Humph wrote:

    QL (77) I think what you should have written was:

    "And then peace, and good humour were restored"

    "Oxford commarers of the Frog, and other places UNITE!"



    Complain about this comment

  • 149. At 1:10pm on 19 Jan 2009, Radio1convert wrote:

    Monday.... Most depressing day of the year back out there in the real world. Fine and dandy here though. Off for a wee dip now see you soon.

    Complain about this comment

  • 150. At 1:12pm on 19 Jan 2009, Gillianian wrote:

    Humph (148) I think what YOU should have written was:

    "And then peace, and good humour, were restored"

    "Oxford commarers of the Frog, and other places, UNITE!"


    Complain about this comment

  • 151. At 1:14pm on 19 Jan 2009, Gillianian wrote:

    Or even -

    "And then, peace and good humour were restored"


    "Oxford commarers of the Frog and other places, UNITE!"


    Complain about this comment

  • 152. At 1:26pm on 19 Jan 2009, Sid wrote:

    Ey up. Where's all this timber coming from? Forget sandcastles - we could build a proper fort with all this! Bagsy I'm Davy Crockett ...

    I'll get me hat.

    Complain about this comment

  • 153. At 1:47pm on 19 Jan 2009, littleFluffyFi wrote:

    Is it 5 o'clock yet????

    They were not kidding when they said this was the most depressing day of the year. Is it too early to wander over to the NC bar for a wee tipple??

    Complain about this comment

  • 154. At 2:07pm on 19 Jan 2009, U12196018 wrote:

    Gillianian (150) I think what YOU should have written was:

    "And then peace, and good humour, were restored"

    "Oxford commarers and dyslexics of the Frog, and other places, UNTIE!"

    Complain about this comment

  • 155. At 2:15pm on 19 Jan 2009, Sid wrote:

    ... I think you should have said:

    "And then peace and good humour were restored."

    "Oxford commarers and dyslexics of the Forge, and other parcels, AUNTIE!"

    Complain about this comment

  • 156. At 2:18pm on 19 Jan 2009, Sid wrote:

    How's your cough, by the way, master Loon? When I was in Germany I was given some powder derived from ivy to dissolve in hot water ... didn't taste brilliant, but it did seem to work.

    Complain about this comment

  • 157. At 2:23pm on 19 Jan 2009, Big Sister wrote:

    "And then peace and good humour were untied."

    "Oxford commarers and forgers of the Unite, and other parcels, RESTORE!"

    Complain about this comment

  • 158. At 2:26pm on 19 Jan 2009, U12196018 wrote:

    My cough is in very good form. Every heard a wheezy duck? No, never have I. But if there is such a thing, it will sound like me coughing.
    That's me coughing, rather than the duck.
    Although come to think of it, a coughing wheezy duck might be a better description altogether.
    I'm thinking too much about this now.

    Complain about this comment

  • 159. At 2:30pm on 19 Jan 2009, Big Sister wrote:

    Wheezy duck? Aren't they intermittently hoarse, Loon?

    Complain about this comment

  • 160. At 2:38pm on 19 Jan 2009, U12196018 wrote:

    Big Sister - I knew it sounded familiar!

    Complain about this comment

  • 161. At 3:30pm on 19 Jan 2009, U13772369 wrote:

    Hey, some ideas for iPM, the Nostalgia Channel, to pursue.

    What about Barry Bucknell and David Frost's take?

    For me, any televison was an escape from awful radio memories.

    I recall sitting on my aunt's carpet, aged five, my mother in hospital not expected to live, my dad frantic at her bedside.

    The radio, at the end of the news, every night, would say 'All is quiet on the Canal front'

    It used to terrify me. I didn't know what it was about at all, but something in the voice told me it was about war. Something else horrifying I could do nothing about.

    I used to beg not to listen to it. But to no avail.

    So Barry Bucknell is good, 'cos he was so bad, even someone who couldn't really bang a nail into a piece of wood felt like a Chippendale**** by comparison.

    **** Though not with that quality of kit, necessarily.

    Complain about this comment

  • 162. At 4:11pm on 19 Jan 2009, U13772369 wrote:

    You could ask him about short selling. A sort of cross examination after his comments last week.

    Short selling becomes legal again. Banks crash.

    That, it was held by Nils, was due to shorters. (They borrow shares, which they promise to return in say, six hours, They then sell them and crash the market. Then they re-buy them and make good their debts and pocket their profit from selling dear then buying cheap)

    Well, yes, but ... what about the declared and expected losses of RBS and Lloyds (HSBC)?

    The share price precipitated by shorters was about right****.
    Blame the pie in the sky holders and lenders and the banks' secrecy for (your?) losses!

    Today around 3 (the time, that day, last week that shorting became legal again) the FTSE fell sharply again. Shorters again?

    I don't think so, neither then nor now.

    The banks are bankrupt. Hold bankrupt stock if you like, but its resale value is zilts.


    On second thoughts, don't ask Nils, Edgie, TELL HIM!!!!

    **** If the initial holding price were right, the shares would return to their initial price as the shorters attempted to buy cheaply (having sold).

    Complain about this comment

  • 163. At 4:16pm on 19 Jan 2009, U13772369 wrote:


    Sorry, Beachers.

    Don't know how that happened. Meant to post the below.

    Will ask for 162 to be removed (the first such request by me about any post ever)

    Or QL could do it for me

    Complain about this comment

  • 164. At 4:23pm on 19 Jan 2009, David_McNickle wrote:

    FF 138, Tell that to several other posters and their sly, snide references to me. Things work both ways. I don't play the stupid fake beach game. If people don't like it, tough. I gave up fairy tales years ago.

    Complain about this comment

  • 165. At 4:30pm on 19 Jan 2009, UptheTrossachs wrote:

    Given up on fairy tales????
    The purpose of wassailing is to awake the cider apple trees and to scare away evil spirits to ensure a good harvest of fruit in the Autumn

    (according to the Wiki thing)

    Complain about this comment

  • 166. At 4:32pm on 19 Jan 2009, U13772369 wrote:

    Was in Wales for the weekend, deep in the mountains where PM doesn't reach.

    The sheep there tend the grass with more loving care than a bowling green gardener, his.

    The uplands are contoured in an exquisite green. Convex and concave surfaces.

    The sheep are the natural ecologists, mowing and fertilising by the very way they live.

    What beauty they create and preserve! And Simon Jenkins wants them off the land!

    On Saturday evening and night there was such torrential rain, thunder and lightening, hail and snow.

    Was there a hint of flood in Dolgellau or Penmaenpool or Tal-y-llyn or Barmouth as the water ran off Cader.

    Of course not!

    Flood is Jenkins only argument against the sheep. They make the mountain too smooth, he says, so that run off water goes too fast. Jenkins would have the mountain covered in gorse and bracken, scrub land and stunted trees.

    But the next day there was no flooding just water running off the mountain fast, tumbling and sparkling in crevices as it fell in the Sunday sun.

    The very highest uplands had a hint of frost from pre-dawn cold as the sky cleared.

    The touch of white soon gave way to exquisite green so pale and bright in the sun that........

    ...................I almost didn't miss Radio 4 at all!

    Complain about this comment

  • 167. At 4:38pm on 19 Jan 2009, David_McNickle wrote:

    UtT 165, That's all true. I asked our new Bishop.

    Complain about this comment

  • 168. At 5:00pm on 19 Jan 2009, DI_Wyman wrote:

    ..anyone got anything interesting for tea?

    SO is going out on a girls-night-out night and all I have is Spag Bol left over from Saturday!

    Complain about this comment

  • 169. At 5:02pm on 19 Jan 2009, U13772369 wrote:

    Why are all the notices in Welsh towns along the lines of

    'Don't do this...or that... and certainly not the other...'


    'No running, no jumping, no standing still.. in fact, no nothing' (this last courtesy of Giles circa 1956)..


    ..always in English and never in Welsh.

    This weekend's sample

    No bringing takeaways into the B and B bedroom.

    No taking takeaways into the public bar.

    No turning round here. It annoys the dogs.

    All reasonable, I'm sure, but why just the one language?

    In the B and B bedroom there was a long address about smoking, also just in English.
    If the landlord smelt it you were out (and he was a hefty built builder), any day, any time of the day or night. He was, the address said, the worst sort of non-smoker with a v. sensitive nose.

    I came back late from my son's (in the driving torrential rain). They both smoke. I went into my bedroom's 'en suite facility' and what appeared to be a smoke alarm went potty.

    I was completely paranoid, sure it was picking up second hand smoke off my clothes.

    I stripped (more tore) off pullovers and jeans! The landlord live upstairs, he must be able to hear this, I thought!

    There were sounds of moving around from upstairs. It was so cold and wet outside. The alarum was getting even louder

    Then I finally realised the noise was from an unbalanced extractor fan.

    Complain about this comment

  • 170. At 5:04pm on 19 Jan 2009, David_McNickle wrote:

    pmL 169, They saw you coming.

    Complain about this comment

  • 171. At 5:12pm on 19 Jan 2009, Humph wrote:

    I have some milk spare, DIW (168). Interested?


    Complain about this comment

  • 172. At 5:14pm on 19 Jan 2009, DI_Wyman wrote:

    youllallguesswhoiam.... it's not you it's a Welsh thing!

    As a child most weekends I got dragged to Y Bala to 'enjoy' dingy racing on Llyn Tegid with my parents and siblings.

    By the time I was eleven I was convinced North wales was actually shut on a Sunday!!

    Happily things have moved on and you can now have jolly good time there!

    Complain about this comment

  • 173. At 5:27pm on 19 Jan 2009, U13772369 wrote:

    I swear I've asked the Mods to remove it.

    I posted it by mistake.

    My initial version of 166 disappeared as I posted it (at place 162) and that appeared (which I HAD posted elsewhere earlier and copied to my own files here) No doubt it was my fault but it felt like a system error.

    (In Leics library now they ask you to report mysterious disappearance of text and screen freezing. Their teccies are on the case. (Years ago they used to deny it happened at all). It always happens to me when I'm being v. controversial or writing moderately well,for me (A v. rare event!!!). So I see it as an Act of God!!!)

    This is butter side down stuff. That 162 I want to remove.

    Maybe a polite request and explanation from the poster can't be coped with. No house rule broken and they've got no other category!!!

    Complain about this comment

  • 174. At 5:48pm on 19 Jan 2009, David_McNickle wrote:

    pmL 173, I used to use a forum where you could remove your own posts.

    Complain about this comment

  • 175. At 6:12pm on 19 Jan 2009, Sid wrote:

    Well, well, well. I'd have thought noonegivesatosswhoiam would have realised, after many years on this blog, that the the mods don't actually read emails. I've never had the courtesy of a reply from them. They just say 'Your message has been removed. Re-write it or else.' Only not so polite. 'Which rule have I broken?' 'Guess.'

    Anyway - I've found another case of Rioja in the boot of the beach buggy, and I'm lining up the glasses ... sadly DMcN has informed us he doesn't hold with this tosh, so - all the more for the rest of us!

    And there's a pot of Bolognese sauce bubbling gently on the bar - choice of baked potatoes or spaghetti. And some salad. And a sort of meringuey thing with fruit and stuff. (That's a bit technical - watch Masterchef for details.)

    Complain about this comment

  • 176. At 6:18pm on 19 Jan 2009, U12196018 wrote:

    Sid - Thank you for that. You've just reminded me that I have blueberry and apple meringue in the fridge that needs to be polished off.

    Complain about this comment

  • 177. At 6:31pm on 19 Jan 2009, DI_Wyman wrote:

    Humph 171, you are a star! Well not in the literal sense other wise this post would take years to get back to you seeing as the nearest one is......

    Anyhoo...i was contemplating making a baked Rice Pudding but hadn't got enough milk to do that and have enough left over for Mrs DiY to pour on her Cornflakes in the morning!


    DiY :-)

    Complain about this comment

  • 178. At 6:44pm on 19 Jan 2009, DI_Wyman wrote:

    QL, I have popped a bottle of my patent blueberry and apple meringue polish on the bar for you.

    In Zomerzet they calls it Scrumpy....enjoy

    Complain about this comment

  • 179. At 6:55pm on 19 Jan 2009, DI_Wyman wrote:

    As well as the Scumpy I have popped a couple of bottles of 'New world' Red Wine on the bar.

    Interestingly the label on the on the back of the bottle says " XXX Merlot, This wine is made from blah blah...Round and fruity...blah..produce of the...

    Are there grapes that are not, well,....round and fruity?

    Here try this..it is the '97, a very good year for red and a rather cheeky little vintage, pressed from hexagonal grapes with a taste of horse manure....dontch ya know.

    DiY :-)

    Complain about this comment

  • 180. At 7:29pm on 19 Jan 2009, U12196018 wrote:

    DIY - Too late - I'm already outside the meringue!

    You don't have any aubergine polish, do you?

    Complain about this comment

  • 181. At 7:42pm on 19 Jan 2009, Fifi wrote:

    Golly, today's been stressful. Is the sparkly hammock free? I'll just swing up into it and...


    Complain about this comment

  • 182. At 8:51pm on 19 Jan 2009, DI_Wyman wrote:

    Oi, FiFi...that's me wot you is snoring on!

    Get orf me!

    And I'll be kindly thanking you to hand back that bottle of aubergine polish. It's not for suppin!

    (Mind you, you does have some mighty interesing lumps and bumps)

    QL, sorry 'bout that. There is ladies from certain parts of the Eastern Midlands can be a bit demanding of a Monday eve!

    'ere 'ave a bottle of my patented aubergine polish, and DO NOT drink it!


    Complain about this comment

  • 183. At 9:19pm on 19 Jan 2009, DI_Wyman wrote:

    Oi....(prods sleeping Frogger)...Feefs, roll over, yer snoring is disturbing them camels and I dunt like the look 'em.

    Complain about this comment

  • 184. At 9:41pm on 19 Jan 2009, Fifi wrote:

    * rolls over *


    * falls out of hammock *

    Why is that camel looking askance? Did someone say something naughty??

    Complain about this comment

  • 185. At 9:53pm on 19 Jan 2009, needsanewnickname wrote:

    Soz, I've been away. Dear, dear friend's funeral today.

    Complain about this comment

  • 186. At 9:56pm on 19 Jan 2009, needsanewnickname wrote:

    Oh, that wasn't meant as a damper. Some of the most exciting and fascinating people I met as I grew up were there. We had a lovely party.

    But still, that horrible moment when the coffin disappears.

    Complain about this comment

  • 187. At 10:01pm on 19 Jan 2009, needsanewnickname wrote:

    Gah, I've been being down again. Sorry.

    Best of all was when the stories were told and everyone felt free to laugh and be glad to know someone who was in every way extraordinary.

    Complain about this comment

  • 188. At 10:44pm on 19 Jan 2009, U12196018 wrote:

    Frances O - I think I know what you mean. I've had some wonderful times at wakes and funerals.

    Complain about this comment

  • 189. At 10:56pm on 19 Jan 2009, Big Sister wrote:

    Frances: It's all a bit mixed up on such occasions, isn't it? And I know what you mean about that moment .....

    A big hug from one friend to another. ()

    Complain about this comment

  • 190. At 11:04pm on 19 Jan 2009, Izzy_Tme wrote:

    Frances O - I know what you mean, the telling of lovely memories is what gets you through the experience (I've been to far too many already). ((((Frugs)))) to you to get you through the next few days.

    DiY (179) - Not being a wine buff, but rather liking the stuff, I was in an off licence trying to decide between a Chablis and a Petite Chablis. Not knowing the difference I asked the member of staff, who admitted to having no idea and went off to ask his colleague. She, rather helpfully, looked at the back of both the bottles and finally came up with the explanation that there were more grapes in the Chablis! Right, that'll be the answer then, glad I know now.........

    Right, back to the revision dune - see you on the other side!

    Complain about this comment

  • 191. At 11:06pm on 19 Jan 2009, Izzy_Tme wrote:

    P.S. Why are my spaces after . not recognised?

    Complain about this comment

  • 192. At 11:20pm on 19 Jan 2009, mittfh wrote:

    Izzy (190) - reminds me of a story I once heard of someone who went into a branch of a certain chain of computer stores (hint: they like the colour purple) asking for a laser printer.

    He was taken over to the scanners. Perplexed, he asked the sales assistant again to show him where the laser printers were.

    "Are they the ones that don't use any ink?"

    Needless to say, he left the store, hopped next door into a branch of another chain (hint: they share their name with a method of joining two sheets of paper together), and within a few minutes had not only been shown where they were but had made a purchase.


    Anyway, I'm all up for a glass of fermented grape juice. The bottle of Chardonnay I'm working through at present is apparently "medium bodied".
    Errr, since when did wine have a body?

    Reading on, "Boasts attractive melon, fresh peach and subtle oak flavours".
    Err, do attractive melons taste different from ugly melons? Why specify "fresh" peach flavours - do some winemakers boast of "over-ripe" peach flavours? What about the grape flavours?!

    Complain about this comment

  • 193. At 11:21pm on 19 Jan 2009, mittfh wrote:

    Oh, and in case you missed it, here's the first episode of the new series of "Lighter side of the news": http://www.bbc.co.uk/blogs/pm/2009/01/the_glass_box_77.shtml#comment37

    Complain about this comment

  • 194. At 11:42pm on 19 Jan 2009, Big Sister wrote:

    Night night, all. Tomorrow will be a long day, what with the Inauguration and all.

    I'll bet the Obamas don't sleep much tonight!

    Complain about this comment

  • 195. At 00:05am on 20 Jan 2009, U13772369 wrote:

    I think you lot and Edgie missed a trick today.

    Nostalgia, Respect and Show Biz schmaltz all rolled into one.

    Bob May dead. The robot from Lost in Space gone.

    No thread, no iPM item, no YouTube video clip from Edgie.

    I'm worried about you.

    Or are there so many of these show biz memory/nostalgia/luvvie opportunities that it matters not one jot if we miss a few or even a lot.

    I should have known it was coming.

    My Lost in Space robot key ring disintegrated on Friday.

    There will never be another like him. Even Metal Mickey should grieve.

    Complain about this comment

  • 196. At 02:21am on 20 Jan 2009, needsanewnickname wrote:

    Arrgghh. Can't sleep. Too many memories of dear X. But they're all good.

    Life's precious; what a cliche, but how today proved it.

    DMcN, I don't know what I did to get up your nose, but whatever it was, I didn't mean to (thought we were having a bit of fun. Misjudged). But I apologise for upsetting you. It really wasn't on purpose.

    The Beach isn't for being cross with other people. Will you have that whisk(e)y with me on Tuesday?

    And everyone else: sorry for being a downer (maaan) - oops; at the funeral there were several 60s sort of people grumbling about their sensible offspring. We all giggled, the sixties included.
    Talk about the wheel turning full circle.

    It was [phooey to grammar] the ones in their eighties you had to watch.

    Complain about this comment

  • 197. At 08:26am on 20 Jan 2009, gossipmistress wrote:

    Od dear Frances, hope you got to sleep eventually!

    Morning all! Giraffe burgers anyone?

    Complain about this comment

  • 198. At 08:47am on 20 Jan 2009, Anne P. wrote:

    Morning all, fresh tea and toast on the bar for those who want a lighter breakfast.

    Complain about this comment

  • 199. At 08:49am on 20 Jan 2009, Mrs Effingham wrote:

    (197) Morning GM!
    Do you not find Giraffe burgers are a real pain in the neck to make?

    Complain about this comment

  • 200. At 08:57am on 20 Jan 2009, Perky wrote:

    Frances - hope you feel a little more rested this morning. These things are always bitter-sweet, aren't they? Frugs to you from me.

    There's that chain of restaurants called "Giraffe" isn't there? It's just occurred to me that I've never wondered what their chilli's made from . . .

    Is that Fifi still snoring in that hammock? not so sparkly now, is it?

    Oi, Feefs!!! Rise and shine!!!!!

    Complain about this comment

  • 201. At 09:23am on 20 Jan 2009, Fearless Fred wrote:

    Morning All. Ooh, that toast hits the spot, Anne :-)

    Frances, all I can offer is some (((frugs))).

    DMcN (164): I'm sorry you feel that the Beach is a "stupid" idea. However, for a lot of people, it's a pleasant diversion from things in real life. If you don't like it, may I suggest that you don't use it? It seems a simple course of action.

    Right, I'm going to go for a quick dip....

    Complain about this comment

  • 202. At 09:28am on 20 Jan 2009, Big Sister wrote:

    'Morning all. Must get down to the day's chores before the Big Event.

    I'll pass on the giraffe burger, Mrs. Eff. A croissant would be lovely, though. And a big jug of OJ on the bar.

    I hope all frayed tempers are now back in one peace ;o)

    Complain about this comment

  • 203. At 09:32am on 20 Jan 2009, Mrs Effingham wrote:

    I will not be distracted by the blog!
    I will do my housework,
    I will not be distracted by the blog!
    I will do my housework.

    Complain about this comment

  • 204. At 09:41am on 20 Jan 2009, Fearless Fred wrote:

    Can you do mine as well, Mrs Eff? :p

    Complain about this comment

  • 205. At 09:50am on 20 Jan 2009, Perky wrote:

    And mine??

    Complain about this comment

  • 206. At 10:25am on 20 Jan 2009, annasee wrote:

    Er, Mrs Eff, when you've got a moment, I've a pile of ironing here. Just in your own time of course. No rush. Thanks so much.

    Complain about this comment

  • 207. At 10:39am on 20 Jan 2009, David_McNickle wrote:

    FF 201, Don't tell me what to do. This isn't your blog.

    Complain about this comment

  • 208. At 10:43am on 20 Jan 2009, David_McNickle wrote:

    Sid 175, A bottle of Rioja we got in a case of mixed reds from a well known wine society was corked. I emailed and told them and they credited our account with 7 pounds. The second bottle was fine.

    Complain about this comment

  • 209. At 10:48am on 20 Jan 2009, David_McNickle wrote:

    Sid 175, I just had a removed post put back on the iPM part of this blog.

    Complain about this comment

  • 210. At 10:48am on 20 Jan 2009, Fearless Fred wrote:

    DMcN (207) I am not telling you what to do. I was simply suggesting that if you don't like the beach thread, you may find it easier not to post on it. That way you won't get so wound up about things, nor will other posters.

    Complain about this comment

  • 211. At 10:56am on 20 Jan 2009, David_McNickle wrote:

    FO 196, Beats me what it was about. Maybe I should go back and find out.

    Complain about this comment

  • 212. At 11:02am on 20 Jan 2009, Big Sister wrote:

    'Peace, man!'

    Neil, as ever, has words of wisdom which are especially relevant at the moment ;o)


    Complain about this comment

  • 213. At 11:04am on 20 Jan 2009, David_McNickle wrote:

    FO, Oh yes, the Cambridge colon/araldite thingy.

    Complain about this comment

  • 214. At 11:37am on 20 Jan 2009, DI_Wyman wrote:

    Mrs Eff, when you get a moment, can you cook my lunch?

    FF, for god's sake put your clothes back on, skinny dipping is one thing but skinny FGrogging is a whole new ball game.

    DiY :-)

    Complain about this comment

  • 215. At 12:00pm on 20 Jan 2009, gossipmistress wrote:

    Mrs Eff (199) hahaha! Now I hope that house is sparkling clean!

    Complain about this comment

  • 216. At 12:38pm on 20 Jan 2009, DI_Wyman wrote:

    gossipmistress, Hedgehogs, you can buff something up lovely with a Hedgehog!

    Complain about this comment

  • 217. At 1:37pm on 20 Jan 2009, DI_Wyman wrote:

    Frances O 196, you have my deepest sympathy. We lost two close relations over Christmas, I just hope that the saying 'time heals' is true.


    Complain about this comment

  • 218. At 1:52pm on 20 Jan 2009, gossipmistress wrote:

    Sorry Frances just realised I prefixed yuo as 'Od' - not intentional! Frugs from mexx

    DiY I tried that, can you tell me the best way to get the scratches off the french polished sideboard?

    Complain about this comment

  • 219. At 2:04pm on 20 Jan 2009, ValeryP wrote:

    Housework - good grief, what's that? I can hardly remember. Wasn't it Quentin Crisp who gave up and said the dust doesn't get any worse after 4 years? I thought I'd try it out and it seemed to be true.

    *coughs wheezily*

    Would anyone care to join me in some porridge liberally sprinkled with fruit, nuts and seeds then dressed with bioyoghurt? Tastes better than it sounds. Can you guess I'm hoping that healthy eating will improve, well, everything really :-)


    Complain about this comment

  • 220. At 2:41pm on 20 Jan 2009, Big Sister wrote:

    FrancesO: That sounds a lovely offer - and I know exactly what you say about dust. Too much of it about.

    Could I ask for my porridge to be raisin and sultana free? The other ingredients sounds lovely.


    Complain about this comment

  • 221. At 2:43pm on 20 Jan 2009, DI_Wyman wrote:

    gossipmistress 218, ah for that you'll be needing Moleskin and Beeswax.

    First catchy Mr Mole and lots of Bees, then.......

    Complain about this comment

  • 222. At 2:58pm on 20 Jan 2009, DI_Wyman wrote:

    Big Sister 220, LOL...are doing that just confuse me?

    Complain about this comment

  • 223. At 4:00pm on 20 Jan 2009, Anne P. wrote:

    ValP re dust, couldn't agree more, but then eldest came home at Christmas and berated me for letting things go! Life's too short and I have better things to do with my time - well I think they're better things anyway.....

    GM - would giraffes leave fewer scratches?

    Complain about this comment

  • 224. At 4:32pm on 20 Jan 2009, David_McNickle wrote:

    DIW 221, What is bee swax?

    Complain about this comment

  • 225. At 5:24pm on 20 Jan 2009, DI_Wyman wrote:

    Bit obvious........it is the wax gleaned form very many bees.

    Complain about this comment

  • 226. At 5:27pm on 20 Jan 2009, David_McNickle wrote:

    DI_W 225, More than likely from their hives. I have some left from whan we were beekeepers. Photos available.

    Complain about this comment

  • 227. At 6:29pm on 20 Jan 2009, DI_Wyman wrote:

    D_M, it's not that sort of wax!

    How many times did you check them for ear wax and ensure poor little blighters could hear what the Queen was actually saying?

    Complain about this comment

  • 228. At 7:09pm on 20 Jan 2009, DI_Wyman wrote:

    Anne P. 223, nah Girraffes are only be suitable for sweeping chim..chimenies, on account of their long wotsits!

    Mind, finking abaht it, they could make a perfick splendid toilet brush....reaching roight round the bend 'n all!

    Complain about this comment

  • 229. At 7:28pm on 20 Jan 2009, Fifi wrote:

    RL is taking on a surreal quality at Chez Fifi.

    Item One: On Sunday Fifi drives to Bourne to provide entertainment at a friend's support group social.

    Item Two: Meanwhile Mr Fifi stays home, where he is joined by Fifi's girl friend Curly to practise singing a song Curly has in mind for Oakham Unplugged, involving lots of vocal harmony.

    Item Three: Tonight Fifi and Mr Fifi don't feel like going out but are going to Oakham Unplugged anyway ... so that Mr Fifi can sing HIS song.

    I think I may have fallen through a looking-glass somewhere...


    The sparkly hammock's still warm if anyone would like a go in it while I'm out!

    Complain about this comment

  • 230. At 7:41pm on 20 Jan 2009, DI_Wyman wrote:

    Fifi....tah, SPARKLY HAMMOCK mine!

    (unless you have cider that needs sharing, then I'm all yours. )

    (( previous applicants need not apply))

    Complain about this comment

  • 231. At 7:57pm on 20 Jan 2009, DI_Wyman wrote:

    wotz that awful noise..sounds loike someone is worrying Ferrets in Oakham again!!

    Complain about this comment

  • 232. At 8:24pm on 20 Jan 2009, Gillianian wrote:

    Sorry, DIWyman ;o(

    You gave me the cue for a song -

    The cutest guy - I ever saw -
    Was sipping cider through a straw-aw-aw........

    I'll go and sing it at the far end of Fido's run.

    Complain about this comment

  • 233. At 8:33pm on 20 Jan 2009, DI_Wyman wrote:

    Gillianianianian...I can still hear you!

    Move back a bit....and a bit more....and a little more...and again......(splash!)......perfik.

    Complain about this comment

  • 234. At 8:53pm on 20 Jan 2009, DI_Wyman wrote:

    Ok, I have finished in the Sparkly Hammock and I'm sure the stains will wash out!

    Oi'm orf for a spot of cider consumption in our local public house.

    Seez you in the morn..

    Complain about this comment

  • 235. At 9:33pm on 20 Jan 2009, Stewart_M wrote:

    Who left these stains on the sparkly hammock.? Do we need a waterproof covering? Think I'll take the fishnet one instead. Bottle of Morrisey Beer to be opened soon.

    Complain about this comment

  • 236. At 11:54pm on 20 Jan 2009, U13772369 wrote:

    There was just enough snow here, last weekend, to build a Snowman.

    We put him right at the bottom of the front garden.

    Sadly, some hoodie girls from the estate came round and destroyed him.

    When we remonstrated, one shouted 'He was a symbol of male patriarchy positioned at the intersection of the private and public to reinforce that false dichotomy!'

    Girls these days!

    Whatever is to become of us all?

    Complain about this comment

  • 237. At 00:19am on 21 Jan 2009, Fifi wrote:

    Oakham was a darn good night, despite neither Mr Fifi nor I really feeling like a singsong. I got dragooned into 'his' song (Only You, something like the Flying Pickets version) and considering all 7 of us had never rehearsed it all together, it turned out remarkably well!

    An effigy of GWB was kicked around the room till his head fell off.

    Happy, happy daze...

    Complain about this comment

  • 238. At 07:27am on 21 Jan 2009, DI_Wyman wrote:

    Morning all, tea 'nd coffee is ready. Porridge will be served shortly.

    I don't know about the rest of you, but Jack Frost was out and about last night and the Brass Monkeys are........

    Complain about this comment

  • 239. At 08:37am on 21 Jan 2009, Trevor Mansell wrote:

    Hi froggers. It's my birthday!! Jam Doughnuts on the bar, everybody welcome. BBQ tonight.

    Complain about this comment

  • 240. At 08:54am on 21 Jan 2009, Sid wrote:

    Well, happy birthday Mansaylo! And thanks for the doughnuts.

    (I have to watch what I eat - otherwise I miss my mouth.)

    Complain about this comment

  • 241. At 09:00am on 21 Jan 2009, Perky wrote:

    Happy Birthday Mansaylo - and thanks for the doughnuts - my favourite!

    Pick yourself a hammock and yell if you need anything - birthdays are for being waited on hand and foot, after all!

    Complain about this comment

  • 242. At 09:14am on 21 Jan 2009, DI_Wyman wrote:

    Bappy Hirthday Mansaylo...have a good one!

    NN...thanks for the shipping forecast.

    Complain about this comment

  • 243. At 10:06am on 21 Jan 2009, Fearless Fred wrote:

    Hippo Bathday, Mansaylo!

    Complain about this comment

  • 244. At 10:08am on 21 Jan 2009, Anne P. wrote:

    Happy Birthday Mansaylo - you share it with my daughter. She has provided meringues to go with your doughnuts - thanks.

    Now can I eat one without licking my lips....no never could.

    Complain about this comment

  • 245. At 10:35am on 21 Jan 2009, Mrs Effingham wrote:

    238 DIW: Who's been eating my porridge?

    Complain about this comment

  • 246. At 10:52am on 21 Jan 2009, DI_Wyman wrote:

    MrsEff 245, not me, maybe it was Fred the Fearless!

    Complain about this comment

  • 247. At 11:00am on 21 Jan 2009, gossipmistress wrote:

    Happy Birthday Mansaylo, have a lovely day!

    Mrs Eff - I saw a tall dark figure with an american flag draped around his shoulders wandering around earlier eating a bowl of porridge...

    Complain about this comment

  • 248. At 11:01am on 21 Jan 2009, Fearless Fred wrote:

    It was not I, Mrs Eff!

    Complain about this comment

  • 249. At 11:19am on 21 Jan 2009, Gillianian wrote:

    Happy Birthday, Mansaylo.
    After what happened to me yesterday, I won't be joining the others in tonight's sing-song.
    What sort of cake would you like?

    Complain about this comment

  • 250. At 12:04pm on 21 Jan 2009, DI_Wyman wrote:

    gossipmistress 247, surely you don,t mean our own lovely David McNickle?

    Gillianian....here have this big fluffy bath towel as way of compensation!

    Complain about this comment

  • 251. At 12:12pm on 21 Jan 2009, Trevor Mansell wrote:

    Hi Gillanian. Any cake with icing and loads of marzipan. No candles though, the fire brigade might need to be called to blow them out. Thanks to all froggers for the birthday wishes.

    Complain about this comment

  • 252. At 12:14pm on 21 Jan 2009, mittfh wrote:

    @236 - please, please, don't add political correctness and the gender divide to your manifesto of moans...unless you're aiming for the same fate as JG...

    Complain about this comment

  • 253. At 1:19pm on 21 Jan 2009, Perky wrote:

    Perhaps we should inaugurate a "Barack Beach-hut" where we can all go to change?

    Complain about this comment

  • 254. At 1:33pm on 21 Jan 2009, U13772369 wrote:


    The hoodie lads from the estate came up later on .

    One said

    'That Snowman symbolised all the men who in the depths of winter had gone out hunting and foraging and lost their lives in the cold snow.

    All Snowmen are monuments to the dead who died trying to save their women and children, men whose spirits we remember as they return to earth, melting away in the thaw'.

    'Will you rebuild it for us, then? ' I asked.

    By this time all the estate hoodies were gathered outside.

    'No!' they shouted with one voice, estate lads and ladettes united.

    'Give Mrs. Nomatterwhoitis**** the shovel! It's time to roughen the hands and broaden the backs of feminine gentility- from Candleford to Brentford!'

    'Historically and geographically speaking!' they added.

    ****I think they get our name wrong deliberately. So does the postperson. We don't find it funny.

    Complain about this comment

  • 255. At 1:42pm on 21 Jan 2009, DI_Wyman wrote:

    Perky 253. Into what?

    I am quite happy as the all round good person that I am!

    Complain about this comment

  • 256. At 1:58pm on 21 Jan 2009, Perky wrote:


    Complain about this comment

  • 257. At 2:19pm on 21 Jan 2009, Mrs Effingham wrote:

    Nothing's impossible I have found,
    For when my chin is on the ground,
    I pick myself up,
    Dust myself off,
    Start All over again...

    Complain about this comment

  • 258. At 2:47pm on 21 Jan 2009, U13772369 wrote:


    'And made friends with the Aboriginals
    Which is why the Oz PM
    Is black to this day'

    You'll be posting us on the O'Haras in the ante-Bellum South too?

    'Since the colour we must wear is hated ....'

    Now, THAT'S a song!

    Complain about this comment

  • 259. At 2:54pm on 21 Jan 2009, U13772369 wrote:

    I nominate Perky, at 253, for the All Time Best Joke (Beach Division) Award.

    Complain about this comment

  • 260. At 2:54pm on 21 Jan 2009, mittfh wrote:

    @257: "Pick yourself up" (from the 1936 musical "Swing Time")...

    I wonder if it was the inspiration behind the chorus of a certain more recent tune:

    I get knocked down
    But I get up again
    You're never going to keep me down

    But while we're on that theme...

    We the Willing
    Led by the Unknowing
    Are doing the Impossible
    For the Ungrateful.

    We have done So Much
    With So Little
    For So Long
    We are now Qualified
    To do Anything
    With Nothing.

    (attr. Mother Teresa)

    Complain about this comment

  • 261. At 3:09pm on 21 Jan 2009, DI_Wyman wrote:

    Perky, I see now! An establishment for changing into swimwear prior to going for a dip.

    As opposed to an establishment for gender changing?

    Anyhoo...will it be unisex? I do hope so!


    Complain about this comment

  • 262. At 3:26pm on 21 Jan 2009, Sid wrote:

    Ho hum. Having a little trouble getting this beach hut door open ... I think we may need a little jerk ...

    Complain about this comment

  • 263. At 3:44pm on 21 Jan 2009, ValeryP wrote:

    Sid - now you're asking for it....

    Complain about this comment

  • 264. At 3:53pm on 21 Jan 2009, DI_Wyman wrote:

    Sid, sorry he is not about at the moment, perhaps the two of us can manage it?


    Complain about this comment

  • 265. At 4:01pm on 21 Jan 2009, Sid wrote:

    Ah! Thanks DIY - that did the trick. Must buy you a pint later ...

    Complain about this comment

  • 266. At 4:20pm on 21 Jan 2009, ValeryP wrote:

    ...and here it is! I just happen to have a can of WD40 (other manufacturers' oily substances in aerosol cans are of course available) (actually, are they?) in my 2009 fairtrade Frogbeach Bag.

    Oh, too late I see?

    Complain about this comment

  • 267. At 4:27pm on 21 Jan 2009, DI_Wyman wrote:

    ..crikey, it's a bit dark in here...ere...ere.....ere. And why is there an echo..ho..ho..?

    Complain about this comment

  • 268. At 4:29pm on 21 Jan 2009, DI_Wyman wrote:


    Complain about this comment

  • 269. At 4:33pm on 21 Jan 2009, Sid wrote:

    DI why why why why why ....

    Complain about this comment

  • 270. At 4:35pm on 21 Jan 2009, DI_Wyman wrote:

    I think this is the Tardis..is...is..is!

    It's on the inside...ide...ide.

    Than on the outside...ide...ide..ide.

    Complain about this comment

  • 271. At 4:36pm on 21 Jan 2009, DI_Wyman wrote:


    Complain about this comment

  • 272. At 4:41pm on 21 Jan 2009, Sid wrote:

    Goodness me! The size of it it it it it!

    Complain about this comment

  • 273. At 4:44pm on 21 Jan 2009, DI_Wyman wrote:

    I know, it's huge uge uge..

    Isn't it tit tit tit..

    It's even bigger than Eddies drinks cabinet net net.

    Isn't it tit tit tit?

    Complain about this comment

  • 274. At 5:06pm on 21 Jan 2009, Perky wrote:

    Boys - I'm not sure THAT's what the Barack Beach Hut is for. Do calm yourselves.

    There is mood lighting available at the flick of a switch (make sure it is a switch you're flicking) and plenty of space to leave your valuables, should you want to keep them away from the salt water . . .

    Complain about this comment

  • 275. At 5:09pm on 21 Jan 2009, ValeryP wrote:

    They have removable valuables? oh you mean values, Perky.

    Complain about this comment

  • 276. At 5:12pm on 21 Jan 2009, Sid wrote:

    Actually, I'm going to stick to the echo for a while ile ile ile. It's like being back at school ool ool ool!

    Complain about this comment

  • 277. At 5:13pm on 21 Jan 2009, DI_Wyman wrote:

    Right, I'll just hang me longjohns up here. Don my 2009 MkII Sharskin Speedos and head for the surf!

    Complain about this comment

  • 278. At 5:27pm on 21 Jan 2009, Fifi wrote:

    Belated birthday wishes to Mansaylo, and what a shame I missed all the doughnuts! All that's left is a trail of sugar granules and jam, leading to the new wooden erection I see next to the rock pools.

    Whatever is going on in there? The walls appear to be shaking. And is that an empty breakfast bowl I see outside the door? Just how long has whoever-it-is been in there??

    Complain about this comment

  • 279. At 5:28pm on 21 Jan 2009, David_McNickle wrote:


    Complain about this comment

  • 280. At 5:29pm on 21 Jan 2009, DI_Wyman wrote:

    1....2.....3......Splash ash ash ash...

    DiY Y Y Y Y :-)

    Complain about this comment

  • 281. At 5:48pm on 21 Jan 2009, Perky wrote:

    Feefs - that's not a wooden errection - that's DIY in his sharkskin speedos!

    Sorry. Temporary lapse of self-control there.

    Complain about this comment

  • 282. At 5:48pm on 21 Jan 2009, ValeryP wrote:

    Happy Birthday Mansaylo! Would you like this oil-in-a-can as a present? The chaps didn't need it after all. Or perhaps you might need to use it to help DIY out of those sharkskin speedos in a wee while?

    Complain about this comment

  • 283. At 7:09pm on 21 Jan 2009, mittfh wrote:

    "As opposed to an establishment for gender changing?"

    I think I'll stand outside the hut for the time being...if DIY re-emerges as a buxom blonde, then I'll know... :)

    Complain about this comment

  • 284. At 7:34pm on 21 Jan 2009, DI_Wyman wrote:

    mittfh.....Tah dah!

    Tis I Paris DiY!

    Complain about this comment

  • 285. At 7:36pm on 21 Jan 2009, DI_Wyman wrote:

    'ang a trout, where have me longjohns gone?

    ....and why is Gillianianian....ian..ian giggling?

    oi you.....come back 'ere my lad.....them's mine them is.....

    Complain about this comment

  • 286. At 7:46pm on 21 Jan 2009, Fifi wrote:

    * faints *

    (props self up briefly on one elbow)

    I'm easily shocked, remember!

    * faints again *

    Complain about this comment

  • 287. At 7:54pm on 21 Jan 2009, DI_Wyman wrote:

    Feefs, do me fave will you?

    Whilst I covers them bits that shouldn't be aired in public, unless you is Fred the Fearless that is, can you go and get me longjohns back from that camel what is chewing them?

    Complain about this comment

  • 288. At 7:59pm on 21 Jan 2009, Fifi wrote:

    * holds out rescued longjohns in one hand, while blindly feeling her way with the other *

    I'm not going to look, DIY, in case I see summat as I shouldnst. Where are you?

    * grabs door knob *

    Oh thank goodness I've found the wooden erection at last ... oh hang on ... THAT isn't wood???

    Complain about this comment

  • 289. At 8:05pm on 21 Jan 2009, Stewart_M wrote:

    I am surprised at the quality of that wooden erection of DIY's.

    Now do we want a pier for landing all those fish (and flotsam). I think we have permission.

    Complain about this comment

  • 290. At 8:06pm on 21 Jan 2009, gossipmistress wrote:

    DiY @ 250 though I've never seen the person in question I'm pretty sure it wasn't them. He was rather handsome, enigmatic and charming. And are you really supposed to be wearing that shark's fin there??

    Complain about this comment

  • 291. At 8:24pm on 21 Jan 2009, needsanewnickname wrote:

    Izzy (190), as you're a student I imagine you might be one of the younger Froggers. I'm sorry you've had too many funerals recently. Sometimes they seem to happen in clusters and it can be worse that way. That happened to me when I was at Uni and, frankly, it was h3llish.

    So mega {{{{{frugs}}}}} to you.

    Complain about this comment

  • 292. At 8:30pm on 21 Jan 2009, Fifi wrote:

    I've been modded!!! Surely anything rude in that comment was in the mind of the beholder?

    * retreats, sobbing.... *

    Complain about this comment

  • 293. At 8:33pm on 21 Jan 2009, needsanewnickname wrote:

    Gossy (281), 'Od' is probably one of the least worrying things anyone could preface me with... have felt a bit 'Odd' in the last couple of days, but have only 'ODd' (OD'd? You decide) on chocolate. Fruit and nut, so perhaps a bit healthier.

    Bloomin tasty, though.

    I'm catching up on posts, so for now just a huge bunch of {{{{{frugs}}}}} back to all, and thanks.

    Complain about this comment

  • 294. At 8:37pm on 21 Jan 2009, needsanewnickname wrote:

    Dear DI (217), frugs to you and yours. And, yes, thank goodness, time does heal. Some cliches become cliches because they're true. (Is that a cliche??)

    Complain about this comment

  • 295. At 8:55pm on 21 Jan 2009, DI_Wyman wrote:

    gossipmistress 290. Needs must dear lady, needs must!

    Anyhoo, Feefs! Stop far*&)g abaht and get me longjohns back off of that Camel!

    It's Brass Monkey wheather and I am NOT a BM!!

    Complain about this comment

  • 296. At 9:03pm on 21 Jan 2009, Fifi wrote:

    Now see here DIY (295) ... I've been standing here for ages with me eyes clamped shut, holding out these soggy longjohns in the direction of what I fondly (perhaps I'd better change that to 'hopefully' in case I'm modded again) imagine to be you!

    Will you please come and take them, before the mods decide I really did mistype that f-word?

    The camels hardly ate any of the garment, and I'm sure they will look just splendid on your head.

    Complain about this comment

  • 297. At 9:10pm on 21 Jan 2009, Stewart_M wrote:

    If your posts gone I suppose mine will follow.

    Complain about this comment

  • 298. At 9:23pm on 21 Jan 2009, Fifi wrote:

    Well Stewart if nothing else it proves that it's not only trolls and people who don't get that the Beach is just for silliness who find themselves on the wrong side of the mods!

    Complain about this comment

  • 299. At 9:41pm on 21 Jan 2009, Stewart_M wrote:

    We should perhaps stop talking about DIY and his wood.

    I feel like mulling some wine anyone else?

    Complain about this comment

  • 300. At 10:35pm on 21 Jan 2009, mittfh wrote:

    DIY, you can take that blonde wig off now - it might fool the others but it doesn't fool me...

    And what have you stuffed down your chest - it certainly pongs enough...

    Complain about this comment

  • 301. At 10:51pm on 21 Jan 2009, Izzy_Tme wrote:

    Frances (291) Thank you very much. I'll bring you up to date in another place. I'm glad you're managing to get through it and have the odd treat!

    Take care, lovely.


    Complain about this comment

  • 302. At 10:54pm on 21 Jan 2009, Fifi wrote:

    * still with eyes shut *

    I'm leaving the longjohns HERE.

    DIY, are you listening?

    * turns around, opens eyes and reaches for NCMB *

    Mine's a large shiraz please!

    Complain about this comment

  • 303. At 11:33pm on 21 Jan 2009, Stewart_M wrote:

    "glug" Glug Glug Glug Glug Glug. Bottle sized glass.

    Swirl, smell, sip, swallow.

    After all you are drinking not tasting so no need to spit.

    Complain about this comment

  • 304. At 00:19am on 22 Jan 2009, U13772369 wrote:

    mittfh, it gets worse!

    Apparently there's a revolt among the mermaids, down there on the foreshore, where selkies come ashore and the sea horses play amongst the white horses in the surf.

    The hoodie girls from the estate have been telling them they are a figment of male imagination designed to reinforce male hegemony.

    The mermaids are holding their council. They may have something to say when the hoodie lads get back.

    Complain about this comment

  • 305. At 09:43am on 22 Jan 2009, DI_Wyman wrote:

    Morning all, Fifi thanks. You are saint!

    Fortunately not to much damage done to my longjohns by the munching Camel, actually that hole in the rear will be quite handy!

    Anyhoo, shall I do a sticky bun run for elevenses?

    Complain about this comment

  • 306. At 09:53am on 22 Jan 2009, Perky wrote:

    Yes please DIY!! Could I have a cinnamon swirl-thing with lots of icing on top? I'm struggling to start a new project and I need a sugar injection!!

    Does anyone know who's in the Barack Beach Hut? I've tried the door a couple of times but it seems to be firmly stuck or locked - did someone sleep in there last night???

    Complain about this comment

  • 307. At 09:57am on 22 Jan 2009, U13772369 wrote:


    It's Big Sister. Change for her is very slow. ((:-))

    Complain about this comment

  • 308. At 10:18am on 22 Jan 2009, Fifi wrote:

    I've been de-modded again!

    To celebrate, I bring a positively ferrero-like mountain of walnut whips.

    And to counteract the grim weather in RL how about a game of leap-frog?

    Complain about this comment

  • 309. At 10:56am on 22 Jan 2009, U13772369 wrote:


    Well, the lads got back here and the mermaids sang to them all, lads and ladettes as one, a siren song.

    They sang that they ARE figments of the imagination. But far from being the objects of male sailors' dubious fantasies they are......

    ......the living proof of the sailors' faithfulness to the true loves they left behind

    'Walking lonely on the Liverpool sand'

    Then lads and ladettes promised to be faithful to each other till the end of their days and the mermaids went back to the sea with the waves in their hair, salt on their lips andtheri voices in song.

    They sang that they would never return to a land

    'Where no man can'

    ever truly love them.

    Complain about this comment

  • 310. At 11:05am on 22 Jan 2009, U12196018 wrote:

    I'm up for a game of leapfrog as long as the unicorn isn't allowed to play.

    Complain about this comment

  • 311. At 11:09am on 22 Jan 2009, Fifi wrote:

    Loon (310) : Isn't that discrimination? In which case - GOOD! If there's one place on the planet where discrimination should be allowed it's here.

    Unicorns are rubbish at leapfrog anyway. They don't like bending their knees.

    Complain about this comment

  • 312. At 12:06pm on 22 Jan 2009, DI_Wyman wrote:

    (dashes in, out of breath)

    sorry guys, Helldesk gone crazy...

    (dumps selection of sticky buns including a plateful of cinnamon swirl-things with lots of icing on top and dashes out again)

    Complain about this comment

  • 313. At 12:19pm on 22 Jan 2009, ValeryP wrote:

    DIY - could your Helldesk take on the problem I'm having with my editing platform at the moment. There must be something in the air.

    Bogger it, give me another cinnamon danish....then I'm off along Fido's Run. If they don't care, why should I??

    Complain about this comment

  • 314. At 12:43pm on 22 Jan 2009, U12196018 wrote:

    ISIHAC - Radio Times - Programmes with a foody flavour

    All Quiches Great and Small
    Cook The Dead Donkey, followed by The Bill
    A Tale of Two Fritters, by Charles Chickens
    This Is Your Loaf
    The St Valentines Day Moussaka
    One Foot In The Gravy

    Complain about this comment

  • 315. At 12:48pm on 22 Jan 2009, Big Sister wrote:

    If we disallow the unicorn, wouldn't we also have to bar the horse? Mind you, that might be a good thing .... Who'd want a horse jumping over their back ;)

    Complain about this comment

  • 316. At 12:49pm on 22 Jan 2009, Perky wrote:

    Thanks DIY - sugar craving now satisfied!

    Do you leap-froggers want lunch or haven't you worked up an appetite yet?

    Complain about this comment

  • 317. At 12:57pm on 22 Jan 2009, Mrs Effingham wrote:

    QL (314).
    Look over there, its Freddie Starr eating and drinking - Juleps and hampster jam.

    Complain about this comment

  • 318. At 12:58pm on 22 Jan 2009, U12196018 wrote:

    Big Sister (315) - The Intermittent Horse once told me that he was a part-time unicorn. He reverted to a horse when he didn't have the horn.

    Complain about this comment

  • 319. At 1:11pm on 22 Jan 2009, Mrs Effingham wrote:

    And look there's Ronnie Courgette juggling omelettes - Whoops!, there's egg on Ronnie.

    Complain about this comment

  • 320. At 1:46pm on 22 Jan 2009, Big Sister wrote:

    307: I never change, I am immutable. For that reason, I never need to use huts.


    Complain about this comment

  • 321. At 2:04pm on 22 Jan 2009, U12196018 wrote:

    ISIHAC - Farmers' Radio Times

    Are Ewes Being Served?
    Changing Rams
    The Moral Maize
    The Sheep Dipping Forecast
    To The Manure Born

    Complain about this comment

  • 322. At 2:33pm on 22 Jan 2009, Fifi wrote:

    I'm exhausted after a morning's leapfroggery. The medal definitely goes to Mrs Effingham - although I suspect the judges were unduly impressed by the double back-flip on the dismount in the final round.

    Remember Mrs Eff ... clean knickers, next time!

    Complain about this comment

  • 323. At 3:32pm on 22 Jan 2009, U12196018 wrote:

    ISIHAC - Farmers' Radio Times - Part Tewe

    Never Mind The Bullocks
    Start The Wheat
    Veal Or No Veal
    Poultry Please

    Complain about this comment

  • 324. At 3:40pm on 22 Jan 2009, ValeryP wrote:

    Now as far as I remember, the race that followed leapfrog on Sports Day was usually egg and spoon. Nice and calm, easy does it, slow everyone down. So I'm putting this here jug of teaspoons on the NCM Bar, and should be back shortly with a selection of hard-boiled eggs - or similar, har-de-har.
    *twirls moustache vigorously"


    Complain about this comment

  • 325. At 3:49pm on 22 Jan 2009, Perky wrote:

    Yipppeee! Haven't had an egg and spoon race in years. I bags the BIG spoon on the right hand side, please. The other ones look a little small, and the plastic ones a little fragile.

    Now, where's them eggs?

    And ValP - we love you dearly, but your moustache problems are best kept to yourself ;)

    Complain about this comment

  • 326. At 3:57pm on 22 Jan 2009, littleFluffyFi wrote:

    Speaking as someone is officially rubbish at all sports can I just go and lie in that hammock and eat my egg instead??

    Complain about this comment

  • 327. At 3:57pm on 22 Jan 2009, littleFluffyFi wrote:

    I dropped my *who* - how careless of me!

    Complain about this comment

  • 328. At 4:00pm on 22 Jan 2009, Mrs Effingham wrote:

    Fifi thanks for the advice. Will you be going to the cabaret later? Stilton John will be playing the Harry Lymeswold Theme.

    Complain about this comment

  • 329. At 4:02pm on 22 Jan 2009, Perky wrote:

    Ah - FluffyFi's inspired me: could we have a creme-egg and spoon race? Then I would enjoy it whether I won or not!

    And no substituting sprouts for eggs, either people - you know who you are . . .

    Complain about this comment

  • 330. At 4:04pm on 22 Jan 2009, Mrs Effingham wrote:

    Oh dear! Sue Flay's just collapsed as well. Somebody's given her the quiche of life. She came with her brother Sam - Sam and Sue Flay.

    Complain about this comment

  • 331. At 4:33pm on 22 Jan 2009, ValeryP wrote:

    Puff, pech, rightyho, here we are. Enuff eggs for all. And I've scrambled them nicely, so select your spoon and dig in to this pan. No nibbling please while I draw the line in the sand so that we all know where to stand together ;-)

    Complain about this comment

  • 332. At 4:35pm on 22 Jan 2009, ValeryP wrote:

    FluffyFi - if you drop your who, how are you going to manage not to get egg on your face, or your feet, rather.

    Complain about this comment

  • 333. At 4:38pm on 22 Jan 2009, Humph wrote:

    St Mark’s mixed infants' day school holds a Sports Day, every year.
    A miniature Olympic Games
    To propagate those lofty aims
    That all the sporting world acclaims
    And athletes hold so dear.
    Runners run three-legged races round a mini track
    Or try to win the sack race in a record breaking sack.
    But one event still dominates this sunny afternoon
    The gruelling fifty meters egg and spoon!

    ”Remember the spirit of out sports, now children!
    Don't cry if you loose, it’s no disgrace!
    It's the joy of taking part that’s more important, children,
    And not the winning of the race!”

    Electro-plated nickel silver table spoons are used.
    And standard eggs, not large or small.
    Hard boiled should any run or fall.
    And all the eggs are checked
    And all the table spoons perused.
    Parents train their infants to perfect their spoon technique
    And now before the big event they're at their very peek
    And one thought is on their minds, this sunny afternoon,
    To win the fifty meters egg and spoon.

    ”Remember the spirit . . .”

    “Ready, steady, go!” They’re off! Careering to the tape.
    Several eggs have gone astray.
    One runner's run the other way.
    And three are not yet underway
    But simply stand and gape.
    Eggs are flying everywhere but one lad's in the lead.
    A final spurt and steady hand is all that he will need.
    He's there! Victor O'Doran on this sunny afternoon
    Has won the fifty meters egg and spoon.

    ”Remember the spirit . . .”

    When the winner pressed the tape he throws both hands in the air
    But look! Though he waves his spoon about
    Still the egg does not fall out
    And stunned the crowds no longer shout
    But simply stand and stare.
    Judges find the glue and so erase the winner's name.
    His parents with their sticky fingers bow their heads in shame.
    The high ideals of sportsmanship were dashed this afternoon.
    They tampered with their kiddie's egg and spoon.

    ”Remember the spirit . . .”

    [A song by Instant Sunshine]


    Complain about this comment

  • 334. At 4:42pm on 22 Jan 2009, ValeryP wrote:

    Ah, Miles Kingston, yes?

    Complain about this comment

  • 335. At 4:43pm on 22 Jan 2009, ValeryP wrote:

    Anyway, ours are scrambled so no glue required.

    What do you mean my scrambled eggs look like glue?

    Complain about this comment

  • 336. At 4:45pm on 22 Jan 2009, U12196018 wrote:

    ValP - Just a quick question on the next race. Why is everybody else allowed to stand in their sack, whilst I have to have mine over my head?

    Complain about this comment

  • 337. At 4:51pm on 22 Jan 2009, David_McNickle wrote:

    I see the truck for the Loony Bin arriving...


    Complain about this comment

  • 338. At 4:55pm on 22 Jan 2009, David_McNickle wrote:

    VP 334, Kington, not Kingston. I used to write back and forth to him quite often.

    Complain about this comment

  • 339. At 4:59pm on 22 Jan 2009, ValeryP wrote:

    Beacause, Dear Loon, you're getting a head start. Gettit?

    Complain about this comment

  • 340. At 5:07pm on 22 Jan 2009, Big Sister wrote:

    Oooh, scrambled egg and spoon race! Can we use serving spoons, please, Val?

    Complain about this comment

  • 341. At 5:27pm on 22 Jan 2009, David_McNickle wrote:

    Oh, I forgot, I am being given the British cold shoulder here for being off tune. Bye. Enjoy your lunacy.

    Complain about this comment

  • 342. At 5:34pm on 22 Jan 2009, ValeryP wrote:

    Big Sis - not a bit of it! You can choose your spoon out of the jug and lump it. Lumpy and gluey, my eggs ;-)

    Complain about this comment

  • 343. At 5:36pm on 22 Jan 2009, ValeryP wrote:

    DMcN 334 - thanks pal, I saw that s s-s-slipping in there as the post flew away from my fingers. Another good man, sadly missed. I used to take Punch and enjoyed his writing very much indeed.

    Complain about this comment

  • 344. At 5:37pm on 22 Jan 2009, Big Sister wrote:

    Okay, Val, I'll have the Mickey Mouse one over there. And I'll have the gloopiest bit of egg [scrape scrape scrape] from your pan, which should stick nice and firmly .....

    Right. All set. Who's going to start the race?

    Complain about this comment

  • 345. At 5:38pm on 22 Jan 2009, Perky wrote:

    Who's judging all these races, by the way? It needs to be someone impartial, obviously.

    And can we stop using DIY's swimming garments as the starting flag - they're putting me off my scrambled eggs!

    Complain about this comment

  • 346. At 5:42pm on 22 Jan 2009, David_McNickle wrote:

    VP 343, I read him in Punch and then the Indy for 20 years.

    Complain about this comment

  • 347. At 5:45pm on 22 Jan 2009, ValeryP wrote:

    Perhaps Eddie will officiate? No, second thoughts, he's likely to be a bit busy just at the moment, it being 5.45.

    We could wait til after the Glass Box? Seeing as how that was posted in advance today, perhaps he could nip back in his Tardis?

    Complain about this comment

  • 348. At 5:48pm on 22 Jan 2009, U12196018 wrote:

    Well, can I take the bag of my head for a bit?

    Complain about this comment

  • 349. At 5:53pm on 22 Jan 2009, Perky wrote:

    Oh, I don't know QL - you look quite sweet. And if you can find your way over to the purple hammock, I'll draw a nice smiley face on it for you, like this:

    xx xx
    xxxx xxxx
    xx xx

    x x
    x x

    Complain about this comment

  • 350. At 5:53pm on 22 Jan 2009, Perky wrote:

    Well, that didn't work!!

    Complain about this comment

  • 351. At 6:32pm on 22 Jan 2009, U12196018 wrote:

    Perky - Did you just poke me in the eye?

    Complain about this comment

  • 352. At 7:22pm on 22 Jan 2009, Perky wrote:

    Who, me?

    *throws sharp stick over sand dunes*

    Complain about this comment

  • 353. At 7:57pm on 22 Jan 2009, U13772369 wrote:

    This comment was removed because the moderators found it broke the House Rules.

  • 354. At 8:34pm on 22 Jan 2009, Anne P. wrote:

    Can we try a three-;egged race after the scrambled one - oops interesting typo.

    I too was useless at all sports except one summer at primary school when Muriel and I (same height and length of leg but neither of us much good at anything else) practised for the sports and could beat everyone by a mile. I looked forward to glory. Came the day she was ill and they tied me to a girl half my height, and we came last.

    So the question is, who's the same height as me and can we practice first?

    Complain about this comment

  • 355. At 8:45pm on 22 Jan 2009, Fifi wrote:

    I think Val P's about your build, Anne.

    However there is no such hope for me. Leapfrog is my one sporting talent and even then I'm pretty useless.

    I would love to hand out the prizes though. Are there any?

    Complain about this comment

  • 356. At 8:54pm on 22 Jan 2009, Anne P. wrote:

    I've got some left-over Christmas crackers - would that do?

    Complain about this comment

  • 357. At 8:59pm on 22 Jan 2009, Fifi wrote:

    I believe there's a batch of fresh Asp Nibble on the Nick Clarke Bar, freshly brewed by Witchiwoman.

    Do dig in!

    Complain about this comment

  • 358. At 9:57pm on 22 Jan 2009, ValeryP wrote:

    AnneP - 5ft1"? any good? quite fleet of foot at the moment too!

    Complain about this comment

  • 359. At 10:16pm on 22 Jan 2009, Anne P. wrote:

    ValP. 5'2" and I suspect not nearly so fleet as you, but the art is in matching strides, which is why you can beat people who can run much faster on their own.

    Shall we have a little go over behind the dunes? I have an old silk scarf for tying legs together, much better than those horrible school bands used for identifying who was on which team.

    It's all in the rhythm!

    Complain about this comment

  • 360. At 10:32pm on 22 Jan 2009, pmmolly wrote:

    What about a sack race? We could all get in the sack and share the prize....

    On second thoughts.......

    Complain about this comment

  • 361. At 10:41pm on 22 Jan 2009, U13772369 wrote:

    Grief is serious enough to allow us to get serious on the Beach.

    But what about loss?

    I have friends who are about to lose their (previously agreed) final salary scheme rights.

    Can froggers help with that sort of loss?

    This crunch is affecting us all.

    Are there charities, perhaps for froggers, that they can turn to.

    Are we all in it together or is it every frogger for themselves?

    Complain about this comment

  • 362. At 10:57pm on 22 Jan 2009, Sid wrote:

    Goodness me! What a sight! Might inspire me to a bit of Tennysoniana (if there's such a word ...)

    Longjohns to the left of them,
    Walnut whips to the right of them,
    Into the sand dunes of sprouts leapfrogged the Froggers.

    Shiraz in my left hand,
    Shiraz in my right ... oooh, thanks very much!

    Complain about this comment

  • 363. At 11:09pm on 22 Jan 2009, Sid wrote:

    I've just tried an egg and spoon race with myself round the kitchen ... and you'll never guess who won! Go on, have a guess!!

    Complain about this comment

  • 364. At 11:31pm on 22 Jan 2009, Big Sister wrote:

    But, Sid, who came second?

    Complain about this comment

  • 365. At 11:32pm on 22 Jan 2009, Big Sister wrote:

    Molly (360), do you think Eddie would join in?

    Complain about this comment

  • 366. At 00:54am on 23 Jan 2009, U12196018 wrote:

    I've had several egg and spoon races with myself this evening. Anyone fancy some scrambled egg?

    Complain about this comment

  • 367. At 08:20am on 23 Jan 2009, Big Sister wrote:

    I'll reheat the scrambled eggs, shall I? A treat for the camels.

    Meanwhile, I'll rustle up some Eggs Benedict for those who fancy something fresh and tasty. Oh, and coffee. Lots of lovely coffee, along with fresh croissants.

    Complain about this comment

  • 368. At 08:59am on 23 Jan 2009, pmmolly wrote:

    Thanks Big Sister- that sounds lovely. Shall I ttake it to the new beach for you?

    EEK!! This tray is heavy........

    ..... lurch ....)

    Complain about this comment

View these comments in RSS


Sign in

BBC navigation

BBC © 2014 The BBC is not responsible for the content of external sites. Read more.

This page is best viewed in an up-to-date web browser with style sheets (CSS) enabled. While you will be able to view the content of this page in your current browser, you will not be able to get the full visual experience. Please consider upgrading your browser software or enabling style sheets (CSS) if you are able to do so.